Zoom...no, not the online meeting application.....

 We're through 8 months of 2020 already. 

Like where did all those months go?! Sibei fast this year. And yeah I know I say this every year...but really SIBEI FAST this year....!! 

Itchy bitchy

Woke this morning feeling a little uncomfortable. 

Eyes itchy, nostrils very itchy, face a little itchy, scalp a little itchy, soles of feet a little itchy sometimes as well. Fingers too. 

No rashes, just these little itches. Allergy perhaps. To what? Dust mites? 

When I get this way, sometimes my breathing gets abit heavier. Nevertheless, I'm donning a mask in my own home just in case its due to pollen or whatever might be in the air. Yes, I get sensitive like this from time to time. A little irritating but I live with it. 

Will drink more water to flush out whatever might be in me too. 

Hope this goes away soon....

Breathe In....Breathe Out

God, 

Please grant me 

The full patience needed for dealing with the Coll 

The serenity to accept what cannot be changed 

The courage to change those that I can 

And the wisdom to know the difference

Thank you

Oral care

Oral care these days involves:

• brushing with normal toothbrush
• brushing with interdental brush for the teeth near where both dental procedures were done, and for the harder to reach places
• flossing
• rinsing with saltwater i.e. homemade saline. Around 2-3 times a day
• flushing of the surgery area with a big-ass syringe that has a long a metal tip. 3 or more times a day
• monitoring the surgery area and making sure no food gets caught in the hole that is still there...(dentist said the hole takes 2 months to close up...zzz....)

Jiayou!

sleepy

I knew I didn't wake a single time last night and only woke this morning when K brought Nadya into the room and he went to wash up. So by right, it should have been a good fitful sleep. However, I feel completely otherwise. I feel like I didn't sleep much and am tired and frazzled. I realised when I woke that I had a disturbing dream too, one that left me rattled. Trying not to think about it and trying to focus on work that needs to get done. 

I hope I can "wake" up more by the time my 1115am meeting with the CEO starts....I have another 4pm session with the Ministry folks. And much work today involves alot of thinking, tweaking of processes and policy work...Maybe I should soak myself in a tub of ginko juice or something...or guzzle gingko juice for my brains....

Jiayou Michelle....Ganbatte!!

Woot!

Amidst the recent nervousness and stresses I had...A piece of cheery news just came along...

Can't say much for now...don't wanna jinx anything...

But yeah...:) 

4th for Adrian, 6th for Mum & Dad 

Naggy

Now I know why mothers are naggy...

Nag/remind kids - do work, keep things, pack stuff, go to bed, eat properly, stop shouting....

Nag/remind husband - settled that issue liao bo?

Also have to nag/remind helper to do certain things...

And also nag/remind staff to do stuff....

Restructuring - Kickstarted

 Monday 24 Aug - The Coll announced to her current 3 staff about the restructuring

Tuesday 25 Aug - Boss announced to the whole team

Wednesday 26 Aug - I will have a chat with the 3 staff who will be moving over to my new team

Transition starts now....1 October will be official cut-over for most things...

Big Boss yet to announce to the whole division. 

Not sure if Big Big Boss will need to announce to the whole group. Very likely not since it's not major news and won't affect the rest in the Group anyway. 

Part nervous, part excited. I was quite apprehensive and being worrisome yesterday...to the extent I felt my anxiety symptoms coming back. I got alarmed and took steps to manage myself....

Like what K and Mas say...cross the bridge when it comes...take things in your stride too...when it comes, it comes, just have to handle...try not to worry about things which might or might not even happen...

I am thankful for Mas and ST being around in the new team...I think I will rely on them alot to keep the team running smoothly during the transition period and thereafter.

Onwards and upwards!

我可以的...!

Restructuring. And Other Projects.....

After a 3-months plus delay...things are suddenly moving. Gears are cranking. 

Full Board approval came within 2 days, with no substantive questions and only some reminders and comments. 

Discussion with HR next week on recruitment for new hire already. 

Internal discussions on timelines and transition plans kickstarting in the next few weeks. 

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Many other things happening at the same time. 

Many registrar issues and mass migrations happening. Lots of operational and planning issues. Lots of coordination, administrative and some legalities involved as well. 

International relations project still hitting new things and new obstacles at every turn. Keeping up with the steam. Need to. 

Mind's a little scrambled from the multi-taking. 

But laoniang will survive...and emerge victorious!!!!!

Erm...fingers crossed haha....hanging in there....

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Haven't had much time to pack stuff and tend to the plants...
Hope to do so soon....

Working. On Self.

It may not seem like it.
But I am trying to work on myself everyday. 
Some days more intensely than others. 

