Maryann

And so in a blink of an eye, 4 years has passed. 

Maryann first arrived at my inlaws' place in July 2013. Just 3 months later Nadya was born and poor Maryann had to assist the confinement nanny in the kitchen. That nanny was apparently a messy one and messed up the kitchen quite badly. 

When we shifted out of my inlaws place, Maryann was still around. Nadya was only 9mhs old then. 

She stayed for a total of 2 years at my inlaws' place and when my MIL didn't renew her contract, we decided to hire her instead. Especially since Alyssa was on the way at that point in time. 

She joined us in our home in June 2015, 4 months before Alyssa was born. I was still Alyssa's main caregiver in the initial months but after I went back to work, I left the nightly duties of caring for Alyssa to Maryann. I couldn't handle 2 kids at night. And both my kids happen to be milk guzzlers. They'd wake in the middle of the night asking for milk. 

In a blink of an eye, another 2 years has passed. 

This time round, it was she who didn't want to renew the contract. Maybe she was tired of the interrupted nights, maybe she missed her own 6 kids back home. Maybe she really wanted to go home for good.

Maryann just left the home at 1030pm. K fetched her to the airport for her 1am flight. She cried before she left, as she stood in Alyssa's dark room looking over the sleeping little girl. She gave her a kiss goodbye. She then went over to my room to give the sleeping Nadya a kiss goodbye as well.

It was a dramatic farewell. The skies opened up and poured the moment she left the house and brought all her luggage with her. 

"Take care madam. Thank you for everything."

I could only smile and nod. I'm bad at such farewells. I don't know what to say. But in my heart, I was saying "Thank you too. Thank you for helping us so much. I think you'll miss Alyssa a lot. She will miss you a lot too."

We promised to send pictures to each other either through Whatsapp or Facebook messenger. (Thank god for technology these days)

I think I'll miss Maryann. She's the only helper who has seen me pregnant and give birth to both my girls. She's the only one so far who has watched both girls grow up till now and who knows their likes and food preferences. She's the only one I trust leaving Alyssa at home with. I hope the new helper (incidentally named Hope) will be as good a help as Maryann was. 

I wish Maryann well and hope that her business plans and ideas do come into fruition when she settles back down in the Philippines. 

Take care Maryann. Maybe we'll see each other again someday. 

The Coll again....yes, I'm ranting.

I've come to realise some of Coll the Troll's strategies for survival in the workplace.

• bully the weaker
• if can siam, then siam
• just keep saying "I'm very busy"
• just keep saying "I don't know how to do" 
• if it's a strong arrow, initial effort is still to find excuses to siam first. Failing which, then reluctantly acquiesce 

I'm fair. She's not entirely without merit. She can work well if she wants to. She has some substance as well. But her EQ and teamwork is like f**k.

FFS, you're Grade 12. You're an Executive Manager. Please justify your grade can?

The Coll

Throwing your team-mate under the bus is not cool. 

Throwing your team-mate under the bus for an issue that you clearly know is not her area but yours, is downright dirty.

I'm cold, tired and still feeling unwell. And that's why I won't waste my energy fuming over your actions. 

Anyone could tell you were pulling a fast one. Even the boss. I'll leave it at that. 

You tried chatting with me after the team meeting. I only accorded you the barest courtesy I could muster up at that point, which manifested as "mm-s" and "hmm-s". 

My conscience is clear. And I know I'm a team-player. You're clearly not.

Monday Morning

Missing the girls terribly.

I miss hugging them.
I miss hearing Alyssa's happy, infectious laughter.
I miss hearing Nadya's maniacal giggles.
I miss the feeling of Alyssa patting my arm or shoulder when I'm carrying her.
I miss the feeling of Nadya's twiddling with my fingers.

I miss making milk and honey for Nadya.
I miss getting cheese for Alyssa.

I miss the pitter patter of their feet on our marble floor.

9 more hours till I see them again.

I don't miss their squabbles though. :)

Something strange

There was a strange blip in the blog stats.

