Nadya

She drives me nuts at times. 

She tests my limits time and again.

She stifles me from time to time.

But.

I love her to bits.

I love the way she hugs me.

I love the way she shows her affection by patting me the way I pat her. 

I love the way her eyes twinkle.

I love her for her wittiness and cheekiness and intelligence.

My firstborn. :) 

Boohoo

The finality has hit home. 

I'm packing up and keeping all my milk storage bottles and pumps and tubes and accessories....I've also given my extra milk storage bags away...

Note to self:

Yes it is final. Your BF journey is at an end. While it may have ended not in the way you wanted, be glad that you even lasted till 6.5months. Especially when you were initially only planning on hitting the 4-month mark. *small pay on the back*

Get well soon

Get well soon our sunshine baby...

妈妈看了都心疼...不过还是很庆幸你还是那么的开朗。真是我们的开心果。

Parenting 101

I constantly question whether I am doing the right things for my kids.

Alyssa has been falling sick so often since she started infant care. We've brought her to the PD at least 7-8 times since CNY this year. To the point that the thought of pulling her out of infant care did cross my mind. Am I doing the right thing by letting her continue? Am I doing her a greater disservice by pulling her out?

Nadya has started enrichment classes in her school. She's taking gym lessons and recently started on ballet. Now her teacher tells me more than half her classmates are in the chinese speech and drama enrichment class...Now I'm thinking if she is losing out on learning Mandarin. 

Kiasu mentality? I don't know.

Work...career....job.....

I spent the last 5 years focused on my personal life - getting married, shifting out, getting my own place, having kids and making sure everything is good in their life.

Back in 2011, I had just been in the company for 4 years. Not too long, but not short either. Although HR had earmarked me under its talent management programme at that point and had identified me for a job rotation, I was not ready and declined the offer of the new position in anther division of the same organisation. At that point, I had also felt that the role offered to me was not quite suitable.

Between 2011 and now, thoughts of my career and progression did surface in my mind from time to time but I didn't think about it much. Now, with so many changes happening in the parent organisation and with a new boss, the question has surfaced again.

How long more should I stay here?
Where can I go from here?
What can I do?

Come September 2016, I would have spent 9 years in this company. That is long. Almost 2/3 of my entire working life was spent in this place.

I am not sure if I am rotting here. Part of me feels like I am. Part of me though is lazy to be confronted with new challenges and changes if I shift to another place. Part of me just wants to stay here.

My priority is my family and I am unsure if other places can accord me the flexibility and support I need when I need to head off to look after the kids.

While I am sure I can't move up the ladder much if I am still here in this company, I am half-hearted to leave as well, what with the camaraderie already built up with colleagues and external stakeholders.

Questions.
Questions.

Conversations with a 30-month old

We were in the car heading out for lunch with K's family. His belated birthday lunch. 

Nadya: Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall.

Kyne: And then? 

N: Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

K: And then? 

N: Must put plaster.

LOL.....

==========

I called my parents one of the weekday nights and my mum happened to pick the call. I put her on speakerphone so that Nadya could join in our conversation.

Nadya was playing "masak masak" with some of her plastic cups and teapot. 

N: I am "making" barley for Mama! 

My mum: Wah, you know how to cook barley?

N: Ya.

My mum: Can you make some for me too? I like barley water.

N: Tomorrow you cook it yourself. 

LOL....

==========

We were in a cafe. I went to take children's cutlery for her....and then I got corrected by the little girl...

Me: Here you go. I took a pink bowl for you. You like pink right? 

N: Nooooo. Not bowl. This is a plate. 

I swear the lady at the next table gave a knowing snigger...maybe she's a mum too lol. 

Conversation piece

I was sharing a table at the kopitiam with another lady. I'd finished my meal and was waiting for the clinic to open. So with my Teh-o still hot and sitting on the table, I decided to start drawing. 

