Kpop Demon Hunters

The latest craze from which we are not spared.

Thanks to the kids. 

Their friends were talking about it, and singing songs from the movie. Their cousins were watching it and the girls watched too when we were at Adrian's place. 

I "took" a crash course some nights ago. I googled and watch some youtube videos. 

Need to do some homework lah, so I can speak their girls' lingo & understand what they're into. And so I now know some songs from the movie too...heh, and I know enough about some of the characters to carry on a decent enough conversation about the movie lol. 

Oh, parenting!

A day of many happenings...

Was in the midst of a talk on AI film-making when I got a text from K saying that A was at home cos she'd fallen in school during PE. Though her scratches and abrasions weren't too serious, her PE teacher still sent her back home. 

Got home after work and saw that her chin had a big bruise/abrasion. I hope it doesn't leave any scar. Her left knee had another big patch of scratches and a circular wound. The other knee had a smaller abrasion and the back of her left hand had another smaller abrasion. Hope none of these leave any scar. 

I need to get new gauze and surgical tape tomorrow....

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N had her vocational intermediate exams this morning! Hope she does well enough. Poor girl had to wake early to get her hair done by me cos I had to go to work today. Her exam was only at 9-plus but her hair was all done up at 715am lol. But I guess she was happy she got to skip school. ;p 

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K received 2 emails today, both informing that N has been shortlisted and would need to go for her DSA auditions within the next one week. :) Yay! Hope she gets through at least one of them! Fingers & toes crossed! Now to prep her for interview questions, self-introduction, etc...

CBT & visualisation

Several things happened before the girls' bedtime last night. 

N was still taking her own time getting ready as usual. 

I was already in their room with A and doing my usual goodnight wishes to A. We somehow got to talking about handling & regulating our own feelings and emotions. A mentioned she'd imagine herself as a big & strong horse with all bad thoughts & stuff scrunched up into a ball at her feet. She'd use a strong hoof and squash that ball of bad stuff into a flat piece as a thin as a piece of paper and then kick it away. That flat piece of bad stuff would then float away in the wind never to be seen again. 

I was surprised. I'd never taught her about visualisation or imagery. I told her then about visualisation techniques and how therapists teach adults how to do this as a way to have a better grip on their emotions. I told her she was good & "clever" to already know this at such a young age and that some adults don't know about this. Case in point, laoniang only learnt this method during therapy 6yrs ago lol. 

As if on cue...N came in and started kicking up a fuss. She'd been feeling emo & scared ever since she watched a few minutes of an odd and creepy Korean horror drama at Adrian's place earlier in the evening. She got increasingly difficult to handle and was working herself into a frenzy. She was bawling loudly by then. So much so that I had to take her out the room and make her stay in my room instead. Else A would not be able to sleep. 

I apologised to A...who grumbled "Why does she have to always throw such tantrums? Just don't think about bad thoughts lah! If the show is bad, then don't watch, right??!" Wise words from the small one. Earlier in the night she'd sensed that the show was creepy and opted not to watch it. Anyway, I digressed. 

I had to leave A alone in their bedroom to tend to N. In the short 2-3 mins I spent apologising to A, N had stopped bawling. She was sitting on my bed, leaning against my pillows & bolster and just staring into space. Occasionally sniffling abit. Probably stuck in a rut. I snapped my fingers and got her to wipe her face with a tissue and tidy up her hair abit. Also got her to sit up straighter. 

And then spent the next 30minutes giving her a mini CBT session. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. I tried to teach her what I'd learnt last time from my own therapy sessions. Understanding that thoughts affect your feelings and emotions which then affect your actions...and sometimes your actions feed back into your thoughts and then it becomes an endless loop. I shared with her visualisation techniques how to better control your thoughts. And how to perhaps then replace those thoughts with more neutral or happier ones. I reminded her again about breathing and how focusing on it could help to calm oneself down. 

I tried my best lah. Teaching a 12-yr-old these things...and using language that she understands...I may not have done CBT much justice but I tried. And more importantly, I hope N gets it and finds a suitable way to regulate herself. 

I also shared with her that visualisation might be difficult to do in the beginning but it gets better with time and practice...I hope she remembers to try it out.

Kids/Tweens/Angst

Everything happens for a reason. 

Happened to have a chat with a lady from another department in the office. She shared something with me "Kids are ungrateful. Don't take it personally." She emphasised that she meant it with no malice...but just as something factual...a matter of fact. We were probably assholes to our parents at some point in the past. Just a matter of how big or small of an asshole we each were that's all I guess. 