From the period of mid April till 18 May, there were multiple views of my blogposts. Which is erm...actually quite unsettling. Cos who reads this blog these days anyway???

Traffic source was from some URL based in the US. Each blog post during that period averaged between 30 to 45 views. Which is unprecedented. Which is also why I feel unsettled about it.

Anyway, things seem to have tapered back down to normal already for the last few days.

Countdown

Last 3 days of current helper being around. 

I think I'll miss her somewhat. We've established a rough understanding of each other, after having known each other for 4 years and since I became her employer 2 years back. 

I hope the younger girl takes her departure in stride. Fingers crossed. 

I've pre-empted the older girl already but anyway, she's not as close to the helper as the younger one is. 

See how it goes....

Toes crossed too.

Ganbatte!

It's been an expensive 1-2weeks, what with the 2 girls taking turns to be unwell. My pockets are crying...

I've had to rush between home and office or between office and my inlaw's place or between their school and office. Nadya's mega tantrums on some mornings has made me need to grab a cab to go to work. Most times I need to take a cab during peak hours and the surcharges can amount to much. A trip from home to office is easily $22-24 in the mornings.

PD fees are mad-ex too. $220 for Nadya's visit to the clinic that day. (0_0)
That's around how much I spend on my lunch at work in an entire month!

My self-dev goals for the month of May is kaput. Patience and Posture was the focus for May.
With all the rush and work piling up and taking care of the girls...and the barebone sleep that I get (or sometimes don't even get), my patience has gone downhill pretty much. And I couldn't focus on getting my posture right too....that ache in my right neck/shoulder area is still present too.....

June is coming. May June be a smoother, less challenging and more peaceful month!
Ganbatte!

-_-

Even cleaners play rank.

The auntie came by our cubicles this morning. She cheerily said "老板娘,早安!" to The Coll who is sitting next to me. And then she just walked straight past me.

Fine. The Coll is a rank higher than me. But 不需要这样, right?

Chey.

Breathe

When the stars align, sometimes things all start happening at the same time...

Board meeting next week, other work piling up, Alyssa is only just about recovering, school just called to say that Nadya is having fever, current helper leaving next week, new helper coming this weekend or next Monday...

Transitions, cranky kids, work....

Ganbatte...

Childcare leave today

Happiness is going for a quick trip to Bedok Mall, and having a quick lunch with your parents who swung by from Tampines just to meet up with you and your baby girl, and managing to complete 2 other errands....

......and then reaching home on time to feed your baby her next dose of medication, before letting her have her milk and much-needed nap.......

....all within a 1h45min timeframe....

Steady. :)

Now that Peanut's sleeping.....

Time to clear some work.

Jiayou!

Working Mum

I'm a working mother, with more priority placed on family than on work.

And so...

This afternoon, I'll need to leave my boss in the lurch and miss out on a discussion with the new CEO of the company.

Because I need to go to a Mother's Day celebration party at my eldest's school.

Mei Mei is sick

Alyssa is having fever and is at home now with our helper Maryann.

Apparently, she has been calling for Mama, Dada, Nana (Nadya) since we left home this morning...

:(

Feeling sad now.

Body at work but heart and mind at home.....

Will quickly finish up and then leave at 12-plus to go home.

Hang in there Meimei...Mama will be home in 3 hours...

Wah BEEZEE!

Sometimes when things happen, they happen all at the same time.

Suddenly, work is piling up bit by bit.
Suddenly, various folks are trying to arrange lunches with me.
Suddenly, old hostel friends are appearing and wanting to meet up.
Suddenly, the girls' activities in school that require parent participation are increasing.
Suddenly, family engagements are increasing too.
Suddenly, I realised that I have 4 to 5 separate medical appointments and check-ups within the last 2 weeks of June alone.

How come ah?
Macham the stars aligned or something? Haha....

I think my self-dev plans for May and June may not materialise....

Wrap Wrap

Discovered a new recipe of sorts.

