Meh Day

Not feeling too good today. :( And I'm not sure why. Quite stoned, quite "seh", a little breathless, a little nauseous. Eyes are feeling awfully dry and "siap" since morning as well. 

May God bless me and keep me healthy so that I can look after the little girl....

Breathe

I'm not a patient person. That's why I'm not that good with kids. With my own child, I am learning to stretch my patience more. On some days though, my limits are tested thoroughly and I start to lose my last shreds of patience. This afternoon happens to be one of such days.

Sigh.

Learning and cultivating greater patience.

May my threshold be raised to much higher levels. 

Ohm.

Metamorphosis. Post-partum - III

And so I was praised by the relatives for losing quite abit of my pregnancy weight fast (when I saw them during the Christmas celebrations). That certainly put a huge grin on my face. :D

But then again...festivities usually involve ingesting lots of good food and the waistline usually suffers as a result. 

- Put back several hundred grams of weight over the last few days. Tummy area seems more bloated again. Part of the mind is horrified but the other part says "To heck with it! Eat! It's the festive season!" Oh well, it's always a dilemma.

- Skin discolourations are getting slightly lighter. Just a little. It could be back to normal at a faster rate but I am not complaining. As long as those areas get lighter...

- Dark eye circles are permanently etched  on my face liao. Fml. 

- Hair is really starting to fall out already. When I shampoo my head, strands of my hair end up entwined between my fingers. Sobs.

- Itchy face has improved somewhat because I started using the medicated face wash again. 

- Feet have grown bigger by a size! I used to wear size 37 and last week when I bought shoes, I had to get size 38s. Bunion on my right foot seems to be getting bigger too hmm.

Little fashionista

Little Baby has received her Christmas presents. And wow, coupled with whatever we received for her birth and manyue, we won't need to buy anymore clothes for the next few months. We have enough stock on hand to last her till she turns 6-7monhs I think.

Burgeoning wardrobe.

I am beginning to lose track of what clothes she owns and what sizes they are. 

But I know for sure that she has at least 20 pairs of socks that can last her till she is 9months or even a year old. Gosh. 

Her wardrobe's getting to be more fantastic than mine man...

圣诞节

It is Little Baby's first Christmas.

Merry Christmas Little Baby!

May this Yuletide season bring you much happiness and joy. Stay blessed, healthy and happy always. 

Daddy and Mummy love you.

Muacks!

That mop of hair

That mop of hair on Little Baby's head has been a conversation opener since the day she was born. Nurses, doctors, relatives, friends, strangers. Men and women alike. The first thing they say when they see her is "Wah, a lot of hair!"

Vanity

The mop is growing longer with each passing day. As with any female parent, when your daughter's hair grows longer, your hands will start to itch to do something to it. I finally bought hairclips for her that day. I bought some cutesy hair ties too but those will be used only when she's older and when the mop gets even longer. Verdict? I love the clip in her hair haha. The picture doesn't do justice though, she was fidgeting and that was the best pic I could take of her when she had on her hairclip.

Wolverina

If there ever was a female version of the Wolverine character, she would qualify for it given the stubborn waves and curls in her hair. The ones just above her left ear seem to be particularly stubborn and curl out in huge waves. On some days, the way her hair curls totally reminds me of Wolverine's hairstyle in the X-men movies.

Afro

I get tickled (figuratively) everyday when I bathe her. Just because her hair gets so frizzy and curly when it's wet. And here's a photo of her getting gloriously upset because she was just taken out of her warm bath.

Fuzzy

And...I get tickled (literally) when I carry her upright with her head on my chest. Her hair brushing the underside of your chin and your neck can be quite ticklish haha. 

P/s: typing this post took me two days!

