My loves!

I ordered online and paid for them yesterday. They arrived in the mail today! Super fast!

I've been using Nalgene bottles for as long as I can remember. Since my ducktours days I think, which is at least 10 years or more. 

Loving these purchases. Especially the red bottle :) 

Belated birthday gift

A dear friend from another division attended a terrarium-making workshop just to make me one for my birthday. She knows I like them. While the gift came late, I was very touched, because she's one who is totally clueless about such things. 

Thank you KH!

*ROAR*

It's my issue. It was my update to the boss.

And he escalated the updates to the top bosses for their information but he did not cc me, instead he cc-ed the other two team members (granted, they are of a higher grade than me) when they had nothing to do with it. Nor did they do anything at all. And they get exposure just like that?

I wrote the update email and provided all information and I don't get any exposure at all?

What the #$#@%$#%

大家都不是十六岁了

The older we get, the more responsibilities, challenges and 烦恼 we seem to have. Is this part of growing older?

Just had lunch with TH today...it was an almost 2-hour session of talking and listening. A good session.

I hope he resolves his issues in time to come. They are a little tricky and would take time to settle. I wish for the remainder of this year and 2015 to be smoother for him...and for Diana as well. May their wedding preparations go well too.

He has gotten more white hairs recently. I've gotten more wrinkles. Signs.
That we are all no longer exuberant and carefree 16 year-olds. 

Hard to imagine we used to wear T-shirt and berms and run around on Pasir Ris beach.

Om nom nom

K whipped up this 爱心晚餐 last night. Grilled salmon with salad greens and zaru soba by the sides. 

Thank you baby, really appreciate it!

It is back

I have a recurring dream. Maybe not a recurring dream but a recurring theme in some of my dreams.

From time to time I dream that I am in a school and I am lost. Either I am trying to find a particular room or I am simply trying to make my way out of school to go home. There are usually a lot of stairways and corridors and  passageways. Sometimes there are other students or friends around, sometimes it is just myself. It is always not a school that I have been to nor a school that I recognise. But it is always a tertiary education school with lecture halls and different wings. 

I had two of such dreams again over the last few nights. I don't remember much now but in one of the dreams, I was with a girl whom I've not met for almost 20 years, an ex-classmate from sec sch. Xiumin. 

Very strange to have her in my dream.

Anyway, the same thing happened in this dream. I was trying to find a particular lecture hall. She was with me for awhile but eventually she "abandoned" me when she found her own lecture room. I continued my roaming around at an increasingly frenzied pace.

I do not remember what happened in the end. But I do remember the walking around and the tense feeling of being lost and rushing for something.

New addition to the kitchen

Eric and Des got us this for our home. 

Always thought of getting one but always also felt that it was one of those gadgets where you would use it once or twice and then leave it aside.

Anyway now we have one! 

That Offer

Years ago, when I graduated from university, my uncle from my mother's side called me up and asked me to join his company. He was then the Asia MD of a big corporate reinsurance brokerage firm in Singapore. He was a powerful

man, still is. 

He had called up my brother too when he graduated 5 years earlier than me. My brother rejected his kind offering, as did I, when my turn came. I knew my uncle was disappointed in us. My mum never failed to remind us of this. Actually, she still does so on occassion.

My uncle had always wanted someone from the family to join his company and grow from there. My brother and I were the only graduates close to him on his side of the family and he had pinned high hopes on us. 

I was sorry to disappoint him but at the time, I did not want to join a company through such means. Maybe I was naive, but I did not want to be viewed or treated differently by colleagues if they knew I was the bosses' niece. And also, I was rather scared to join a big MNC for my first job. Call me stupid. I know of many others who would clamour to be served up a job on a silver platter. 

An MNC for a first job would pave the way for many other good jobs to come. If I had accepted the job then, my CV would probably look vastly different now. And I would probably not end up being a public servant writing policy papers.

Anyway, I felt he was angry with me after that. For several years I kept feeling like as if he did not bother about me too much. It's gotten better in recent years and I hope our relationship improves more. 

Sometimes I think to myself: 

What if I had accepted that job 12 years ago? What if? 

If you were to ask me now what my answer would be, it might be a "maybe" instead of a definitive "no". 

