Seeing red

A line was crossed. My limit was breached earlier on and my anger shot to high levels. 

Ranted to 2 colleagues in a brief manner cos I was rushing home. 

Took many deep breaths. I am still fuming though. The anger has only dissipated a little. 

Having an asinine colleague (The Coll) has brought me some measure of grief. Sigh. 

Off for more deep breathing. 

===========

Update: 

It's 915pm now. 3.5hrs since the incident at work. Recanted the episode to K and he agreed that she did things on purpose. Some anger is still there. I tried my best to put a lid on it. Guess I only succeeded a little. Still some bubbling and simmering within. 

It has been a very long while since I was so incensed. Well done The Coll, you managed to get under my skin this time. 

Was that why Nadya was rather cranky before bed tonight? She might have picked up on the bad vibes. Sorry Little Baby. Mummy wasn't great company tonight. 

Coincidences.......

Inlaws told me they were going to a wake this evening. When I asked where, they mentioned a road and I said a good friend was staying there. They then mentioned the unit number and it was my friend's address. 

Turned out that it was his grandmother who had passed on. She was a month short of hitting 91yrs old. 

This brings the tally to a total of 3 good friends whose grandmother or grandfather passed on this year. And my own granny passed on this year as well. 

Mal a tete

Never quite realised how debilitating a headache can be. Till now when I have a kid.

Here you are trying to placate a fussing wriggling tiny human. And there you have "someone" pounding away at the sides of your head. 

And somehow the baby's cries get magnified to be twice as loud as usual. 

忍

The Panadol doesn't seem to be working today. 

Our nest

It's been almost 2 months in our new home. And you tend to get more familiar with your immediate surroundings:

- there is a resident cat. A black and white fella with a red collar which I think the security guard uncle put on it. Relatively friendly cat prone to lots of "meow-ing" whenever anyone approaches. 

- I've a talented neighbour who plays the piano. Practices almost everyday. Lives on the ground floor, 3 units directly below me.

- there are a few other babies in the development. :) 

- I've another talented neighbour who plays the recorder. Or it may have been a flute? I don't know really. But anyway my jaw dropped one night when I heard this neighbour playing Kitaro on his/her recorder. Not radio recorder hor, but that flute-like musical instrument. Might be the same neighbour as the piano fella.

- there's another neighbour who loves Bruno Mars. Sometimes you can hear his playlist being played and/or repeated. 

rant

Working with people who can't even take ownership and follow through with things.
Frustrating. And you wonder how and why they are a grade above you in terms of rank.

But, no time for anger now, for there are many things to be done.

Mind is on several things all at once. Including Little Baby's menu for this weekend.

Shepherd's Pie

As opposed to multiple dishes, sometimes I prefer making one-dish meals. It is more fun, less mundane and more convenient. 

Yesterday's one-dish was shepherd's pie! The taste was good to me, but I added too much salt and the last few mouhthfuls were a little cloying to the taste buds because of the saltiness.

The pics aren't very appealing but here they are. 

Saturday

Sat was a day of many appointments. 

During the day we had the following vendors pop by:

1. Opennet - their 4th visit and finally they manage to solve their cable issue

2 StarHub - only when Opennet fixed their issue could StarHub come in to settle our fibre connection. Glad that this was fully settled yesterday. 

3. NTUC - I had ordered groceries online.

4. Painter - he swung by to paint the skirting in the balcony. I think all the touch-ups of the house have been completed? 

And of course, we went out for my mum early bday celebration in the evening. 

Busy Saturday. 

A look back

Let's see, what have I been occupied with during my weekends since mid last year?

• June/July 2013 - Felt much better compared to the initial nauseated feeling and there were much less giddy spells. So K & I were out running errands and buying things in preparation for Little Baby's arrival. 
• August/September 2013 - I remember thinking at the time "We bought so many things but how come we are still short of things for her arrival?" We were still running errands and buying things for Little Baby. By this time, I couldn't walk for long and would need to rest very frequently.
• October/November 2013 - Little Baby's arrival. Brought much joy to us and much havoc to the household as well. The initial weekends were busy with well-wishers, friends and family members visiting me. Of course, K & I were occupied with learning how to deal with the little angel (who was not so angelic when she started bawling her lungs out).
• December 2013 / January 2014 - Mad rush to get presents ready for Christmas. And it was our first few times venturing out to a shopping centre with Little Baby. I remember a scene vividly. I was carrying her to the washroom to change her nappy. Two aunties started staring at me and I realised that she had vomitted on me. So I was walking around smelling like sour milk and had milk curds dribbling down my T-shirt and down my thigh. The weekends in January were spent getting ready for CNY, wrapping angpows and such stuff. And oh yes, house-hunting started in January.
• February/March 2014 - House-hunting reached a feverish peak. Weekends were spent visiting homes. And eventually, after we settled on our current place, weekends (and some weekdays) were spent on getting the administrative procedures ready.
• April/May 2014 - Weekends were spent visiting IDs and contractors. When we finally chose one, we had to spend time with him to discuss concepts, and decide on colours, materials, etc.
• June/July 2014 - We still had to have meetings with our ID and we were also running around madly trying to buy things for the home. Fixtures, fittings, groceries, etc. End July was spent packing. 
• August/September 2014 - Ah, this is the now. August weekends were spent trying to get a grip on ourselves haha. Cleaning, cooking, looking after Little Baby, getting the laundry sorted out, ironing, etc. And till now, there are still areas of the house which have not been cleaned. (Sigh!). September is underway and I think we are slowly getting into a weekend routine. We are getting better and we are getting there.

