Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Rant time....

There were several times when I wanted to rebutt some comments online. But I held myself back. I didn't want to get embroiled in any arguments with people who are already biased against the G.

Too many keyboard warriors these days. Complaining about everything and how the government is not doing enough to handle the Covid-19 situation in Singapore. Commenting that the government is silly and should have done this and that from the start. Remarking that the government is only interested in making money and keeping the economy going. Grousing that the government should be doing a lockdown.

Hello. You guys are so smart, then you go and run a country lah. You're having a really micro view and may not be able to see other causalities, impacts and intricacies involved. You think implementing a full lockdown is so easy? Do you even know how many people will be affected? Do you really think running a country can be based on knee-jerk reactions with little heed for forword planning, managing livelihoods, keeping ground sentiments calm and steady, and still keeping things under control? Do you even know what goes on behind the scenes to keep brats like you safe?

Stuff that people are trying to stir shit on:

  1. The G is spending alot of taxpayers' money to house SHN folks at 5-star hotels. Why cannot put them in dormitories and chalets and Hotel81/Fragrance budget hotels? - More than 7,500 rooms have been blocked out. How many dormitories and budget hotel rooms can meet that requirement? Chalets and such type of bungalows also don't have single rooms (with attached bathrooms) to isolate each SHN individual. Bigger hotel chains also come with a battalion of background support staff to help take care of these SHN people. I think it's a win-win to keep these staff employed, keep the hotels going, and also provide enough amenities to ensure the safety of the SHN people and the support staff!
  2. The G is silly to not be closing schools, when other countries have done so - What works for another country may not work for us...if all schools are closed, what happens to the kids? Childcare issues? Not everyone can work from home, not everyone draws a monthly salary, some are daily-rated and some are trying to make ends meet. As it is, with HBL being implemented one a day a week now, the G is ramping up for the day we really need to go full blown HBL if schools close. The possibility is there, the plans are there, we just need to get people ready and do drills for now. So that there's no last minute hectic and panicked scrambles to get everything ready when the time calls for full HBL to happen. Step by step also prepares the public mentally, believe it or not. 
  3. The G is silly not to do a lockdown, when other countries have done so - same thing, what works for another country may not work for us. Many livelihoods will be affected, if the G comes out to give them $$ to support, then they will get lambasted again for using taxpayers' money indiscriminately. Full lockdown and economy goes zero? The who gets the blame? The G again? Full lockdown and our food sources how? Are Singaporeans prepared to handle a lockdown mentally and emotionally? Change to dorscon orange people already panic and toilet paper had a shortage for awhile. Implement a lockdown and people are just gonna into a state of constant panic...it's a "damned if i don't, lagi damned if i do" situation for the G. So many considerations. 

#SGUnited

Come on folks. We can do better than this right? Instead of being so negative and bashing the G every single chance you've got, can't you just support them and the frontliners' efforts? Really, I cannot imagine the immense pressure the government, and all the frontliners are facing...and my respect goes out to all the educators and childcare providers too...who are still helping the population educate and care for our kids. As well as the delivery riders...the transport operators...and food stall operators...and...all our essential service providers....

Friday, March 27, 2020

WFH

Lunch was yummy yesterday.
Pumpkin porridge with minced meat seasoned with soy sauce and oyster sauce.

I think...I'll have that today again...:)  Light on the stomach, nutritious and yummy!

I love working from home...:)
Cos I get to settle my own simple meals...and I get to shower when I want to...and I get to poo in peace HAHA....

Only thing is I don't have a proper workdesk...so I sit on my bed with my laptop propped on a small portable breakfast-in-bed table thingy from IKEA...makes my neck ache afterwhile....

SM

That's my designation in office.

I found a new meaning to SM this morning. Silly Mama.

I brought Alyssa to school....and at the security post, the uncle told me. "今天kindergarten好像没有开对吗? 他们说要装修还是什么....."

*FACEPALM*

Yes....I completely forgot about it.
Distracted with work, Nadya's school stuff, the constant notifications and updates from enrichment centres and work chat groups (due to half of the team working from home), and K being at reservist this week...The school had actually given us notification 1 or 2 weeks prior that they would be closed today for some minor works to be done to some of the school premises.

And so there I was...
Carrying her school bag, and planning to take the bus back after dropping her off.

And so there she was...
holding a bag of small muffins for breakfast, and clad in her school uniform with a ponytail, and looking at me with her big eyes wondering what happened.

"Why Mama? What did the uncle say? What happened?"