Birthday cooking

I spent my birthday on Friday at home. The entire morning was spent cooking. Making her vegetable purees, and cooking my own stuff. Chicken wings and celery/carrot/egg/cabbage nutrient packed soup!

October...

October has turned out to be a challenging month. Even though both Little Baby's and my birthdays fall within this month.....

She was sick in the first 2 weekends. K & I were down in the 3rd weekend.
(We didn't even celebrate my birthday. No mood nor appetite nor chance to do so. But at least we still managed to squeeze in a dim sum meal at Canton Paradise while out running errands on Saturday.)

And now her school's infant care has got 2 cases of HFMD. I'm not sending her to school for a week till the school gets the all clear...so that means taking leave here and there again.

Need to send her for her vaccination next Monday too. She usually gets a reaction after that...I forsee myself taking more leave again.

Doesn't help that the lull is over and work has come in quite abit again this week.

Bah...bite the bullet. I hope the weeks going forward will be better!

Ganbatte!

This morning

As I was entering the lift this morning to go up to my office, a lady stepped out of it. Her arms were folded, she was holding a cup of coffee and she was crying. She walked briskly away.

Whatever had upset her, I hope it has been resolved.

And I hope that lady is feeling better by now.

Smile, be nice.
You don't know what suffering others might be going through in their hearts and minds.

bad throat

The throat is still hurting and strangely, it does not hurt that much when I swallow my own saliva. But it does when I drink water...so strange. When I drink water, I can feel like as if there are two cuts on the inside of my throat, one on each side. These 2 areas smart when the water touches them. Just glad that the throat doesn't hurt when I eat :)

More honey tonight I guess....

The Little Sleeping Beauty

Little Baby had only slept for 30minutes late yesterday morning at 11-plus when she woke up crying and screaming. Maybe a bad dream had disrupted her sleep, maybe a car downstairs has honked, I don't know.

I picked her up from her cot, soothed her and she fell asleep again in my arms, with her head on my chest.

I sat down on our living room couch, arranged a pillow behind my lower back for support and sat there holding the sleeping her.

She stirred from time to time, flipping her head from left to right or shifting her head a little in her sleep. And all the time she was sleeping while lying on me. Her head was either on my chest, or on my belly.

Mummy must be a nice pillow, for she continued sleeping....for the next 3 hours. (Thank God I had a quick lunch before this!)

There was a point in time when her cheeks looked so chubby and squashed against my chest that she resembled a hamster. And another point in time when she heaved a contented baby sigh. (Oh what a lovely sound that was!) And another point in time when she held on tightly to my arm instead of holding onto her bolster (which she was initially holding). And another point in time when the fingers of one of her hands held onto my index finger tightly.And another point in time when she woke briefly and opened her eyes, surveyed her surroundings, discovered that she was sleeping on me and then decided to continue sleeping somemore.

I'll treasure these times dearly and keep these memories with me forever.
For I can only experience these now when she's at this age when this is still possible.....

Update

And so...the slight fever ain't that slight anymore. Eyes are burning a little in their sockets, my thighs are aching a little and my neck is aching alot. The throat's not getting better, even eating watermelon is uncomfortable. 

Bah. :( 

My mum cooked assam buah kelo today...I couldn't take much of it. 

累了，病了

Slight fever, bad sore throat. 

Bah. 

Happy 34th!

There I lasted till midnight. :) 

Happy birthday to me!!

Here's wishing for myself all lovely things and good health and happiness always. 

Nadya at 1 yrs old

Little Baby turned a year old a few days ago on 9 October. Let's see, what are her stats?

Weight: 8.8kg (50% percentile, she lost about 200gms or so when she fell sick over the weekend just past)

Length: 73cm (50% percentile)

Teeth: only 1 lower front incisor. (actually it's more like 1/4 of the tooth that has grown out...., she's slower in this aspect....)

Mongoloid marks: The ones on her lower hip have almost faded to nothing. The one on her right shoulder is faint but still visible. It makes her look as if she has a big bruise there.

