Jiayou

It’s been a xian & restless period. Getting increasingly xian.

I hope it’s just a phase. Various things.

 

Junior staff (but most senior in age) bickering and being calculative with each other

Big boss throwing a GPT-derived business development proposal to me and asking me to assess & implement

Other teams’ staff not doing work properly to support my team

Own staff texting me every other day that they can’t come to office cos of myriad reasons

Own staff wayang-ing about things

Entitled end-users banging table and faulting/threatening us when it was their own doing

 

Come to think of it, been rather teary this year.

I thought it was due to the monthly cycle. On deeper thought, while the cycle may have exacerbated those emotional feelings, I think I’m already not feeling too good about things to begin with.

 

Thoughts of quitting occasionally surface again.

 

Setting these aside.

 

In the meantime.

 

Grit teeth. Keep walking.

 

咬牙继续走

Reminders at Work

1. Stay calm – don’t show you’re stressed, being composed speaks more
2. Stay friendly but keep personal life private – be approachable but not necessarily available to all
3. Support your immediate boss – keep them prepared & ready for their own boss. If/When they go up, they pull you up as well
4. Build relationships where they matter – not all who hold titles make or influence decisions
5. Stay out of gossip – listen but don’t be the source of it

clam....shell...

Attended a half-day course yesterday. All participants were ROs. Around 30 of us, with another 3-4 pax from the Workplace Development & HR teams who conducted and facilitated the session. 

Again I felt small & inadequate. Within the cluster group I was seated with, I could still speak a little & interact. I tried to siam all other presentations or impromptu speaking that needed to address the whole room. Was quite glad I managed to do so. 

Those who were cued could speak on the fly and articulate things so nicely. 

I'd clam up. 

:( 

底气

 爱人， 孩子， 家人， 好友

他们给的支持，依靠， 能量，爱和安全感

是我面对一切的底气

The Girls

N had a monumentally bad day last Friday. One of those days when anything & everything somehow didn’t go well. From some of her lessons sitting next to an annoying boy, to dance practice being very annoying, to her dance costume being very annoyingly ill-fitting and yada yada…

She reached home late around 6 or 615pm. Face was black and by the time she came upstairs & saw me, her mood was foul. Threw her stuff on the floor, started complaining to me, and then bawled big time. Sat on the floor and threw a tantrum, while still bawling.

Felt quite bad for her at the time. Offered a hug but was rejected. Ok so we’re at the age where hugs are “icky” unless initiated by her….Anyway, glad I managed to 误打误撞 that same night and managed to manually sew & alter her dance costume to fit her better. That helped ease her mind quite a fair bit.  

==========

It was A’s turn to have a bad bad day yesterday. She did not get into the Prefectorial Board Exco though she was initially shortlisted for a group interview. And…according to her, she was wrongfully scolded by her Science teacher for daydreaming in class. She said she was not doing that at all and felt very 委屈 about being called out & scolded in front of the whole class for something she did not do.

A classmate had also been borrowing items from her and “throwing” things back on her desk after using them. She’d been feeling fairly annoyed and upset with this classmate’s behaviour & interrruptions as well.

She was glum the entire evening right up till bedtime when she spent 15mins plus sharing her feelings with me.

I sat with her & listened. Also offered some potential solutions, which on hindsight I wondered if I should have given or not. Perhaps she only needed a listening ear.

AI - yah

And then there's this sudden pressure/push to adopt AI or use it in various ways in your work. 

Think about how it can improve or streamline your existing processes, etc. 

I am old school. I take long to learn new tech. 

And yes, while I am somewhat open, I am lazy, I am not savvy & I am a klutz at such stuff. 

AIyah.........

Sigh. 

Stress leh. 

FB post

Came across an FB post. Thought it was quite nice and real. 

Real strength isn’t found in throwing the hardest punch. It’s found in having the character to do what’s right when emotions are running high. Choosing courage over anger.

Parenting

I hope I am guiding the girls well enough in life. 

I wonder at times if I am too lax in certain areas or too strict in other areas.

I hope I equip them with enough knowledge and tips to handle their physical, emotional, mental changes as they transition from tweenhood to teenagehood, from primary school to secondary school, from being fully sheltered to now slowly exploring the world on their own.

A little bit more each day I see the babyness fading away. 

A little bit more each day I let go.

A little bit more each day I wonder how long more before they start rejecting my hugs or don't need them anymore. 

做个比较

Nag in office

Nag at home

 

Babysitter in office

Babysitter at home

 

后者是情愿的

前者是被情况所逼的

Fangirl

Attended a meeting yday which had reps from ministries, agencies & a tech giant. 

There were 2 very charismatic folks. One was a lady from a Ministry who was chairing/leading the meeting. The other was the APAC Director of Public Policy from the tech giant.

So so charismatic. So so intelligent. 

They spoke with grace, humility and clarity, with humour injected appropriately at various junctures to diffuse any tension there might have been in the room. They were extremely quick on their feet. They knew what they were saying, they knew what they wanted, they read the room, they led their positions well. They were intelligent, articulate and spoke with clarity. They were honest, reasonable, and respectful though they were on different sides of the table.