LOL....I couldn't help but laugh at my silliness and the ridiculousness of the situation.
I explained and apologised to Alyssa and the sweet girl said "It's ok Mama". She held my hand and gave me 2 sweet pecks on back of my hand.

Called inlaws for rescue....lol....FIL came to pick us up and while waiting for them to come, we had our breakfast sitting at the taxi stand at Paya Lebar Square...

Alyssa will be spending the day at inlaws' place again today. I can't take care of her at home cos I need to settle work.....It's her 3rd day there this week...:D First 2 days on Tues & Wed were due to her being sick and having stomach discomfort...

Of goodbyes, bugs and others...

Chapter 1: Bye 

On 18 Mar, I threw away the Stevia...it gradually got more and more brown leaves over the last 2-3 months and dropped many leaves. It came to me in mid December with a full bushy head of leaves. It ended up as a pretty bald and brown plant...dunno why also...:(

On 18 Mar, I also threw away the asparagus fern...it was one of my fav plants...:( It got infected with mealybugs. Dunno how also....:( My guess is that it was already infected at the nursery. There were too many of them and I couldn't get rid of them fully due to the plant's structure of stems and leaves. Silly me didn't explore using neem oil and homemade insecticide yet at that point...I threw the whole pot away lest it affect the other plants near it.

====================
Chapter 2: Bugs...oh the horror

On 23 or 24 Mar....to my horror, I discovered that the water plum bonsai my FIL gave me....had some mealybugs on it. They were found on the seed pods, and some new flower buds. I was wondering why the plant had stopped flowering for a few weeks when it previously had at least 1-2 flowers at any point in time! And I was wondering why some leaves were turning yellow....now i know why....

I was somewhat upset. It was a prized plant and my virgin bonsai pot...Luckily the infestation was only in the early stages, I think...and whatever little bugs I could see that day, I cleaned off with water and squashed the bugs with a tissue. I'm checking the plant each day now and there seems to be only 1 bug or 2 that I see each day, which is good.

I did some research and will be getting neem oil from a colleague and making my own pesticide to get rid of whatever remaining bugs there might be.

OFF WITH YOU MEALYBUGS! LEAVE MY PLANT ALONE!

====================
Chapter 3: In other news....

I've been working from home this entire week and got a colleague in office to help spray my 3 Tillandsias, and a small pot of moss rose. I hope they are surviving well...Supposed to be back to office next Monday...fingers crossed they are still doing ok!

For some reason, I kill succulents alot although they are supposed to be sibei easy to care for. But there's a pot of succulent at home that surprisingly, has survived for at least 6 months already. I also lost count of when I actually got it because I didn't pay much attention to it as I thought it would die pretty fast. Anyway, happy it's still surviving lol!

Indian Borage is growing wild and rampantly...I've 3 pots of it again....and given away enough cuttings to colleagues and friends to make at least 3-4 pots.

Aloes are sprouting like nobody's business too..I don't know what to do with so many pots of aloe vera hmmm....

The mosquito plant didn't survive after a year plus...K planted one scraggly cutting into a pot...it's barely surviving and half of it is green...but it still smells lovely.

The local pomegranate is pretty ok...but it alternates between on the brink of death and suddenly sprouting many new shoots....half of the plant is dead though....many dead branches that have no new shoot whatsoever.

The Spanish pomegranate somehow grew more last year....but is tall and scraggly....not sure what to do with it also....

Foxtail fern is doing ok and it grew out 1 or 2 new shoots so that's going pretty good :)

Wednesday, March 18, 2020

Mum guilt


For having made the small one cry this morning because she was being uncooperative and refusing to brush her teeth....and the clock was ticking.

For having made the big one cry last night before bed time because she was being difficult and whiny and grouchy.

For maybe I could be better. 
For maybe I'm not doing enough to guide them. 
For maybe I'm not being a good enough influence on them.
For all the ways I am lacking. 

==========
But I'm trying. 
Sometimes blindly trying but trying nevertheless. 

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

School Hols - Part 2

Nadya woke up all bright and chirpy today.
What a stark contrast to her usual school day "morning face".

It's her first taste ever of having a school holiday and I think she likes it pretty much so far.
She'll be at after school care everyday and they have some sort of a food/cooking theme for this week....

Heard from a friend that they made salad at the centre yesterday...let's see what Nadya brings back this evening....

School Hols - Part 1: Kidstop and Sushi Express

Brought the girls to Kidstop yesterday as it was Nadya's first day of the March school holidays.
We made Alyssa "ponteng" school so she could join in on the outing haha.