The auntie asked me about it after several minutes had passed haha. She asked to see my book and I showed it to her. I showed her some of my past works as well and she seemed genuinely interested. 

She said the piece I was currently working on was beautiful. Wah thanks a lot leh auntie :)

You made my day even though it is a very unfinished piece haha. 

I seem to be speaking a lot to random strangers these days.....

New pieces

Some new pieces over the last 2 weeks plus....

Fate?

A week or so ago I wrote about my new cabby friends. 

One of them asked me to buy his car licence plate number for 4D because he thought it was quite uncanny how we met. And how we had some things in common. 

I'm happy to announce that on the Saturday evening just past, I won a consolation prize in the draw! Lol....my first 4D win ever! Although it was a mere $78, it still felt good. I'm sure he won something as well. :) 

Although I promised to call him if I did win anything, I didn't. It feels a little strange to call him just to tell him that. So I will leave it to fate again. I may meet him again and only then will I inform him that I did win something! Thanks to his cab number haha....

Story of My Life

I think today is the 6th or 7th time I'm seeing a doctor. 

It's only April. 

And no I have not counted in the times when I went for dental or other hospital checkups. 

FML.

If I include the times when I brought the 2 girls for their own checkups and PD visits, the number will probably hit 17 or 18.....

The windows to my soul

There were 2 things I absolutely hated when I was younger: seeing the dentist and seeing the optometrist. 

While they followed through to my adulthood, I have learned to accept that it is inevitable that I would visit one or the other at least once in a year or two. 

I went to the optical shop today. The same one I've been going to since 5-6 years ago. I had my eyes checked and sigh....the results were not so good. 

My left eye went from having no astigmatism to now having 75 degrees of it. 

Both eyes still have very high myopia. 

Sigh. I get sad every single time I head to the optical shop. Without fail. 

Sigh. 

Should I?

Have I become more cynical and unfeeling? 

An old woman approached me and asked for $2. She said she had dropped her wallet and needed cash for her lunch.  I was quite wary, told her I had no small change and left the area. 

I wasn't sure whether she was a scammer or genuinely needed money. 

As I walked away I felt a mixture of guilt, confusion and cynicism. 

Should I have just given her some money? Regardless of whether she was genuine or not? 

I don't know. I chose to walk away and now I am burdened somewhat by these thoughts and wondering if I am a bad person. 

distracted

11am 15 April 2016 Friday

distracted is when:

• your husband has been coughing for 2-3 weeks
• your older girl is showing signs of a cough starting again
• your younger girl is recovering from an eye infection, still battling a cough and has now just gotten a very bad nappy rash
• your dad just went to for his heart check-up this morning and is due for his eye/glaucoma/cataract checkup soon
• you yourself are nursing a cough and a sore throat and are trying to find a chance to go see the doctor instead of self-medicating

AND

• your mum is now at the A&E with bad giddiness, high BP and another bout of diarrhoea (which has been afflicting her on and off for the last 2-3 weeks. Just received notice from my Dad through whatsapp.... 

Dear God,
please keep my family and my loved ones safe and in good stead.... thank you.....

Nappy rash

Peanut has a bad nappy rash. Sigh. 

The poor girl has been crying badly whenever she pees. It must be quite painful and uncomfortable for her.

Mama feels a little heart pain whenever you cry...

Hang in there sweetie. 

Mr Desitin is trying his best to work his magic on your bum.....

My New Friends

I have been very frivolous of late. I frequently take a cab to work.

Yes, I know...it is rather frivolous...and my defensive mind will churn up 1,001 reasons to justify it when questioned. =D

Anyway, I take a cab to work so frequently that I've recently made 2 friends. 2 different cabbies who have picked me up several times each. Let's call them 2654 and 9897 lol. Those are their cab license plate numbers.

Mr 2654 is with Prime Taxi and is in his 40s. He drops his daughter off at Anglican High and then starts going picking up passengers. And that's why his timing and my timing is about the same. He has a younger son in primary school. We end up chatting mostly about kids and school and education.