I was fangirling the entire time and I realized my boss was super impressed by the both of them as well lol. 

I was just an observer in the room, a fly on the wall if you may call it that way. Was quite floored by the exchanges in the meeting and definitely did not mind that the call overran by close to 45minutes from the original 1hr slot. 

It was an eye-opener for me and a learning experience. And also, a reminder to myself, of how much I am still lacking in. 

Conversations with the Tween & the Teenager

And so...the soon-to-be 13yr-old told me last night while fiddling with my jiggly flabby thighs & calves.

N: "Mama...so jiggly!! You want to try Taichi Walking? I saw the ads on YouTube."

Me: "You know those videos are AI-generated right?"

N: "Is it? Anyway, no harm giving it a try. But ok lah, jiggly is cute too." *continues giggling while shaking my flabby lower limbs"

And the soon-to-be 11yr-old followed up with:

A: "Mama is jiggly....Jigglypuff!! Mama can be jigglypuff! Pokemon jigglypuff is cute!"

救命啊....

Peri...no, not the sauce

Am I in perimenopause?

Dealing with bloatedness on a daily basis. Tummy has been getting bigger since last year. When menses comes, the bloating gets horrible and I easily look like I’m 4 months pregnant. Dresses are my go-to workwear on such days as they give me more space.

Dealing with dropping hair and a thinning patch on my crown as well. This brings me much worry… :(

Dealing with a lot more white hair this year too. Frizzy ones which either stick out or leave an obvious curly trail amongst the black strands. I'm not at the stage of colouring my hair yet though. Don't want to stress my scalp when I've other more concerning hair issues on hand. 

Dealing with slightly shorter menstrual durations.....

Dealing with.......aging in general........ugh. 

Frank

"Oh I thought I saw Auntie Diana just now! She looked quite 'auntie'."

So said the big one. 

"Really? I didn't see her. I'm also quite auntie."

Was my response.

"You're more auntie."

Ouch.  :( :( :(

有时候不用那么直接也是件好事 lol....

罢工

How do people do it?

Look after house, look after kids, look after work teams, look after parents and/or other family members…

Look after various aspects of self including skin, hair, food intake, teeth, eyes, body, mental/emotional aspects, overall health, etc

KNN sibei zuay stuff till I don’t want to do anything. 

罢工可以吗？老娘要躺平。

Hair

Found a balding spot at the top of my head a week plus or 2 weeks ago. Quite worried about it.

My hair is important to me. Unsure if there are other spots at the back of my head cos I can’t see.

☹☹☹☹☹

Bottle cap

Was at a staff EC's mother's wake yesterday afternoon. 

Another of my staff M was there. She's 59 with various health issues. When served with a bottle of water, I realised she could not twist open the bottle cap. She said she'd lost alot of strength in her arm/hands since a surgery 1-2 years ago to remove a tumour in her left lung. 

I know too that though she has on & off been on various physio sessions, she's not great on following up on the exercises on her own (despite her own son being a trainee physiotherapist). She's one who'd rather drink less water, at least when in office, so that she'll walk less to the washroom. 

Not being able to twist open a bottle of mineral water. Hmm. I resolve not to get into such a situation. Ever. 

Dance Mama

And...it was dance competition weekend again. 

Of false eyelashes & eyeliner. Of eyeshadow & lipstick. Of hairspray & gel. Of u-pins & netting.

Of getting her to the venue at least 1.5hrs before the performance time. And then playing the waiting game and hanging around till the performance time before going in to watch that <5mins of performance. 

But...if it's for her...

K & I & Mei Mei will do what we can to support her.

At a crossroads now. 

She likes it but it's taking up alot of time. 

Between schoolwork and dance, something's gotta give...even if not giving up totally but at least adjusted slightly....it will have to be dance that needs to be adjusted. School cannot be compromised. We're in Singapore. You're in the rat race the moment you're born. 

Will need to cut down on dance commitments for the next dance season. Either we skip it the competitions totally, or we just commit to 2 or 3 group dances hmm. 

C+

And so...laoniang was part of the statistics and kena Covid sometime in mid-May. 

I think my symptoms started sometime around 13 or 14 May but I did not think to medicate much since I didn't have any fever. I didn't swab myself till 17 May too...and it was only cos I chanced upon an expired test kit and decided to test myself using it. Since I was going to throw it away, might as well just erm...test haha. It turned out very positive....with 2 very deep, dark, red lines.

My jaw dropped and I tested again with a non-expired kit. Confirm positive zzz.

My 3rd time to get it. And I wonder why it is all in May....May 2023, May 2024 & May 2026. zzzzzzz

This round the symptoms were mild and I didn't even have any fever. Just that body felt feverish...half warm, half cold. 

May all germs stay away from me pls................................

Junk food

A colleague Leonard just told me he thinks I am one of the few mums he's come across who allows their kids to eat junk food like chips, twisties, sweets, etc. 

I was wondering "really meh?" 