It could be a simple innocuous thing like going out for a walk. 
It could be something like setting a goal to spend 20mins each day packing and working to commit to it. 
It could be spending 15mins to stretch and meditate everyday before I sleep. 

But yeah. 
It's a constant work-in-progress.
Hope to learn more along the way.

Crafts. Thoughts. Penmanship.
Cooking. Mindfulness. Leadership.
So many things to learn, improve, enrich.

Onwards and upwards!
Ganbatte! 💪

Bits and Pieces

I don't like the new blogger interface. Less tidy actually.
But oh well. I don't have a choice. They're only supporting the old interface till end August I think. 

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White hairs are more and more noticeable these days. 
Maybe I'm home everyday now and I get the chance to stare in the mirror more often. 
But still...even my baby hairs are now turning white...

Nooooo.........:(

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It is strange...conversations these days with family, friends and even K mainly revolve around kids, health and work. 

When we talk about health, it almost always ends up being about eyes and lao hua (long-sightedness) or lasik....of aches and pains, especially in the neck and back....of declining stamina and attempting to get back to some shape after childbirth.....of trying to eat healthier stuff.....of trying to lose weight (though it's trying to put on weight for me haha).....of wondering why we are tired....of a lack of sleep....

When we talk about work....it's mainly about being in middle management now and either moving up or getting overlooked (and hence getting pissed over it)....about self-consciousness and insecurities about one's own capabilities....of feeling fatigue in work and trying to keep up with the motivation....and of juggling work, family, kids, and self......

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Need to remember to committ 20-30mins today to clear/pack one shelf. I remembed yesterday morning...but as the workday wore on and I got distracted by things.....I forgot to pack. 

A little challenging to stick to this commitment haha. 

Daydreaming

How nice it would be to have 2 or 3 weeks' off. 

K and I in a fully stocked and equipped campervan/trailer. Maybe travelling along a coastline somewhere. Parked by the beach for a few days at a time. Cooking our meals in small portable pots and stoves. Simple stews, simple grills and BBQs. Waking up to sunrises and watching sunsets. Listening to the seawaves. Sunbathing. Enjoying the seabreeze. Sitting on foldable nylon/wired chairs. Cooking, chatting, stoning. 

With books and some WIFI. Clearing our minds and our thoughts. Unwinding with nary a care in the world. 

Ok lah, we go rent one campervan (are there any such stuff in SG?) Park ourselves at erm....Labrador Park or ECP for 2D1N and erm camp there. LOL. 

The house

I was reading a book and it touched on one common source of stress and unhappiness - the house. 

Yup, the constant state of clutter and messiness, especially in certain parts of the house does bring me stress and unhappiness. It makes me mangzang. Frazzled. 

I agree with the author though, that things cannot be changed in one sitting or in a day or two. Because things are constantly moving, things are fluid and constantly changing too. We have to accept that. 

Perhaps a better way to manage oneself would be to accept this fact and accept that the house will always in a constant state of “work in progress”.

I set myself a small target 2-3 weeks ago. Instead of trying to change or pack or clean everything in the house at one go and lacking the energy, time and will to do it, I’ll set aside 20-30mins each day to clear/clean/pack/declutter one area. Just 20-30mins each day should hopefully be quite achievable right?

It was working well till I had my wisdom tooth procedure. Slacked off for a week and picked it up again this morning. Spent an hour clearing an area of the girls’ stuff. 

While I was happy that I threw junk away and cleaned up 2 drawers and part of a shelf, I was also a little irked and irritable. Because I was thinking to myself that the helper didn’t do a good job at cleaning. Layers of dust were clearly visible on those drawers. What the hell has she been doing? 

Do I really need to be so specific to her and remind her all the time to do this, do that, clean here, clean there? Hmm...

For now, I’ll try to chill abit before talking to her about things. Don’t want to end up flaring up. 

Reminder to Self

You are enough.

You are already doing it.

You are brave and strong.

You can do it.

Yes you can. 

simple joy

 The feeling you get, when your kid likes the food you cook and asks for second and third helpings...:)

*beams*

Work Restructuring

Restructuring will be coming in a few months.  

I'll be leading a new team that is really a consolidation of 2 existing teams together into one bigger team. 3 existing headcounts + 1 new hire. I'm happy with a small team. Dynamics easier to handle. It helps that there are at least 2 people in the team I trust. I hope to get a good person in for the new hire as well, my replacement really, just pegged at a more junior grade. 

Part excited. New challenge to see how to improve or move forward existing workflows and tasks. And how to handle new arrows coming our way. A consolidation like this of 2 teams has never been done in the unit's 20+ years of existence. 

