It's already the last day of October...I've been on leave, MC, hospitalisation leave for more than a month..lemme count..1 month and 9 days to be exact. November will be here in 50mins time.
hmm..November..my baby will start flying to Indonesia already...each time for a week at least... =(
And on the same note, December, my fav month of the year, will be here in 30 days time. Looking forward to things in Dec..the festive season and all..year end.. the air always smells different..
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Hmm...wonder when our Bangkok trip can take place..our deadline for the vouchers' gonna be end May..just nice for our 2nd yr anniversary..hmm...see how...else maybe we can go during my transition period? Am thinking of going back to KL too...not sure if he's keen though haa....but gian to makan the claypot chicken rice there!!!!
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Listening to Sun Yan Zi, Michael Buble & Jay Chou now...potent mix of Chinese & English, jazz and pop...enough to at least liven up my room abit...Yan Zi rawks..Buble melts my heart and Jay never fails to prick at my innermost feelings with his alteernative melodies, rhythms and lyrics...
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was reading blinkymummy's blog this evening...some of her past entries...and realised that she called off her wedding to a guy she was dating for 2 years...sometime early this year I think..What a coincidence, I was just reading an article in Female this afternoon too, about this 26 yr old girl and her fiance who decided to call off their wedding about 4 months before they were to go through the rites and all...
It's heartbreaking hearing these things happening...especially if you've got a pair of rings, your wedding studio shots, your tux & gown, your hotel bookings still on hand to contend with...and worse still if word has gone out to all relatives and friends...admire them for their strength in making the decision to call things off when so much effort has been put in...
But as the lady in the Female article put it.."Your future happiness is way more important and way bigger than others' nosiness in your life, or money."
I think blinky's a pretty cool chick...got a great mind of her own & she's a smartypants too...very billingual annd unafraid of airing her own opinions...
Monday, October 31, 2005
yet again...
Great. Just quarelled with her again. Doesn't she understand the word NO??????? wtf. I said no to the piece of fish cos I was already done with my dinner. She insisted and dropped the piece of pomfret unceremoniusly on my empty plate and growled : "Finish it."
I mean seriously. What's the point of doing such a thing?? If I'm full, I'm full. If I'm done, I'm done. What's the point of forcing that bloody piece of fish down my throat????
I got up with my plate and walked towards the sink with the intention of stuffing that thing into my mouth midway through my route. Then she accused me of wanting to throw it away into the dustbin. Please lah, come on. Grow up can? At age 55, I think you can be capable of better thought processes.
God damn fucked up day. I can't help tearing. I find my own home stifling to the point of constriction.
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Ally gave me a buzz this morning to ask about how I'm doing...nice knowing you have people who care about you...
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Just received a call from ahboy...he just got off work...going for his dinner soon...his call brought me some joy...it's short-lived though cos I'm back to my grouchy self..
Am wondering if I should just hibernate in my room forever..The thought of having my own abode seems so juicy right now...piteous though cos I ain't have the financial means to do so...YET
I mean seriously. What's the point of doing such a thing?? If I'm full, I'm full. If I'm done, I'm done. What's the point of forcing that bloody piece of fish down my throat????
I got up with my plate and walked towards the sink with the intention of stuffing that thing into my mouth midway through my route. Then she accused me of wanting to throw it away into the dustbin. Please lah, come on. Grow up can? At age 55, I think you can be capable of better thought processes.
God damn fucked up day. I can't help tearing. I find my own home stifling to the point of constriction.
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Ally gave me a buzz this morning to ask about how I'm doing...nice knowing you have people who care about you...
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Just received a call from ahboy...he just got off work...going for his dinner soon...his call brought me some joy...it's short-lived though cos I'm back to my grouchy self..
Am wondering if I should just hibernate in my room forever..The thought of having my own abode seems so juicy right now...piteous though cos I ain't have the financial means to do so...YET
happy halloween
Just quarelled with mum about the the issue of me who's not supposed to go out because technically speaking, I am still on MC. Whatever. Fucked up.
God damn pissed off.
I give up.
It's really driving me nuts. It's already been a month that I'm under such close scrutiny. It's stifling. I can't breathe.
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Was watching My Date With a Vampire III last night. Ren2 Wang2 Fu2 Xi1 (supposedly the 1st man on Earth - Chinese fiction style) said something which I'm still pondering over...quite interesting
Love breeds worries
Love breeds fears
When you're in love
Sometimes you know not yourself.
God damn pissed off.
I give up.
It's really driving me nuts. It's already been a month that I'm under such close scrutiny. It's stifling. I can't breathe.
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Was watching My Date With a Vampire III last night. Ren2 Wang2 Fu2 Xi1 (supposedly the 1st man on Earth - Chinese fiction style) said something which I'm still pondering over...quite interesting
Love breeds worries
Love breeds fears
When you're in love
Sometimes you know not yourself.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
You're Still You
Josh Groban - You're Still You
Through the darkness
I can see your light
And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine
Your face I've memorized
I idolize just you
I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long
And after all is said and done
You're still you
After all
You're still you
You walk past me
I can feel your pain
Time changes everything
One truth always stays the same
You're still you
After all
You're still you
I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
And I believe in you
Although you never asked me to
I will remember you
And what life put you through
And in this cruel and lonely world
I found one love
You're still you
After all
You're still you
Through the darkness
I can see your light
And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine
Your face I've memorized
I idolize just you
I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long
And after all is said and done
You're still you
After all
You're still you
You walk past me
I can feel your pain
Time changes everything
One truth always stays the same
You're still you
After all
You're still you
I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
And I believe in you
Although you never asked me to
I will remember you
And what life put you through
And in this cruel and lonely world
I found one love
You're still you
After all
You're still you
mid-day rattlings..
Dasao might be right..the medication might be making me moody..extremely moody
Anyway, aiming to get out of the house by the next weekend. Think I'm in perfect condition to go out, just that I'm on house arrest.
spoke to them of the banking idea...don't think they seemed to like it...but were still relatively encouraging lah...asked me to try it out lor...and see how it goes...
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Marc was running around the house just now and delivered a toy personally to my hands...am abit touched. If you ask him "What's your name?" He can reply and tell you "Marc!". If you ask him "How old are you?" He can also reply and say "Two!"
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Just washed my hair again today. Feels good. Used shampoo on the left side...But damn, think I'm developing dandruff...especially along the parting line...ugghh...unsightly man...
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Last night, I was reading the blog I had last year...though that blog lasted only a meagre 2 months, it still brought back certain memories to me...whether happy, intense or sad thoughts...
Anyway, aiming to get out of the house by the next weekend. Think I'm in perfect condition to go out, just that I'm on house arrest.
spoke to them of the banking idea...don't think they seemed to like it...but were still relatively encouraging lah...asked me to try it out lor...and see how it goes...
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Marc was running around the house just now and delivered a toy personally to my hands...am abit touched. If you ask him "What's your name?" He can reply and tell you "Marc!". If you ask him "How old are you?" He can also reply and say "Two!"
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Just washed my hair again today. Feels good. Used shampoo on the left side...But damn, think I'm developing dandruff...especially along the parting line...ugghh...unsightly man...
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Last night, I was reading the blog I had last year...though that blog lasted only a meagre 2 months, it still brought back certain memories to me...whether happy, intense or sad thoughts...
Saturday, October 29, 2005
I miss...
...the late nights spent in hall
...the boliao gossip notes me, Eddie & Chiewz scribbled to each other during lectures
...the crazy times we had during hall activities
...the late night suppers we had when we had the mood for them
...the LAN network we had then & the MP3s and movies we shared with each other back then
...the prawn paste chicken in hall 5 canteen
...waking up to the sound of birds chirping in the dimly lit dawn morning
...hearing the sounds of machine guns in the night when the nearby army camps are having training
...sitting by the doorway & just chatting with Xingli or dreaming about what we wanna do
...washing clothes and hanging them out to dry with her too
...waking up and deciding to skip classes
...organising various hall activities
...the mee hoon kuay at canteen A
...the camaraderie we had with each other and staying just above, below and around each other
...the absolute freedom I had back then
...those rainy cold nights when I would just lie huddled under the covers listening to the pitter & patter of raindrops
...walking to lectures and tutorials in tanktops, cropped pants and flip flops
...the mini gatherings we had in each other's rooms
...having dinner together in canteen 1 and it's chicken chop and honey dew sago
...crapping, bitching, gossiping with Chiewz and laughing hysterically with her
...having FYP discussions in either my room or Chiewz's room
...cooking pasta in my room with my rice cooker
...having mini steamboat sessions in my room or sky's room
...rearing hamsters illegally in my room
...working out in my room
...the privacy of my single room
...climbing up 3 flights of stairs to my room
...cheering my hall on during inter-hall activities
...the buzz of studies and hall activities back then
...blasting music from my speakers when I was in a bad mood
...mugging for the exams with sky and hongbing at Canteen B till the wee hours of the morn
...mugging at the library too and sneaking in packets of french fries when the librarian wasn't looking
...getting to know exchange students from other countries
...that 3 years of my life in hall 1 (numero uno)
...the boliao gossip notes me, Eddie & Chiewz scribbled to each other during lectures
...the crazy times we had during hall activities
...the late night suppers we had when we had the mood for them
...the LAN network we had then & the MP3s and movies we shared with each other back then
...the prawn paste chicken in hall 5 canteen
...waking up to the sound of birds chirping in the dimly lit dawn morning
...hearing the sounds of machine guns in the night when the nearby army camps are having training
...sitting by the doorway & just chatting with Xingli or dreaming about what we wanna do
...washing clothes and hanging them out to dry with her too
...waking up and deciding to skip classes
...organising various hall activities
...the mee hoon kuay at canteen A
...the camaraderie we had with each other and staying just above, below and around each other
...the absolute freedom I had back then
...those rainy cold nights when I would just lie huddled under the covers listening to the pitter & patter of raindrops
...walking to lectures and tutorials in tanktops, cropped pants and flip flops
...the mini gatherings we had in each other's rooms
...having dinner together in canteen 1 and it's chicken chop and honey dew sago
...crapping, bitching, gossiping with Chiewz and laughing hysterically with her
...having FYP discussions in either my room or Chiewz's room
...cooking pasta in my room with my rice cooker
...having mini steamboat sessions in my room or sky's room
...rearing hamsters illegally in my room
...working out in my room
...the privacy of my single room
...climbing up 3 flights of stairs to my room
...cheering my hall on during inter-hall activities
...the buzz of studies and hall activities back then
...blasting music from my speakers when I was in a bad mood
...mugging for the exams with sky and hongbing at Canteen B till the wee hours of the morn
...mugging at the library too and sneaking in packets of french fries when the librarian wasn't looking
...getting to know exchange students from other countries
...that 3 years of my life in hall 1 (numero uno)
of viewpoints and other possibilities...
the more you think
the more you imagine
the more you paint pictures
the more you assume
the more you presume
the more you envisage
........
the more your vision gets clouded
the greater the delusion
the deeper you get submerged
the harder you fall
the easier you crash
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the older I get...the more disillusioned things become...life in SG seems to be a rat race with momentary junctures of happiness and equal momentary points of sadness and disappointments..
or maybe it's just the way I view things...yeah..think it's the way I see things...the "bottle is half-full or half-empty" theory...or the "some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue" theory...all these make sense...but I just find it abit difficult to see things in a more positive light..