I ended up replying with a "管这些太严，那生活还有什么乐趣呢？"

Lol...I don't think I'm one of the few mums leh.....I see many parents with kids at Mac & other fast food places...I see kids walking around eating sweets & chips too...I just got 2 packs of gummies for the girls last weekend. 

His comment to me on a Monday morning...was kinda odd haha. Maybe ran out of topics for pantry small talk hahaha. 

Mama Day!

Happy Mother's Day!

Nadya gave me a small pink pom pom she made,  a small crocheted flower made with the same pink yarn and a small paper heart with voila.....French words!!...(quite good considering she's only learning French via Duolingo)

"Merci Beaucoup! Je suis contente parce que tu es ma mere.
Happy Mother's Day!
Love, Nana"

She also bought me a slice of my fav marble cake from Bengawan Solo after her Math class too! "From my own savings ok!" she declared hahaha.

And Alyssa, with K's help, made me some scrambled eggs for my breakfast today. Yay I got my protein fix!

Fragrances

I'm not one who uses fragrances. 

Maybe when I was in my late teens or early twenties I'd experimented with some stuff and liked the White Musk body mist from The Body Shop back then. I've not used fragrances much since then. K got me a bottle of Annick Goutal in 2017 or 2018 I think. To date, I've used maybe less than 1/4 of it. He asked me if it can keep that long...I've no idea too haha. 

I have a soft spot for CK One though. Interestingly, I'd never had a bottle of it myself. 

Just the fragrance itself brings back alot of memories. Memories of back when I had my 1st job after graduation. When I was stationed for 2-3 months at my company's retail counter at Takashimaya, with another colleague 2yrs younger but who was taller than me by half a head lol. It was fun working with her there and we'd spend alot of time chatting with each other cos there weren't really much customers around. Fresh from graduation, it was a really fun experience at the time, despite the less than ideal "high-class sales assistant" label that was "plastered" on me. It was interesting too getting to see the hidden cooridors and staff entrances of Takashimaya. It was also during that time when I met 2 guys who were working at the CK pop-up counter right next to mine. And when I had a crush on one of them. Someone who happened to be 3yrs younger lol but quite charismatic. 

Was at Parkway as usual today and there was a pop-up sale at the basement atrium. Various cosmetics and fragrances were on sale. And CK One was there too, along with other ranges from CK like Eternity (which my Dad used to use)....

I thought to buy but hesitated...

Fast forward an hour later, I had a box of it in my hands lol. 200ml. Caved in to nostalgia, memories & K's encouragement. 

Happy! 

Of food...and permission

Just came across an email...where someone mistyped "permission" as "persimmon". 
Hahhaa....hungry much?

Or just auto-correct that bungled up the word....

Hahaha...still made me laugh out loud at my screen :D :D :D

Cramp

Last Wed night, I woke with a "shout". It was around 3am. 

Triggered by a bad cramp in my left calf. While I've had cramps before...I've never gotten them during my sleep before, nor have I been woken up by a bout of cramps before.

Told K that "我被吓醒!" 
And he replied to say I scared him awake too lol....

He helped me stretch it out...

Woke the next morning with my left calf still aching on and off through the day... bah....getting older...

Weight

I am....officially 51kg now. 

不知不觉....lol...

Past few months my tummy has been expanding...not sure from getting older, from gaining weight, from my usual stomach bloating issues, or from....menopausing or peri-menopausing (as is the current buzzword). 

Or....cos I gained some tiny muscles? HAHAHA....

App developer

Laoniang developed an app! A web app that can be optimised for mobile & tablets too. 

Steady lah haha...

Underwent a Vibe Coding course over the last 2 days with VK & SP. Aside from my laptop battery, the course drained me of my brain cells. 

1st day I went home like a zombie. 2nd day was abit better haha. 

Actually I did the following apps:

1. A simple roulette kind of decision making app to see where go for lunch

2. An AI chatbot which uses the persona of Mickey Mouse to converse with you (annoying thing is it responds with alot of "Haha!" and "Oh my!")

3. A task-tracker kind of app for an office team

4. A meal planning app - this was the biggest project all of us had to undertake. I did this meal-planning app. Mediocre actually. Some folks did some really really "sard-ki" stuff like calorie-counting app for local dishes, a site for mental health support, a site for cataloguing Pokemon cards complete with tracking the commercial value of the cards, a site for retirees to find out where to travel and be linked up to part-time jobs (digital nomad concept), etc...

I also got to create my own computer game, very basic but still workable I guess. 

Quite a cool & interesting experience! 

每天都是第二次机会

Heard this from Deng Kai's interview....Thought it was meaningful..

每天都是第二次机会, 我要做的更好

K-morning

It is a k-pop morning. 

Of past and long ago kpop songs and some OSTs...with the likes of.......

Mad Soul Child - Dear

Henry - Trapped

Boyfriend - Janus

Yoon Mirae - Always

Kang San-e - Salmon swimming up the stream

Taeyang - Eyes, Nose, Lips

Im Chang Jung - The Love I Committed

Henry - Radio

of toast....and....lizards

I like toast. And I always make toast for breakfast except on days when I need to go to the office. 