Come to think of it, our weekends have been so occupied each week since last year.

Can't remember when was the last time we went for a movie date. I think it was at least a year ago....

bah....the old man is grouchy today

老板出国公干，今天回来公司了。心情很不好， 皱着眉头， 脸黑得很。
一大清早已经被他“鸟”了。。。嗨， 今天应该不容易过。。。

Good luck to all of us...

Sigh...

I saw someone's FB status today. She was pregnant and probably in her 3rd trimester already. But her post today was quite heartbreaking. She lost her baby. I don't know what happened exactly but I feel very sad for her and I hope she stays strong. She and her husband seem to be Christians so I hope their faith in God keeps them strong throughout all this.

R, we are not close and we have not caught up with each other in more than 10 years. You will probably never see this but I am sending my silent wishes to you. I really feel for you and sincerely hope that you will take care of yourself and stay strong in this time of grief. May God bless you and your husband....

LinkedIn

For the longest time, I resisted the idea of having a LinkedIn account.

I couldn't see the value of it and also I didn't want to have another online profile to manage. Just one Facebook account and a Blogger account is enough for me thank you. I don't have a Twitter account. I don't have an Instagram account. I don't have a Dayre account, nor a Tumblr account. So I really don't know how those things work. For a brief while I started a GooglePlus account and toyed with it for a few weeks before eventually abandoning that account as well.

These days though, I am opening up to the idea of having a LinkedIn account. Maybe it is because there is a sudden influx of connection requests coming from people within my industry.

And I have seen the effects of how these virtual "connections" on LinkedIn might help in one's career and also how search firms actually trawl through LinkedIn to identify potential candidates to fill their clients' job vacancies.

I shall explore it soon. Once I get some time on my hands and an opportunity to do so.
Hmm.....

This is a record

It is the fastest I have ever killed (or almost killed) a plant. :( 

5 days.

Sorry little basil...I don't know what I did or didn't do. 

Auntie-fied

I swear I've morphed into an auntie. 

What with the disheveled hair and the bags of NTUC groceries I lug back from office ever so often. (I dislike it that I don't have a shopping mall at the MRT nearest my home). Anyway, I usually throw them all into my recyclable bag because it makes for easier carrying onto the bus. My trusty $2 bag from Daiso (see pic below)

Because I take the bus, I can't buy many things at once and usually break my purchase into smaller purchases on different days. Which makes it seem like as if I am buying a lot of things. My colleagues always ask me why I keep going to NTUC lol. 

I've already bought a whole bunch of things online from NTUC. But I can't buy frozen meats nor fresh veggies online...and their online portal does not carry all items too.

So tak glam to carry the recyclable bag around but no choice I guess. 

Scrunched up baby face

She suddenly started making "angry" faces at me yesterday lol. The entire night she was doing this and snorting out of her nose as well. She kind of looks like a girl Popeye in the upper left pic haha.

Oh and pardon the bits of pumpkin and cauliflower on her lips. I was feeding her halfway when she decided to go all drama on me with these expressions.

our nest

While our home is fully functional, there are still lots of things to be done here and there....

• I've not cleaned the pedestal in the spare room yet.
• The storeroom is a mess. Managed to clean it up a little last night but the other half of the room is still ....oh well. 
• We are not utilising the space in our kitchen cabinets very well. Need to think about how to repack the things there and shift them around to achieve optimal space utilisation. 
• We kept the chrome fittings in our bathrooms but the previous owner did not do a good job at all in maintaining the fittings. Lots of tarnish and grime. Which we are having some trouble sloughing off and polishing up. Need to spend a long time on this.
• The windows in the master bedroom need cleaning. Actually all the windows and glass doors in the home need cleaning.
• StarHub and Opennet have screwed up our fibre network installation. Things seem to be at a standstill, in limbo right now. 3 appointments have come and gone. Technicians from both parties have come and gone and till now the issue has not been fixed. K is just about to blow his top already if they still don't settle the problem. Thankful though that StarHub lent us a cable modem so we still have internet access. 
• And....the....list....goes on.......

the good stuff

Things I was thankful for since last week:

1) The boss usually gets grouchy and a little stressed before a work trip. He flew off on the Saturday just past and I was glad that he was not that grouchy at all last week. In fact, he came by my desk a few times to chat about mundane issues.