...ah well...the melancholic pessimistic me...
aw man...listening to Jay Chou now...simply heaven...
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ahboy just left to play bball with the other guys...felt lethargic the whole day...maybe cos of the horrible night's sleep..glad he came...planted a smile on my face..missing him already...
and he bought clay for me...good..I can start on making some handicrafts or something...
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had a brief conversation with dasao just now...discussed the possibility of having some sidelines...hmm...if things sound positive and if they arouse my interest...perhaps i might join in as well...why not..take on a new challenge...and at least it's a break from the monotony I feel right now...and well...it might be another lucrative source of income for me..
well...bro and her will be coming over tomorrow...maybe we'll take it up further tomorrow...see how the ideas flow... :)
financial independence haaa...am striving to be someone who can take care of her basic needs with not much of a problem..Maslow's hierarchy of needs...one of my fav theories...
definitely one of base reasons why I'm considering banking...though just the thought of horrendous sky high sales targets easily sends shudders through me...
the more you imagine
the more you paint pictures
the more you assume
the more you presume
the more you envisage
........
the more your vision gets clouded
the greater the delusion
the deeper you get submerged
the harder you fall
the easier you crash
===========
the older I get...the more disillusioned things become...life in SG seems to be a rat race with momentary junctures of happiness and equal momentary points of sadness and disappointments..
or maybe it's just the way I view things...yeah..think it's the way I see things...the "bottle is half-full or half-empty" theory...or the "some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue" theory...all these make sense...but I just find it abit difficult to see things in a more positive light..
...ah well...the melancholic pessimistic me...
aw man...listening to Jay Chou now...simply heaven...
===========
ahboy just left to play bball with the other guys...felt lethargic the whole day...maybe cos of the horrible night's sleep..glad he came...planted a smile on my face..missing him already...
and he bought clay for me...good..I can start on making some handicrafts or something...
===========
had a brief conversation with dasao just now...discussed the possibility of having some sidelines...hmm...if things sound positive and if they arouse my interest...perhaps i might join in as well...why not..take on a new challenge...and at least it's a break from the monotony I feel right now...and well...it might be another lucrative source of income for me..
well...bro and her will be coming over tomorrow...maybe we'll take it up further tomorrow...see how the ideas flow... :)
financial independence haaa...am striving to be someone who can take care of her basic needs with not much of a problem..Maslow's hierarchy of needs...one of my fav theories...
definitely one of base reasons why I'm considering banking...though just the thought of horrendous sky high sales targets easily sends shudders through me...
what the??
fucking hell.. went to bed at around 1am last night...but couldn't get to sleep at all...and the most frustrating thing is that I can't toss and turn like last time cos I can't lie on my right side where the wound is..I can either be only on my stomach, my back or my left side...
So for more than 2 hours, I was awake...listening to the mild droning of my air-con and my mind was still busy thinking of weird things like...
1. cheetahs, cougars, panthers, pumas, lions...whatever you can name in the big cats family...I attribute this to the fact that I was watching National Geographic earlier in the night...
2. what is love? and what does it entail?
3. how I almost let slip in front of Jen that I was flipping through Recruit regularly...
4. the dumb email...and the possible repercussions it might have caused..
5. Creation's teriyaki chicken meatball pasta and their brownie...
I checked my clock incessantly..1am morphed into 2am and then to 3am...I think it was till 3-plus that I finally found my way to the gates of slumberland...tmd...slept till mid-day again..what an unhealthy lifestyle...argh..
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I seriously miss bitching... whether it be the insane childish bitching during uni days with chiewz or the office bitching with the other girls...Damn...and somehow all I wanna do now is to hurl curses and cuss my heart out...
crude, crass and banal...guess that's just me...but the least is that I don't hide or pretend to be what I ain't..what you see is what you get...silliness, wittiness, sincerity et al...
So for more than 2 hours, I was awake...listening to the mild droning of my air-con and my mind was still busy thinking of weird things like...
1. cheetahs, cougars, panthers, pumas, lions...whatever you can name in the big cats family...I attribute this to the fact that I was watching National Geographic earlier in the night...
2. what is love? and what does it entail?
3. how I almost let slip in front of Jen that I was flipping through Recruit regularly...
4. the dumb email...and the possible repercussions it might have caused..
5. Creation's teriyaki chicken meatball pasta and their brownie...
I checked my clock incessantly..1am morphed into 2am and then to 3am...I think it was till 3-plus that I finally found my way to the gates of slumberland...tmd...slept till mid-day again..what an unhealthy lifestyle...argh..
============
I seriously miss bitching... whether it be the insane childish bitching during uni days with chiewz or the office bitching with the other girls...Damn...and somehow all I wanna do now is to hurl curses and cuss my heart out...
crude, crass and banal...guess that's just me...but the least is that I don't hide or pretend to be what I ain't..what you see is what you get...silliness, wittiness, sincerity et al...
of marriage and committments...
The naggy me has been muttering on and on about having time on my hands...yeah..the synapses of the brain works wonders at times...hell, I'm even thinking about things like marriage..and having my own abode with my loved one...
to put it simply..think I'm ready for that lifelong committment called marriage...shared my thoughts with Jason over MSN just now and he laughed at me..said I'm getting desperate to "tie" my man down...nabei...does it always amount to such a viewpoint if a girl says she's ready for marriage?? Does it always amount to "enslaving" the other party?
I dunno...just that I'm having those "I wanna spend the rest of my lilfe with you", "I wanna build a love nest with you" and "I wanna bear you children" kind of feelings...mushy, icky and god-damn dramatic...but yet oh-so-true..
Well whatever...not entirely sure what these thoughts translate to...and anyway..guess it ain't the right time now too??
Hmm....wondering....
to put it simply..think I'm ready for that lifelong committment called marriage...shared my thoughts with Jason over MSN just now and he laughed at me..said I'm getting desperate to "tie" my man down...nabei...does it always amount to such a viewpoint if a girl says she's ready for marriage?? Does it always amount to "enslaving" the other party?
I dunno...just that I'm having those "I wanna spend the rest of my lilfe with you", "I wanna build a love nest with you" and "I wanna bear you children" kind of feelings...mushy, icky and god-damn dramatic...but yet oh-so-true..
Well whatever...not entirely sure what these thoughts translate to...and anyway..guess it ain't the right time now too??
Hmm....wondering....
Friday, October 28, 2005
seedless rantings from a daft shell
two groups of peeps came by today...
jen, may, elaine and lawrence (the HR, not brother lawrence) came around 7pm...sat around and tokked cock...quite surprised that lawrence came...cos it's like wat...only the second time that I've seen him....they left around 8pm...elaine was so sweet...gave me a a sweet little pink crystal angel...those that you can hang on your handphone type...and a cute little card with those pop-up pics of dancing teddy bears and quaint gingerbread houses...
ahboy dropped by around 720pm..
then around 845pm...ling & gang came by....joyce, gail n adrian din come though..the pizza and KFC we ordered reached around 9pm...and our makan galore commenced...haa..amidst the watching of cable TV and tokking rot...
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maybe what MJ said is true...given too much time on their hands...girls like to think about unneccessary stuff...and worry about unneccessary details...
is that wat's happening to me? the ever imaginative one?
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at the dinner table just now..
Dad: "Look at her (me), it's like as if we're torturing her to eat."
yeah...well...the grumpy me at work again...what do you expect, being awakened from your nap to have such an early dinner which you don't feel like eating at all cos you're not even hungry at all...
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...pressing on when the future is uncertain?
...trudging on come what may?
...clinging on for survival?
...life is tough..life is complicated?
...which way to go when you reach a fork?
...which path to follow..head..heart?
...life is pre-ordained..life is sardonic?
am not even sure what the hell I'm ranting on and on about...
Feel as if I'm in a perpetual state of uncertainty and bewilderedness...
Do I have too much time on my hands??
jen, may, elaine and lawrence (the HR, not brother lawrence) came around 7pm...sat around and tokked cock...quite surprised that lawrence came...cos it's like wat...only the second time that I've seen him....they left around 8pm...elaine was so sweet...gave me a a sweet little pink crystal angel...those that you can hang on your handphone type...and a cute little card with those pop-up pics of dancing teddy bears and quaint gingerbread houses...
ahboy dropped by around 720pm..
then around 845pm...ling & gang came by....joyce, gail n adrian din come though..the pizza and KFC we ordered reached around 9pm...and our makan galore commenced...haa..amidst the watching of cable TV and tokking rot...
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maybe what MJ said is true...given too much time on their hands...girls like to think about unneccessary stuff...and worry about unneccessary details...
is that wat's happening to me? the ever imaginative one?
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at the dinner table just now..
Dad: "Look at her (me), it's like as if we're torturing her to eat."
yeah...well...the grumpy me at work again...what do you expect, being awakened from your nap to have such an early dinner which you don't feel like eating at all cos you're not even hungry at all...
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...pressing on when the future is uncertain?
...trudging on come what may?
...clinging on for survival?
...life is tough..life is complicated?
...which way to go when you reach a fork?
...which path to follow..head..heart?
...life is pre-ordained..life is sardonic?
am not even sure what the hell I'm ranting on and on about...
Feel as if I'm in a perpetual state of uncertainty and bewilderedness...
Do I have too much time on my hands??
post-lunch post
just a fuddy duddy entry about somethng I was hankering about last night..
Was fiddling about with HTML codings and such stuff...trying to do some edits to my blog interface...and wohoo!! managed to get it done successfully...I'm a major klutz at such tech wizardry...so for the restless me, it was an accomplishment!! =))
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time flies, it's already been more than 2 weeks since my skull was scissored open and my brain invaded upon. 17 days to be exact.
my hair's like a patch of dried grass sitting atop my head...the chemicals used to clean my hair really zapped away whatever meagre shine and lustre my hair once had....now macham bird's nest...plus...the chemicals caused the hair colour to oxidise further...aiyooo.....=(( and I'm shedding hair like nobody's business...if I run my fingers through my hair...at least 3 to 4 strands drop off....argh!!!
worse thing is that I can't use shampoo to wash my hair as yet...let alone condition it...bleah...
the good thing is that the wound is healing nicely...at least that's wat mum says...I cun see...no matter how I twist my head in front of the mirror, I can't get a good look at it...but if she says it's healing well...then good for me...
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Ling & gang are coming over tonight..don't think they've ever seen me so lok cock before..haa...hope they dun get a shock...looking forward to some fun and laughter tonight...at least it'll be a different form of entertainment for me....and their antics will definitely bring smiles to my forlorn face....haa..
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on one of the nights in hospital, I dreamt that I was a UOB Personal Banker...maybe like wat brother says is true...It's a sign...haa...a sign to go in that direction....
The more I think about it or ponder over it...the more it seems like an okay plan to go ahead with...and ahboy has said he'll support me in my decision....