Ever since I found a lizard in the toaster a few months back, I've been making it a habit to check first before I use it. Every single time. And I'd give the machine a jiggle as well. TO be doubly sure. 

I did the same this morning. 

And wondered why I saw a "flower" at the bottom, on the crust tray. 

Nabeh. it was a lizard's hand. 

AGAIN???!!!!! 

We took so much effort to keep it out ever since the last round. Are there other holes in the machine that it somehow still got in??

:( :( :( :( :( 

Took me awhile before I got over my squeamish-ness to use the toaster again after the last round....and now it's happened again.

Bleah....just glad I didn't toast the fella...(eeeewww)....

11 April 2026

Hello Mama.

It's been 12 years since you left us. 

I miss you, and I hope you're keeping well wherever you are. 

It was a rough start to the year but I am surviving, and trying to keep my head up, at least high enough to be above water. 

The rest of us are doing good. Dad's ok with his walking stick and hearing aids, still watching his football matches and Youtube videos. Mum's ok too but is probably more tired than usual, having had to run around quite a fair bit visiting her sister in various medical & healthcare institutions. Adrian was doing good till a few weeks ago when he injured his knee again. He can't run anymore and will need to undergo surgery again in another 5 days. 

The girls are ok and growing well enough. Squabbling ever so often but also loving each other in their own ways. Big one's settling well in secondary school and small one's paving her own way in her various pursuits: academic, prefect duties, and her Brownies CCA. K's doing good too except his knee gives issues from time to time. 

Please watch over all of us and keep us safe, healthy & happy....I love you and I miss you...

Tooth. Chipped. Again.

FML.

Had lunch halfway then realised my "repaired" tooth chipped again. The "jigsaw-puzzled" piece that was "glued" back with resin didn't hold up and dropped out again. 

This time round, I couldn't find the piece. Wondering if I swallowed it. 

Angry & upset & worried about my tooth. 

Have to call CGH Dental again to see what can be done. Might have to do crowning already. 

And....

I was eating at Mac again when it happened. 

Mac dun like me is it? ........................

7 April 2026

Tuesday morning, we had our usual quarterly breakfast meeting at the Mac near our office. Boss’ quarterly treat. I chose to have corn that day with my breakfast set.

I was 95% done with my corn when I bit into something hard and spit it out. It was a small piece of something white/cream-coloured so I didn’t think too much of it and threw it onto my tray. Thought it was some odd piece of plastic or stone that somehow got into the corn.

Some minutes later, I realized something weird. My tongue felt something jagged on an upper right tooth the 2^nd pre-molar tooth after the incisor.

$#@^tq%$%$^q$#@^%

My tooth chipped!!! And that hard piece of something I bit into was part of my tooth!

FML. I panicked but somehow had the presence of mind to retrieve that chipped off piece and kept it in my pocket. I called CGH Dental when I got back to office after the meeting and was very thankful I managed to get a slot the next morning. I was also thankful that though the chip was quite a big one, it did not affect any nerves in the tooth and I did not experience any pain.

The dentist initially said he could do a filling to patch up the chip. I asked him if it would help if I still had that chipped off portion.

Lo & behold! He said it was good I had it as he could use less resin instead and could also do away with shaving more of the tooth structure, compared to if he were to just use resin only.

And so….voila…

He “jigsaw-puzzled” the chipped off bit back to the main tooth.

It was a slightly uncomfortable process. I was tense throughout and had my hands clasped together in a prayer. Didn’t help that he nicked my inner cheek in the process and only realized when I pointed it out to him. Left me with a 5mm cut that swelled up so much it was uncomfortable to eat...zzz.

BUT…I’m still glad & thankful that the chip has been resolved. I hope it can last for at least 8-10 years?

Pursuit of Jade

Been awhile since I was so smitten by a drama. Pursuit of Jade, no points for guessing.

Lemme see…what were past dramas that kept me enthralled not only due to the visuals of the actors & actresses, but also storylines, beautiful cinematography, chemistry between the leads, 2^nd lead pairings, etc…

1. Goblin
2. W: Two Worlds Apart
3. Heirs
4. DOTS
5. Prisoner of Beauty
6. Blossom

There must have been some more but these are top of mind at the moment…

Gave up K dramas since several years back and so I’ve never caught big hits like Crash Landing on You, Attorney Woo, etc…am sure these are solidly good too..

========================

I watched Zhang Ling He in My Journey to You. Watching him this time round felt different. He has improved alot compared to few years ago. Happy for him! Micro-expressions are alot better...and his eyes speak more too.. :) 

Games

Word games & puzzles...

Me like but...

Staring at the phone too long

Makes my eyes hurt

Staring at the PC monitor too long

Makes my eyes hurt too

Paper based ones don't have that level of complexity

Or the level of instant gratification 

So...what gives? 

A mix of both maybe...

越老越......