2) A dear friend seems to have good news to share! Pending confirmation from the doctor though. :)

3) The curtain guy came on Saturday and finally, after 3 appointments, all curtains in the home are up and functional. And we no longer have the sun shining in our faces on weekend mornings when we wake up.

4) Little Baby had sufficient naps during the day on Saturday and when she went over to my parents place to visit in the evening, she was such a sweetie and charmed the socks off everyone lol. I felt happy seeing my family being happy and seeing my mum and dad grinning from ear to ear.

5) Managed to catch up with TH over lunch. Was his listening ear for awhile when he griped about both work and personal life. But anyway, glad that things are moving along for him. Happy too that his wedding date has been fixed! 2nd May 2015, here we come!

6) K's tummy was finally ok by Tuesday or Wednesday and he was eating normally again thereafter.

Taking time to give thanks and appreciate the good in my life.

Agar agar mooncakes

Oh yes, before I forget. A guy teammate made this for all the Chinese folks in my team for the Mid-Autumn Festival. Each one had a box. That's 7 boxes. And a total of 14 of these agar agar mooncakes.

Effort leh! Am so impressed! 30yrs old and still single. From Malaysia. Any takers? Lol. 

Boohoo

I know I cry easily when watching to touching movies or videos or reading moving stories. 

But I cry even more easily these days. An inspiring video on FB is enough to make me tear. Watching certain portions of Voice of China can make me cry too. 

I must be tired.

First Time Mom. Oh the Uncertainties.

Before Little Baby's arrival, I was apprehensive but made sure I read and got myself knowledgeable enough to prep myself better. I planned and I organised and I prepared. Those close to me would know that Microsoft Excel is my best friend in such events. I planned for and organised my ROM and wedding with the help of Excel and I did the same for Little Baby's arrival. Things to buy, what to do and when to do and how much to spend were all captured in that trusty little softcopy Excel file, which I titled "baby mouton" (mouton is French for sheep.)

But of course, no amount of planning gets you ready for the thing called parenting. It's a constant learning and unlearning process. OJT. Trial and error. Patience and luck. Best practices and whatever you feel comfortable doing. And alot of it is based on gut feel. I call it gut feel, some people call it nature, that we are wired to be able to do basic parenting.

Lots of questions and uncertainties. Lots of figuring out. Am I doing the right thing?

I think we're doing an okay job with Little Baby so far. Could be better but I think we're coping.

Right now, the thing I am most uncertain about is her sleep, her diet, and her teeth (or lack of).

Sleep.
Is she sleeping enough? Enough to let her brain develop the way it should be? Enough to ensure she is well-rested and relaxed and happy? What's the best way to ensure she starts sleeping through the night again?

Diet.
Are we feeding her the right amount? Is she having enough? Is she taking in enough nutrients? Is she taking in enough solids? What more should I feed her with? What can I feed her with? Why is she refusing to eat fish? Will making my own ikan bilis powder help?

Teeth.
Where are her teeth? We have yet to see any and she is reaching a year-old in less than a month's time. Everytime she starts chewing on something, people will say she is teething. Well, she's been chewing on things since 4 to 5 months ago......and we're still waiting for that elusive first tooth to pop out. She's definitely a late bloomer in this aspect.

I think going forward in the next few months, the things i will start worrying or be uncertain of will be her speech, her temperament, discipline and of course, her starting to walk.

Happy Friday on 5 Sept

I was on leave last Friday because Little Baby's school was closed due to it being Teachers' Day.

I decided to meet my parents for lunch at Tampines. It was my first trip out with Little Baby alone. It was pretty alright though she got a little cranky during the cab ride there.

Turned out that my two aunts were in Tampines to look for my mum as well so we all had lunch together.

I was quite happy to have had the chance to catch up with them and have Little Baby meet up with them too. They are quite of age now and they dote on me alot too so I was really happy to see them. I hope they were happy to have had the chance to play with and carry Little Baby too. They were smiling and laughing so much at her. Though they did complain that she is kinda heavy for them to carry for long haha. They ended buying her a sweet little dress complete with little pink rose adornments on the bodice and an organza pink skirt.

K was on half day in the afternoon and swung by to meet up with us as well.

It is always nice to be in the company with your dear and loved ones. Really warms the heart.

And I was also very happy to see my Dad all smiles and grinning so happily while carrying Little Baby. (She refused to let him carry her over the last 2 to 3 Saturdays when I visited them at their home.)

They say a child completes the family and brings happiness and love along with him/her.
How true.