Part nervous. Hope I am up to it. It will likely be an all-female team. Hope I can handle all the emotions lol. (It is true, more ladies in a team = more drama). I know too that there are cans of worms here and there. I just hope the cans are small, tiny, shallow ones. A very close colleague will end up reporting to me. I hope our relationship doesn't change too much. With our chemistry and understanding of each other, who knows, maybe we can get changes and improvements smoothly implemented. 

Part wary. Taking over The Coll's portfolio actually. Yeah, I've not mentioned The Coll in here for quite some time. But yes, I told my boss that if she "choot pattern" and is uncooperative and not open to sharing information about current or past processes and handling of tasks, he needs to step in. He gave me his assurance and also intends to personally get involved in the whole transition. Which is good. 

It'll be a learning journey starting in a few months' time right through till next year...
So on the workfront, I think my tasks and aims are more or less set in a certain direction already...
I hope I grow well in this journey...

Work

I'm mostly ok with the work I am doing. Some parts are more enjoyable than others. 

But in the recent one year plus, I've been feeling a little frustrated about things. In local parlance...I think the word "xian" is apt enough. 

I guess it's because of how some of these issues have become long-drawn. Very long-drawn. Through circumstances I cannot control. 

• Issue #1 is a policy issue which had to go all the way up to the Minister. It's a long standing issue which by right could have been cleared easily but noooo....it's been dragged on since Jan 2018. And through that...I had to ensure a Minister change (which means re-briefing everything right from scratch)....and now I kena a CEO change (yes, which means yet another re-briefing from scratch). This issue is coming to 3 years. zzzzzzzzzzzzz. 
• Issue #2 is an international relations issue...one that has dragged on for more than a year and which was started by someone else who has since left. For some reason now laoniang is holding this baby... And I've gone through 2 big meetings with the old CEO and management just to push this thing through....and now yes, CEO changed so yes rebriefing again...This project has also had obstacles at almost every turn of the way. Praying this will clear up and get settled soon. Many many redtape involved to the point I feel like puking sometimes. The tons of files and links I have to go through sometimes and I still don't understand some of the processes or can't find what I want. 
• Issue #3 is an industry relations issue. Partner management if you may. Channel management too. Operational too. Some partners have been giving me issues since 3 years back. And we are still trying to solve some of these bit by bit. Other partners have been giving me headache since a year back. And we are still trying to solve these slowly here and there too. 

Restructuring is coming in the next few months. Part excited, part nervous, part oh I dunno...!

Plants

Airplant Tally to Date

1. 1 Xerographica
2. 2 Ionantha
3. 2 Druid
4. 1 Spanish Moss
5. 1 Brachychaulos (or at least I think it's a Brachychaulos)
6. 3 Caput Medusae!

Total = 10. Crowding out my balcony table liao...hmm...

Really love how my very first caput medusae is turning out...it's leaves are getting longer and starting to curl and twist quite abit. Guess the fresh air and natural light is doing it alot of good. :)

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Water Plum

Leaves turning yellow again...I don't know why. Is this a cycle it goes through? But so often? Turning yellow means they start dropping off too...and now it looks like it's getting a quite sparse and bald again. :( 

Fingers crossed that it holds out and sprouts new shoots/leaves/buds again. 

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Butterfly Pea

The cuttings are doing ok, though a small branch had its leave drying out and falling off over the last few days. While they're doing ok and somewhat surviving, they are not thriving either. I don't think there's any new shoots or leaves coming out...

Seeds that I planted a month back....only one sprouted. I think I planted at least 6 to 8? 

Ego Booster

Close colleague had a call with the boss yesterday afternoon. He shared with her on the upcoming restructuring and that she'll be reporting to me thereafter. 

Apparently he shared some good stuff about me too. Something along the lines of him having learnt alot of things from me and he is still learning. And that I'm organised and good in English lol...

Oh well, we learn from each other lah...I've learnt various stuff from him too! Both work and non-work stuff. And I've also learnt (and am still learning) things from junior staff as well...doesn't mean they are my juniors means I can't or won't learn from them....

p/s: My English isn't very tok-kong or what. Just so happened that I have a slightly better grasp of grammar than my team-mates...so it makes it seem like I'm very good WAHAHHAHA...

Onwards and upwards!

长大了

 Voila.

Nadya's two front teeth just dropped off at her student care centre. One while she was having lunch, and the other one after lunch. They were already hanging precariously from her gums last evening. And she ended up eating some of my porridge instead. I had to cut up all her food into tiny pieces because she couldn't really bite into them....

Abit early for her to be singing "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" though...

But still in time for..."All I Want For My Birthday is My Two Front Teeth" lol....