Motor Skills

• Her pincer grasp is improving by leaps and bounds. She can feed herself small pieces of bread by picking them off the palm of my hand. She needs improvement though on aiming for and putting the bread into her mouth haha.
• She has pulled herself up to a standing position from when she was 10 months old. She is cruising with more confidence these days and has occasionally been trying to climb up the sofa. She can stand unsupported for 2-3 seconds but on her own terms, i.e. when she choose to let go of any support.There was once she stood on her own for almost 7-8 seconds before crashing down on her bum with aplomp. I'm expecting her to walk in the next month or two.
• She still crawls around on her tummy most of the time and helps us "wipe the floor". Downside to this is that her rompers are getting quite worn out and some look pretty raggedy. :( 

Cognitive/Emotional Development

• She gets anxious easily and has started throwing some tantrums when we remove something she is holding onto.
• You can definitely see a twinkle in her eye when she decides to challenge the status quo and you can sometimes see a determined clenched jaw with furrowed brows when she wants to get her way.
• There are signs of a stubborn streak in her...(oh no!)
• She loves music and will sway to it. She does it sometimes even when I sing to her.
  

Communication/Social Skills 

• She waves to just about everyone and understands when we ask her to wave.She waves when we say Hi or Goodbye too. When we bring her out in the stroller, she waves at passers-by. Even the burliest of pot-bellied uncles have gone all mushy when she does that and made baby goo-goo-ga-ga sounds at her.
• She understands when we say "no" and stops whatever she is doing most of the time.
• She says "Dada" when she sees K and looks around for him when I ask "Where's Daddy?".
• She understands when I ask her to "pat pat" something. She pats K when I say "pat pat Daddy" and pats me when I say "pat pat Mummy". 
• She has her preference for certain people and certain teachers in her school. She does refuse to be carried by people unfamiliar to her.
• She is making more and more noises these days.

Food

• She is following a fixed meal schedule since a month ago and I think it is doing her good. She takes breakfast, lunch and dinner, with milk in the afternoon between lunch and dinner and milk before bedtime. 
• She is taking porridge for lunch everyday now, even at the infant care centre. I will start introducing mee sua and baby pasta to her soon. 
• New foods that she's taken in the last month include:
• broccoli (she rejected it on its own but I'm sneaking it into her porridge these days and she seems ok with it)
• cauliflower (she loves this)
• blueberries
• kiwi
• grapes
• barley
• cheese
• egg (only some nibbles of a hard boiled egg)
• cake (just a small nibble of her own birthday cake!)
  

Others

• She loves soft toys or anything soft and cuddable. She will grab the item, bend over and then smother her face in it lol.
• She enjoys playing peekaboo with the curtains in her room.
• She's a drool machine. Anyone needing drool lubricant can come find me.
  

Mother's Guilt

Feeling guilty.

1. My weak body constitution might have passed on to Little Baby. Really hope she builds up her immunity fast...and grows up stronger than I ever was.

2. I brought her out last weekend when she was recovering....and exposed her to other viruses which she unfortunately caught and fell sick again for a 2nd consecutive weekend.

Mega sigh.

Random thoughts on a Tuesday morning

Sometimes I feel as if I started the race in pole position but somewhere somehow along the race laps I faltered and ended up trailing behind others. Peaked too soon? Hurdles? Do I want to be the best? Or slightly above average? Or am I content to be average?

又要重复那些话吗？ 人比人， 气死人。 知足就好。 

============
I am turning 34 in 3 days' time. So much has happened since I turned 30 but why is it I feel like I have not really embraced my 30s with much finesse? hmm...

On a side note, I will officially be in my mid-30s already...oh my.

When I was younger and read the papers, I would come across articles of people committing petty crimes like stealing or shoplifting and the perpetrators age would be worded into the article as well. So and so, aged 32. So and so, aged 31. So and so, aged 35.

I used to think that these people were older and so much more adult.

And now, I am here, at this age too. It feels weird.

=============
On leave on my birthday. Will be glad to be spending some quiet time with me, myself and I.
I have some things I plan to do for the day. Whether or not I really end up doing them...remains to be seen. I might just choose to lie in bed and sleep and sleep.

Elated

Finally, after 19 hours, she took her first bottle of milk. Though it was only 120ml, it still lifted my spirits by a lot.

I hope her appetite continues to improve...fingers crossed! 

Little Baby jiayou!