Was fiddling about with HTML codings and such stuff...trying to do some edits to my blog interface...and wohoo!! managed to get it done successfully...I'm a major klutz at such tech wizardry...so for the restless me, it was an accomplishment!! =))
==============
time flies, it's already been more than 2 weeks since my skull was scissored open and my brain invaded upon. 17 days to be exact.
my hair's like a patch of dried grass sitting atop my head...the chemicals used to clean my hair really zapped away whatever meagre shine and lustre my hair once had....now macham bird's nest...plus...the chemicals caused the hair colour to oxidise further...aiyooo.....=(( and I'm shedding hair like nobody's business...if I run my fingers through my hair...at least 3 to 4 strands drop off....argh!!!
worse thing is that I can't use shampoo to wash my hair as yet...let alone condition it...bleah...
the good thing is that the wound is healing nicely...at least that's wat mum says...I cun see...no matter how I twist my head in front of the mirror, I can't get a good look at it...but if she says it's healing well...then good for me...
==============
Ling & gang are coming over tonight..don't think they've ever seen me so lok cock before..haa...hope they dun get a shock...looking forward to some fun and laughter tonight...at least it'll be a different form of entertainment for me....and their antics will definitely bring smiles to my forlorn face....haa..
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on one of the nights in hospital, I dreamt that I was a UOB Personal Banker...maybe like wat brother says is true...It's a sign...haa...a sign to go in that direction....
The more I think about it or ponder over it...the more it seems like an okay plan to go ahead with...and ahboy has said he'll support me in my decision....
in the mood for love..
Was watching Meteor Garden late last night when a phrase was mentioned by one of the members of F4...
"It's weird when you lose yourself in the midst of loving someone else."
Yeah..losing yourself when you hit that irrational, emotional high..and start doing things or behaving in ways you never thought you'd indulge in or behave in...
"It's weird when you lose yourself in the midst of loving someone else."
Yeah..losing yourself when you hit that irrational, emotional high..and start doing things or behaving in ways you never thought you'd indulge in or behave in...
Thursday, October 27, 2005
of naggings and complaints..yet again..
It's irritating..it's been a week since I've gotten out of hospital..but I think my body clock's still attuned to the days spent in hospital..I get up 2 to 3 times in one fucking night. It's wreaking havoc on my sleeping pattern..so much so that almost everyday, I get up as late as midday..
Maybe another reason's that my pillow's gotten too soft..Just changed a new pillow this morning..hope it alleviates the problem..
============
Wonder if you'll reply my new email...hmm...
Don't know what you're thinking..Don't know what your take on the future is..
Hope you'll share your thoughts with me..Loving you always..
============
It's amazing...We snap at each other and more oft than not, argue with each other, yet we remain good friends...aye red biscuit?
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Sometimes I wonder...how does a bf, a gf and an ex-gf get along so well together...looking at dan, yl & chiewz...I don't get it at times...them 3 can just sit and chat/joke/have fun all together...hmm....perhaps I'm not a gracious one..that's why I can't comprehend?...
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am popping pills like candy everyday..7 pills after my first meal of the day...another 6-7 pills after dinner...and am getting abit tired of the food I'm taking in everyday..porridge, rice with bland dishes...tough-going for a big foodie like me....
=========
Things to look forward to after I'm well and dandy...
1. Conversational Malay
2. Blading
3. Sentosa
4. Pubbing
5. Settle my job switch thingy?
6. Swimming!
7. New haircut?
Maybe another reason's that my pillow's gotten too soft..Just changed a new pillow this morning..hope it alleviates the problem..
============
Wonder if you'll reply my new email...hmm...
Don't know what you're thinking..Don't know what your take on the future is..
Hope you'll share your thoughts with me..Loving you always..
============
It's amazing...We snap at each other and more oft than not, argue with each other, yet we remain good friends...aye red biscuit?
============
Sometimes I wonder...how does a bf, a gf and an ex-gf get along so well together...looking at dan, yl & chiewz...I don't get it at times...them 3 can just sit and chat/joke/have fun all together...hmm....perhaps I'm not a gracious one..that's why I can't comprehend?...
=========
am popping pills like candy everyday..7 pills after my first meal of the day...another 6-7 pills after dinner...and am getting abit tired of the food I'm taking in everyday..porridge, rice with bland dishes...tough-going for a big foodie like me....
=========
Things to look forward to after I'm well and dandy...
1. Conversational Malay
2. Blading
3. Sentosa
4. Pubbing
5. Settle my job switch thingy?
6. Swimming!
7. New haircut?
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Nobody's Home
Nobody's Home - Avril Lavigne
I couldn't tell you why she felt that way
She felt it everyday
And I couldn't help her
I just watched her make the same mistakes again
What's wrong, what's wrong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs
She wants to go home
But nobody's home
It's where she lies broken inside
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes
Broken inside
Open your eyes and look outside, find a reason why
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind
Be strong, be strong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs
She wants to go home, but nobody's home
It's where she lies, broken inside
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes
Broken inside
I couldn't tell you why she felt that way
She felt it everyday
And I couldn't help her
I just watched her make the same mistakes again
What's wrong, what's wrong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs
She wants to go home
But nobody's home
It's where she lies broken inside
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes
Broken inside
Open your eyes and look outside, find a reason why
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind
Be strong, be strong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs
She wants to go home, but nobody's home
It's where she lies, broken inside
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes
Broken inside
minor thoughts before I head for a quick nap!
ahboy came by this afternoon..chau geng halfway from his training again..and came by for a nap..
==========
hmm....am seriously considering if I should embark on banking in the next phase of my career...Just a few inhibitions which I'm concerned with.
1. It's a job dealing with lotsa numbers. Am I up to it?
2. It's essentially a sales job with targets every month and your boss'll probably breathe down your neck every week for figures and mroe figures. Am I up to this kind of working style?
3. Sure, banking pays more and that's without a doubt one of the things which is attracting me...I don't think my character will change much after this but am just wondering
4. How will this affect my career path in the future? If I wanna go back to marketing after a stint in banking, I wonder how drastically will it affect me?
Zenne & Ahboy both told me to try for advertising. Hmm...yet another option..And I might try to get Sky to pull me into retail..and brother did hint to me that if I wanted to, he could offer me a job helping him out...aiyo...so many choices...but I don't know what I want!!
==========
kinda looking forward to Friday...for the impromptu makan gathering..haa...told Ling this "Since I cun go out, might as well drag you guys down to my place..hehehe..."
==========
buay dong..am heading for a nap before Amazing Race starts!! zzzzzzzzzzzzz........
==========
hmm....am seriously considering if I should embark on banking in the next phase of my career...Just a few inhibitions which I'm concerned with.
1. It's a job dealing with lotsa numbers. Am I up to it?
2. It's essentially a sales job with targets every month and your boss'll probably breathe down your neck every week for figures and mroe figures. Am I up to this kind of working style?
3. Sure, banking pays more and that's without a doubt one of the things which is attracting me...I don't think my character will change much after this but am just wondering
4. How will this affect my career path in the future? If I wanna go back to marketing after a stint in banking, I wonder how drastically will it affect me?
Zenne & Ahboy both told me to try for advertising. Hmm...yet another option..And I might try to get Sky to pull me into retail..and brother did hint to me that if I wanted to, he could offer me a job helping him out...aiyo...so many choices...but I don't know what I want!!
==========
kinda looking forward to Friday...for the impromptu makan gathering..haa...told Ling this "Since I cun go out, might as well drag you guys down to my place..hehehe..."
==========
buay dong..am heading for a nap before Amazing Race starts!! zzzzzzzzzzzzz........
Monday, October 24, 2005
my sweetie..
my poor baby's sick..must be the running around for that whole week or so...=( feeling abit guilty..the same thing happened in April too...he also fell sick after my week's stay in hospital..
hope he gets well soon enough..
hope he gets well soon enough..
sighzz
At the makan table today during lunch.
Mum:"Why are you looking so grumpy? Everyday also like that. The whole day your face is so moody. What the hell's wrong??"
Dad:" Ya lor ya lor."
Me: silence. Nothing lah.
Mum:" The worst is over..be happy lah! Then...everyday face so black. Do you know we look at you like that we also don't feel good?? Be happy lah! It's important for recuperation"
Me: more morose silence..
I apologise for being such a grumpy ass.. I don't know why I am feeling this way. Call it restlessness? I don't know. But it kinda feels like as if my brows are in a perpetual state of frowning..hope it doesn't add furrows to my forehead...hmm...
==========
HB sms-ed me this morning. Asked me to wish him good luck..cos he's going NIE for interview...
=============
Even if a person does not love you the way you want to be loved, it does not mean that he/she is not loving you with all they can.
=============
damn, am still staring at that bottle of vodka in my cupboard.....
Mum:"Why are you looking so grumpy? Everyday also like that. The whole day your face is so moody. What the hell's wrong??"
Dad:" Ya lor ya lor."
Me: silence. Nothing lah.
Mum:" The worst is over..be happy lah! Then...everyday face so black. Do you know we look at you like that we also don't feel good?? Be happy lah! It's important for recuperation"
Me: more morose silence..
I apologise for being such a grumpy ass.. I don't know why I am feeling this way. Call it restlessness? I don't know. But it kinda feels like as if my brows are in a perpetual state of frowning..hope it doesn't add furrows to my forehead...hmm...
==========
HB sms-ed me this morning. Asked me to wish him good luck..cos he's going NIE for interview...
=============
Even if a person does not love you the way you want to be loved, it does not mean that he/she is not loving you with all they can.
=============
damn, am still staring at that bottle of vodka in my cupboard.....
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Beautiful lyrics
Untitled - Simple Plan
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded
By the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound
But no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto
A time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this lifeI just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading awa
yI'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded
By the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound
But no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto
A time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this lifeI just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading awa
yI'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
Busy day...
Started re-watching "Meteor Garden" today...guess I'm still a teenybopper at heart..going ga-ga over F4..especially Jerry Yen and Zai-Zai..romantic phrasses gushing from their mouths simply melt my heart..
Been a busy day today..didn't get much rest..Peiqi, Hid, TaiHow, Eugene came over around 1pm..hsortly after, Ee-ma & Auntie Violet popped by..CMI, went for a nap around 4pm..was woken around 5pm..when Uncle Anthony, Auntie Theresa & Adelene came..gosh..cun believe mum n dad actually allowed them into my room when I was still sleeping..damn unglam..
Just when they were about to leave, Jen & Beng came..was pretty surprised Beng came...so sweet of her...=) And they brought a huge bouquet of lilies haa..wrapped in purple paper..Beng was really chatty haa...shared with us about her projects with The Sail & The Azure..great to hear she's doing so good with her commercial ad projects..Wa sharing stories about how God has helped her out alot too...They left at 7pm and we finally managed to have dinner. Ahboy came around 730...with 3 pkts of Cheng Tng in tow..the one from Bedok Corner Food Centre...haa..