Yay, she's front-tooth-less like her cousin Caelee now haha...

p/s: I lost 2 teeth last week...and a week later now....It's Nadya's turn lol...

Wisdom no more?

6 Aug 20

I went to remove 2 wisdom teeth at CGH. Upper left one was done by extraction and bottom left was removed through dental surgery. 

It was slightly scary sitting in that chair and having my whole face covered up with surgical cloth, save for the mouth area. Strangely, I wasn't afraid of the LA injection they gave, 5 in total and 1 more in the midst of the surgery itself for I still felt some pain. The nurse said that was the most painful/scary part. I beg to differ lol. 

What was really scary was when the surgeon took out the drill and started drilling my tooth to break it down into smaller pieces. The sound of the drill in your mouth was deafening and I remember thinking I hope he has steady hands and won't accidentally drill my tongue or gum...It was also somewhat scary when he was cracking that tooth into pieces (you could hear audible cracking sounds) and then trying to pry the pieces out. Oh yes tasting the bitter coppery taste of your blood in your mouth is pretty scary as well. 

I was tense and halfway through the procedures, I realised I was relying on 2 coping mechanisms. One was to replay continuously in my head...visions of the girls saying "Mama you are brave and strong. You can do it! Yeah!" And the other was to pinch my left hand. 

It speaks volumes when they give you antibiotics for a 5-day course....but painkillers for a 7-day course. I took painkillers for 1.5 days but I think it was highly unsuitable for me. I felt groggy nauseated and disoriented and even had fainting spells on 2 occasions. Skipped the painkillers altogether and went without. The pain and discomfort was still bearable. Took me another 1.5 days at least to not feel groggy anymore. 

Anyway, it's Day 5 after the procedures. 

Laoniang is still eating porridge and soft foods for every meal, including soaking bread/biscuits in milo or honey. The swelling has gone down alot though there is still some residual swelling. I've finished my course of antibiotics already. I'm still rinsing my mouth with medicated mouthwash 4 times a day. I still can't lie on my left cheek. I still can't laugh too much or smile too widely. There are times when I turn my neck to the right too quickly and my left neck/jaw area hurts. I still can't wash or dry the left side of my face too vigorously. Lower left jaw still aches when I swallow anything, even my saliva. 

Hoping I will recover soon and quickly. Jiayou Michelle!

Looking forward to eating proper food again....I jio-ed K for an Astons lunch date when I've recovered. I want beef. 

427

Getting emo again over the sale of the house that I grew up in.

Things are moving fast. Too fast.
Option, option exercise. All done.
Tearing down, removal and disposal of furniture all done.

Window panes fixed to meet HDB's mandatory requriements.
HDB inspection done.
Now the buyer is getting approval for early renovation permit.


Trying not to think too much or remininisce too much.

The sentimental and emotional side of me is coming out strong again after lying low for several weeks.

I feel like I need a good good cry to flush it out of my system.

Jiayou Michelle.
Move on.
Your parents have.

Xerographica

The Xero is doing good.
I guess it was cooped up and kept in a ball at the store for a period of time and it's leaves were set in a certain way.

It's been here for 2 weeks and its leaves have loosened up in the fresh air and natural light. I see a hint of some curls starting to form. And the leaves have stretched out abit more compared to when I first got it.

I've more or less completed cleaning its leaves. There was somehow bits of dust and some soil (?) in between its leaves and while I'd cleaned most of them out on the day I brought it home, there was still some dirt stuck in deeper crevices. Had to use a cotton bud yesterday.

Hope it grows more.
Hope I can find a better place to eventually hang it up too. I believe when its hung up, its leaves will grow longer and curl even more....

early morning thoughts

忍一时风平浪静，退一步海阔天空

这算是doormat的行为吗？
还是宽宏大量？
还是以大局为主？

退太多会不会令对方不知不觉的残生得寸进尺(或为非作歹...? ok this is an exaggeration)的行为？

在工作上
在私人生活上
在家庭中

hmm...

learning...still learning

Be patient when dealing with some junior staff. While they may be older than you in age, you are much more senior in designation. Due to age and a certain mindset hat has been honed over many years, some may be more stubborn or have a "fixed" way of doing things or have a certain "attitude".

Be patient.
Be mindful.
Be aware.
Be respectful.

But.

Still BE FIRM and assertive when needed.

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Trying my best not to flare up at a certain older staff member who tests my patience from time to time. I admit that I do have some bias against her. I am aware, which is why I am consciously working on it.  I am also conscious of it when I am dealing with her and will remind myself.

Also trying to come to terms with it that....some time in the next 6 months...she will be reporting to me when I take on another portfolio within the team....