N was very frustrated last night. PSLE coming. Her days are filled with revisions. And when she wanted to chill abit at night, her phone somehow could not work well. Frustration and anger set in. Guess who bore the brunt of it?

I happened to step into the room at the time to ask her to get ready for bed. She told me to shut up. I belted out "What did you say??!!" She instantly broke down and cried, and apologised to me. It was only a short while later when she was in the bedroom again and I was wishing A good night and tucking her into bed first. N was muttering stuff under her breath. 

I caught this phrase she uttered "You are not my mother."  

It was strange. I didn't blow my top. I was calm, and nicely asked her to repeat herself. "Come again, what did you say? Can you say that again please?" 

Silence. 

She started crying again, letting out her frustration (despair?). I sat there with her on her bed. A tried to sayang me & give me a hug. She'd heard it too, and she whispered to me "Mama, I heard. I don't want you to be sad." I assured her I was ok and made her lie down again.  

N started voicing out some of her sad, angry thoughts. Amidst spluttering, sniffling and snot wiping. Somewhere in between....I'm unsure but I thought I heard a "sorry" to me being said as well. Some silent moments in between as well. I shared with her too that it was not nice to say mean things and what she said was quite hurtful. 

Things tapered off and ended. N & I hugged and I offered to play each girl a song of their choice before they finally went to bed. A declined the offer. N asked for Adele's "When We Were Young". Emo song. While it was playing, I then felt the impact of the words she said. The lights were out by then. And I felt safe to start crying. Silently. To myself. Forced myself to stop by the end of the song. 

N then asked for "The Humming Song". A tune I hummed to them to put them to bed with ever since they were babies...They still ask for it once in a blue moon. Last night was that blue moon. 

I hummed it for them for awhile...before I stopped when they were fidgeting less in their beds...

Too fast

Small one might be entering puberty...hmm some tiny physical changes....and....

One pimple each on both her cheeks since yesterday!

Growing up too fast...I still wanna bask in her kiddiness longer...

The youngest in both the Lim and Sng families...

Your Clone

Alyssa came home from Brownies today bearing small wooden tags for K, N, herself & myself. 

One side bears our name and the side of the tag contains a meaningful message. 

I loved the one she wrote for herself. So profound for a 10-year-old.

"Just know that I am proud of you."
- Your clone

Loved the message she wrote. 

Wish I had her level of intelligence when I was 10. I think I was just nuah-ing around and irritating my brother at home at age 10. 

Mother's Day

 Alyssa wrote a poem for me for Mother's Day. She did it in Chinese & translated it into English as well. 

叶子　－　林芯余

当雪从老天
落下来，
叶子都会
离开树妈妈。
有一棵叶子
还紧紧地
抓住树干。
那个叶子是
我。

Leaves - Alyssa Lim

Once snow falls
from the sky,
leaves will
leave Mother Tree.
But,
there is one leaf
still holding on. 
That leaf
is me.

Nothing from Nadya this year...:) Are we at that stage where she is so busy till no simple card for her mum anymore? Tween-hood....

The Humming Song

Alyssa made a request last night before bed.

“Mama, can you hum for us tonight? It’s been a long time since you did it and when you hum I feel happier. I can sleep better too because it makes me feel safe and happy. And it makes me feel loved. I really like it. Can you hum for us tonight please?”

And so I did.

I hummed that tune which I came up with back when they were 1 & 3 yrs old I think. It's an improvised  draggy version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star....I used to do it every night for a period of time when they were still little. As they grew up, I did it less & less often till it kind of faded away and was not included as part of the bedtime routine anymore.

From time to time now though, one of them would still ask me to hum that tune before bed…

I hope they remember the tune in their heads…maybe they can hum it to their own kids next time….

Morton's

K wanted the girls to try a more fine dining experience. And, the last he & I went to Morton's Singapore was more than 10 years ago. And, he was craving for beef....

And so we went this evening. Lol....

Food was good like what we remembered. 

The asparagus side dish was a little off for me though. N loved the onion bread & had tons of it. The girls shared a salmon main. A tried some of K's beef and really liked it. That's my girl! A meat-eater! hahaha...N as usual stuck to fish, breads & dessert, and refused any form of red meat (that is not cured or processed) lol. 

We had a bacon & onion mac & cheese side dish which turned out to be nice but quite "jelak". We didn't manage to finish it and dabao-ed it home. 

A requested to come back again for her 10th birthday...Errrr...we said "see how"....I calculated, the bill could probably feed our family of 4 around 15-17 sessions of McDonald's. 

22 November 2024

Company's Family Day! 