Sunday

My Sunday started at 6am when Little Baby woke and refused to go back to sleep.

And the entire day has been about managing her crankiness and food intake. And nap times. 

She's not eating and I'm mighty worried. It's 4pm now and her last proper meal was at 830am when she had some rice and oat cereal for breakfast. Thereafter she rejected all cereal and milk. I anticipated this and did not cook her usual porridge today. She has only nibbled on pieces of bread and some grains of rice and barley as snacks because I was desperate to get something into her. 

But oh, she's strangely taking water. Maybe she knows water will help cleanse her body and minimize infections?

Little Baby is sick again :(

She's running a temperature again. Keeps waking up from her sleep. Rough first half of the night. Hope the next half will be better.

Camping in her room again, on the floor. Hope no roaches come find me, K saw one earlier tonight but did not manage to catch it. 

Late night thoughts

Sometimes, the little things you do are necessary but unseen and hence unappreciated. 

Do you stop doing it? 

No I don't think so. You do it because you feel you need to, not because you crave for others' to see what you are doing. 

That said though, it would still be nice to receive some appreciation once in awhile. 

Nadya is One :)

A year ago at this time, I was in hospital garb, lying on an operating table and freezing my butt off in an extremely cold and sterile operating theatre.

I remember I was shivering and feeling waves of panic rising up within me. Maybe that was what hyperventilating felt like. I told one of the medical officers next to me and he said it was normal, a side effect of the epidural. I remember feeling very nervous and panicky and thinking to myself "What have I gotten myself into? Fuck!" They threw layers of blankets on me. I still shivered.

And then it happened. Amidst the tangle of wires above me and the scores of hands working on me, I heard a cry. That's Little Baby! Little Baby is out! I thought. Someone said "she's out". Another said "wah she's loud". In that ridiculous state of mind I remember thinking "That rhymes..." And then a lady nurse whispered in my ear that they were going to clean her up a little and then place her on me soon.

How time flies. That wrinkly, red, sticky, squirming little thing is now a year old.

She still squirms but she's definitely not wrinkly anymore. In fact, she's filled out her skin so much she has fat folds. She is still loud though and I wonder where she got her strong lungs from.

Happy 1st Birthday Little Baby!

Mummy loves you so much.....and hopes that you will grow up strong, happy, healthy and blessed always!

I do I still do

3 years ago on this day, we said "I do" and signed on a sacred piece of paper.

I still remember that day and the room and the restaurant where we held our ROM ceremony. It was a simple affair and I remember being very happy. I was also very happy that my Granny was there to witness the entire proceeding.

Fast forward 3 years later and now we've gotten our own space and there's also Little Baby. :)

I can't ask for more.

Happy 3rd Anniversary Baby. :)

Ally and PQ come to visit!

The 2 ladies finally came by on the Sunday just past. Besides fun and laughter, they brought with them loads of other stuff! I felt it was like Xmas haha.

Our home has a Kenwood food processor and blender now! Hehe Nadya has Leap Frog DVDs from Ally and hmm, another pressie from Pq which she supposedly can ride on. This one is not opened yet so I don't know what it is exactly too haha. 

And voila! This lady here has got birthday pressies too! A recipe book from Ally and a bracelet from PQ. Loving them! Woot haha!! Some cooking to be done! :)

More pics of the day...

(See my thunder thighs and belly bulge?)

Photobombed by Daddy's hairy legs 

A bump?

Been feeling a little out of sorts. And tummy's getting bigger too. 

So I peed on a stick. 

Voila

CONFIRM!

....

...

...

...

...

...

..

.

.

.

.

I am getting fat. :( 

The bump that is not a bump.

The bump that is actually a bulge. 

Maybe I should start my habit again...of weighing myself everyday. At least that keeps me on my toes...and I don't let myself go just like that. Stress snacking or stress eating too maybe? 

See? The life of a glutton who is trying to maintain her weight. Almost like a losing battle...no no cannot, I will win!!

Bah. 

Tau sar piah

I love these little round ones from Malaysia. 

When K went to Penang for a day's work, he brought back a box originally intended for his colleagues. I intercepted gleefully and claimed the box for myself. (Relax, his colleagues still had some other biscuits or pastries). I finished almost all on my own...