David Tao

I like his songs and am listening to his playlist today while at work.

For a while though, I did not listen to him because his songs invariably bring me back to a period of my life which I do not wish to recall. And also for some reason, some of his songs make me emo lol.

Anyway, am starting to listen to his songs again. So far so good, not getting emo. :)

jumbled thoughts. very jumbled.

One of those days when I feel melancholy creeping up on me.

Wondering what I have achieved in my life so far

Wondering what else or what more should and can I do

Wondering how will things pan out over my lifetime 

Telling myself that 人比人, 气死人。 自己活得开心就好，要知足。

These days, I also feel inadequacy in almost everything.

And I also feel like there's something that needs to be done with my life.
But I have no idea WHAT.

A niggling feeling. 似乎有一丝的空虚感。

Where do I go?
What do I do?

There are some I want to keep in touch with or to meet up with. 有心但力和时不足。

I just feel like crashing into bed all the time. Or I only feel like huddling up with my pillow to watch drama videos online.

The introvert in me is screaming out for "me" time to recharge.
Maybe some days of no one being around me. No one.
Too much to ask for? Hmm. 

Is this a rant post? I don't know. Just typing whatever comes to mind.
No edits, nothing.

The weekend

It was an exhausting weekend. K was down most of the time, especially on Saturday, so I was going at it alone.

Chores and Little Baby alone were enough to occupy my entire Saturday from 7am when she woke till 9pm when she slept. 

Getting up and preparing for work this morning was a little difficult. I had wanted to use toner for my face and ended up pouring eye make-up remover onto my cotton puff instead. 

Bah. 

I hope I survive the workday ahead. 

(And the work week ahead)

Wah

How can one sleep for 12hours from 10am to 10pm? 

Hmmmmm....

Um actually it's 10pm now and still sleeping...

Hmmmmm....

K: yup you know who :) 

Sleep regression

Little Baby was sleeping throughout the night on a regular basis till she turned 9.5months almost 10months.We had just shifted and when she started waking anywhere between 1 to 3 times a night (sometimes even 4 times), I initially thought that the new environment stressed her out a little. We thought she would get used to the new home and go back to her usual "sleep through the night" routine.


It's been 1 month and she's not letting up. Out of the last 30 days, I'd say she's only had maybe 4 to 5 days (or is it less??) of sleeping through the night.

K & I are extremely tired.

I've been doing some reading up on baby sleeping habits and the like.

So it seems like we are definitely not the only ones facing such a problem. Tons of parents out there are facing or have faced similar situations. There is even a term for it..."Sleep Regression".

But articles online say there are other causes for sleep regression like physical and cognitive development milestones. A baby who has just learned hot to crawl or sit up or walk will be so hyped up about his new skill that he is constantly thinking of it and constantly trying it out even in his sleep.

In desperation, I even toyed with the idea of buying one of those US-based online "Sleep Packages" where they teach you how to sleep train your baby again, without using sleep props. I didn't in the end because I was more worried about whether I was buying from a trusted site or not. (Didn't want to have my credit card details phished and used for other malicious purposes.)

There are various remedies people advise parents in these situations. Sigh, but I don't find them very concrete. I hope she goes back to her previous routine soon...

I feel quite drained. And desperate.

God, can send me some solutions?

Recap

Things I was thankful for last week:

1) K was busy at work so I was a lone ranger for almost every weekday night. Little Baby was generally quite cooperative and there were no major fussing sessions (except for one night when my fuse a little shorter than usual and she managed to frustrate me alot).

2) We had the chance to head out to Taka for awhile on Sunday. We brought Little Baby over to K's parents' place for them to babysit her. Although it was a short 2-hours plus trip mostly filled with running errands and buying the household stuff we wanted to get, it still felt good to head out of the house for awhile, without Little Baby in tow.And it felt good to eat sushi at Sushi Tei haha.

3) We brought Little Baby to the pool on Saturday afternoon. It was a wonderful feeling seeing her gorgeous smiles and watching her happily splashing about in the water. We really need to get her those arm floats!

4) The briefing session we had on Friday afternoon with our partners went pretty well. I was glad I had the help of our team's main PA. With her assistance, the organisation of the session went well. I was glad that my presentation went smoothly too, with no hard or cynical questions posed by our partners.

5) The clothes I ordered from Qoo10 arrived!

6) The curtains for the other two bedrooms arrived! The chairs for the dining set arrived!

7) The boss got grouchy and moody on a certain day but there were colleagues and KH from the other dept who kept me sane.

Water baby

My stomach wasn't feeling too good but I  had been wanting to bring her to the pool for a long time and 2 weeks ago I finally found a swimsuit for her online as well.

So we finally went this afternoon. It was a short trip to the pool but I'm glad she loved it! She was smiling and kicking and splashing the water haha...