December

I've always liked December, mainly because of Christmas and of the cooler weather. I think I like December even more so now because...the little girl seems to sleep better (at least for the past week or so)

And I attribute this to:

- the cooler weather

- the neighbours' dogs being quieter since there are lesser passers-by due to the rain

- lesser traffic noise due to vehicles travelling slower because of the wet roads 

- December is simply an awesome month 

P/s: October is an awesome month too since both hers and my birthdays fall in that month. :) 

Sorry K darling, April is awesome too, but still less so than October. 

Thankful

It's been 2 and a half months. Interestingly, I still find myself staring at Little Baby and wondering with amazement how on earth did this cute little precious creature come from within me?

Frenchies' Xmas Gathering 2013

Didn't manage to take a group photo this time round because several folks came at different times. But I am still happy we saw all of them. And I'm thankful we're a tight group who get along pretty well with each other. 

Time flies and it's been 6.5 years since we've known each other. Here's to many more years to come! 

This was the only photo I managed to take of the gathering especially since my hands were occupied with food or milk or Little Baby most of the time. :) It's a seafood linguini dish from Modestos.

Little Baby and Basketball

Me: Do you think Little Baby will be a good basketball player next time?

K: Har? Abit too early to tell right? She can't even walk yet.

Me: I think she will be a good basketball player.

K: Why?

Me: Because she is already dribbling a lot when she drinks milk. 

K: -_-"

Me: hahahahaha

K: -_-"

Not funny meh? I thought I was quite witty to have come up with this joke. :D

Liberation

3hours spent alone in a shopping mall, out of which 1h 15mins was spent in a salon. So in 1h 45mins...I somehow managed to buy....

- 3 pairs of shoes

- 2 boxers

- 1 top

- 2 phone covers 

- 3 chicken pies 

- Groceries (4 cup noodles, 2 packets of yogurt, 1 pack of biscuits) 

- Hairclips and rubber bands for myself and the little girl 

Wah I've never been so efficient and so quick to spend money before! Lol look what 2 months of staying at home without any "shopping for myself" time can do to you. 

Say cheese!

After a very trying day on Tuesday, the little girl was in a pretty good mood on Wednesday. And for the first time ever, she gave a little shriek when she smiled/laughed. It was also the first time ever that she smiled so much in a single day!

Feeling domesticated

Rolling up cotton balls to clean Little Baby's backside with. 

Heh

One of the positive things about being on maternity leave during December is that you check your bank account and there it is, your pay is nicely credited into your account. Together with your year-end bonus. Without you doing actual office work. 

*beams*

Zzzzzz

It has been a trying day. Physically and mentally. Drained. Signing out.

Metamorphosis. Post-partum - II

Oh...the darnest things!

- Chest has gone back to its original state (read: size) now that I am no longer breastfeeding. Darn.

- Hairfall seems to be starting a little. Darn.

- Skin has started itching. Started from the face and now my limbs as well. Don't know why. Darn.

- I still cannot wear my wedding ring!! Darn.

- I discovered varicose veins on my right ankle. A bunch of ugly red and purple meandering lines, not protruding though. Darn. 

-  Eyes are still not used to wearing contacts for long. Max I can tahan is 6-8 hours. 

- The tummy seems to have gone down just a teeny bit but it is STILL present and is still as wobbly as ever. I can still squeeze into some existing clothes but they make me look like a muffin-top. I haven't had the guts to try my skinnies yet. Darn.

3-4 more kg to go. Ganbatte!

(Oh but darn, I just gorged on Ben & Jerries chocolate ice-cream last evening.)

The Duckies

For the first time in 2 whole months, I had a "day off" and went out on my own for a few hours to meet up with the Duckies. 

I didn't manage to speak much with them during Little Baby's manyue celebration and was glad to meet up with them this time round. Loads of laughter, nonsense and general talk with an Xmas gift exchange thrown in for good measure. 

It felt good to be able to chill in Selin's new place too. (I love the way they did up their new home!) Things were at our own time and target and at the decibel levels we chose. (Most of the time we get too loud for establishments and get stares from neighboring tables lol.)