越老越孤僻

越老越想躲在一个角落

越老越想一个人呆着

越老越不想社交

越老越 anti-social 

Hmmmmm

Jan, Feb and even early March was madness

I am thankful things have settled down abit more and there is some room to breathe. 

But I find myself still rattled and not at peace. Slightly irritable, emotional. 

Unsure why. 

Hormones? Mid-life existential crisis? Perimenopause? Menopause?

Talk

N & I had a talk a couple of nights ago. I can’t recall how it started and everything.

But we touched on some of her frustrations and big feelings. How she feels we all love A more and think A is better, how A always gets away with things, how when N & A are being rowdy but N is the one who gets the scolding…and then it morphed into other issues like how K is too strict, and how I am too grouchy/grumpy at times, and how she misses our own space at Blu-Coral, etc…

I apologized and shared with her that I am still learning as a mother. I may not be right all the time and I have my own failings. But I’m trying and will keep trying to improve myself as well. I did share that it was sometimes very difficult to talk to her especially when she was having an “attitude”, and how it made me feel a little sad when she snapped at me or didn’t want anything to do with me. I spoke of how I felt her attitude toward me had a big shift in 2023. From having had a 免死金牌 from her…to me being somewhat like a baddie

I guess being abit more open with each other helps?

As the kids grow, and I get older (and more grumpy), I guess it’s a constant effort having to adjust to how to interact with them…

Just thankful that they are still open to sharing things with me...

Of doodles

Jotting down for vanity reasons. 

I was at Parkway Parade on a Saturday a few weeks ago, seated on a bench within the mall, waiting for K to walk over from Eastgate building. 

I started doodling while listening to nice Chinese pop songs blasting from a nearby gelato shop. I was pretty immersed in what I was doing. Head bent down, right hand doodling, left hand bopping to the music. 

I'd briefly had the impression of 2 girls getting up from the bench on my right, and then moving away. 

Suddenly one of them stopped in front of me and said "I love your art!"

I looked up. It was a teenage Indian girl who spoke with a non-local, non-Indian accent. Can't place where she came from. I smiled and thanked her and she walked away with her younger sister. I applaud her courage though. At that age of 13/14/15, I'd not have the courage to tell a random stranger this...:)

Made my day! 

Shen Hu Xi

Staff took long to come up with an SOP. Late for some months. I cut her some slack on this. 

Quality of the SOP is not there. I gave pointers on how to improve 1st draft and formatting which sucked. 

2nd draft came back. Formatting still sucks. certain paragraphs don't flow and don't make sense. 

Taking deep breaths. 

Kitty

A has a journal that she sometimes writes in. She named the journal “Kitty”.

While looking through her P5 English file a few days ago as her teacher asked for parents to sign some worksheets. I came across a small paragraph she wrote, where she shared about having Kitty and why she had Kitty.

“Sometimes I feel down and want to talk to my mother but she is at work, so I write in Kitty instead.”

☹☹☹

After all these years, I still feel unbalanced quite often. At work think about family. At home think about work. 

Time

Wherefore doth time's fleet passage hasten so, slipping through mine fingers like sand through an hourglass, ne'er to be reclaimed?

We're into March already.

Even Nadya's WA1 is over. 

The March school holidays are coming soon too. 

Too fast.....

Viu

And after years of resisting. 

I am now...officially subscribed to Viu. 

Lol...got it from the 3/3 sale over their official Shopee store. 

Voila......no more annoying ads to test my patience...! 

爬山

Jie is probably going up Kilimanjaro now. 

I wish for a safe climb up & an equally safe descent for her. May the weather & terrain be good & smooth throughout the 8-10days. 

Jiayou Jie!

Music

When we were still at BluCoral, after we sent the helper away, I'd spend my Sunday mornings going for a walk, and then settling down to iron the entire week's worth of work clothes & uniforms. Or I'd be doing some cleaning & dusting around the house. 

And while doing chores or ironing, my Chinese music playlist would be playing in the background. 

I don't think I did that ever since we shifted. 

It'd been a year and 3 months since we shifted. I'd forgotten how it felt...till this morning when I played that playlist again, while pottering around my room & the girls' room to wipe window grilles, surfaces, hidden corners, etc. and pack some stuff. 

It felt emotional yet rejuvenating at the same time. :) 

Jay Chou, Stephanie Sun, Jacky Cheung, David Tao, MayDay, Jolin Tsai, Tanya Chua, Amei, etc... Thank you for accompanying me this morning!! Brought back lots of memories from 20+yrs ago too! Lol...

Dong Dong Dong Qiang

And just like that...CNY Days 1 & 2 are over. 

Angpows distributed, angpows collected. Nails painted and now smudged and chipping. Most hee-hee-ha-has are done and some forced smiles and conversations are over. 

Had my fair share of lapis (not enough!) and bak kwa (not enough!) haha...

Had enough of love letters and packet drinks already though...too much sugar in the system liao lol...

Just pining for some quiet time in my corner. 

Too much socialising drains me. Though I am glad I caught up with some relatives...like my not-so-little cuzzie. 