Was slurping the Cheng Tng whilst watching meteor garden..got tired...and napped abit..hehe..got abit of back massage from him too...woohoo..really felt great..hmm..*notti thoughts*..=p Poor boy..think he's tired out too..hope he doesn't fall sick...
Was thinking of having a mini gathering at my place next Friday..with Ling & gang around..not sure if I should bring it up though...maybe just order some pizza & KFC...and then just hang around and tok cock...hmm..but have this feeling ahboy won't be keen on this notion..
Been a busy day today..didn't get much rest..Peiqi, Hid, TaiHow, Eugene came over around 1pm..hsortly after, Ee-ma & Auntie Violet popped by..CMI, went for a nap around 4pm..was woken around 5pm..when Uncle Anthony, Auntie Theresa & Adelene came..gosh..cun believe mum n dad actually allowed them into my room when I was still sleeping..damn unglam..
Just when they were about to leave, Jen & Beng came..was pretty surprised Beng came...so sweet of her...=) And they brought a huge bouquet of lilies haa..wrapped in purple paper..Beng was really chatty haa...shared with us about her projects with The Sail & The Azure..great to hear she's doing so good with her commercial ad projects..Wa sharing stories about how God has helped her out alot too...They left at 7pm and we finally managed to have dinner. Ahboy came around 730...with 3 pkts of Cheng Tng in tow..the one from Bedok Corner Food Centre...haa..
Was slurping the Cheng Tng whilst watching meteor garden..got tired...and napped abit..hehe..got abit of back massage from him too...woohoo..really felt great..hmm..*notti thoughts*..=p Poor boy..think he's tired out too..hope he doesn't fall sick...
Was thinking of having a mini gathering at my place next Friday..with Ling & gang around..not sure if I should bring it up though...maybe just order some pizza & KFC...and then just hang around and tok cock...hmm..but have this feeling ahboy won't be keen on this notion..
Saturday, October 22, 2005
birthday wishes
Bro messaged me on the night of my admission day (10th oct) into hospital..asked me what I wanted for my birthday...
Him: Hey sis, all the best for tomorrow ok. What do you want for your birthday?
Me: Thanks bro. Nvm lah, dun need anything. I just wanna roam the world, and leave my mark in every place I go..
Him: We will walk together and roam the world sis. We can always achieve what our mind can conceive. Cheerios.
I was about to sleep, was lying on the bed, huddled under the blankets..Just reading that last sms brought tears to my eyes...
================
wtf. am feeling freaking restless..
Wanna go swim. Cannot.
Wanna drink. Cannot.
Wanna go Sentosa. Cannot.
Wanna eat seafood. Cannot.
A.R.G.H.
headache's back again..throb. throb.throb.
Don't feel like taking painkillers cos am afraid of getting to used to them.
Super gian for a lychee martini...
Him: Hey sis, all the best for tomorrow ok. What do you want for your birthday?
Me: Thanks bro. Nvm lah, dun need anything. I just wanna roam the world, and leave my mark in every place I go..
Him: We will walk together and roam the world sis. We can always achieve what our mind can conceive. Cheerios.
I was about to sleep, was lying on the bed, huddled under the blankets..Just reading that last sms brought tears to my eyes...
================
wtf. am feeling freaking restless..
Wanna go swim. Cannot.
Wanna drink. Cannot.
Wanna go Sentosa. Cannot.
Wanna eat seafood. Cannot.
A.R.G.H.
headache's back again..throb. throb.throb.
Don't feel like taking painkillers cos am afraid of getting to used to them.
Super gian for a lychee martini...
Letter to the Bosses
Dear Bosses,
How are things going with the business? How’s the strategic growth of the business? Are things going according to plans? Are we moving along in the correct route/path??
To tell you frankly, I am lost and directionless. You urge us to pledge our strength and allegiance to you. Most of us have. We run together with you. But what of that? We need a more specific direction to run towards...not just a generic compass point far away in the horizon. We have been hearing of this generic spot far away in the distance. We have been plugged with such cursory information since at least a year back...To the extent that I'm starting to have doubts about whether or not you guys are sure yourselves of where you wanna go.
We are trying our best to be with you guys but we cannot just only be running on and on…We get tired, we slow down, we pant and heave our chests and so do you. You urge and encourage us, you push and prod. We try on our end & also put in our efforts…
But I have to admit. I am weak. I am getting distracted. I am flailing…I am tempted by other pastures…whether greener or not I do not know….Also, I do not know what I want exactly as yet..But I can feel my morale ebbing by the minute as I bob my head up and down, taking in frantic gasps of precious air...Throw me a lifeline quick, the currents are pulling me farther and farther out…I need something to anchor me down and steady me…
How are things going with the business? How’s the strategic growth of the business? Are things going according to plans? Are we moving along in the correct route/path??
To tell you frankly, I am lost and directionless. You urge us to pledge our strength and allegiance to you. Most of us have. We run together with you. But what of that? We need a more specific direction to run towards...not just a generic compass point far away in the horizon. We have been hearing of this generic spot far away in the distance. We have been plugged with such cursory information since at least a year back...To the extent that I'm starting to have doubts about whether or not you guys are sure yourselves of where you wanna go.
We are trying our best to be with you guys but we cannot just only be running on and on…We get tired, we slow down, we pant and heave our chests and so do you. You urge and encourage us, you push and prod. We try on our end & also put in our efforts…
But I have to admit. I am weak. I am getting distracted. I am flailing…I am tempted by other pastures…whether greener or not I do not know….Also, I do not know what I want exactly as yet..But I can feel my morale ebbing by the minute as I bob my head up and down, taking in frantic gasps of precious air...Throw me a lifeline quick, the currents are pulling me farther and farther out…I need something to anchor me down and steady me…
Yours Sincerely,
Michelle
Marketing Dept
============
Might be looking at 1st quarter of next year to move on...Maybe I can try sending cold letters to BluInc, SPH or even the banks and telcos...
Friday night
Dan, Chiewz, Yanling came around 845pm on Friday night...was quite hungry by the time they arrived...ANd then hey ho!! Patirick also came! Yup, my dear Patrick..it's been a long time since I last asw him..happened that he chanced upon Chiewz when she was at the airport...and he just departed from his flight too...she updated him and they all decided to troop down to my place...
Bah Chor Mee, chicken wings..heavens..=) hehe, indulgence..not suposed to eat chicken wings though...but bo chup...=p
Was pretty fun catching up and talking rot..haha jokes and laughter...snacks and more laughter..
=========
missing him now..
=========
Feeling abit tired. Headache's acting up again..Think I'll hit the sack soon..My bed has become my best pal...
Bah Chor Mee, chicken wings..heavens..=) hehe, indulgence..not suposed to eat chicken wings though...but bo chup...=p
Was pretty fun catching up and talking rot..haha jokes and laughter...snacks and more laughter..
=========
missing him now..
=========
Feeling abit tired. Headache's acting up again..Think I'll hit the sack soon..My bed has become my best pal...
Friday, October 21, 2005
broken thoughts...
Ahboy was a notti boy today...skipped a portion of his training ( at Tampines Junction) and popped over ofr a visit-cum-a-eat-snake- session..hhaha...had lunch here too....came at around 1115am...left at 115pm....terrible..tsk tsk...haha
========
Wound is getting damn itchy......irritating....itchy but can't scratch...piangz...the feeling is soo.....argh....don't even know how to describe...
========
Ipoh just popped by....sitting outside int he hall with mama...chatting away...I'm hiding in the room blogging...need a break from all the visitors at times...sometimes when I hear so many people talkig to much....I'll get a headache...think maybe it's also cos I didn't get good quality rest last night...Hope I'll do better tomorrow...
I'm expecting the weekend to bring in more visitors...Jen mentioned she might come, no sur eif she's bringing any of our colleagues though..Rohlin, Kym, Yongwei, Gary. Sherwin, Ally, Peiqi too...hmm....aiyoh...so many people to see the unglam side of me..haha....bespectacled...hair in a bun like a bird's nest..eyes still slightly swollen and bloodshot...in Tshirt and shorts...haa...
========
Wound is getting damn itchy......irritating....itchy but can't scratch...piangz...the feeling is soo.....argh....don't even know how to describe...
========
Ipoh just popped by....sitting outside int he hall with mama...chatting away...I'm hiding in the room blogging...need a break from all the visitors at times...sometimes when I hear so many people talkig to much....I'll get a headache...think maybe it's also cos I didn't get good quality rest last night...Hope I'll do better tomorrow...
I'm expecting the weekend to bring in more visitors...Jen mentioned she might come, no sur eif she's bringing any of our colleagues though..Rohlin, Kym, Yongwei, Gary. Sherwin, Ally, Peiqi too...hmm....aiyoh...so many people to see the unglam side of me..haha....bespectacled...hair in a bun like a bird's nest..eyes still slightly swollen and bloodshot...in Tshirt and shorts...haa...
Thursday's events...
Yesterday afternoon was a farce...mum was cleaning my wounds when she noticed that eh?? how come there are still 2 or 3 more staplers in my scalp wounds? We panicked and called the hospital immediately..we were promptly told to go down immediately and get them taken out..
In the end, we found out that they actually forot about 10 of those staplers and had left them in my scalp for the past 3 days!! tsk tsk....mum n dad were quite apalled that such a thing could happen...started nagging at the nurses and Doc Fong...heng they didn't create a big scene..else I wouldn't have known wherer to hide my face...
===============
The Duckie gals came over in the evening around 845pm...Vincent came along too..Selin didn't manage to make it...super busy girl...haha...we're still the same squeaky, crazy bunch of girls when we're all together...ame thing, gossipping and luffig like crazy last night...sharing gross stories with them about taking blood samples and getting injextions...haha..was sharing with them my supernatural story too...and showing them my wounds...
I had a craving for french frie and fish mcdippers...hehe, sms-ed Tricia to help me get...woohoo...had a nice time munching on the fries..haaa...long time no eat...really perked me up man! =p but notti lah..haha.....not suppposed to eat actually cos i'm having a sore throat..
brought them for a walk around the house too...showed them my room..showed them some pics on my pc...blah blah...all the girlish stuff..
They left around 10-plus..almost 11pm...
===============
p/s: yesterday was Kym's birthday...
===============
Was MSNing with Chiewz n Dan till quite late last night..haha....had quite an interesting conversation with Chiewz...tokking about sexual stuff....stories...experiences...anecdotes...things we heard from friends...blah blah blah...tokking about brazilian waxing ....yada yada....
Same thing again...I wanna try waxing...but damn scared of the pain leh....somemore she said she bled...liews....that really made me reconsider..hmmm...
===============
Hee...Looking forward to Chiewz and Dan's visit tonight...they promised to buy Blk 85 BCM for me for my dinner....WOOOOOO!!!! just thinking about it makes me salivate like crazy...=)))))
Am thinking should I get them to buy my fav porridge too?> Then at least I can keep for tmr's breakfast or something....=))
===============
Realised I'm really getting flabby...tummy area and thighs and upper arms....sighz...what to do?? help help!
