Thursday, June 30, 2011

a state of being

I am by nature a pessimistic, melancholic person. Moodiness is not a cloak I wear all the time but when it arrives, it usually hits full force and I feel like my mind is an epicenter setting off waves of tumultuous angry ripples throughout myself.

Negativity sometimes seems to ooze from my pores.

I have mellowed though, over the years. Or so I would like to believe. Guided by others who seem to be able to take things easy in a better way.

Still, from time to time, it gets to me. Like a week or two earlier when I found myself crying in my room late at night. It felt good though, in a strange way, to have my chest heave with sobs and my eyes get puffy and my nose get runny. Perhaps it really is alright to let things out once in a while. Clears the system maybe.

Tonight is another such night. No tears though, or yet. Just a general feeling of morosity and sadness. Sadness at the realisation that maybe it's been quite awhile since I felt truly _____.

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