And when my mum went to Penang recently on a cruise, she bought me a small box too. The box was too small I think :( haha. But better than nothing of course! 

This little fella is the last piece left from my mum's box. 

See it's golden shiny goodness....Once I pop it in...I will officially run out of stock....Nooooooo.....:( 

Sunday night...

Sunday night was a rough night. Little Baby slept at 8pm and between that time till 7am the next day, she woke more than 10 times.

After the first few times she woke, I decided to sleep in her room instead. Wise decision, for it saved me the time and energy from walking to and from her room numerous times. All I had to do was jump up from my position on the floor below her cot. K was having the runs so I was on sole night duty.

I don't think I slept much that night. It might have been 4 or 5 hours in total but it was in fits and spurts here and there....30mins here, 45mins there, 1hr here, 20mins there.

On Monday morning when I was handling a tin of mushrooms, I cut myself on the sharp edge of the opened lid. Probably carelessness due to my sleep-deprived mind. :(

Need sleep

It's 3am now. I'm glad I made the decision to sleep in Little Baby's room. At least I can respond faster to her and K can get more rest.

Why did I make this decision at 1am earlier on? Because she was waking up and screaming hysterically on average every hour or less since she fell asleep at 8pm. And because K is down with diarrhoea. He looks bad. He should see the doc soon...

P/s: lying on a thin foldable mattress on the ground, feeling the floor through the mattress, and feeling a little like my granny when she slept in my room last time...

Bah

I treasure my time alone at the end of the day. After my shower, after K and Little Baby have gone to sleep and after I've done all my chores, I lie on the couch in the living room. Only the orange lights are switched on in the living room, and the only sound comes from the fan. 

Oh, the solitude. Love it.

Tonight, the plan was to clear abit of work and surf the net a little. Alas, the network is down! Argh, I couldn't do my work too...bah. 

Anti-climax.

Last night's dream

The God of Dreams (if there's any) created an amusing one for me last night. Bizarre but definitely entertaining haha. 

I dreamt that I was the ex-girlfriend of an Asian celebrity, Wu Jian Hao, or better known as Vanessa Wu. His first love aka 初恋情人.

Like what???!!!!

(For those not in the know, he's 1/4 of the previously famous F4 boy band from Taiwan and now happily married to a Singaporean socialite Arissa Cheo.) 

And so it went in the dream that we had a brief but powerful relationship and he had given me a toy as a token of our "love". It was a little blue squishy plush toy with fur so soft and fluffy it felt really good to cuddle with. And oh yes, it was a triceratops. 

Yes, a dinosaur. Totally random...lol. 

I don't remember much else of the dream already. 

I don't think my Mr K will be very happy reading this but ok lah, he's my real-life Vaness Wu! 

Anyway, they both have small eyes with single eyelids haha. Same same. :D

P/s: Little Baby's a little unwell and woke many times last night, easily 6-8 times. The dream probably came in one of my woozy "in-between-her-waking-up" periods. 

Voila

Late night preps for Little Baby's 1st birthday celebration tomorrow with both sides of the family. 

Loving the tissue paper balls. Ordered them online and I've been making them since a week plus ago whenever I get the chance to. Time to put them up...question now is where...hmm....

Recalibration

前两天心情有点烦躁。 告诉自己要调整以下， 平复一下心情， 不要让一件事或一个人破坏自己的稳定。要把精神和精力花在该花的地方。爱身边重要的人， 爱自己多一些。

Was feeling a little down the last 2 days. Telling myself that I need to let things go and recalibrate myself and my thoughts. Don't let an unpleasant incident or a particular person get me down. I should channel my energies to the right places. Love the important people in my life more, love myself more.

work relations

You can't please everybody. It is inevitable that some people won't like certain things you do or won't like you as a person.

So long as you remain true to yourself and whatever you are doing and your conscience is clear.

Just found out that The Coll has told others that I have a bad temper and has bad-mouthed me on other aspects.

Sigh. So be it. Maybe she doesn't realise that sometimes I just don't want to talk to her because she has stepped on my toes. I'm perfectly fine with others in the team. And if the majority of the team generally doesn't want to hang out with her. Then who's the one who is not doing things right?