Happy to see that the girls are a little bit more aware of who's who this year. N is doing ok on this aspect and has a clearer picture of the family tree, including extended family and non-blood relatives. A is still struggling a little on this lol. She'll get there slowly over the next few years haha. 

Fighting!!!!!!!!!!!

继续走 

我不愿意被绊倒 

Recent weeks have been challenging. Due to some self-entitled folks. There've been complaints, at least one case a week for the last 4 weeks. 

Today's case brought alot of stress. Really alot of stress cos my stomach was just scrunched up the whole day. The guy complained to the Ministry, to the PS. And now alot of senior management of both ministry and agency are in the loop. Sigh.

I cried twice today. 

Pek chek. 

But.........

继续走 继续走

我不愿意被绊倒 

Feb 2026

And...we're into Feb already. 

2 more weeks to CNY.

CCA starts for Nadya.

And then it'll be sibei hot weather. 

2 camps in March for Alyssa. 

And then....time will probably just fly by again............

Buah Keluak Day

1 Feb was buah keluak day...

The annual family affair since...I don't know when lol. Decades ago...

This year's eventual haul was pretty good I think. 

Parents bought 107 nuts in total. We threw away 22 due to them smelling very rancid or just plain odd. And there were those which had mould in them as well. We managed to get the flesh of 85 nuts, mixed it with fish paste and then managed to fill up 83 nut-shells. 

It was a good result compared to some years (like 2025) where we started out with 100 and only ended up with 70+ filled nuts. 

The guys would typically be the ones to break the nuts. Dad's getting old and can't do it for a long duration. He's get cramped up sitting on the floor and graduated to using a short stool in recent years and now that's a challenge for him too. He only did it for an hour yesterday and then gave up. 

Glad that the next generation is being roped in as well. Cos Marc has now been roped in to break open the nuts. Dad withdrew early from the production line yesterday and Marc continued with it with Adrian. :) 

Of Relatives

And so now....there are a total of 4 aunts who are hospitalised at SGH, in different blocks & wards. 2 closer aunts and 1 distant aunt and 1 family friend whose been around long enough to be considered an aunt of sorts. 

Sigh. It's been a strange few weeks. 

Latest one to be hospitalised is Aunt Teresa. She'd been poorly since after CNY2025 when she suffered from a series of minor strokes. Couple of days ago she had a stroke again and got warded. 

I can't make it to visit them these few days...will probably need to swing by on Saturday or Monday. 

This is.....unprecedented. 

Other aunts & relatives....and my mum...are tiring themselves out trying to show up for these warded folks & running around here & there. 

May all of them get better soon.

Eggs

The other day. I ordered my usual Wok Hey fried rice and added an egg to be stir-fried in. That makes it 3 eggs for that meal. 

When I got home, I realised K had gotten the helper to prepare sunny side-ups to supplement the dinner menu as there wasn't enough dishes. I had 2 eggs.....

Then I realised ALAMAK....I had 5 eggs in all for that day alone....lol. 

Super love eggs! 

Dislike. And bias.

Finding it hard to shake off bias. In the workplace.  

Me, being biased against someone else. And disliking that person to the point that.....I don't want to be at the same lunch table as far as possible...and I try to interact with the person as little as possible. 

The voice alone makes bring irritation to my nerves. 

Not good though. I need to find a way to calm myself down abit. 

Hmm. 

Uncle Robert

Teared a little on the bus this morning. 

Cos Dad told me Uncle Robert passed away yesterday morning on 26 Jan 2026. 

Though it's been more than several years since I last saw him (maybe slightly more than a decade?), I still remember his twinkling eyes, huge guffaws and big grins that reached his eyes. He was never without his moustache and we all thought he looked like an ex-Malaysian minister called Badawi. He also had head of thick fully white hair. Stubborn but loyal. Pretty jovial too. 

He was one of Dad & Mum & my Auntie Molly's old friend from decades ago. They used to hang out quite often till they got too old to do so too frequently. In fact, this bunch of their friends "watched" me grow up. I used to hang out with them once in awhile at Aranda Country Club 30+ years ago when I was a young teenager and when they used to all gather there to dance and listen to the live band there. They would have been in their 40s and 50s (or some in their 60s) and I'd have been 13, 14, 15 yrs old. 

Uncle Robert was 92yrs old. His wife Auntie Mimi was Mum's close friend till they drifted apart a little as she could not meet my mum anymore due to her bad knees and not so good health. She visited me in hospital when I had Nadya...

I hope Auntie Mimi is doing ok....

Rest in peace Uncle Robert. 

It's that season already when you hear of hospital wards, wakes & funerals more than weddings, birthday parties and manyues....

Of poetry and homework

One part of N's English homework today involved a creative assignment. I liked the assignment. So fun!

But it was pek chek trying to guide the teen. All I got was "I dunno! I dunno! Ugh! I dunno!" zzzzz....

She had to write a poem of at least 5 lines, with the first line being a line of lyrics from a song. The other subsequent lines had to be original lines formed by herself. 

Anyway, after much guidance, suggestions, advice from K & I.....

