Post-partum

It is 10pm now on the 1st of October. I gave up and took a warm shower about 45mins ago. Didn't wash my hair though. Will leave that for tomorrow. 

Chinese traditions dictate that  women in confinement are not supposed to bathe for the entire 30days of confinement. Some people follow the really traditional confinement period of 40days. I cannot imagine not bathing for that long an amount of time. Just a few days in this humid weather and I am getting a whole lot of rashes already. And actually, since I've been home, I've spent more than half my time holed up in my room with the aircon switched on. 

Anyway, I digressed. 

After my shower, I stood naked in front of the mirror. I look....what's the appropriate word to use? Sigh...

Post-partum.

Size

Still looking like I'm 6 or 7 months pregnant. Definitely bigger than after I delivered Little Baby back in 2013. Still looking pudgy and bloated. Cellulite seems to have found a home at the back of my thighs. My mum grabbed my thigh 2 days ago and quipped "still quite big." FML. 

With the amount of great tasting food (read: hard to resist) the confinement nanny is stuffing into me, doubt I'll lose weight anytime soon. Noticed too that I am getting hungry pretty easily. Perhaps due to my body producing milk...I don't know. 

Discolourations

The linea nigra dark lines and discolored patches of skin are still around. If my experience in 2013 is anything to go by, these discolourations take several months to go away fully. :( Don't like. 

The wound

The area around my Csec wound is still a little swollen. The Gynae vey kindly trimmed off my old scar during the op itself. I hope no scar tissue forms this time round. 

Milk

My milk supply came pretty quickly this time round. I got engorged on day 4 after delivery. Hope the supply maintains and hope it increases quickly too so I can ply Peanut with my milk to flush out her jaundice. I am not producing enough to match what she needs though. Supplementing with formula milk. 

Rashes 

Having them again. Same situation as back in 2013. Wore compression socks during the whole stay in hospital and the skin on my legs got quite sensitive after that. The night after I stopped wearing the compression socks, I was scratching non-stop behind my knees. Hope it clears away soon.

Water retention

I think I am having water retention. Worse than when I was pregnant. Perhaps I am not drinking enough water, perhaps I am drinking too much longan red date tea made by the confinement lady. My feet are slightly swollen. And I get a tingling feeling or slight aches in my feet from time to time. Ok, I shall resolve to drink more water. Heck what the confinement lady says. 

Home sweet home

It was home sweet home for me yesterday and for Peanut today...

It is 11 now and K has gone to the hospital to get her. What a relief it was to receive the hospital's call informing me that she could be discharged today. 

It is a little unfortunate though, that the haze is pretty bad. We have switched on the air purifier in Peanut's room and will leave the aircon on in there today. No choice. She's still too young to be breathing this air now...if adults are getting scratchy throats and teary eyes and runny noses....I worry for her. 

Both a relief and a worry that she is coming home haha. 

Mostly happiness though. My littlest baby is coming home very soon! 

Of boobs and milk

Just went through a marathon seesion with the aid of 2 nurses, one after the other. 

1 hour 15mins. 

Of painful massaging, manual squeezing and then machine pumping. I felt winded at one point when the nurse manually squeezed me. And yes I felt like a cow. 

My boobies were engorged. 

With all the effort, we managed to collect 20ml of breastmilk. Rather good for only the 4th day after delivery. 

But still below whatever Peanut needs right now to clear her of her jaundice. 

Not looking forward to 3hrs later. The nurse said I would need to massage and pump again later. And that engorgement takes around 24hours to clear. 

Zzzzzzzz

The kiddos

Missing Nadya badly. 

Missing Alyssa too. 

She's brought away to undergo phototherapy. And as such I'm staying a day more in hospital. A day more away from Nadya. 

Nvm...tahan...have to. Need to. 

2 kids - double the love, double the worries lol. 

Someday

Someday this little hand will grow bigger.

Someday these fingers will grow longer.

Someday this little hand will support my hand instead.

Day 3 of Peanut's Birth

Things are not as chaotic and haphazard as the first day. And I can truly say that I do enjoy the food and meals that are served to me. Pretty good actually. 

The nurses have been more than helpful, some more than others but generally all nice ladies. 

Peanut is doing alright and latching on me for long periods. I am still sore as a result. 

I am walking more. Forced myself to. Had another bout of physiotherapy and I'm glad I got a good one today. She was firm and knew what she was doing. Went to the washroom on my own earlier on. Achievement unlocked! :) 

The wound's still painful and I am still on painkillers. Not getting off them till at least a week plus later I think. 