In the end, we found out that they actually forot about 10 of those staplers and had left them in my scalp for the past 3 days!! tsk tsk....mum n dad were quite apalled that such a thing could happen...started nagging at the nurses and Doc Fong...heng they didn't create a big scene..else I wouldn't have known wherer to hide my face...
===============
The Duckie gals came over in the evening around 845pm...Vincent came along too..Selin didn't manage to make it...super busy girl...haha...we're still the same squeaky, crazy bunch of girls when we're all together...ame thing, gossipping and luffig like crazy last night...sharing gross stories with them about taking blood samples and getting injextions...haha..was sharing with them my supernatural story too...and showing them my wounds...
I had a craving for french frie and fish mcdippers...hehe, sms-ed Tricia to help me get...woohoo...had a nice time munching on the fries..haaa...long time no eat...really perked me up man! =p but notti lah..haha.....not suppposed to eat actually cos i'm having a sore throat..
brought them for a walk around the house too...showed them my room..showed them some pics on my pc...blah blah...all the girlish stuff..
They left around 10-plus..almost 11pm...
===============
p/s: yesterday was Kym's birthday...
===============
Was MSNing with Chiewz n Dan till quite late last night..haha....had quite an interesting conversation with Chiewz...tokking about sexual stuff....stories...experiences...anecdotes...things we heard from friends...blah blah blah...tokking about brazilian waxing ....yada yada....
Same thing again...I wanna try waxing...but damn scared of the pain leh....somemore she said she bled...liews....that really made me reconsider..hmmm...
===============
Hee...Looking forward to Chiewz and Dan's visit tonight...they promised to buy Blk 85 BCM for me for my dinner....WOOOOOO!!!! just thinking about it makes me salivate like crazy...=)))))
Am thinking should I get them to buy my fav porridge too?> Then at least I can keep for tmr's breakfast or something....=))
===============
Realised I'm really getting flabby...tummy area and thighs and upper arms....sighz...what to do?? help help!
Thursday, October 20, 2005
anecdotal instances...
some anecdotes from the past week or so...
===========
saturday when HB, Mao n Seng were around...cun remember what exactly we were talking about when i pointe my middle finger at him in jest...hahha...and they subsequently made a comment...that they are confident that I am well on the road to recovery...cos I can still curse n swear n point middle finger..haha.....
and you know what? ahboy sgrees wholeheartedly....haha...he said the exact same thing to my brother adrian, kel & ling...
===========
some patients asked me :"eh, u kena accident ah??" ...."choi choi choi!!!" i would tell them...i told mum..."damn it..means my face really looks like kena bang wall for people to ask me such a question..."
===========
There was a time after I just woke from the op...the anesthetist asked me a question: "Michelle! What's your name?" I remember thinking to myself...."duh...*rolls eyes*...you just called me by my name and now u're asking me what my name is?????"
===========
When one of the nurses were shaving me down there...she suddenly gave a shriek and screamed out to the other nurses: "Aiyoh! Jialat! I cut her!" yeah...she gave me a small cut man....should have just grabbed her by the shoulders and shouted "OUCH!!!!"...hahaha....
===========
saturday when HB, Mao n Seng were around...cun remember what exactly we were talking about when i pointe my middle finger at him in jest...hahha...and they subsequently made a comment...that they are confident that I am well on the road to recovery...cos I can still curse n swear n point middle finger..haha.....
and you know what? ahboy sgrees wholeheartedly....haha...he said the exact same thing to my brother adrian, kel & ling...
===========
some patients asked me :"eh, u kena accident ah??" ...."choi choi choi!!!" i would tell them...i told mum..."damn it..means my face really looks like kena bang wall for people to ask me such a question..."
===========
There was a time after I just woke from the op...the anesthetist asked me a question: "Michelle! What's your name?" I remember thinking to myself...."duh...*rolls eyes*...you just called me by my name and now u're asking me what my name is?????"
===========
When one of the nurses were shaving me down there...she suddenly gave a shriek and screamed out to the other nurses: "Aiyoh! Jialat! I cut her!" yeah...she gave me a small cut man....should have just grabbed her by the shoulders and shouted "OUCH!!!!"...hahaha....
visitors
Steady streams of well-wishers and concerned friends and relativves thronged my bedside when word got out that I was out of ICU already and back in a normal ward. And they brougt with them cards, toys, flowers and tonics...haha...Form what I can recall...They included people like:
Uni:
1. Debra
2. Daniel
3. Yanling
4. Mao Mao
5. Ah Seng
6. Hong Bing
7. Chiewz
8. Kym
9. Sing Lee
10. Nancy
11. Eric
12. William
13. Eddie
Misc:
10. Auntie Mimi
11. Uncle Albert
12. Auntie Irene
13. Uncle Edward
14. Auntie Lucy
Relatives:
Uni:
15.Uncle Tom
16. Auntie Pat
17. Uncle David
18. Auntie Angie
19. Suli
20. Celine
21. Ee-ma
22. Auntie Violet
23. uncle William
24. Ah-Dioh
25. Ah Gor
26. Paul
Colleagues:
27. Winnie
28. Zenne
29. Siva
30. Ah San
31. Ah Kok
32. Peter Pan
33. Chloe
34. Mun Kitt
35. Serene
36. Lawrence new colleague
37. Brother Lawrence
38. Elaine
Sec Sch:
39. Ally
40. Peiqi
41. Tai How
42. MingJie
43. Evelyn
44. Eugene
45. YanHui
Others:
46. Ling
47. Kel
48. Julie
And of course...dage, dasao, mum, dad, ahboy.....
thank you mum, dad, ahboy...for taking such great care of me...must have been really tiring on them....
Uni:
1. Debra
2. Daniel
3. Yanling
4. Mao Mao
5. Ah Seng
6. Hong Bing
7. Chiewz
8. Kym
9. Sing Lee
10. Nancy
11. Eric
12. William
13. Eddie
Misc:
10. Auntie Mimi
11. Uncle Albert
12. Auntie Irene
13. Uncle Edward
14. Auntie Lucy
Relatives:
Uni:
15.Uncle Tom
16. Auntie Pat
17. Uncle David
18. Auntie Angie
19. Suli
20. Celine
21. Ee-ma
22. Auntie Violet
23. uncle William
24. Ah-Dioh
25. Ah Gor
26. Paul
Colleagues:
27. Winnie
28. Zenne
29. Siva
30. Ah San
31. Ah Kok
32. Peter Pan
33. Chloe
34. Mun Kitt
35. Serene
36. Lawrence new colleague
37. Brother Lawrence
38. Elaine
Sec Sch:
39. Ally
40. Peiqi
41. Tai How
42. MingJie
43. Evelyn
44. Eugene
45. YanHui
Others:
46. Ling
47. Kel
48. Julie
And of course...dage, dasao, mum, dad, ahboy.....
thank you mum, dad, ahboy...for taking such great care of me...must have been really tiring on them....
Ward 74 Room 10 Bed 2
Was quite relieved when I saw the room (4-bedder with air-con) to which I was transferred to from the ICU. I was given the bed just next to the window...as least it was not next to the washroom...
Plonked myself on the bed and started snoozing away...then dinner came..makaned...mum n dad left...ee-ma,auntie violet, ahboy came to visit....then left...and after that I was alone..so..next best thing to do is to....SLEEP. Sleep interruption is a thing to get used to whilst being warded.. nurses doing their rounds..the fella next doorcoughing/sneezing/wanting to pee or poo..the nurses themselves chatting...blah blah blah...
Slept badly on Fri night..partly cos I think I hahd a super natural encounter....or at least I think it was....from my vantage point...I kept seeing this lady dressed in the hospital patient gown...pink colour...she was standing at the sink...diagonally across the room from where I was...I kept looking at my handphone...1am morphed into...2am which morphed into....4am...and she was still there...still remember she was bespectacled...grey hair curly till shoulders...she was leaning against the wall...and peeped over the wall to look at the people in the room...It was werid...when nurses and doctors came in to do their rounds on other patients...nobody gave her a second look...which I found to be extremely weird...
It was dawn when a nurse came in to check on my blood pressure...I asked her in a hushed tone..."How come that lady has been standing there for so long already??? Doesn't she need to sleep??" And the nurse went:" Who? Where?? There's no one.." Freaked me out man...damn..shouldn't have asked her anything..haaa....anyway...huddled deeper into the covers after that, muttered soem prayers and tried to get back to sleep....thank god for drowsy medicine...haha...managed to sleep...Didn't encounter this weird thingy on subsequent nights......heng ah....
Plonked myself on the bed and started snoozing away...then dinner came..makaned...mum n dad left...ee-ma,auntie violet, ahboy came to visit....then left...and after that I was alone..so..next best thing to do is to....SLEEP. Sleep interruption is a thing to get used to whilst being warded.. nurses doing their rounds..the fella next doorcoughing/sneezing/wanting to pee or poo..the nurses themselves chatting...blah blah blah...
Slept badly on Fri night..partly cos I think I hahd a super natural encounter....or at least I think it was....from my vantage point...I kept seeing this lady dressed in the hospital patient gown...pink colour...she was standing at the sink...diagonally across the room from where I was...I kept looking at my handphone...1am morphed into...2am which morphed into....4am...and she was still there...still remember she was bespectacled...grey hair curly till shoulders...she was leaning against the wall...and peeped over the wall to look at the people in the room...It was werid...when nurses and doctors came in to do their rounds on other patients...nobody gave her a second look...which I found to be extremely weird...
It was dawn when a nurse came in to check on my blood pressure...I asked her in a hushed tone..."How come that lady has been standing there for so long already??? Doesn't she need to sleep??" And the nurse went:" Who? Where?? There's no one.." Freaked me out man...damn..shouldn't have asked her anything..haaa....anyway...huddled deeper into the covers after that, muttered soem prayers and tried to get back to sleep....thank god for drowsy medicine...haha...managed to sleep...Didn't encounter this weird thingy on subsequent nights......heng ah....
12, 13, 14 Oct
Was in ICU till Friday evening where I was transferred to a normal ward.
My memories of those days in ICU are abit sketchy...probably because I was drifting in and out of consiousness, in and out of sleep...popping painkillers, feeling nauseous & there were quite a number of people going in and out of my room...
Nurses and my parents were ever so often checking in on me..I remember Auntie Angie, Adrian, Ahboy & Eddie coming to visit me..and I remember someone telling me that my face looked so puffy...On and off one of my assigned doctors would pop in and tell me I'm recovering fast...On and off, I would be requesting for more pain killers for my headaches...
One thing still vivid in my memory..haa...There was a point in time where they were sponging me and trying to clean me up...and I was stripped bare for the world to see...and then!! they took out a razor...and started shaving my pubic area...gosh.........would have rolled my eyes if they weren't so swollen in their sockets...no wonder after that felt so cold..no more fuzz to keep me warm...was naked as a baby's bottom down there...
Wednesday evening was my first meal since sunday night 12am (or more rightly Monday morning)...porridge with stir fried cabbage and some funny chicken and egg thingy...a nurse was trying to feed me...i couldn't feed myself cos 1. I was hooked up to various tubes which was uite a mess of tangles...and 2. I was wearing specs so couldn't really see what the hell I was eating...