10years on. 

Here's to many more years of friendship! 

Unhappy

Y: Don't break her spirit!!

The moment that statement was uttered, I felt anger. All I could think of was "what the fuck?" and "what the hell are you trying to say?". 

Rage and that bitter feeling of unjustice came on later. To the extent that the floodgates opened. Rage boileth over. 

Ascertain what is going on before you accuse people of things and before you jump to a conclusion. 

We all want the best for the girl. What gives you the right to say (no, shout) something like that to us? We're the parents. Do you think we would intentionally want to inflict suffering on her? I carried her inside me for 9-over months. I was cut open so that she could be brought into this world. What gives you the right to utter something like that to us?

I naively thought that sleep would bring me more calmness and that I could write off the incident as another silly thing in my little black book. 

Hell no. It's 150am in the morning. I am awake and I am still feeling the anger and resentment. This is not good. This is not healthy. The floodgates have opened slightly again. 

It's been a long time since my emotions have been stretched this way. A rubber band still has a limit to its elasticity.

God, I seriously implore you, grant me more patience, more peace, more calmness and more level-headed-ness to deal with all these. 

Keeping my head above the water. Just barely. I hope I can remain calm enough to take care of the little girl and that she won't pick up too much on my (frazzled) emotions. 

My dear blog

I need to apologise to you my dear blog, my friend and listening ear for the last 8 years....

I've been ranting non-stop for the last 2 months. So sorry about it...

But you're the only one who I can "talk" to during the day when K is not around.

Thank you for being there all these years...You have provided me with much appreciated companionship.

Sigh (III)

Epic. Conversation this morning.

Me: She wants to sleep.
Y: Ok, I carry her for awhile and put her to sleep. 

minutes later...

Me: *sees that Y keeps talking and having a long-winded monologue with the baby*
Me: Are you putting her to sleep?
Y: No. Her eyes are open.
Me: Of course lah. You keep talking to her!!
Y: *finally shuts up*


Wah lau.

Sigh (II)

Which part of the sentence "She is very tired and needs to sleep." do you both not understand?????????

Must wait until she starts being very agitated and very cranky then you all get the message issit??

I already told you! I know her signs and I already told you so.

And you still want to talk and play and sing and disturb her??

And then when she gets agitated then you both get kan cheong and clamour to soothe her??

wah lan wtf. I am seething.

I really hope to bring up my child in a more calm and quiet environment.

Sigh (I)

It is a struggle everyday to create and find a peaceful enviroment for Little Baby to sleep in.

Most people think living in an HDB flat would be a noisier environment compared to living in a landed area. I beg to differ. Or maybe I should say, there are (many) exceptions to the rule.

1. When you're living along one of the longest main roads in the East, Changi Road, escaping from the sound of traffic seems a far-fetched idea. Buses, cars, bikes, taxis, lorries, trucks, what have you...Even if the traffic were to slow down for just that little in the night, some smart aleck on a bike with its silencer removed would zoom by. And then the baby gets startled.

2. When you have neighbours with dogs, there is no escaping from the sound of their barks. We happen to be surrounded with such neighbours. And their dogs bark at anytime of the day. Let me paint a clearer picture. The dogs bark at anything and everything at anytime of the day. And then the baby gets startled.

3. Somehow, the neighbours take their turn to engage grasscutters to trim their lawn. Yes, grasscutters wielding those hand-held cutters that go "BUZZZ BUZZZZZZ BUZZZZZZ". Day 1 - neighbour to the left, Day 2 - neighbour to the right. Day 3 - neighbour opposite.....And then the baby gets startled.

4. In-laws. (Ok, this is not related to whether we are staying in an HDB or landed area but I just wanted to put it in). Too loud. Period.

To do or not to do

Was trying to get back to sleep at 3am this morning and my mind was in a whirl. Things which needed to be done was just running around in my head. 