Peanut is looking a little jaundiced. Hope she remains below the threshold level, otherwise she would need phototherapy. 

My appetite has improved tremendously today. I keep feeling like I am hungry. K bought quite a lot of buns and stuff for me in the afternoon and I initially thought they would last me till the middle of the night or even tomorrow morning. Erm, I finished them all before 1130pm this evening. Heh. 

Still looking pale...in slightly better spirits. But still as tired haha. 

月亮圆又圆

A little disappointed that I couldn't bring Nadya out for a walk this evening, the eve of the Mid-Autumn Festival. 

Last year we didn't walk around as well because she was unwell if I remember correctly. 

I'd gotten her a lovely Hello Kitty lantern this year which she initially loved but then grew bored of...zzz. 

Anyway, next year then. 

And anyway, we have Xmas to look forward to. :))

For now

Some peaceful moments before the humdrum of the day begins...it is 745am. 

It was a tough first half of the long night. The nurse gave in, like wtf after 5-6hrs of trying on my part to nurse, and agreed to top-up some formula milk for Peanut, who was still bawling hungrily at that hour. She was wheeled off at 230am and I finally could have some 3hrs of sleep. 

It is 745am now. I've already had my BP taken twice. Latched her for a short 15/20mins before she fell asleep and refused to latch further. 

And I've also had myself checked by 2 junior doctors, who clinically informed me that my "uterus has contracted". 

Um ok, right. I'm actually more concerned about the ache below my ribcage, I started. And the sore nipples, and the pain I feel in my wound area. And the....I went on. Oh it is "likely some musculoskeletal issue or the way you are lying down" they went....we will issue you some nipple cream. The senior registrar will be here later. And then they scampered off. 

Pshaw. They should have sent over more senior people in the first place who can answer my questions. Pffft.

Anyway, some peaceful moments for now. 

Little Baby will be coming to see Mama and meimei later this morning. Looking forward to seeing her. Missing her much. 

Sleeping soundly for now....

Shack, pale and zzzzz. 

Knn

Literally. In blood, sweat and tears. 

Latched from: 

8-830pm  left boob

850-950pm  right boob

1045-1110pm  left boob 

1245am-115am  right boob

Tired and sore. Aching and tearing. 

I thought the second kid was supposed to be easier?????!!!!  

Ppffffttttttt

Need to vent. 

Fuck this shit.

The pain. The panting. The breathlessness. The shuffling. The tenderness. The soreness. The sudden sharp pain that makes you gasp. The not knowing what time is it. The 'not daring to drink too much cos you don't want to spend half an hour making a trip to the toilet'. The weariness. The resignation. The fear. The lack of rest. The 'what the hell possessed me to go through this shit all over again' feeling. 

Is it only Day 2? 

Yes fine, I'm a weakling. 

/@&$7$>{^{*<¥}€{*]<|~?|!?!:@:((( 

Pain and painkillers

The regional epidural wore off pretty quickly this time round. 

Within 2 hours from when I was first given the shot, I could wriggle some of the toes on my right foot. And within 3 hours, I could feel the initial throbs of pain and discomfort from my contracting uterus and from where they cut me open to take Peanut out.

Within 4 hours I was breathless and panting from the increasing pain and requested for painkillers. For some reason, the pharmacists took extremely long to verify the type of painkiller I was to be given and I only managed to get my painkiller jab at 315pm, 5 hours after the initial epidural jab. 

By then I was holding the bed rails and not talking. If I had to speak, it would be in short huffs and puffs and in some sort of a whisper. 

This was what I was dreading the most. 

The aftermath. And the slow recovery process. 

Jiayou to me. 

Oh yes...

Oh, and for the record, Peanut's official name would be Alyssa. :) 

Meaning joy and happiness in Hebrew and noble in Getman, French and English. 

Chinese and dialect names are pending the fengshui master's expert advice. Akan datang. 

Peanut is here!

And so, we are four now. A family of four. 

Peanut arrived at 10:45am on 24 September 2015, Thursday, barely 30mins after I was given my regional epidural shot and roughly 45mins after I was wheeled to the operating theatre from my room in the ward. 

My first thought when I felt the baby being pushed and yanked out from my belly? 

"She sounds like a duck." 

Her wails resembled a duck's quack I kid you not. And yes, she's a screamer like her older sister. In fact, I think her lungs are stronger than her older sister's. 