1st line coming from her fav pop song currently "My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne....

And voila........an emo, slightly angsty piece!

Don’t leave me hanging

Tangled in my dreams

After all that I’ve done for you

What have you left me

Nothing

But rivers of tears

Work is madness

It's been a hectic 2 days. It will be a hectic week ahead as well I think.

Back to back meetings & discussions for these 2 days. Leaving me with not much time during the day to settle my own work. 

Last minute high-level meeting this afternoon between an international organisation and parent agency's DCE = mad scramble on Mon afternoon preparing talking points, booking meeting room, ordering beverages, handling visitor registration, updating relevant bosses. Thankful Val was around to handle the admin & logistics while I focused on the updates to bosses and drafting up talking points. 

Many bits & pieces of things to settle. Some requiring more thinking, some which were thrown to our team and which I am (very) reluctantly handling. 

Nvm...breathe. 

Just do.........

...............

Mao Bu Yi

Lyrics from "如果有一天我变得很有钱" by 毛不易

如果有一天我变得很有钱
我会买下所有男的一见的笑脸
让所有可怜的孩子不在胆怯
所有邪恶的人不在掌握话语权

Should go read up on his lyrics more if I get the chance. He hangs out with Li Xueqin who is smart & intelligent and quite the intellectual. If they're good friends, I'd assume his mind is pretty great too. 

讲真的

Part of lyrics from 讲真的 by 刘宇宁

讲真的 想得不可得 是最难割舍的

A fact of life but so nicely said...even poetic...when expressed in Chinese words.

Meaningful....

钱

So far we've arranged 4 business trips for our big boss over the course of the last 1-1.5years. 

Each time, he requests to upgrade his flight to business class. Paying for the upgrade out of his own pocket of course. Even a short flight to Hong Kong was on business class. 3.5hrs cannot sit in economy? Hmm...

We calculated. He's spent around $30K over these 4 trips just to upgrade to business class. 

如果他嫌钱多可以捐给我的.......

Jiayou Lady!

New year, new schedules. 

This year, my entire 1st half of the day will be spent at Parkway Parade till 1pm. Alyssa's Math at845am, then groceries, then park myself at foodcourt to wait for her after her class ends, then lunch, then her Science class till this class ends at 1pm. 

=============

Was at the foodcourt as usual yesterday morning. Sat at a table next a a Mum, her 8 or 9-yr old daughter, and their helper. 

The mum was oscillating between "frenzied & losing patience"...and "trying to be nice & gentle"...

Could tell from the tone of her voice. I didn't even have to look at her. 

"Can you stop it??!!"

"After this you drink your water ok...." 

"How many times have I told you already?????!!!!!! NO MEANS NO!!!"

"Is the food alright? Not too hot right? If it's hot then you blow ok, I can blow for you too..."

....I feel you lady...Jiayou...! 你可以的！

We're mums, we're all parents, and....we're all schizos too...LOL

Nursing Homes

Been doing nursing home research on & off over the past week. 

Task assigned by mum, for Eema's long-term care plan. 

Small effort on my part. The heavy lifting likely will be undertaken by my Mum....to manage the siblings, relationships, the intricacies of who pays the nursing home fees, scheduling visits in the future, etc.

And she'd probably have to handle the other headache too...how to handle Eema's sworn sister who is having dementia, is very frail, and is very very attached to Eema... 

Jiayou

It's only Tuesday. I feel like a week has gone by already. 

1 staff down. hospitalised, then discharged with 1 week HL. Now her kid is hospitalised too and told me she can't be online anytime soon. 

Both schools still spamming us with things to do to get the kids ready for the rest of the school year. MIMS account set up, SLS stuff, CCA stuff, each subject teacher has their own preferences for certain things to be done and they communicate to parents in different styles as well...

Both girls wanting that special talk time before bed...not openly asking but you can sort of tell they enjoy or appreciate it...

Various texts from parent class/school groups...

Various texts from friends and/or colleagues...

Various texts from family...

Boss on AL and need to cover...staff on HL and need to cover...

One more staff seems to be sick but trying to hang on. Another staff on AL in London. 

Aunt hospitalised. Mum giving updates. I try to be there in a supportive role and call my mum with the intention of having quick updates only to get inundated with long stories. I try to cut her story-telling and guide her with short, sharp to the point questions and it helps a little. Else the 30-mins conversation I had tonight would have been 1hr. 

Need to research on nursing homes now and pass my mum some info. 

Lower back is better today but ached slightly on the bus when I had to shift position a little. Still doing my physio every day since 7 Jan. 

BREATHE....

BREATHE......

BREATHE.......

Eema's hospitalisation

This whole episode of Eema being hospitalised has various dramatic moments....

Including things like relatives losing patience with each other...

And an Aunt throwing away Eema's torn blouse, not knowing that her gold chain was in the blouse pocket...then having to dig through trash to retrieve said blouse and finally managing to find the gold chain )thankfully). 

And....the plot thickens.......