I remember the last thing on my mind was: "I need to include 'do up a to-do list' as the first item in my to-do list". 

If that makes any sense at all. The mind can act in a bizarre manner at such ungodly hours.

Ohm mani pad me hum

Keeping hostility in check.

Praying for more patience.

Keeping face straight. 

Praying for a way out. 

不过，气憋太久我怕总有一天会爆。

到时候情况就会很难看。

Y u no sleep???!!!

This is probably my favourite phrase for today.

Nostalgia

Many articles say that successful (and highly successful) people tend to be forward-looking in their minds and hearts. I'm not like that, maybe that's why I'm not that successful? I tend to revisit the past from time to time. Afterall, the past is what made us today, no?

On Saturday night, I somehow found myself trawling through old emails. From way back in 2005 to present times. 

People

Looking through those old emails brought back certain memories. And it also reminded me of those people who were once actively present in my life. There were even emails from people who I now cannot even remember how they look like, nor fathom how I got to know them in the first place. Some are long gone from my life, whilst some others are still somewhere in the background, just not actively present in my life right now. Indelible or not, good or bad, whatever it is, I want to thank all these people for the imprint they've left on my life, however fleeting our connaisance and interactions might have been. 

Of course, there were emails from folks who are still very much in my life right now. I also want to thank these people for being with me all this while, and for blessing me with good times, fun conversations and merry laughter to mark my memories by. 

Needless to say, as we grow older, we somehow are all communicating less through emails. I'm not sure why, maybe Facebook and Whatsapp played a role in it? 

Language

Of course the other thing I noticed was the way I wrote last time. Much better than the way I write now. More emotions and feelings were woven into each sentence then, compared to my writings now. Maybe a good few years in a government agency has caused this to happen. My writing is so bland now. 

Frus Frus Frus

Feeling frustrated. And it's only 1030am. And no, it's not the baby making me this way. And K won't be home till 10-12 hours later. FML.

Wanted

It's strange but these 2 items have been on my "want" list for several years. But I've never really made a conscious effort to go buy them. 

(1) A pair of Converse sneakers (either black or white but probably black)

(2) A black watch (doesn't matter if it's a metal, rubber/plastic or leather strap but it should preferably be chunkier and not too feminine)

Bossiness

Every sentence need not be an instruction. I have my own thoughts and ways of doing things. There is no need to be so bossy.

==========

These two sentences/requests were made to me today. 

(1) Can I (do this and that).....?

(2) Let me (do this and that).

Ask me nicely and politely, as in (1), and I'll gladly accede to your request. And I'd even throw in a nice smile for you. 

(2) is a bloody bossy way of asking for something. Wth, it turns a request into a command instead. Do you know how rude and bossy it is??

Sometimes, all it takes is just for a person to tweak the way he or she speaks. And the world would be a better place.

God, grant me patience. 

Before I explode. 

==========

X: "You can just leave her there. She needs to learn how to play by herself."

Me: "I know. I do that from time to time. That is why I went out of the room and left her there alone."

UGH. You don't need to tell me what to do when I am already doing it. 

Cow sense

Me: *carrying baby and trying to put to sleep*

X: *starts talking to me in a normal voice*

Me: *in my mind* Wth? I'm trying to put the baby to sleep and you keep talking. You're not even making an effort to whisper. How is the baby going to sleep?

==========

Me: The baby is asleep in the other room. Just got to sleep only so umm...(please be quiet)

Y: ok I go over

Me: *hears Y talking and gushing over baby*

Y: *comes back to me* The baby just opened her eyes.

Me: *in my mind* Wth? Of course she woke lah. You were talking to her while she was sleeping!

==========

Me: The baby's having a slight fever. 

X: Is it?

X: *goes to see baby and carries baby when the baby starts fussing* 

X: *comes over to me* She feels feverish. Seems like she's having a fever.

Me: Ya. I just told you.