They have the same hair at birth. Thick, black, waxy and oh so wavy...if Little Baby's hair sets a precedence of what is to come, then it means that by the age of 12-15months, 95% of Peanut's curls and waves would have disappeared. It'll be a waste I think. 

Peanut turned out to be a bigger baby. Gynae had predicted that she would be a small one like her older sister but...to her credit, she ended up being more than 3kg. 3.065kg to be exact. More than 300grams heavier than Little Baby. She measured 48cm at birth, just 1cm longer than Little Baby last time. 

Peanut had an extra piece of skin hanging from her left thumb. A "skin tag" is the official term for it. A narrow strip of skin with a knob of what resembles a ball of blood clot at the end of that string of skin. 

The paediatrician said the entire string of ball and skin would drop off on its own soon and that there would be no need to trim or snip that strip it off. And the PD also explained that the skin tag was likely an extra thumb that was not eventually formed. 

Gosh.

Anyway, I'm just glad that she has a full set of 10 fingers and toes where they are supposed to be. 

During our skin to skin contact nd bonding time, Peanut appeared to be rather content and comfortable to be on my chest. Naked, sticky and covered by numerous warm blankets, she fell asleep pretty quickly on my chest and bawled angrily when the midwife shifted her so that her mouth could be placed near my boob to encourage latching. 

She's a natural latcher like her older sister. I'm glad for it makes for easier breastfeeding. Only thing is...I only saw her for that hour of bonding time. 

She was then whisked off to a high dependency baby nursery due to low blood sugar levels, which could affect brain development. So she was being kept there for further observation. She seems to be doing better already and would likely be "returned" back to my room on Friday morning. 

While I miss having her with me, I think I appreciate more the opportunity to be sleeping peacefully tonight. Lol. I could do without bonding with her tonight I guess. Many a sleepless night filled with cries and milk and pee and poo looms ahead. 

We are stopping at two. 

Partly due to my age, and partly due to my health reasons. Even the gynae advised us to be content with 2 kiddos. 

I told myself to fully treasure Peanut's growth and developments going forward. And of course to love and appreciate Little Baby's progresses and achievements too. 

The plug

I've had a plug in me more times than I can remember. Well, definitely more than the fingers on my right hand. 

I've had it on both right and left hands, on the wrist, on the back of the hand and on the side of the wrist. 

This time round it's on the right hand, on the side of the wrist and done by a young man named Jeremy who seemed too nervous and young for my liking. He did not tell me to take a deep breath when he inserted the tube. I did it on my own, drawing from past experience. 

He took 5 vials of blood to run tests. I don't recall having so much taken from me during the previous delivery. :(( 

He then taped the plug in place. Didn't do that tidy a job I think. 

My wrist hurts a little now. :(  Hope it won't be too sore when the plug is eventually removed. I don't like it on my right hand. My master hand. Means I have to remind myself not to use or rely on that hand too much. 

Time check = 115am. 

F.O.O.D

It's the realisation of not being able to eat many things in the next few weeks that causes you to have cravings.....currently on my mind are....

- Hokkien mee 

- Char kway teow (have not had this for AGES)

- Chye tow kueh (both white and black ones!)

- Nonya bakzhang

- Fried beehoon with eggs

- My mum's fried rice

- BBQ chicken wings

- Simple tomato-based pasta 

- Chicken rice 

Ohm

In the words of Michael Jackson.....This is it!

K and I spent 2.5hrs waiting for admission. Worth the wait though. For we managed to get a private room. 

He has since gone home to look after N. 

It's 645pm now. Feeling kinda alone now. Good and bad. Having some me time but at the same time wanting some assuring company. Lol. Dilemma. 

I have no idea yet when the csec will be tomorrow. That is scary. It is like as if I can whisked off anytime to the OT. 

Trying to calm myself a little. The jitters are here on and off...as you can tell from my staccato disjointed writing. 

Day 0

Wearing unglam flip flops to the hospital...

Note to self: 

Need to buy nicer looking sandals or slippers to replace those I threw away...

Mama

Just saw this on FB: 

Mama: the glue that holds everything together even when she feels like she may fall apart. 

Loving it. 

Love my mum too. 

K is overseas these 2-3 days and so in this critical time, my mum came over to stay with me. :) 

The little girl has been relatively excited to have her Popo stay over. When she usually falls asleep at or around 9pm, she has been only falling asleep at 1015-1030 these 2 nights. I figure tomorrow night will be the same thing again lol. 

She now asks for Popo to be around during bedtime. My mum, who was lying in my bed earlier tonight, had to pretend to be asleep before the little girl finally gave up and agreed to go back to her own bed. 