I brought Alyssa there in the morning and then K brought Nadya to meet us there around 12pm, after her Math class. 

Think I spent almost 5 hours walking non-stop with very short breaks of 2-3 mins at times. 

In the evening, I discovered that my shoulders were red lol. I got tanned but it was a fun day! 

Lotsa birdies and I had a nice "conversation" with a birdie friend too. It was some sort of duck which responded when I spoke to it. We carried on a "conversation" for almost a minute before I had to go lol...

???

I don’t know. Is it a must to go overseas for a trip during the school holidays? Or to have a short trip somewhere or even a staycation? 

Why am I viewed as an oddity and rarity when I say I am not going anywhere during this school holidays? 

Maybe the last big trip 6yrs ago put me off travelling. 
Maybe the anxiety is putting me off travelling too. 
Maybe I'm too lazy to plan when there are already so many things going on. 

There is that little bit of mum guilt though. When the kids see their friends going off here & there. 
Sigh. 

Peanut Power!

Alyssa has done well!

Over the past week,

1. She was invited to attend the selection round to get into the E2K Science Programme
2. She was invited to attend the selection round to get into the BICEP Chinese programme unique to SHHK  affiliated schools
3. She was selected by her class teachers to get the Billingual Communicator Award for her class
4. One of her artwork was put up at Tampines Hub together with other art pieces from her school & 2 other primary schools
5. Her form teacher informed me that she nominated Alyssa to be a junior leader (aka prefect) next year though a student leadership committee would still be making the final decision whether to let Alyssa be one or not

Keep it up Peanut!

Mama, Dada & Jie Jie are proud of you!

3 November 2024 Sunday

It was a milestones day of sorts.

Alyssa had her 2^nd gymnastics competition. A more challenging and proper competition compared to the first one she did in Bangkok. She did well in some segment like the vault and beam but was apparently nervous and didn’t do as well as she could have.

At least this was according to her coach who said she was usually the strongest in the beam routine and all coaches were depending on her to ace that routine & get a high score. She was the last of all 35 competitors to go on the beam and I think she got quite nervous. Coach said she missed out some things but still did good.

Nadya had her first outing with her bunch of good gal pals from her P5 class! Zero parent supervision. They were all on their own and had lunch at 112 Katong’s SG Hawker, and then hung around shopping a little bit. They then went to catch a movie before ending up at the basement buying bubble tea. Some of them adjourned to Parkway to play at Timezone but Nadya & another girl didn’t join them for this portion. 

Strange October

It's been a strange October so far. 

1st week
Quarreled with Nadya one evening and I got so frustrated with her that I teared up in front of her & Alyssa. Alyssa got pissed at Nadya over the situation as well and stormed out of the room. Cried quite badly another night due to some stress and anxiety felt over another personal issue.

On yet another day, found out that the junior officers in my team had skipped doing a piece of work for at least 5 months'. Nobody told me anything till we finally managed to have a F2F team meeting on 1 Oct. Trust has seriously been broken. And I also seriously question myself and my abilities to lead the team. Alot of self-doubt and reflection. 

Alyssa accidentally caught her little finger between a wall and the car door and effectively pinched off a chunk of skin from the tip of the finger. She bled quite abit and was teary but still handled the situation like a trooper. 

2nd week 
Spent most of my time focused on Alyssa who fell sick with influenza A. Whole of Wednesday night and Thursday was spent sponging her, sometimes while trying to clear work. I hope she didn't pass anything to me. I've a slightly runny nose and sore throat now...

We split both of them up, with K sleeping with Alyssa, and Nadya bunking in with me in our bedroom. Nadya sleeps like a starfish that rolls around. Sigh. I'll admit that I had to physically push her away from me many a time these last few nights. I hope Alyssa gets well soon so that Nadya can go back to their bedroom. 

Ended the week by stubbing my smallest right toe against a magnetic door catch on the floor. And broke off part of my toenail. I felt pain but didn't know I was bleeding till Nadya told me there were drops of blood on the floor. $#@%$#!^$%^

I hope the latter half of October brings better things for us. 

24 September 2024

Alyssa turned 9 on 24 September 2024! It was a Tuesday.

The littlest of our family is now almost a decade old. Time flies. 

She is still as cheery, compassionate, emphathetic and affectionate as before. 

Though she had more breakdowns this year and tantrums as schoolwork gets more difficult. She gets upset when she can't solve a Math sum and then gets stuck in a whirlwind of frustration & unhappy thoughts , and can't get out of it. 

She is helpful and willing to handle her chores or help out where needed. Unless I disrupt her reading of an interesting book lol. 