The place was smaller than I expected but it was pretty fun for me. I liked the things there...though some of the audio were a little loud for me.

Unfortunately....the 2 girls were pretty grouchy and rejected many stations...they didn't even allow me to try some of the stations that I was interested in and dragged me away...

I was bummed that the baby chicks station was under maintenance though. That's the only thing I remember (and my most favourite moment obviously!) from visiting the Science Centre all of 30 years ago....

The only 2 stations they were willing to partake in was (1) an interactive digital station where you could "colour" your own fishes, dolphins, turtles and sharks via a touchscreen, save it and have it show up on the screen/wall behind the station, and (2) the sandpit area where you can "dig for" and "unearth" dinosaur bones like an archeologist....

Oh well, luckily the tickets weren't too expensive....:)

Alyssa is recently in love with PLQ and always asked to go there so we brought them there after Kidstop. Nadya is in love with Sushi Express and so we went there for lunch. She was so excited and kept teaching K & I how to take hot green tea, where to get the chopsticks, soy sauce and plates from, how to get the food off the conveyor belt, how to return the sushi covers, etc.

I just realised how much Alyssa loves octopus sushi...never knew she was so into chewy food...Nadya was so into the crabstick sushi...I lost track of how many she had...K as usual....had at least 12-15 plates on his own I think...

I was a little underwhelmed by the place though...they didn't have any hot stuff like chawanmushi or miso soup or any other sides...which was a bummer for me...

Thursday, March 12, 2020

Whiff

Fascinating how our 5 senses work....sight, touch, taste, hearing and smell...

Doubly fascinating how just one small whiff of a passing fragrance evoked some memories in me this morning. Walked past a guy who was using CK One.

And it immediately transported me back to 2002. A long forgotten memory. But it was of an interesting and fun and exciting time.

Of when I had just graduated from NTU and was working as a management trainee in a mens' clothing retailer. (side note, I was more like a high-class salesgirl actually). A colleague and I were stationed at the Takashimaya department store where our line had a small area in the mens' clothing section. Right next to us was a Calvin Klein fragrances pop-up, it was manned by 2 young boys daily and the 4 of us grew quite close since there wasn't much customers to begin with.

Some harmless flirting here and there. One of the boys (who was 3 years younger and looked like Zai Zai from F4) had a crush on me and sometimes he would send me home if we got off work at the same time. He stayed in Bedok and would bother to send me back by train and walk me home from Tampines MRT, before making his way back. On hindsight, quite 感动 actually haha.

The guys would be in black shirt and black pants everyday, my colleague and I would be in a white or blue top everyday with black pants.

AND.

The 4 of us had a free flow of CK One to put on everyday LOL...
That citrusy scent is still one of my favs...I had a whole bunch of samples of the various CK fragrances too...I kept a bunch of those little litmus-paper-like pieces in my bag too....so that my bag would smell nice everyday when I opened it lol...

Ah those young and carefree days...:)
Fun and exciting....:)

Monday, March 09, 2020

Breathe......

The last time I was involved in a presentation to a Minister was in Jan 2018. And that was to a very nice Minister who had a friendly and grandfatherly disposition. He seldom bit and even if he did, it was in a gentle manner. Prior to 2018, the only other time I had to be in a presentation/session with a Minister was WAY back in 2008.

I need to be in a session with the current Minister this afternoon. My boss is presenting but if he gets stuck with any question, then he'll look to me to respond. Fingers crossed that it doesn't get to this.

A little nervous because this Minister's is more imposing and has a reputation for being rather no-nonsense and hard-driving.

Jiayou Michelle...!
You can do this...!
Breathe...

Thankful


  • I'm able-bodied.
  • I have a roof over my head and food on the table. 
  • I have K and the girls to nourish my heart. 
  • Parents on both sides are doing good and independent enough, though petty ailments bother them here and there.
  • I have an understanding and flexible boss. 
  • I have good friends. We may not see of speak to each other often enough but I know they have my back. 
  • I have a helper. 
  • I have hobbies and stuff I am interested in. 
  • I have good friends at work who are on my side. 
Reminder. 
To self. 

Friday, March 06, 2020

thicker skin

I should learn to have thicker skin.

Thicker skin to taiji.
Thicker skin to buat bodoh.
Thicker skin to push things away.

The Coll

Caught me in a bad time.
Ruffled my feathers.

She created an issue, which is affecting my work and my partners. I'm giving her a timeline for her to cough up staff to settle the issue. Said she's understaffed and wants me to push back my timeline.
Nabeh. Laoniang is a one-woman operation but I'm still volunteering to step in and get my hands dirty to help settle this issue and you give me this nonsense?