After not earing for so many days...and then suddenly food was introduced back into the tummy...I got quite distended I think...Almost couldn't keep the food in..Had to pop anti-nausea pills just to keep the food down where it should be...Spent the rest of the night hugging a vomit bag to sleep..just in case I puke...Almost did for a few times...but luckily didn't..
Was abit sad that Ahboy couldn't make it down on Thursday evening to visit me...
By Friday, the nurses were telling me that I was doing pretty well...and should be fit to be transferred to a normal ward already...Around 5pm...I made the transfer...went over to Ward 74 Room 10 Bed 2...As usual..I ws the youngest in the room...the other 2 occupants being 2 other old aunties...
My memories of those days in ICU are abit sketchy...probably because I was drifting in and out of consiousness, in and out of sleep...popping painkillers, feeling nauseous & there were quite a number of people going in and out of my room...
Nurses and my parents were ever so often checking in on me..I remember Auntie Angie, Adrian, Ahboy & Eddie coming to visit me..and I remember someone telling me that my face looked so puffy...On and off one of my assigned doctors would pop in and tell me I'm recovering fast...On and off, I would be requesting for more pain killers for my headaches...
One thing still vivid in my memory..haa...There was a point in time where they were sponging me and trying to clean me up...and I was stripped bare for the world to see...and then!! they took out a razor...and started shaving my pubic area...gosh.........would have rolled my eyes if they weren't so swollen in their sockets...no wonder after that felt so cold..no more fuzz to keep me warm...was naked as a baby's bottom down there...
Wednesday evening was my first meal since sunday night 12am (or more rightly Monday morning)...porridge with stir fried cabbage and some funny chicken and egg thingy...a nurse was trying to feed me...i couldn't feed myself cos 1. I was hooked up to various tubes which was uite a mess of tangles...and 2. I was wearing specs so couldn't really see what the hell I was eating...
After not earing for so many days...and then suddenly food was introduced back into the tummy...I got quite distended I think...Almost couldn't keep the food in..Had to pop anti-nausea pills just to keep the food down where it should be...Spent the rest of the night hugging a vomit bag to sleep..just in case I puke...Almost did for a few times...but luckily didn't..
Was abit sad that Ahboy couldn't make it down on Thursday evening to visit me...
By Friday, the nurses were telling me that I was doing pretty well...and should be fit to be transferred to a normal ward already...Around 5pm...I made the transfer...went over to Ward 74 Room 10 Bed 2...As usual..I ws the youngest in the room...the other 2 occupants being 2 other old aunties...
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
post op
Next day : 12th Oct
"Michelle! Michelle!! This is Doctor Ng here..." You are now in ICU...the operation was successful...You did good.!.."....Woozy as I was...tried to garble a reply...but my throat was too sore...couldn't talk..just made some raspy sounds..
These were my immediate recollections of what happened after the surgery... and from what mum n dad told me...the op took a whole lot longer than expected...I went through 10 hours of it..instead of the 5-6 initially predicted by john thomas...Slept the howle of Tuesday night...and by the glorious time I woke..it was already Wednesday..and I was parked in ICU...nooked up to a respiraory machine and a few other funny machines....and yeps..I was freezing away as usual...and huddled under 3 blankets..Gingerly lifted up my head..hwoa...huge bandage..And there was this irritatingly thick oxygen pipe in my mouth going down my throat...gosh..that was horrible...
Drifted off into sleep again..with a throbbing head & woozy eyes...and the next time I got up was when nurses were trying to get that pipe out of me...I gagged and sputtered..thought my throat was gonna be ripped apart man...face and eyes were swollen too...couldn't even open my right eye...swollen shut...could only open the left one..they finally managed to get the tube out....and then I went off into slumberland again.....the GA coupled with the effect of the tablet pain killers really zonked me out major man.....
...............
"Michelle! Michelle!! This is Doctor Ng here..." You are now in ICU...the operation was successful...You did good.!.."....Woozy as I was...tried to garble a reply...but my throat was too sore...couldn't talk..just made some raspy sounds..
These were my immediate recollections of what happened after the surgery... and from what mum n dad told me...the op took a whole lot longer than expected...I went through 10 hours of it..instead of the 5-6 initially predicted by john thomas...Slept the howle of Tuesday night...and by the glorious time I woke..it was already Wednesday..and I was parked in ICU...nooked up to a respiraory machine and a few other funny machines....and yeps..I was freezing away as usual...and huddled under 3 blankets..Gingerly lifted up my head..hwoa...huge bandage..And there was this irritatingly thick oxygen pipe in my mouth going down my throat...gosh..that was horrible...
Drifted off into sleep again..with a throbbing head & woozy eyes...and the next time I got up was when nurses were trying to get that pipe out of me...I gagged and sputtered..thought my throat was gonna be ripped apart man...face and eyes were swollen too...couldn't even open my right eye...swollen shut...could only open the left one..they finally managed to get the tube out....and then I went off into slumberland again.....the GA coupled with the effect of the tablet pain killers really zonked me out major man.....
...............
D-Day
D-Day 11th Oct
Was woken up at 5plus am by a nurse who took my temp and blood pressure...couldn't really get back to sleep after that...kept checking the time for 6am to approach....it finally did...and I started getting myself prepped up for the op...mum reached around 610am..poor thing..got up early to catch a cab..nurse came in soon after to gt me to chang into an operation gown..literally those greenish blur ones that you see in ER or those HK drama shows...Had to strip fully underneath..
An attendant came around 645am with a trolley bed...had to climb unceremoniusly into it. and await for ther surgery whilst lying in this thing..trepidation..thud thud thud..deep breathes...hands clasped tightly at my stomach as I lay on that trolley..felt myself wheeled out of the ward and into the corridoors...couldn't see a thing for nuts...cos I wasn't allowed to wear my specs...and I'm a blind bat without one..
Still remember the trolley making alot of noise as it rolled along the linoleum floors of along the corridoors...the attendant's sneakers squeaked along togther with the trndling noise..made me have a headache..and those sounds combined didn't do any good at to soothe my frazzled nerves...mum followed close behind when I was being wheeled into to the OT...
I remember looking up at the ceiling and seeing rows and rows of small soft-orange-coloured halogen lights...and I remember thinking to myself: "..gotta blog this down after I get discharged from hospital..." So drama...it was lietrally one of those scenes lifted from a HK drama of sorts...the halogen lights slowly gave way to rectangular piercing white lighting..I stare at the white-washed walls as I passed by rows and row of corridoors...finally felt my trolley coming to a halt..I was being wheeled into another huge room and parked in a small waiting area..mum had to wait outside...I felt absolutely alone..shivering, cold and naked...
A chirpy plump malay nurse came by..checked my name & IC & address & if I was pregnant..and if I knew what I was in for...and if I knew who was gonna do the surgery...yada yada...was made to wwear an operation cap..looked kinda like a shower cap but with paper material instead of plastic)...another layer of blanket ws thrown on me..I simply don't understand...why do such environments have to be so sterile and unfriendly and so so so cold?? it must have been like wat...10degrees in there?? and I was naked save for one blanket and one operating gown of thickness 1mm..satisfied with my answers..the nurse then walked off...and left me waiting alone there...muttering a silent prayer of courage and hope under my shivering breath..
A half hour more and I was then transported into my OT..was made to wait again...as I stared at the ceiling and heard the OT attendants preparing whatever things the surgeons had to use during the op.. Could hear metallics things clanking together...could hear liquids sloshing in containers...could hear tables/chairs being wheeled into place...could see them preparing syringes too...aw man...I was wondering...do they have to do it in full view of the waiting patient?? That wait seriously made mme more nervous..haa...
Doc Ng the anaesthetist came soon after..did a puncture in my left wrist and I felt myself going slightly woozy.....heard him say this:"..this is just the minor anaesthetic...before we give you the big whammy that will make you sleep the daylilghts off...sprry ah..I know the injection's painful..." Then next thing I knew, I was being shifted from the trolley bed into the OT bed itself...and I was thinking...this is it liao...the time has come...Whilst on the OT bed, I looked up and could see so many different metallic gadgets and lightings...very much like those in ER...nervousness was growing by the minutee man...the longer they took to prep me for the op, the more nervous I got...
................
Was woken up at 5plus am by a nurse who took my temp and blood pressure...couldn't really get back to sleep after that...kept checking the time for 6am to approach....it finally did...and I started getting myself prepped up for the op...mum reached around 610am..poor thing..got up early to catch a cab..nurse came in soon after to gt me to chang into an operation gown..literally those greenish blur ones that you see in ER or those HK drama shows...Had to strip fully underneath..
An attendant came around 645am with a trolley bed...had to climb unceremoniusly into it. and await for ther surgery whilst lying in this thing..trepidation..thud thud thud..deep breathes...hands clasped tightly at my stomach as I lay on that trolley..felt myself wheeled out of the ward and into the corridoors...couldn't see a thing for nuts...cos I wasn't allowed to wear my specs...and I'm a blind bat without one..
Still remember the trolley making alot of noise as it rolled along the linoleum floors of along the corridoors...the attendant's sneakers squeaked along togther with the trndling noise..made me have a headache..and those sounds combined didn't do any good at to soothe my frazzled nerves...mum followed close behind when I was being wheeled into to the OT...
I remember looking up at the ceiling and seeing rows and rows of small soft-orange-coloured halogen lights...and I remember thinking to myself: "..gotta blog this down after I get discharged from hospital..." So drama...it was lietrally one of those scenes lifted from a HK drama of sorts...the halogen lights slowly gave way to rectangular piercing white lighting..I stare at the white-washed walls as I passed by rows and row of corridoors...finally felt my trolley coming to a halt..I was being wheeled into another huge room and parked in a small waiting area..mum had to wait outside...I felt absolutely alone..shivering, cold and naked...
A chirpy plump malay nurse came by..checked my name & IC & address & if I was pregnant..and if I knew what I was in for...and if I knew who was gonna do the surgery...yada yada...was made to wwear an operation cap..looked kinda like a shower cap but with paper material instead of plastic)...another layer of blanket ws thrown on me..I simply don't understand...why do such environments have to be so sterile and unfriendly and so so so cold?? it must have been like wat...10degrees in there?? and I was naked save for one blanket and one operating gown of thickness 1mm..satisfied with my answers..the nurse then walked off...and left me waiting alone there...muttering a silent prayer of courage and hope under my shivering breath..
A half hour more and I was then transported into my OT..was made to wait again...as I stared at the ceiling and heard the OT attendants preparing whatever things the surgeons had to use during the op.. Could hear metallics things clanking together...could hear liquids sloshing in containers...could hear tables/chairs being wheeled into place...could see them preparing syringes too...aw man...I was wondering...do they have to do it in full view of the waiting patient?? That wait seriously made mme more nervous..haa...