She asked for a simple meal at Astons on Sunday evening. And a trip to Decathlon so that she & her sister could run amok there and try on skates, play with balls, check out other stuff, etc. 

Stay healthy and happy little one. I'm glad you made more friends this year, both within your class and in your gymnastics class too. 

Stay focused and keep going! Dada, Mama & Jiejie love you!

Unstoppable

Unstoppable - Sia

All smiles, I know what it takes to fool this town

I'll do it 'til the sun goes down
And all through the nighttime
Oh, yeah
Oh, yeah, I'll tell you what you wanna hear
Leave my sunglasses on while I shed a tear
It's never the right time
Yeah, yeah

I put my armor on, show you how strong I am
I put my armor on, I'll show you that I am

I'm unstoppable
I'm a Porsche with no brakes
I'm invincible
Yeah, I win every single game
I'm so powerful
I don't need batteries to play
I'm so confident
Yeah, I'm unstoppable today

Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
I'm unstoppable today

Break down, only alone I will cry out loud
You'll never see what's hiding out
Hiding out deep down
Yeah, yeah
I know, I've heard that to let your feelings show
Is the only way to make friendships grow
But I'm too afraid now
Yeah, yeah

I put my armor on, show you how strong I am
I put my armor on, I'll show you that I am

I'm unstoppable
I'm a Porsche with no brakes
I'm invincible
Yeah, I win every single game
I'm so powerful
I don't need batteries to play
I'm so confident
Yeah, I'm unstoppable today

Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
I'm unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
I'm unstoppable today

I put my armor on, show you how strong I am
I put my armor on, I'll show you that I am

I'm unstoppable

I'm a Porsche with no brakes
I'm invincible
Yeah, I win every single game
I'm so powerful
I don't need batteries to play
I'm so confident
Yeah, I'm unstoppable today

Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
I'm unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
I'm unstoppable today

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Summing things up? I dunno...

But anyway, the other day, K & I were debating what word it was (old liao both of us forgot lol)...

I said it was "Impossible"...he said it was "Unbreakable"...

The girls overheard....rolled their eyes and said..."Unstoppable lah!!!"

Lol lol lol....

Another conversation with the girls

How do you broach the topic of mortality with a 9-yr-old?

I am thankful that both girls had had pets (both hamsters & spiders) in the past who all passed on eventually. At least that helped to introduce the concepts of impermanence and mortality to them. 

We've both been slowly talking to them in bite-sizes, whether individually or together, about things and the eventuality. 

I hope they understand...slowly bit by bit...

Conversation with the 9-yr-old

Conversation with the 9-yr-old

A: I want 3 birthday cakes this year.

Me: Har? Why?

A: Because this is my last year with a single digit age number.

Me: Errrr ok…

A: I also need 3 birthday cakes next year.

Me: And why again?

A: Because next year is my first year with a double digit age number.

Me: .............

The Small One

Sick since Wednesday afternoon when she called us from school to announce that she was havign a fever and had a headache. Vomitted twice at home that afternoon. The doctor said she had stomach flu. 

We separated the big one from her. N slept with me and K bunked in with A. 

Fever broke by Friday morning but the cough...oh the cough. It's so persistent and the phelgm sounds so thick. 

Sigh....may the cough & phelgm go away soon. She's been cranky & moody the entire day today, claimed she's extremely bored. 

Back to school tomorrow so I hope the school, work, homework & friends occupy her enough....

Get the Beat

Nadya spent 3 days competing last week. 

3 solo dances:

1. 10&U Intermediate Lyrical  - No placing. Platinum score (within 80-89)
2. 10&U Elite Ballet - 5th place out of 20-odd girls. Diamond score (> 95 or 95+). Fairy doll variation. 
3. 11&U Elite Ballet - No placing. Double-Platinum score (within 90 - 94). Aurora variation. 

3 group dances

1. 10&U Contemporary - 2nd place. Diamond score.
2. 10&U Classical - 5th place. Diamond score.
3. 12&U Classical - 1st place. Diamond score. Most Promising Technique prize. 

Proud of her. Happy for her. 

Just a little bewildered why she didn't get a placing at the 11&U Elite Ballet cos I felt she did pretty well. But then again, I'm not a professional dance judge. :)

One more competition on 13 June. 

Jiayou!

Alyssa was such a good girl. She spent many hours together with K & I watching many many performances just to get o Nadya's turn or just to wait till the awards section to see if Nadya got anything. Sometimes it was just plain waiting with nothing to do. While she was bored and tired, she didn't complain too much.