Breathe.....Cool down....

Like what DC said....don't shoot email when you're angry....

Breathe.......

Memories...Music...

I fell out of listening to Mandopop sometime in 2010/2011 and even more so after I shifted out of my parents' place in 2012.

After listening to a playlist this morning hwile working....I've come to realise many of the Mandopop songs of my era evoke a strange bitterweet feeling in me. Myriad emotions.

Sadness. Happiness. Good memories. Bad memories. Hurtful memories. Sweet memories. Nostalgia. My life from 2000 to 2010. Bits and pieces from that decade suddenly flood my mind. Mostly from the mid 2000-s. Friends who are no longer in my circle but who were once a big part of my life and who I saw everyday or every weekend. Those carefree days. The underlying sentimental notes. The angst and confusion I felt in that stage of life. The clubbing. The medical checkups. The medication for 1.5years. The travelling. The coming of age. The bravado I had. The confidence and also lack of. The energy. The zest. The socials.

Thankful for my parents who have been a constant. And the friends who are constants too.

I should stop living in the past? Hmm.

Who's on this morning?
Sun Yan Zi
Xu Shao Yang
May Day
David Tao
Zhou Hui
Fish Leong
Xu Shao Han
Elva Hsiao
SHE
Jolin Tsai
Tao Jing Ying
Faye Wong
Jay Chou
Tanya Chua

Thursday, March 05, 2020

Alan Walker

Recently discovered Alan Walker's music and I'm loving it...I think most folks would have heard of Faded before but maybe the rest of his works are less known.

He's been accompanying me while I'm working these 2 days.

Guess I'm into EDM too lol...
Together with kpop, and some old Chinese pop, and some jazz, and some piano/guitar, and some oldies from the 50s, 60s, 70s....strange tastes? I dunno...:)

Peanut

Working from home today as I've a medial appointment this afternoon and it's just easier to commute to the hospital from home than from office.

On days like this when I work home, K sends Alyssa to her childcare...I said bye to her at the door this morning and she was so reluctant to leave me.

She hugged me tightly several times and seemed genuinely sad to say bye to me...She leaned in several times to say this little mantra that we say to each other in the mornings when she leaves for school and at night before bed...

I wanted to keep her in my arms for as long as possible too...but couldn't drag it out too much.
That little pretty but sad face kinda broke my heart a little so early in the morning....

I miss her.

Circles

My boss has always been pretty open with me...he shares confidential stuff with me, sometimes personal stuff as well. I'm not sure if he's like that with others as well (I think he is) but I appreciate that he does share things with me. 

He recently shared with me that he's putting up DC for promotion in the upcoming promotion cycle in April/May. It's well deserved I think and I am truly happy for DC, who happens to be a close friend too. Or at least, someone I like and respect and am comfortable working with. 

We spoke briefly on some other team leads. It was mostly surface talk as we didn't have much time that day and it was also in an open area. 

In the wake of all this...some measure of self-doubt has crept in again...lack of confidence and self-doubt of what I can do or cannot, what I'm good at, what I'm lacking in, what am i contributing (or not) to the team, what am I doing right now in my life, what more can I do, what do I need to do, what should I do at home, am I doing things right, am I taking the right approaches in life and work, do I need to do more and if so, what? 

And the list goes on...one of those times where thoughts flow in a continuous circle...just spiralling...and I'm pulled along...ebbing and flowing...sometimes struggling to stay afloat, sometimes above it all. 

Stuck in a rut again. Some work to be done to pull myself out of it. 
Jiayou Michelle. 
Jiayou. 
Just......
Keep going....
Keep going forward....
Even if you don't know where you're headed...
Just...
Keep moving forward....

Monday, March 02, 2020

love love love

I was putting the girls to sleep on Saturday night. I stared at their faces after they fell asleep.
So sweet. So cute. So innocent.

And Alyssa is still chubby. Nadya's lost most of her chubbiness already.
Alyssa is sometimes a starfish, splayed out on her back or tummy.
Nadya's either flat on her stomach, or curled up like a foetus.

Love them so much that I feel like I'm Jekyll & Hyde personified.
One moment I feel so much love for them...then 30mins later when they're irritating the hell out of me I wonder how on earth did they come from my belly.....Lol...

Last night, one fell asleep hugging my leg. The other one fell asleep hugging my arm.
And just like that....I had to stay in position for 15-20mins till they were fully asleep...
Feels good when they snuggle in close....:)