Little (not so little?)

Little Baby is just about to turn 2 only. 

Yet, many people think she's 3 years old. Whether they meet her in person and interact with her or whether they have only seen her pictures. They all think she's 3 years old lol. 

Maybe it's the hair that makes her look more mature? She is of average height and size so I don't think those are the factors here. Hmm. 

Jiayou

I felt giddy and faint earlier today. It was late morning before lunch and my lips turned pale. I was scaring myself actually. I decided that it was probably because I didn't have enough food in me and also the humid weather. 

I sought my helper's assistance to bring lunch to me and I ate in bed. Scoffed down my rice and soup and then proceeded to concuss....for the next 4 hours. 

I'd woken up several times in between. Once due to N's teacher calling me and the rest of the time because I was alternating between feeling cold and feeling warm and switching on and off the aircon. 

When I finally woke at 430pm, I only felt slightly better. But at least I didn't have such pale lips anymore. I had heartburn though because I'd gone straight to lying down after my lunch, and as a result the food wasn't digesting properly. 

K is down with fever. I hope we hang in there. Just a week to go before I deliver. Praying to God that I keep well during these last few days...

Jiayou....

Incompetent fool

Strong words. But yes, I muttered them under my breath earlier. I was quite irritated. 

I'd gone to bed at 9pm because I wasn't feeling well. Only to be woken at 930pm by a call, from a banquet manager from a certain R_ _ _ _ _ _ z _ _ _ _ s Hotel. I am currently looking for a venue to host Peanut's manyue celebration and had written to them seeking a quote. 

So this guy called, identified himself and proceeded to tell me that I'd given him the wrong email address and as such he couldn't send me his quotation. 

Hello? Which planet are you from? If you managed to read my email enquiry in the first place, it means my email went through to you. Which means you just need to click "reply" to send over your information to me.

What do you mean I gave you the wrong email address?? 

He then insisted on verifying my email address and proceeded to spell it out in full. It reached a point where he realised he made a mistake in "copying and pasting" my email address wrongly, which was why his email bounced back to him. 

Hello? Which planet are you from? You do not call a customer up at 930pm for such a ridiculous issue when you could have double-checked your own work! 

Also, Sales and Marleting 101. You DO NOT call your customer after working hours unless you have been given the mandate and permission to! In this case, I am not even a customer yet, just a potential customer. 

How do you expect me to trust you to do a good job of handling my 80/100 pax event if you can't even handle my email query properly? 

So yes, I muttered those words out of irritation after I ended the call with this guy. 

Am I harsh? Perhaps. I am usually more patient but he caught me in a bad time. And the ridiculousness of his reason for calling grated on me too much. 

And now, thanks to his guy's interruption, I can't get back to sleep. It's been an hour since the call. Argh. 

Home improvement

Not quite how you would expect a home improvement to be but well...

Just did up a small wall in little baby's room. I bought this height measuring sticker and adornments way back in April but never got round to putting it up on her wall. 

Finally did it this morning. And realised that the measuring tape starts only from 65cm...strange. 

Anyway, hope she likes it, what with the dancing elephant, prancing monkey, lion, giraffe and stars. :) 

My small surprise for her. I shall see if I can video her reaction his evening when she comes home. :)))

Voila

3rd completed piece.

This end-product didn't quite touch my heart the way the 2nd piece did though. 

Guilt

There's that feeling of guilt. An awful lot of it. 

That I cannot provide Little Baby with enough comfort in her time of need. She has been cranky and a little unwell recently and had asked for me to carry her. 

I've had to reject her time and again. I could only offer to hug her on the sofa or in a bed or hold her hands...to which she would refuse. 

And the thought that I can't carry her till maybe 2-3 months later (need to let the csec wound heal sufficiently first before I can carry heavy loads) just makes me feel even worse. 

Boo. :( 

I miss the times when she hugs me or pats me or buries her head in my shoulder when I carry her....

Beanie pillows

What do you do when you are too heavy and achy to walk far, and hence can't shop? You go online instead and let your fingers do the browsing. 

Qoo10 has earned a huge pile from me over the last several months/weeks. 

My latest purchase just arrived. Realised I forgot to prepare beansprout pillows for Peanut. And voila...online I went about 6 days ago and ordered 2 pillows. 

2 days ago the pillows arrived...loving the designs...the owl one is pretty cute. 

Trying to sun them first but the haze has blocked out any semblance of the sun from my balconies lol...

That elusive thing

430am. 