Aunt Violet, Eema's sworn sister, stays with her and is very reliant on Eema. Violet has dementia, is only  fully lucid at certain times and has very weak legs...She went missing from her house this morning...Relatives suspect she left home to find Eema....

Been 2hours with no news...Hope she is found soon. 

Ramblings

And just like this, a week has gone by in 2026. 

It was a flurry of work, checking various texts & notifications from both parent chat groups and school announcements for both kids, and checking various texts and updates from staff. 

================

I did well during the Paris-London trip and did not take any Omeprazole. 

I think I had to take it several during this week already. The moment I started work. 

Pray tell......am I stressed out by work? Lol...

 

Eema

8 Jan - Aunt Eema had apparently fallen twice in her home on this night but refused to be taken to the hospital despite her housemates' advice. 

9 Jan - She felt unwell. The story is unclear to me but my mum is not in Singapore and she is usually the first person Eema calls. Somehow my older uncle knew about her situation and called my brother up. He arranged for an ambulance and she was sent to the hospital. 

Visited her on Saturday. She was in a neck brace and said her legs hurt. She was tubed up and dosed with antibiotics because she apparently had lung infection and pneumonia and was running a fever when she was sent in. More MRI and tests are to follow on Monday again. 

Glad that at least she is in hospital where professionals are around to keep an eye on her. Glad too that her mind is lucid, and she could even tease me about me having white hair despite me being "young". 

I hope she gets well soon and there is nothing else that shows up after all her test results come in. 

She's led a hardworking life and has always been quiet but strong and resilient. She cares about all her nieces and nephews and used to pray for all of us and get 平安福 amulets for us each year till a few years back. 

88 years old. May she stay strong and have many more years to come. 

2025 was another year of ups & downs

Work

• There were some high intense periods like GE, higher profile cases involving establishments and folks that I cannot name here, meetups/issues with international organisations, end-user complaints)
• There were frustrating issues from self-entitled customers to incompetent colleagues and staff who test your patience ever so often
• Still, very thankful for a bunch of other colleagues & teammates who are competent, kind & very helpful, smart and work well with me
• Also thankful for a patient boss

Family

• N's PSLE took centrestage, while her P6 was less intense than her P5, the revisions & enrichment lessons were still challenging enough. K put in alot of effort to coach her. N got Star Pupil in her last term in class! What a nice way to end her primary school journey!
• A's growth in her P4 journey was wonderful, with her getting recognised by her teachers & getting an Inspiring Leader award at the end of the year. I hope she continues to shine in her studies as well as her prefect & Brownies pursuits.
• Time was spent in the initial months adjusting to life in a new environment. Groceries and meal planning again became priority items each week. Disputes here & there, discomfort here & there. Some stress for me here & there. But I guess nothing too major to bring me down.
• Kept up with the weekly Saturday dinners at Sandy Palm. 
• Relationships with the girls are evolving, especially with the older one. Frosty at times, warm as toast at other times...I need to figure it out how to get along with the tween/teen better...
• Thankful still for family. I know they have my back. 

Friendships

• Thankful for friendships at work who have made things more bearable and manageable. Lunch chats bordering on the boliao and ridiculous sometimes crack us up so badly we tear up and get odd looks from other teams at the pantry cos we make too much noise lol.
• Evolving friendships...kept up with some...thankful for those still around. Learning to let go a little of others who may not be around for whatever reasons there may be.

Self

• Not walking or exercising enough for sure, need to up this...
• Food intake & diet has probably improved and I put on some weight as well. Stomach still has its up & down periods but at least I don't lose much weight the moment I hit a down period. Probiotics, Gaviscon and Omeprazol are still in the picture from time to time to help me manage if needed.
• Major challenge & major breakthrough this year. Conquered the long flight to Paris. Felt uneasy with the narrower & more claustrophobic trains in Paris and London but survived them nonetheless. I feel more confident taking the trains in SG now and have done some longer journeys on the train on my own since we got back from overseas. Next thing to try will be taking the train during peak hour. 
• There's increasing tiredness and to a certain extent...apathy. Usually at work, at times on the personal front. Not sure why....

2 Jan

The start of Nadya's secondary school journey. 

K accompanied her by train to school and trudged up the hill with her to get to AHS. 

Peanut & I surprised her at the MRT station when she came home after school. I got her a cup of bubble tea from Chi Cha San Chen as a small motivation haha. Glad she was happy & surprised to see us there. And glad too that she had a good (though boring) 1st day at school. 

Happy that 5 other kids from the same primary school were in the same Sec 1 class as her. She knew 3 of them and 2 girls were actually from her P1 & P2 class! Small world! At least she doesn't have to start from scratch and already knows some kids in class. I hope this helps with the transition into secondary school. 

==================

I asked her the night before if she was nervous and was surprised to hear that she was actually excited about going into secondary school. :) Happy to hear this. 

May her secondary school journey be a smooth-going and happy one!

2026

And there you go!

We're in the new year already...2026. 

Am I ready? I don't think so. 

Not ready to start work again. Not ready for the new school term too...and not ready to start prepping for CNY and.....

Bopian lol...time flows by whether you like it or not.