Mr 9897 is with Transcab and is in his 50s. He has 2 sons. The older one is completing his studies at NTU soon and the younger one is still in the army. His wife works part-time at a shop somewhere in Frankel. After he drops her off work, he then gets back to the grind of picking up passengers. His cab is only 3 months old and I've taken it about 3 times already. We called it fate and he told me to go buy his car number for 4D. Apparently the number has also been out at least 4 times in 4D results, not the actual number but a permutation of it. He told me to go buy ibet haha....

Knowing these two uncles has its perks...sometimes when the morning "on-call" traffic is busy and I can't get a cab, one of them (if they are free and still around the area) would notice that I'm still trying to get a cab. They would then take my job. Hehe...

有缘千里来相会
Sometimes fate brings interesting people and things into your life. :)

mini rant post

A board member asked me something via email. I had drafted up something pretty good as a response. At least I thought it was pretty good, and it's rare that I think I can do up something good. Sent it to the boss for clearance yesterday. He amended it slightly and said I could send it out today.

This morning though, he sent me a text message to let me know that he'd already sent out the response last night.

Xian max. It was a chance for me to showcase myself to the high-ups...and now that has been taken away from me. And his email sent out was actually 90% drafted by me. Wah. Xian lor.

==========
Peanut has an eye infection. And a runny nose (yes, again...sigh) and a cough.

Sigh. Get well soon sweetie...Mama's worried about you...and Mama misses your smiles.
You didn't smile that much last night and seemed a little dazed at times too. :( 

==========
Going about my days in a zombie mode. It is affecting my work a little. I need to read and re-read certain things. Especially if its is a legal or policy document.

God, grant me patience. And quality sleep.

11 April 2016 - Granny's 2nd Death Anniversary

Today marks the 2nd anniversary of granny's passing.

It is true I guess. Time heals and time numbs.
While the events of that night 2 years ago and the ensuing funeral arrangements remain fresh in my mind, I feel less emotional about it. Is this called coming to terms with it? Hmm. I don't know.

Yesterday, my parents, brother and I went to Holy Family Church to pay our respects to her and to say our prayers. We each took our own pews and said our own prayers silently.

This time round, Nadya and K came along as well.

I'm not sure if I was less emotional compared to last year because part of my mind was pre-occupied with Nadya. (She was abit overwhelmed in the church and was fussing a little.) Or I was less emo because time heals...

There were some changes to the church this time. The offerings counter downstairs had gone and had apparently been shifted elsewhere. The Mother Mary statue and the guppies and koi were still there though. :)

==========
As for Nadya, I don't think she understood why we were at the church though K had tried to explain to her. She was mostly overwhelmed by the number of people who were leaving after mass. She was also overwhelmed by the main glass-stained mural at the front of the main prayer hall. And I think, like how I was when I was younger, she was probably overwhelmed by the atmosphere within the church itself. It just feels different from other environments and I guess she must have felt it too.

She was silent and morose and generally fussy.

==========
In the 2 weeks leading up to today, there were weird comments coming from the little girl.

She had met her great-grandmother 2-3 times before. But I doubt she remembers my granny because she was only a few months old then. Still, there is this family portrait at my parents' place with my granny in it. Nadya recognises and understands that the old lady in the picture is her "Ah Chor" aka her great-grandmother.

There was a night 2 weeks ago when she told me she didn't want to sleep because she didn't like "the old woman". I asked her "which old woman? what old woman?" And she replied "Ah Chor".

Gave me goosebumps after that...lol.

And just on Saturday evening at my parents' place, Nadya was playing with their home phone. She picked up the receiver and pretended to be talking to someone. "Hello, how are you? (blah blah blah) Ok, good bye." My Dad asked who she was speaking to...and she replied "Ah Chor".

Goosebumps part 2! Haha...