After suffering the onslaught of several dipshit mosquitos, feeling the constant kicks of Peanut, and hearing the many (worrying) stirrings of Little Baby through the baby monitor, it is official, I can't get back to sleep. 

Been awake for at least 45mins. And it was a light sleep before that. Forsee a "panda-fied" me tomorrow. 

One last try to get back to sleep. 

Fingers crossed.....

Of rain and the little girl...

There was just a huge clap of thunder. I hope Nadya's not scared. I only wish I was next to her to comfort her if she was feeling afraid. :( But alas, she's not here with me at this moment....:( 

Little baby, mama misses you a lot...:(((((

Little baby

I hope little baby gets well soon. 

The haze must have gotten to her. Came down with fever on Sunday and she's still running abit of a temperature earlier this evening. 

Her appetite's pretty much gone for most of the day. She refused lunch and dinner and her afternoon milk and only took 1/2 a hot cross bun in the morning for breakfast and another 3/4 of a hot cross bun for teabreak at my inlaws'. 

I was elated when she actually finished the entire bottle of milk I made for her at 730pm earlier on. 

She seems to be refusing to take milk at my inlaws' place. Even when she is not unwell. Trying to figure out why. Helper Maryann said a possibility could be that my mother-in-law gives her too many options if she refused her milk. Eh biscuits, cheese, raisin bread, buns, fruits, etc. Hmm, sounds possible an explanation. 

Anyway, I hope little baby sleeps well tonight. K and I only managed to get maybe 3-4 hours of sleep last night....sigh. 

That's life...

Bossy folks will always be bossy folks. 

If you're not in a position to jeopardize relationships, then 就是 (1) minimize interaction, (2) lun and then (3) lun somemore. 

Enough said

I will be strong. 我会努力，会坚强。

Help!!!

Is this called sleep regression? 

Little Baby has been waking up at night and fussing and throwing mega tantrums which last an hour or so. Well, at least for the last few days of this week. She can wake anytime at 11pm or at 1am or in last night's case, 2am. 

She would wake and be relatively calm but it rapidly escalates to a meltdown. Or she would wake and straightaway be so irritable that she goes into a meltdown. 

She would scream, kick and cry. She would reject K, and then call for him several minutes later. She would call for me and many a time she would request to be carried by me. I would have to reject her due to my current state and offer to hold her hand or cuddle her in bed instead. Nothing works to calm her. There was once we gave in and ended up reading storybooks and looking at photos, at 130am in the morning. 

Last night, K and I stood firm and put up a consistent, united front. We did not allow her out of her bedroom. We did not allow her anything save for water, milk and some light food. 

She wanted to "on the light". "No" was the reply. She wanted to "eat raisin bread". No. "See photos". No. "Violet" (a toy). Yes, tomorrow morning. "Gong Gong house" (my parents' place). Yes, tomorrow. "Go outside". Tomorrow. "Raisin bread". Tomorrow. "See photos". Tomorrow. 

Battle of the wills. She was wailing non-stop. Took some breaks here and there but the fussing was pretty much continuous. She lasted 1.5hours before she finally agreed to have some milk and then immediately rolled over and fell asleep. 

I don't know why this is happening. 

Sigh...this is not her usual self...

Both K and I are rather tired out because of her waking up like this...several days in a row. 

Baking time

Things I do when I'm on home leave now preparing myself for Peanut's arrival in 2 weeks' time....

I'm not good at baking. Most things I bake turn out below expectations lol. From brownies to muffins to focaccia bread and chicken pie. 

I think the only thing I can bake is shepherds pie. But that is closer to cooking a normal dish than baking pastries and cakes. 

So anyway, the thought hit me to clear some of the stuff I have in my kitchen and  I ended up baking after lunch. Attempted a small batch of Choc chip and raisin muffins. 

They turned out a little too hard at the top, I think I need to lower my temperature a little. There was not enough oil and not enough sugar too though these are arguable. Maybe the recipe I followed was a healthy option recipe haha. 

But still a better attempt than the previous time I tried making muffins haha. 

Pics for posterity. Gonna let the little girl try one muffin tonight. She's my worst food critic so I'm keeping my fingers crossed lol. 

You can tell the tops are too brown and hard...when they should have been fluffier-looking!

My half-eaten choc chip and raisin muffin. :) 

Colouring

Completed my second piece which was a free flowing visual spanning across 2 pages. A much better effort this time compared to the initial piece. Kept it simple and colour coordinated most of the time without incorporating too many elements and colours. Kept details simple and only did more gradients and shadows. :) Satisfied with this piece. Ok onward to the 3rd piece!