Doc Ng the anaesthetist came soon after..did a puncture in my left wrist and I felt myself going slightly woozy.....heard him say this:"..this is just the minor anaesthetic...before we give you the big whammy that will make you sleep the daylilghts off...sprry ah..I know the injection's painful..." Then next thing I knew, I was being shifted from the trolley bed into the OT bed itself...and I was thinking...this is it liao...the time has come...Whilst on the OT bed, I looked up and could see so many different metallic gadgets and lightings...very much like those in ER...nervousness was growing by the minutee man...the longer they took to prep me for the op, the more nervous I got...
................
lor soh ramblings...
Kinda feels weird to be blogging again after a week-long hiatus..But..nevertheless..am mighty glad to have Internet access again..haa..just a recap of the events of the past week...
Monday 10th Oct..day of admission...had a jittery day..was walking around with a thudding heart & ringing ears..and little beads of anticipation running through my veins...as is the bureaucratic ways of most public hospitals and healthcare...the admission queue took me 1.5 hours...and by the time i got to my ward and my bed...it was about 230pm already..
Eddie surprised me by turning up..with two pints of ice-cream in tow to try to "cheer me up" in his words...from Rohlin's place haa...one's Nutella and the other flavour's Cookies & Cream..was 1/3 way into my Nutella when I had to stop for a doc to draw blood from me...one of those dreaded but bo pian have to go through it times...poked a hole in my right wrist..inserted a plug in there...tried to draw but my blood refused to flow...tmd...poked another hole into the bend of my right elbow..still no flow...wriggled the tubing abit...and by then i was cursing him silently already...in all sorts of languages..finally managed to get it over an done with...
then another doc came..Doc Fong..the unfriendly insensitive young indomitable male doctor wielding a red electric razor...my heart flipped in my chest...and my spirits sank in dismay...damn...I thought wildly..."Thought they said I didn't have to shave my hair off????" Turned out the op was gonna be computer-aided and they needed to place some electrodes on certain prime spots on the right side of my head..so that they can path the route into a soft copy route on the PC. and in order for teh rlectrodes to stick onto my scalp..they had to shave off certain parts..as the whirring sound of the darn razor whizzed into action...i tried hard to keep my emotions in check..every buzzing sound just brought more heartache to me..at the end of it..felt that Doc Fong was quite insensitive..i was littered with remnants of some hair..and looked pretty messed up...with electrodes on my forehead and some part of the head...After he was done..he didn't even wait for me to dust myself off before he drew open the curtains and just walked away..And only left a nurse to help to dust me off...I went back to the guest chairs wheere mum, dad n eddie were seated...and then my floodgaztes just unleashed themselves..just somehow..my face turned damn warm...and i just cried my heart out..yeah..in front of poor hapless Eddie..haa..poor thing..
Gathered my wits later on and survived through dinner...then Ahboy came..and mum n dad left..did a series of tests before the next day's proceedings...did my MRI scan at 915pm..my 12 lead ECG at 1030pm and had my chest x-ray at 1115pm...poor ahboy only left at 1130pm...think he was real tired..
Tried to have a good night's rest..abit difficult considering I was half praying, half chanting, and half hyperventilating..and also considering the fact that nurses were in and out trying to monitor your blood pressure and body temperature...didn't help that the room was god damn cold...slept under 3 blankets..and a jacket..
Monday 10th Oct..day of admission...had a jittery day..was walking around with a thudding heart & ringing ears..and little beads of anticipation running through my veins...as is the bureaucratic ways of most public hospitals and healthcare...the admission queue took me 1.5 hours...and by the time i got to my ward and my bed...it was about 230pm already..
Eddie surprised me by turning up..with two pints of ice-cream in tow to try to "cheer me up" in his words...from Rohlin's place haa...one's Nutella and the other flavour's Cookies & Cream..was 1/3 way into my Nutella when I had to stop for a doc to draw blood from me...one of those dreaded but bo pian have to go through it times...poked a hole in my right wrist..inserted a plug in there...tried to draw but my blood refused to flow...tmd...poked another hole into the bend of my right elbow..still no flow...wriggled the tubing abit...and by then i was cursing him silently already...in all sorts of languages..finally managed to get it over an done with...
then another doc came..Doc Fong..the unfriendly insensitive young indomitable male doctor wielding a red electric razor...my heart flipped in my chest...and my spirits sank in dismay...damn...I thought wildly..."Thought they said I didn't have to shave my hair off????" Turned out the op was gonna be computer-aided and they needed to place some electrodes on certain prime spots on the right side of my head..so that they can path the route into a soft copy route on the PC. and in order for teh rlectrodes to stick onto my scalp..they had to shave off certain parts..as the whirring sound of the darn razor whizzed into action...i tried hard to keep my emotions in check..every buzzing sound just brought more heartache to me..at the end of it..felt that Doc Fong was quite insensitive..i was littered with remnants of some hair..and looked pretty messed up...with electrodes on my forehead and some part of the head...After he was done..he didn't even wait for me to dust myself off before he drew open the curtains and just walked away..And only left a nurse to help to dust me off...I went back to the guest chairs wheere mum, dad n eddie were seated...and then my floodgaztes just unleashed themselves..just somehow..my face turned damn warm...and i just cried my heart out..yeah..in front of poor hapless Eddie..haa..poor thing..
Gathered my wits later on and survived through dinner...then Ahboy came..and mum n dad left..did a series of tests before the next day's proceedings...did my MRI scan at 915pm..my 12 lead ECG at 1030pm and had my chest x-ray at 1115pm...poor ahboy only left at 1130pm...think he was real tired..
Tried to have a good night's rest..abit difficult considering I was half praying, half chanting, and half hyperventilating..and also considering the fact that nurses were in and out trying to monitor your blood pressure and body temperature...didn't help that the room was god damn cold...slept under 3 blankets..and a jacket..
Sunday, October 09, 2005
ramblings..
Got up this morning and missed him terribly..dropped him a naughty message...haa...
Yeps..he's my man.
===============
listening to Jay Chou now..not sure of the title though..but simply adore his songs..fast ones are unique..slow ones are so full of emotions..just tugging at your heartstrings..
===============
Just finished packing the stuff I'll be bringing to the hospital..trying to maintain a cool, calm exterior...don't want mom and pop and gran to worry too much.
But inside, I am still a jitterbug..nervous and anxious in a way..slightly frazzled
~Dear God, please grant me the strength and courage~
Yeps..he's my man.
===============
listening to Jay Chou now..not sure of the title though..but simply adore his songs..fast ones are unique..slow ones are so full of emotions..just tugging at your heartstrings..
===============
Just finished packing the stuff I'll be bringing to the hospital..trying to maintain a cool, calm exterior...don't want mom and pop and gran to worry too much.
But inside, I am still a jitterbug..nervous and anxious in a way..slightly frazzled
~Dear God, please grant me the strength and courage~
the impetuous me..
You've learned that being depressed about the past only delays your progress.
Remember all that tact, diplomacy and congeniality you were tossing around like there was absolutely no end to your personal supply? Well, it's still there, still quite accessible, and still endless. The thing is, if it's not exactly what you're thinking, it won't be exactly what you'll say. Fortunately, this only happens once a month or so, and only for a couple of days. Hiding out might be your first impulse, but wouldn't it be more fun to see them squirm?
My horoscope for today. Hmm..the words in bold..meaningful..
As for the rest..well..I consider myself a tactful, diplomatic person..(disclaimer: which doesn't equate to being hypocritical yah)..just that I don't wish to hurt anybody or anything..Kinda slipped up today. Lashed out at a dear friend..(So sorry TP..)
Was on MSN in the afternoon with the "busy" sign on when TP sent me a hallo message. My first reaction was to lash out at him. Think it caught him off guard totally. I told him "Even when the busy sign is on, people still msg. Argh!!!" And rattled off a bunch of other stuff about why do people disturb you when the do-not-disturb sign is on...and cun remember what else. He kept apologising..and I felt bad at having such an outburst..shitty..
I know it ain't his fault..I do that all the time too..but he caught me at a wrong time. Guess I was feeling edgy and jittery...been like that the whole day...and well..he just happened by at the wrong moment..Hope he ain't mad at me...
Remember all that tact, diplomacy and congeniality you were tossing around like there was absolutely no end to your personal supply? Well, it's still there, still quite accessible, and still endless. The thing is, if it's not exactly what you're thinking, it won't be exactly what you'll say. Fortunately, this only happens once a month or so, and only for a couple of days. Hiding out might be your first impulse, but wouldn't it be more fun to see them squirm?
My horoscope for today. Hmm..the words in bold..meaningful..
As for the rest..well..I consider myself a tactful, diplomatic person..(disclaimer: which doesn't equate to being hypocritical yah)..just that I don't wish to hurt anybody or anything..Kinda slipped up today. Lashed out at a dear friend..(So sorry TP..)
Was on MSN in the afternoon with the "busy" sign on when TP sent me a hallo message. My first reaction was to lash out at him. Think it caught him off guard totally. I told him "Even when the busy sign is on, people still msg. Argh!!!" And rattled off a bunch of other stuff about why do people disturb you when the do-not-disturb sign is on...and cun remember what else. He kept apologising..and I felt bad at having such an outburst..shitty..
I know it ain't his fault..I do that all the time too..but he caught me at a wrong time. Guess I was feeling edgy and jittery...been like that the whole day...and well..he just happened by at the wrong moment..Hope he ain't mad at me...
sweetie...
Am longing for the warmth of your embrace..
That which would brush away all worries and uncertainties.
Wish that you could be with me right here, right now..
Wish that I could cuddle up against you..
In that safe cocoon where I know I'll be protected.
----
Am proud of you baby. For the person that you are.
For your accomplishments, for your strengths, for your weaknesses.
Love you..
That which would brush away all worries and uncertainties.
Wish that you could be with me right here, right now..
Wish that I could cuddle up against you..
In that safe cocoon where I know I'll be protected.
----
Am proud of you baby. For the person that you are.
For your accomplishments, for your strengths, for your weaknesses.
Love you..
Saturday, October 08, 2005
summary...
On Friday..met him for lunch at Raffles Place..then popped by POSB then went temple..then had tea with mum at Bugis Junction..then had a second session of tea with Sherwin at TCC Raffles Exchange..then met up with him again...and caught a bus to his place...
He was walking around the house clad only in his jeans..hanging loose on his hips..almost falling off..tousled hair and impish grin..an absolutely delicious sight..titillating to the senses..haha...felt like devouring him there and then..
We walked over to the place for makan with Ling & gang..ws irritating me all the way..hahaa....stupid man...somemore called me a "fool" twice in a day..kicked his butt when we were in the lift in his block....supposed to have been my bday dinner..albeit a week and a half in advance..went to this HK style restaurant along East Coast Road..quite interesting..
==============
Had a movie marathon today..went to catch "Goal" in the afternoon...then had dinner at Manhattan Fish Market...then caught "40 yr old Virgin"...both shows were just mediocre..
nothing much to shout about..nothing that leaves an impression on the mind..just those kind of shows with a predictable plot and storyline..the second show was pretty slow moving.. was fidgety in my seat by the time I was 1/3-way into the movie..but must admit, there were some really funny moments where you just laughed your freaking head off...