#truestory

9 April 2016 - part deux

7 years ago K and I embarked on a journey. 

How time flies! We went from 2 separate souls to one conjoined unit and now we've spawned the next generation of our own. Lol. 

 

Our journey together has had the obligatory ups and downs in any relationship. But I can't imagine going through it with anyone else!

Happy anniversary baby...:) 

P/s: 是我上了贼船! Hehe...

9 April 2016

And my baby turns 2.5 years old today. 

Honored to be her mum. 

Humbled to be able to give my love to her.

Happy to protect her and comfort her.

Hoping that she will be healthy, happy and strong always. 

While her baby days are long gone, we have learnt to appreciate her toddler-hood. While it can be rather trying at times, we are also deeply grateful for all the happy, lovely, funny, wonderful and awesome times spent with her. 

She's a stubborn and fierce spirit. Yet, one with a kind and caring heart. I hope and hope again that life will be kind to her and treat her well enough. 

My baby girl, here is Mama's promise to you: I will be there with you and for you always. I love you. 

The Incumbent

Too much hate, vitriol and complaints on FB these days. Why ah? Complain for the sake of complaining? Whine for the sake of whining? Jumping on the bandwagon to bash whoever is the incumbent? So much malice sometimes. Hiding behind a screen sure gives people a whole load of guts. 

I come from the public sector. While I might not always agree with policies set by the G, I understand where they are coming from. You can never please the entire populace. 

Sure, giving in to public sentiment and wishes will bring the G a lot more support. But generally, members of the public are not policy-makers. Most cannot see beyond a micro view. Most can't see the macro aspects of policy-making. So going with what the public suggests will probably not have a happy ending for the country. 

It is a delicate balancing act. Juggling between managing the people's expectations and what should be done for the country, its progress and its sustainability. 

Yet, many people don't see this. There seems to be a constant outpouring of hate against the G and a constant vigil for when a slip up might happen, which, if it really happens, would then bring about loud baying for the G's blood. 

Don't be too quick to nitpick. Suddenly everyone is a politician or an economist or a policy-maker who knows what should be done for the country. Put it simply, if you're so smart, if you know what needs to be done to fix all the issues, then you do the job. If you can't even get to that position or role that makes a difference, then it might be wise to just stfu. 

I deal with simple policy-making. Very simple policy development. Yet, there are still many angles to cover, many rounds of discussions and arguments to tough out, and many hours of thought put into it. Just to ensure that the policies make sense, are watertight and do not inadvertently bring any negatives to people. 

I cannot imagine policy-making at a national level. The amount of thought needed is scary. And the amount of intellect needed is equally scary. 

We as a people, have enjoyed many good things arising from policies and initiatives set up by the G. Maybe it is more prudent to be content and appreciate the good stuff that we have, rather than focus too much on the perceived negatives. It'll make life easier. 

The 30-Month-Old Little (Big) Girl

So K told me last night: "Do you know that Nadya knows how to turn on the light?"

I told him "Yeah I know. She knows how to use the remote control to turn on the light in her room. This has been for quite some time already."

K: "Nope. She knows how to turn on the light in OUR room."

???

@_@

The lights in our room?? We don't have any remote to control the light in our room.....
Which only means that.....omg.

YUP.

She is now tall enough to tiptoe and hit the light switch.

At all of 92cm.

(and 12.7kg lol).

Oh man....why do kids grow so fast?? I miss her baby stage!!

She will be 2.5 years old in 2 days' time. How time flies really....

And oh yes, she needs a ticket on the train and bus already...a Child Concession Card...

Whoa

It is scary really.

I am conducting a simple background check on an overseas company which is trying to establish a formal relationship with us. Yes, I double up as a PI at times and undertake some detective work.

In the course of my doing such PI work.......I've come to realise that....

It is rather scary how much information you can find of a person simply by doing a search on them on Google. You know where that person is from, where that person is based now, where that person went to school, where that person has worked at, etc. You can even find tons of pictures of them. Sometimes, you would even know whether that person is married or not, whether he/she has kids, etc.