Full piece

Right side

Left side 

Of cooking competitions, the American culture and parenting

I caught an episode of MasterChef Junior Season 3. 

The kids come from different US states and were put together in the competition. The oldest was 13 and the youngest was only 8. They definitely impressed me with their culinary skills. They sautéed, flambe-ed, baked, roasted, caramelised, julienned, chopped, layered, etc...and what have you. They all made pasta from scratch. And pasta sauces from scratch. They made gorgeous desserts of restaurant quality and even presented/plated their dishes beautifully. Puts me to shame man lol. 

But well, culinary skills aside, what struck me most was some of their attitudes and character attributes. 

Most of us know that people in the US can be loud and brash. Many of them, not all but I think many of them, possess a level of confidence way higher than an average Asian person. Some are so confident that other cultures see them as being boastful, arrogant, loud, overbearing and over-the-top. Some cultures feel their heads have gotten too big and that they think too highly of themselves, to the point of being a little delusional and having a superiority complex. Mind you, being self-assured and being confident are two different things. 

So anyway, seeing how some of those children carried themselves and how they spoke on the show, it is apparent that a lot of kids in the US are brought up with this "I am good, better than the rest, I am best!" mentality since young. They are probably encouraged to think the best of themselves, have high self-worth and to be confident. No matter what. 

A 10-year old girl on the show unhesitatingly declared herself a better cook than her parents, even though they were the ones who taught her how to cook. She batted her lids, crossed her arms haughtily and said she would go on to "win this competition since I am the best and because I have been at it (cooking) since I was 4!". It was an irony though, for she was eliminated in the first episode itself. 

I cannot imagine a child from Singapore or maybe Japan or Hong Kong saying the same thing. 

Asians are afterall, more subtle. Humility features high on the values scale and some Asian cultures even favour self-deprecation. 

To me, confidence is a good thing. Quiet confidence that is. Coupled with an understanding and appreciation of the self. "In-your-face" confidence (or over-confidence? Or arrogance?) is too much for me. I'd feel turned off. 

Food for thought. 

I'd want my kids to grow up to be confident and self-assured people. But nothing over-the-top. They still need to stay grounded, be humble and not let things get to their heads.

Then and Now

I was in a sentimental, nostalgic mood last night. I trawled through some of the older photos I was tagged in last time on Facebook. Some from way back in 2007.

岁月不扰人

I looked so much younger even back in 2010 and 2011, a mere 4 or 5 years ago. I looked more refreshed and my eyes were brighter too. I was slimmer then of course haha. But I guess what I had then  also was more vigour and energy, more zest and maybe a generally lighter and happier feel. 

Zip forward to 2015. More eye bags, more wrinkles, duller skin. Time and age has caught up. :) I look more tired in general and more....I don't know how to put it. More mature. More experienced. Less fresh-faced and doe-eyed. And...less happy-go-lucky. 

Maybe motherhood and more responsibilities played a part too. :) 

I was looking at my friends as well, those who happened to be in my photos as well. We've all grown older...no longer the bunch of folks who drink and have the occasional visit to a club together. 

大家都老了几年。比往年多了白发，多了皱纹，多了经验，多了见识。

I wonder how it'll be in the year 2020 when I look back at my current 2015 pictures. :) 

Go Away!

Slightly scratchy throat and itchy eyes.
I'm already breathless from time to time because of the pregnancy. Now there's more stuff in the air that's making it harder to take in deep clean breaths.

Haze ah haze, please go away soon ok...

Feeling tired

I slept from 315-500pm this afternoon. Was doing some colouring till my eyes 不争气 and fell shut on me. 

It's 1030pm now and I am already more than sleepy.

Seems Peanut is zapping away much of my energy today. Belly feels rather stretched and heavier than usual today. Growth spurt? 

2 more weeks. 

Jiayou. 

Laoniang

Laoniang had planned out this entire week's meals already. And even gave herself a pat on the back. 

Laoniang is a smug one.

Until now when Laoniang suddenly realised that Friday is polling day i.e. Little Baby is staying at home cos her school will be closed. Which means Laoniang forgot to plan what to cook for her meals for that day....

Ok Laoniang not so smug now. :((((

Laoniang racking her brains on what to make for the little girl...who is turning out to be a fussy eater. 

(How did she turn out to be a somewhat fussy eater when her parents are foodies ah??)

Dr Chee

I was watching Dr Chee Soon Juan's full speech that he gave on 3 Sept at the SDP rally at Choa Chu Kang.