==========

Me: *standing somewhere in room*

X: *carrying baby and talking to baby* Did you drink milk today? When did you last take your milk? Hmm? When did you last take your milk? 

Me: *in my mind* if that question was supposed to be meant for me, then ask me directly. 

X: So when did you last take your milk?? *repeats 2 more times*

Me: *remains silent*

Me: *in my mind* If you want to know then ask directly. Don't speak in such an indirect manner when I am just standing in the same room as you.

Realization

Never knew that having a child drains so much from a woman's body. Forums and websites say so and even both my confinement nanny and my masseuse auntie say so.

And for those who went through c-section, their bodies need an even longer time to recover and most people say to wait at least a year or a year and a half for the body to regain its normalcy before having a second child. 

If I were to have a second one, that'll be when I'm 35-36 years old? Gosh that sounds old...sigh

I'm too old to be doing this. Back ache, neck ache, shoulder ache.

The Great-Grandmother

I'm someone who gets nostalgic and sentimental easily. I reminisce often as well, which was why I was happy when Dad dug out old albums for us to look through yesterday when Adrian and I were there for dinner with our own families.

Those pictures were taken 30 years ago. Yellowed but still visible. And it was mainly about our family excursions out to the zoo, the park or the beach or the shopping mall.

And Granny was in those pictures as well.

I miss those days when she was tubby and chubby with a wobbly belly. When she had her full glorious head of hair. When she kept it in waves and swept her fringe back with black bobby pins. When she went everywhere in her sarong kebaya and sandals and kerosang. When her eyes were still huge and sparkly. When she could still carry me in her arms and make me feel so loved.

Although physically she is now a shadow of her former self, I believe she still has spunk, spirit and gusto somewhere deep down in her.

She "fought" with the nurses in hospital the other day. So I'm sure she still has lots of spirit in her.

Keep fighting Granny!

Maiden visit to Tampines

We brought Little Baby back home to my parents' place yesterday.

It was her first time there and she must have been a little bewildered. She was strangely still and quiet but very alert when I first stepped into the house. She was snuggled up close to me but her eyes were looking all around at the new surroundings and of course also at her grandparents who were fawning over her.

I'm glad she takes to others carrying her. Dad, Mum, Adrian and Mei all took turns carrying her and she ddn't fuss at all. Good!

Soon she'll be heading there more often I guess.

Metamorphosis. Post-partum.

And so the physical changes are still taking place...albeit very very slowly. Some for the better, some for the worse.

• The tummy's shrinking ever so slightly BUT, it's still there. To think I used to pride myself for having a moderately flat tummy. Now I can't fit into many of my form-fitting clothes anymore but like most women, I'll still keep them in my wardrobe as "motivation". Wishful thinking? We shall see!! Lol...this seriously limits my workwear now though...hmm....I have not tried putting on my skinnies...prolonging the moment of truth I guess? *wails* And CNY is around the corner too. 4kg more to lose to get back to pre-pregnancy weight. Fighting!
• The discolourations are still there. Some areas have faded just a little but they are mostly still there. Unsightly dark patches on the skin, thankfully, most of these patches remain hidden underneatth my clothes....
• My cheeks have started to get itchy, which is not good. It is the same feeling I had back in 2011 when a dermatologist said I had acne rash...I'm also getting more bumps on the skin in that area. I'm hoping my medicated facial wash will keep my skin under control...*fingers crossed*
• The dreaded C-word has wormed its way into my life. I mean, it already did previously but even more so now. Cellulite. I hate you.
• My eyes seem to be quite sensitive now. I can't wear my contact lenses for too long. Maybe I've been in specs for too long already, almost 2 full months of not wearing lenses and the eyeballs have gotten used to not having a lens over them. I used to wear lenses for more than 12 hours each working day. Now I can't last more than 4hours....:(
• My feet have gone back to their usual size and shape though. They are no longer swolen from water retention and I can wear all my shoes again!