Grab a wrap
Throw a slice of ham on it
Throw some mozzarella cheese
Crack an egg into the centre of the pile
Throw more cheese
Season with salt and pepper if needed
Wrap the wrap up
Bundle it all into aluminium foil

Bake it at 180C for 20-25mins

Voila!

Did it for my lunch last Friday....turned out pretty alright. :)

Mother's Day

It's the last 30mins of Mother's Day 2017.

I'm sitting in the dark. Nadya is sleeping below me on a mattress on the floor. Alyssa is also snoozing in her room.

I still sometimes stare in wonder at the 2 girls.

I am a mother. I am their mother. They came from me. How did K and I create these little humans? How did these little people come from my tummy? How did time fly so fast that Alyssa is already 20mths old and Nadya 3yrs 7mths old?

To witness them growing each day and getting more aware of their surroundings and other things makes me feel somewhat honoured and humbled.

Thank you sweeties, for choosing me to be your mama.

I love you.
And Happy Mother's Day to me.


Nadya made this card in school.

一连串

Saw the dentist this afternoon for an inflamed gum and inner cheek.

Had dinner. Then saw the GP for a burst eye vessel that just happened after lunch this afternoon. Left eye. 

What is happening....:( 

Peanut's speech

She understands quite alot of words now and is attempting to communicate more with words too.

This was her list of words about 2-3 weeks ago....

• dog 
• shoe
• wear
• where
• open (she says "apom")
• apple (she says "apul")
• fish (she can finally make the "f" sound! And now she says "fish" as "fees")
• dada
• mama
• chieh chieh
• auntie
• cheese
• hi
• bye bye

And now, she's started on the below words as well.....

• hand (uses this when she wants to hold hands)
• wash hand
• i want (she learnt this from her older sis haha)
• there
• tissue (she says "shoe") 
• no (one of her favourite words)
• pear (her current fav fruit)
• please (she says "peesh")
• escalator (she says "esh-ker") 
• bag
• owl (one of her fav words too) 

And she's now saying the last word of various sentences of the following songs :)

• The Alphabet Song - I'll go "l, m, n, o...." and then she'll say "p". :) Or I'll go "now I know my ABCs, next time you can sing with....." and then she'll say "me".
• Twinkle Twinkle Little Star - she says the "star", the "high" and the "are"
• Chinese song 两个小娃娃
• Snow White's Heigh-Ho
• some other songs that I can't recall offhand :) 

Childcare is really making her speak much more. 

Jiemei

May these two grow closer and stay close forever!

Father-Son Bonding

Dad and Adrian are in England now. 

It took Adrian years to convince my Dad to travel with him to see Anfield. Really. I think it was a good 5 years maybe? Anyway, Dad finally agreed to go and so off they went, on 2 May. 

Dad's 75 this year so Mum and I were a tad worried about his health and how the long flights were gonna be for him. Luckily, Adrian had more than enough air miles to get Business Class seats for the both of them. Or maybe he had to top it up in cash, I'm not sure. 

They made their way around Manchester over the last few days and took a train earlier today to go to Liverpool. 

It's 11pm SG time on 5 May now. Should be around 4pm London time. Adrian just whatsapped us a photo of them. They've finally reached Anfield! 

The two of them are so excited haha. It really warms my heart just looking at the photo. I'm really glad Dad went on this mini adventure with Adrian. Creating memories is always great! What more with your own son. :) 

YNWA! The two excited boys!

Office Frolicks

For some reason, someone suddenly shared a piece of office gossip with me out of the blue.

About a 40-something year old lady colleague on the same floor who was having illicit relations with up to 2 other 50-something year old male colleagues, who are also on the same floor.

Scandalous, yes.

But not enough to make my jaw drop.
Anyway, it was something I didn't want to know also.... (0_0)

Errmmm.....eeeww.

330am

I don't think I've slept since 2am?

By now, the tears have dropped.

The older girl is still whining and asking for various things. I probably shouldn't have cried in front of her but I couldn't help it.