Charismatic, cheeky at some points, passionate, clear and convincing.

I thought he spoke well. Very well. Better than many other candidates from both the incumbent and other opposition parties. A force to contend with?

Perhaps. Maybe that was why the pants was sued off him by the incumbent all those years ago. Maybe that's why he was incarcerated, not once but several times.

I don't know much about him then and not even now.
I only knew what the media painted of him last time. That he was a mad man, a vile creature who spouted incorrigible untruths about the men in white, and hence, a hot-headed crazy barking man who would be better off locked up and put away. For the good of the people.

Maybe his methods were too radical and in your face at that point in time.
Maybe he was too passionate about his cause. Maybe he tried shoving his ideals down the wrong throats. He certainly ended up with bile, very vile bile, all over him then.
He was made a bankrupt, he was locked up and he had to stay away from the scene for more than a decade.

Maybe time and family has mellowed him down much over the years.
Maybe he has had time to rethink everything. He seems more grounded now.
More restrained. More steady and stable.

I have to give it to him. The passion and fire remains.
To be thrown onto the ground and stomped on. And then to get up, dust yourself off, re-strategise and come back fighting again. It takes alot of guts, gumption, courage, committment and passion.

While I may be a neutral party in terms of Singapore's politics, while I may not be particularly supportive of any party per se, I do wish him well.

Morning thoughts

Some meaningful excerpts from an article that appeared in the Straits Times today.
No need for the entire article to be reproduced here for the crux of the article is captured by the below......

=================
Bad things don't mess you up but how you view them can

"Events do not disturb people - their judgments about them do."

" It is our emotional responses to events, rather than the events themselves, that make us anxious and depressed."

"Healthy thoughts are direct responses to the events themselves. Unhealthy thoughts are focused on your own perceived inadequacy and ill-luck, or the unfairness of life."

"Assume that most times when you feel anxious, depressed or angry, you are not only strongly desiring but also commanding that something go well and that you get what you want."

"Very often, prolonged negative feelings arise not so much because of what does happen, but because we torment ourselves needlessly with thoughts of what should, ought to and must happen.

=================

I need some serious fixing of mindset.

Very often you read these articles, recognise the negative traits mentioned within as what you have as well, and agree wholeheartedly that you need to change...

Recognition and admittance of where you need to improve is one thing. It is the deliberate execution and constant reminder to yourself to follow through with the change that is key I suppose.

Interestingly, motherhood has helped in some ways. But I need to do more....

Om Nom Nom?

At this moment...craving for:

- Cheng ting. Cold. 

- Cha soba. Cold.

- Plain prata. With fish curry.

- Tosted white bread. With salted butter. 

- Filet o'fish. 

But too lazy to make any toasted bread or cha soba though I have them at home. 

Hmm....


Update:
K made toasted bread for me in the end hehe. Thank you baby....
But after I had that piece of buttered toast....I was still feeling restless and needing to munch somemore. But it was late already....I ended up just guzzling some milk and then surfing the Net...lol.

I wish!

Wished I looked as glam as these two preggies....

In reality, I think I am more like this.....

Unkempt hair (in all areas)
Be-spectacled.
Protruding belly (and belly-button) which seems to pop out from my home clothes too often for my liking.
Shorts sliding off my bum because the belly is pushing it way down....
Grouchy pimpled face (ok granted the pic above has a smiley face...I couldn't find a grumpy and pimpled cartoon of a pregnant lady lol).
Darkened skin in some areas.
Dark linea nigra appeared a few weeks ago...


Did I just share too much information?
Bah....don't care....already unglam....I can write unglam stuff in here too....

Voila....last 2.5 weeks....

And so, here I am. 36 weeks along.

It is the 7th of September. A Monday.
I am on 2 weeks official medical leave given by my gynae. Thereafter would be the week of the scheduled csec.

Where did all the time go?? I thought I just peed on the stick and saw the positive sign like what.... yesterday??

I do feel like a whale now. A whale with aches and pains. Neck, shoulder, backside, upper arms, lower back, lower calves, groin, fingers.....you name it.

Trying to clear some remnant work items. Trying to relax at home before D-day comes.
Trying to stay upbeat. Trying to not think about things.

I still feel like a first-time mom.
Sheesh. 

Of Little Baby, parenting and.....panting

Little Baby has been cranky of late. The last 3 days at least.

A small thing would trigger her fussiness and crankiness. Case in point: she has several water bottles. Bring her the "wrong one" when she's in one of her moods and you will trigger a partial meltdown, sometimes a full meltdown.