Kinda just hung around at Pacific Coffee Company at Terminal 2 after that..tsk..boring way to spend a Saturday night..would have been better off having a drink or two somewhere...but didn't think he would allow that..so didn't bother suggesting..haa...
==============
feeling guilty. shucks.
promised yiyong that I would call him at 1pm my time..(12am his time) on his birthday...7th october...totally slipped my mind..by the time I remembered..it was already 5pm my time...which would mean about 4am his time...dropped him an SMs instead...hope he received it...
tried reaching him this morning...1030am my time..should be about 10pm his time I think? But nobody answered the phone... =( am feeling guilty about it...opps...
He was walking around the house clad only in his jeans..hanging loose on his hips..almost falling off..tousled hair and impish grin..an absolutely delicious sight..titillating to the senses..haha...felt like devouring him there and then..
We walked over to the place for makan with Ling & gang..ws irritating me all the way..hahaa....stupid man...somemore called me a "fool" twice in a day..kicked his butt when we were in the lift in his block....supposed to have been my bday dinner..albeit a week and a half in advance..went to this HK style restaurant along East Coast Road..quite interesting..
==============
Had a movie marathon today..went to catch "Goal" in the afternoon...then had dinner at Manhattan Fish Market...then caught "40 yr old Virgin"...both shows were just mediocre..
nothing much to shout about..nothing that leaves an impression on the mind..just those kind of shows with a predictable plot and storyline..the second show was pretty slow moving.. was fidgety in my seat by the time I was 1/3-way into the movie..but must admit, there were some really funny moments where you just laughed your freaking head off...
Kinda just hung around at Pacific Coffee Company at Terminal 2 after that..tsk..boring way to spend a Saturday night..would have been better off having a drink or two somewhere...but didn't think he would allow that..so didn't bother suggesting..haa...
==============
feeling guilty. shucks.
promised yiyong that I would call him at 1pm my time..(12am his time) on his birthday...7th october...totally slipped my mind..by the time I remembered..it was already 5pm my time...which would mean about 4am his time...dropped him an SMs instead...hope he received it...
tried reaching him this morning...1030am my time..should be about 10pm his time I think? But nobody answered the phone... =( am feeling guilty about it...opps...
Thursday, October 06, 2005
It's Time
Aiyo...heavy heavy...I can feel the flow...disgusting as it may be..
It's kinda weird this time round...first kena diarrhoea..
And now my legs feel like as if the energy's being zapped out from them..
Aching calves and thighs..Hell, even aching soles..TMD.
Maybe cos I missed it last month? So this month it hits in full force??
Just had a nonsensical thought.
I'm supposed to "stock up" on red blood cells for the op..by taking more red meat and such...
Now I'm losing instead!
High quality cells somemore..highly oxygenated and containing lotsa minerals..
It's kinda weird this time round...first kena diarrhoea..
And now my legs feel like as if the energy's being zapped out from them..
Aching calves and thighs..Hell, even aching soles..TMD.
Maybe cos I missed it last month? So this month it hits in full force??
Just had a nonsensical thought.
I'm supposed to "stock up" on red blood cells for the op..by taking more red meat and such...
Now I'm losing instead!
High quality cells somemore..highly oxygenated and containing lotsa minerals..
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
To the Red Biscotti
Looking around the room, I noticed remnants of you here and there. The grey Tatty bear that sits on my bed. The floppy brown dog, my xmas present in either 1999 or 2000, given when I just finished a carolling performance at Bugis Junction. The little brown bear which came with a bunch of fresh flowers...delivered to my office for our 4th year anni in Oct 2003. The little white sundress you got for me. The precious moments alphabets spelling out my name, given for my 22nd bday. And then there’s those two Jap pictorial books hidden in one of my drawers. Still remember that I teared when I first read them.
I suppose all these little things were your way of saying ‘love you’ and ‘I care’. Reading your old blog entry that day evoked a lot of memories in me. Thank you for your love and commitment then. Things didn’t quite turn out as you expected and I apologise for the hurt that I might have caused you back then. I was curt to you and threw tantrums haa… paiseh for being so wilful, impatient and grumpy with you always.
Guess on my side, I was also not one who was good at expressing her thoughts and feelings. For the longest time (hmm…it was really a long time), I didn’t want to think about things and whenever those thoughts (of whether our relationship was going the right way) came up, I chose to shove them aside rather than confront them head-on. And I just clung onto whatever existed, whether out of habit, whether out of familiarity, I don’t know.
But trust me, many a time I wanted to speak to you, but never mustered up the courage to. Things got kinda bottled up and in the end, it just reached a max capacity where I had to do something. I must have wasted quite abit of your time and effort yeah?
Well, anyway, no use saying so much now yeah? A year and a half later. And I realized that maybe you don’t need anymore clarifications or whatever. You ain’t those that speak about things. More often than not, you think and ponder…but never voice out to the party in question.
We have both moved on. We have both grown. All the best in your efforts leh..lotsa moral support from me ok. You know that..haa..
Glad we’re still there for each other as friends.
Here’s wishing you well always.
Stay crappy, philosophical and creative ya.
p/s: don’t smoke so much lah…
Shell
I suppose all these little things were your way of saying ‘love you’ and ‘I care’. Reading your old blog entry that day evoked a lot of memories in me. Thank you for your love and commitment then. Things didn’t quite turn out as you expected and I apologise for the hurt that I might have caused you back then. I was curt to you and threw tantrums haa… paiseh for being so wilful, impatient and grumpy with you always.
Guess on my side, I was also not one who was good at expressing her thoughts and feelings. For the longest time (hmm…it was really a long time), I didn’t want to think about things and whenever those thoughts (of whether our relationship was going the right way) came up, I chose to shove them aside rather than confront them head-on. And I just clung onto whatever existed, whether out of habit, whether out of familiarity, I don’t know.
But trust me, many a time I wanted to speak to you, but never mustered up the courage to. Things got kinda bottled up and in the end, it just reached a max capacity where I had to do something. I must have wasted quite abit of your time and effort yeah?
Well, anyway, no use saying so much now yeah? A year and a half later. And I realized that maybe you don’t need anymore clarifications or whatever. You ain’t those that speak about things. More often than not, you think and ponder…but never voice out to the party in question.
We have both moved on. We have both grown. All the best in your efforts leh..lotsa moral support from me ok. You know that..haa..
Glad we’re still there for each other as friends.
Here’s wishing you well always.
Stay crappy, philosophical and creative ya.
p/s: don’t smoke so much lah…
Shell
first thoughts last thoughts
Awakened at 4am last night. To the smell of rain in the air…that bitter-sweet crispness that seeps into every of your sensory glands and flows into the synapses of your brain. Also to the sound of the curtains flapping lightly, rustling leaves, swaying trees, pink skies, flashes of lightning illuminating the dimness and...thunder reverberating in the distance. It was not long after that raindrops began to fall. Gently at first..then with increasing intensity..
Even in that groggy state of mind. My immediate thoughts were...Is he awake too? Does he know it's raining? Are his windows open? Will the rain splash in on him? Hope he’s covered up under his blankie.. Hope he’s wearing a T-shirt at least…Hope his sleep doesn’t get interrupted by the thunder.. Hope he’s not bothered by mosquitoes…
Couldn’t quite get back to sleep till much later..didn’t feel at peace..mumbled a mantra my aunt taught me..na mo am mi tuo fuo - om mani pad me hum…a Buddhist chant to ward off evil spirits..
Got up pretty late at 11am. Tired out by the previous day's activities..sun was high up in the sky..and hmm…first thoughts were..wonder if he’s going off for lunch soon? Hope his day has been okay so far..Hope his customer calling goes well too…Wonder if he's popping by the gym today?
Hmm…miss my baby..
Even in that groggy state of mind. My immediate thoughts were...Is he awake too? Does he know it's raining? Are his windows open? Will the rain splash in on him? Hope he’s covered up under his blankie.. Hope he’s wearing a T-shirt at least…Hope his sleep doesn’t get interrupted by the thunder.. Hope he’s not bothered by mosquitoes…
Couldn’t quite get back to sleep till much later..didn’t feel at peace..mumbled a mantra my aunt taught me..na mo am mi tuo fuo - om mani pad me hum…a Buddhist chant to ward off evil spirits..
Got up pretty late at 11am. Tired out by the previous day's activities..sun was high up in the sky..and hmm…first thoughts were..wonder if he’s going off for lunch soon? Hope his day has been okay so far..Hope his customer calling goes well too…Wonder if he's popping by the gym today?
Hmm…miss my baby..
Sunday, October 02, 2005
from me to you
Things are abit different. Just feels abit different.
How different? Just like as if there's a shift in paradigm..
I don't know...less closeness perhaps?
Or some sightless burden weighing down within you..
There's still a chunk of you that I don't know..
That I've not seen..that I don't understand..
And I prolly might never will..
Quite some changes in your life this year..With another one impending.
(Same goes for me)
Just wanted to let you know..I am all ears here..With you..For you.
Just hope that you are happy..Just hope you are fine..
Just hope that things will all be aye-okay for us.
How different? Just like as if there's a shift in paradigm..
I don't know...less closeness perhaps?
Or some sightless burden weighing down within you..
There's still a chunk of you that I don't know..
That I've not seen..that I don't understand..
And I prolly might never will..
Quite some changes in your life this year..With another one impending.
(Same goes for me)
Just wanted to let you know..I am all ears here..With you..For you.
Just hope that you are happy..Just hope you are fine..
Just hope that things will all be aye-okay for us.
awwww.....
He : Just wanted to say that I really treasure you alot.
She : Even if it means giving up your work? Giving up your dreams?
He : Yes.
She : Even if it means not being able to have kids. Even it if means...watching me...die?
He : Yes. You mean the world to me and I will never let you go. I will never forsake you...
(hugging scene) (tears)
=======================
Aw man...sucker for romance...Just finished watching an old Jap drama last night. "Beautiful Life". Kimura Takuya as the main male lead. Borrowed VCD from wm's sis. Was crying throughout the whole of the last disc. That means an hour of non-stop leaking and gut-wrenching sobs. Which translates to predominantly swollen lids and extremely dry and tired eyes today.
The heck with it. Am starting with a new drama today. "Long Vacation".
Kimura Takuya again. Hunkalicious. *slurp*
She : Even if it means giving up your work? Giving up your dreams?
He : Yes.
She : Even if it means not being able to have kids. Even it if means...watching me...die?
He : Yes. You mean the world to me and I will never let you go. I will never forsake you...
(hugging scene) (tears)
=======================
Aw man...sucker for romance...Just finished watching an old Jap drama last night. "Beautiful Life". Kimura Takuya as the main male lead. Borrowed VCD from wm's sis. Was crying throughout the whole of the last disc. That means an hour of non-stop leaking and gut-wrenching sobs. Which translates to predominantly swollen lids and extremely dry and tired eyes today.
The heck with it. Am starting with a new drama today. "Long Vacation".
Kimura Takuya again. Hunkalicious. *slurp*
fav song of the moment..
"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams" - Green Day
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah
I walk alone
I walk a...
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah
I walk alone
I walk a...
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...
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