Small one just drank and hopefully will sleep till 7am.

One can always wish and hope right?
At the rate this goes, older one will be cranky in the morning.

3am

Very tired. Lost track of the number of times I've woken up since 1030pm. 

Frustrated. Tears are forming.

Stuffed nose. Sore throat. And I just had a nosebleed.

I need to settle Board paper submissions tomorrow. Amongst other stuff.

Yes I know I'm not the only mother who has 2 kids and who is having a severe lack of sleep. And yes I know, I do have a helper. But I just need my space to air my complaints, bitching and whining or whatever you call it.

So whoever tells me to "suck it up", just shut it ok.

Errrrr...?

I'm perplexed.

I'm a Senior Manager. You're an SM too.

Why are you asking me how to handle this aspect of your project ah? You set the deadline for our partners....you decide lah how you want to manage them to solicit responses....If you need my help because the partners know me better, sure, I can help you ping them. But why look to me for simple things like whether to send them a reminder email?

Big question mark.

Drip Drop

Feel a little like crying now.

But.

There are things to be done.

And into work I shall dive.

The tears can wait.

Till a more opportune time.

Sleep

The 2 girls slept together last night. My second attempt at putting them together before the current helper leaves for good and the new one comes. 

It was a better attempt compared to the previous time. At least, there were no major screamfests. But the both of them were bad sleepers last night. Each tossed and turned like nobody's business and the small one did a 270 degree rotation to and fro over the course of the night. She would have done a full 360 if not for a bolster blocking her path. She even somehow managed to travel up and down the mattress. 

This mom here was relegated to a tiny strip of property at the foot of both mattresses. Just enough for me to lie straight in my back. 

Zzzzz...verdict? Good try. Hope it gets better.

But I woke so many times I lost count. It's a busier period for me at work. I hope I can tahan...

I feel the onset of a sore throat plus cough creeping in. Jiayou!!!

Annual Performance Appraisal

So I just had a session with my boss. It ended in an hour. His sessions with the other team leads took an average of 1.5 hrs each. Should I be happy or worried? Lol....

Anyway, things sounded pretty positive. He said I was dependable. And when I asked whether there were any areas that I should improve on, in terms of work or character or attitude, he said he couldn't think of any. Woot! I told him I would take that as a positive thing haha.

We discussed possibilities for a job rotation. Either that or a job expansion so that I could develop further. (I told him I was somewhat stagnant). If it were a job rotation, it wouldn't be this year. But it could be next year.

We'll see.....we'll see...how it all goes...

p/s: Besides myself, there are another 3 team leads. Although he did not name names, during our chat, he referred to them as (1) the one that talks alot but either did not deliver or delivered late, (2) the one who thinks he knows alot and is very good but is actually so-so and (3) the one that is very smart but often offends others and EQ needs working on. I had no problems guessing who each one was. It was quite funny....not I'm not sure if he should have referred to them in this manner. I appreciate his candid-ness though haha.

Last Friday 28 April 2017

Attended Mrs Lim's funeral last Friday afternoon at Mandai Crematorium.

My ex-boss is a diminutive guy, only slightly taller than me, and very slim, with a penchant for baggy shirts that make him seem even smaller in size. Seeing him so distraught made us pretty upset too....

He broke down, cried and wailed when her coffin was sent to the cremation chambers. I've never seen him like this. He was heartbroken. Shattered. He shouted. He sobbed. He said in between heaving cries: "Wait for me. Why did you go so early? Wait for me."

I teared. The 5 of us from the team who were there, including my current boss, teared. I believe the guys did too as I heard some sniffles and throat-clearing.

He was distraught. I hope, I truly hope that he feels slightly better today...
It will take time for him to grieve. But I hope he also takes comfort knowing that she is no longer suffering and is in the arms of the Lord now. No more chemo, no more operations, no more tubes and needles for her.

I'm bad with words and I don't know how to comfort him though I want to.
I did not speak with him that day. I didn't want to interrupt his time alone with his sons.

I hope he heals soon...