要来了

coming soon or probably already here...

my acid reflux and gastric issue...

signs to know it's here....sensitive throat, on and off coughing when throats gets irritated, tight throat sometimes that makes swallowing more challenging and I need to be more careful, upper arms on and off aching, sometimes feels like there's a lump in my throat, one ulcer starting up in my mouth, tight upper gut with some cramping up last night, general lethargy (couldn't get out of bed these 2 mornings)...

ok...I've been eating more frivolously in the last 1-2 months...and I wolfed down my lunch on Sunday in less than 10mins....

It's about time my stomach acts up...I can just about guess the cycle already...

Time to self-manage and control my meals more again...

Only thing is...I've ordered in advance Mac for lunch today lol...Ok it's gonna be my last indulgent meal....before a week or 2 of more light eating...

肌肉山山

Took me awhile but I recently found this Korean-Chinese Youtuber, who's been around for at least 4 years I think. 

Content's a little duh at times but overall good and happy vibes. Sincere and didn't look too forced, at least for some of the videos I've watched. 

Unique mix of both Chinese & Korean speech and culture. I found that interesting. 

Yes I can!

Saw this on IG:

1. I can overcome this by creating a safe space for myself.
2. I am worthy, valuable, and more than enough.
3. I deserve happiness, and I can achieve it. 
4. I become more resilient everyday that I push through.
5. I forgive myself for past mistakes and choices that didn't work out. 
6. I become better everyday as long as I get up and give my all. 
7. I don't compare myself to anyone else because I was meant to be different. 
8. I know that each day is a new start and a new chance for happiness. 

Reminder to self. 

Especially on 4, 5, 6, 8.

throaty

Had half a yew chak kueh late yesterday morning. And a packet of cold ribena during lunch.

And had a slight scratchy throat by the time afternoon came...

zzzz....throat's pretty sensitive these days...

We are spies!!

***Cue James Bond music***

Been awhile since I had a weird-ass drama dream haha.
It had funkiness, familiarity, nostalgia, jealousy, heart flutterings, disdain, and a whole load of other emotions all meshed together. 

And so......

***Cue some more James Bond music***

K and I were spies. Specifically, spies in a secondary school. As secondary school students. At our current age. (I know right...*roll eyes*) 

But I don't know what we were supposed to be spying about, who we were spying for, and who we were spying on! Lol...this premise wasn't "stated" in the dream haha...

Anyway, there was a girl student older than the usual age of Sec 3 or Sec 4 students cos she was a transfer student from overseas. She had quite a blatant crush on K as she found him alot more mature compared to the other Sec 3 & 4 guys. (I mean of cos lah, he's a 40-yr-old acting as a 16-yr-old). She followed him around and tried to have her recess meals with him. K tried to "fend off" this girl by hanging out with me instead lol.

And for me, I had a fresh graduate Math teacher who was somehow enamoured with me and tried to get close to me. He too found he could relate to me as I was alot more mature compared to other students. I don't remember how he looked like in the dream, but I think he wore glasses. I remember telling him to stay away from me and not get too close, and I almost blurted out that I was already married but bit my tongue and held back.....cos well...spy mah, cannot reveal real identity LOL. 

The dream cut to a scene where we were all hanging out at the school canteen after school. For some absolutely strange reason, the rest of my secondary school friends ended up there as well. And ALL OF US were undercover i.e. 40-yr-olds masquerading as secondary school kids. 

I saw Parwin and Peiqi sitting next to us and having their meals. We were all talking and chatting while having our meals. Ally was buying her food and bringing her tray over to sit with us. I don't remember who else was there specifically. It was a blur of faces around K and I and I had the impression Eugene and TH were floating around somewhere too. I remember thinking to myself "Wah, this spy project is growing to such a big scale that they (the spy organisation and folks behind all this) had to rope in my friends as well??!!"

I don't know which school we were in exactly. The guys were all in white shirts and long pants. Us girls looked like we were in KC uniforms (looks like Tao Nan's uniform too lol) but how could we have been in a co-ed secondary school if we were in KC? Lol....I heard someone mention Chung Cheng in the dream and also Dunman High but the uniforms look nothing like those schools. 

Anyway.......

While we were hanging out at the canteen, the girl who had a crush on K was still in the background trying to join us at the long table and sit next to him. I gave her dagger eyes, not that she cared haha. The rest of us "complained" that we all flunked our tests...(cos who the hell at age 40 remembers their secondary school syllabus? haha.....)

And then....

My alarm rang....

And the dream ended abruptly so I never knew what happened to that teacher who had a crush on me, or what we were spying on or who paid us lol.....

SO amusing and fun hahaha. :D

Staff

Dealing with 2 staff that needs alot of hand-holding zaps energy and patience out of my workday sometimes. 

Glad that I have a manager in between them and myself to weed out more nonsense stuff. But somestimes things like HR and interpersonal matters, and more complex operational issues still come to me. 

Reminder to myself to take deep breaths and not let these 2 staff affect me and my thoughts too much. 

Age, EQ and level of competence are some things I cannot control and I just have to learn how to accept things, and with various pinches of salt as well. 

I have various spurts of optimism and try to guide and teach and hope they improve. I don't know if I'm setting myself up for disappointment because the higher the hope and expectation, the more disappointment and frustration there will be. Sometimes I still try, and then I find banging against the wall, and I get pek chek, and....the cycle repeats. 

Maybe one day I will really give up. I don't know...Just cos someone's 50+ yrs old doesn't mean they can't learn and better themselves right? 

Vaxx

1st jab done on 9 June. 

Took alot of energy out of me trying to manage my fears and worries. Still taking some energy out of me but I will manage myself and I will get over it. Because I can. 

Yes I can. 

Jason Mraz

Jason Mraz accompanies me for work today. Specifically his Live showcase @ EBS in 2014 in Korea. 

I used to be enamoured with him. And managed to see him live back in 2012 when he came by to perform at Gardens by the Bay. Somehow got to listening to him again recently. 

Dad

Adrian texted me this morning at 745am. Rare for him to text me, even rarer for him to text me so early in the morning. 

He wanted to tell me he's trying to get Dad to get hearing aids. Apparently Dad's hearing is getting quite bad, especially his right ear. Told Adrian that I hope Dad won't be as stubborn as how Granny was back on those days. I remember it took my Dad & Aunt YEARS to nag at her before she relented, and also because she couldn't hear the TV anymore. 

Told Adrian to get Mum to speak to Dad as well. It's funny because Adrian shared that Mum can't talk to Dad much. Either he cannot hear her properly and misinterprets what she's saying and they both start arguing, or either one loses patience with the other and they end up arguing again. Whatever it is, they both end end up arguing lol. 

I'll see what I can do...told Adrian I'll try to do some research on my end as well...on cost, types of aids available, brands and providers around...

As we watch our kids grow bigger, we ourselves grow older day by day...and our parents get older and older too...Such issues are coming up slowly...I'll need to learn how to adapt and handle them too..."parenting" the parents is one of them...