And.....

It is interesting to see how shady some of these businesses are. Yes, they may be raking in millions....but you see them incorporating their businesses in tax-havens like Cyprus, Belize, Panama, BVI, etc. It makes you wonder if they are involved in any illicit activities or any money-laundering activities haha.

Bloated tummy

Bloated tummy these 2 days. 

No idea how to relieve it...quite uncomfortable sigh.

I look 4 mths pregnant. 5mths pregnant if I just had a meal. 

True story. 

Mega wail. 

:((((

Achievement Unlocked!!

Nadya can button up her uniform dress already! 

Way to go little baby!! 

Mama is proud of you!!

😝🤓😆😘😍😃😉☺️😏😛

Zentangle

Here is a Zentangle piece...not sure if it can be considered a Zentangle mandala though. But really, the process of drawing these is rather therapeutic...:) the photo does it no justice lol...and I'm not a good photographer too. The piece looks better than it does in the "chui" pic below lol.....

Embarking on another piece tomorrow. Not sure when I will complete it though....

The End of My Breastfeeding Journey

And so...my breastfeeding journey is coming to an end.
Both intentionally and unintentionally.

Intentionally because I was already planning to do so. I had given myself the goal of reaching Alyssa's 6 month mark. She turned 6 months on 24 March...and we just started her on cereal.

Unintentionally because I had not planned for it to end in such an un-ceremonius manner.
Last week's sickness was a tough one and totally knocked my supply off balance. I had intended to slowly let my supply wane off on its own. Last week's bout of sickness zapped off my supply quite suddenly. I think the medication I was on was the cause of it.

I am only pumping like once a day now just to relieve myself a little and still, the quantity is only somewhere around 80 or 100ml. I am pumping and throwing it away too because I don't want to pass on whatever medication I am taking on to Alyssa.

So whatever stash I still have in the freezer will be my last few bags of mummy's milk for the little girl...

Although I wanted to wean her off at 6 months.....I don't know why but I feel a little sad also...
I feel like as if a thick string of our bond is being cut away....:(

Tonsilitis

Friday night was scary. 

My fever went up again as for the first time in my life I started shivering, uncontrollably. K said I had the chills and that it was common for someone with a fever. 

I'd never experienced it before and naturally felt quite concerned. 

I was in a Tshirt and cardi and long harem pants and socks. I was huddled under a blanket in bed, without any fan or aircon switched on, without my aide of the window open, and still I shivered. 

It lasted a good 30mins or so. 

And then slowly, around 2hrs later, I warmed up and started sweating profusely. Tore off all my long clothes before I felt better. 

Glad to say the fever is gone. And the tonsillitis is much much better. 

I hope the year ahead gets better for me in terms of health....

Conversations with a 29.5-month-old

We were in her room this morning.

N: Mama, I show you how to climb (onto) the bed ok?
Me: Ok, show me.
N: First, you put your hands here and then your tummy here and then you lift your legs up!
Me: Wow, that seems tough Nadya's. It looks difficult.
N: Nevermind darling. You can try next time when you grow up ok.

Tio suan again by her. -_-''

I swear she's sounding more and more like us...and the way we speak....

==========
The other day while playing with her rubber hair bands...

N: You take the pink one. The blue one is for Dada.
Me: Why must I take the pink one?
N: Because you are a girl.
Me: Oh ok.....

And so generalisation and stereotyping comes into play that early in age? From where did she learn this? School? Peers? Definitely not from K or myself....

==========

She had a nose bleed the other night. In the middle of the night actually. When we woke in the morning, she said "I bleed-ed." 

While the word should be "bled", I am surprised she understands the concept of "past tense". We never consciously taught her that so I'm kinda happy she's smart enough to pick it up on her own. I guess it helps that we all try to speak proper English to her.