She has also been waking in the middle of the night screaming and kicking. Night terrors at work? Perhaps. Sometimes her eyes are shut. But eventually she will open them and continue with her antics. There was once when she requested for barley water and cheese. At 130am in the morning. Refuse her and she descends even further into her screams and bawls and kicks and what-have-you.

It is rather embarassing too, to know that your child's screams have pierced the otherwise still night. And more likely than not the entire block and the entire neighbouring block is hearing your child scream. At 130am in the morning.

One tough thing about this whole thing is that, she is refusing K at night. She is quick to say "Don't want Dada." And if he still stays within her line of sight, she can't pull herself out of her crying fit. I would then step in and try to defuse the situation. Sometimes I can do it within several minutes and she calms down enough to fall back to sleep. Sometimes it takes much much longer with much more effort..read: maybe an hour or more.

The other tough thing about all this is that, I am tired. Rather tired.

I'm into my 36th week. I feel like a whale.

I huff and puff and pant more than half the time. And then I pant somemore. The insides of my nostrils are getting more swollen, the blood vessels there are getting more swollen. It makes for heavier breathing just to get the same amount of air into my lungs. Hence, the huffing and panting.

I can't sleep well too. When Little Baby woke at 4am last night, she fussed but we were lucky for it was only for a short while. I thought it was good that it was a short episode and that I could probably get back to sleep quickly. I was wrong....I ended up tossing and turning for what seemed like a long time. Coupled with the warm weather and hazy skies...I was mildly irritated. I was half tempted to just pull myself out of bed and clear some remaining office work.

I hope these last 2-3 weeks before Peanut's arrival will be smooth-going.

Jiayou Little Baby.
Jiayou K.
Jiayou me....

Conversations with an almost 23-month old

We were looking through a book of cats. 

Me: Wow, look at the cat! Its tail is so long! Nadya, do you have a tail? 

N: No, no tail, backside only. 

Lol lol lol. 

============

K, Nadya and I were on our bed, just rolling and lazing around when she let out a fart. 

Me: Who farted? (Actually I was speaking to N but K answered)

K: She.

Me (speaking to N): Nadya, who farted?

N: She. 

So yep, she's a parrot these days...lol

....

有些话是空说的吗??

Conversations with an almost 23-month old

Nadya's lately taken to stopping K midway through his singing.
I find it hilarious the way she does it....you have to be there to witness it to know what I mean...
In the meantime, here's the "transcript" lol...


K: *singing*  Hush little baby, don't say a word...Mama's going to buy you a .......
N: *holds up one hand near K's face, palm open, fingers outstretched, arm ramrod straight*
N: Stop! Dada stop! Dada stop sing!

K: errr.....*continues singing*.....buy you a mockingbird...if that mockingbird won't sing.....
N: *more insistent*  Dada STOP! Dada no song. Dada stop sing song!
N: Mama sing! Mama sing song.

K: ok lor...
Me: err...ok...*starts singing the song*

N: *gives a small grunt of approval*  mmm.


And then she settles down on her bed...haha.
So our little girl is now dictating who sings what.....

La Coeur et L'esprit

发觉最近心胸又变得狭窄一些
需常常提醒自己
心胸要懂得放大一点，要学会放宽一点

Go Go Go!

I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. Somehow, when I am going on leave very soon (tomorrow is my last day in office), then important things come in.

My covering officers will have to bear the bulk of the work to be done.

Why do I ask if it is a good or bad thing?

Good because I can "siam".

Bad because...it doesn't reflect that well on me and.....I am donating away some bonus $$ to some of these covering officers lol.

And bad because I have a feeling that even when I am on leave, I will still get calls, texts or emails regarding some of these important issues. 

Oh well...take it as it comes.

我是 superwoman!!
Go Go Go!

Finally

Completed this piece...on hindsight, it seems a little gaudy haha. Maybe I'll tone it down for the next piece. Overall, good effort for a first piece I think!

Ahhhhh...

We finally got ourselves our own balcony table and chairs several weeks ago. 

Am on MC today. Feels good clearing work emails while having breakfast in the balcony. 

A neighbour is playing the piano. Thank you neighbour for providing me with some background music. 

Morning birds are up and about, chirping in the skies and in the trees below. 

The sun is getting stronger though, but some clouds have blocked it so I don't get the brunt of the sun's rays.

Good morning world!

Gambatte Michelle! 

And K, and Nadya and Peanut!