When you are regularly criticized for being lacking
You maybe do end up feeling the same way about yourself.
Saturday, March 31, 2018
Tuesday, March 27, 2018
After so long.....
I still don't fair well at Board meetings. Still can't respond well enough.
Sigh.
Sigh.
Thursday, March 22, 2018
Self-Deprecation
--> tending or serving to undervalue or disparage onself.
--> trying to make yourself, your abilities and your achievements seem less important.
--> excessively modest.
Reminder to Self:
When self-deprecation goes too far, it can become self-loathing and self-sabotaging, which are less amusing forms of putting yourself down.
And when enough of it happens over time, you believe that you yourself are not worthy.
--> trying to make yourself, your abilities and your achievements seem less important.
--> excessively modest.
Reminder to Self:
When self-deprecation goes too far, it can become self-loathing and self-sabotaging, which are less amusing forms of putting yourself down.
And when enough of it happens over time, you believe that you yourself are not worthy.
老娘
老娘 is not a tech savvy person...
Nor is 老娘 very into social media/metworking...
Hence, 老娘 is not on Twitter, Tumblr, Reddit, Pinterest and what have you...
And 老娘 also has no idea how these things work...
So anyway, 老娘 suddenly remembered that a looooong time ago (like maybe 6 years back?!), she did create an Instagram account for fun. Only to be overwhelmed by what it was all about and she decided to just stick to Facebook and ditch all else.
老娘 decided a few days ago to revive that Instagram account and re-installed the Instagram application on her phone.
老娘 is still exploring how to use it and what it can do.
In the meantime, 老娘 has discovered that you can follow someone's else Instagram account, much like how you follow someone on Facebook.
老娘 still has not explored Twitter though...and has no intention to tweet.
老娘 wonders if "tweet" is even a recognised word/verb.
Nor is 老娘 very into social media/metworking...
Hence, 老娘 is not on Twitter, Tumblr, Reddit, Pinterest and what have you...
And 老娘 also has no idea how these things work...
So anyway, 老娘 suddenly remembered that a looooong time ago (like maybe 6 years back?!), she did create an Instagram account for fun. Only to be overwhelmed by what it was all about and she decided to just stick to Facebook and ditch all else.
老娘 decided a few days ago to revive that Instagram account and re-installed the Instagram application on her phone.
老娘 is still exploring how to use it and what it can do.
In the meantime, 老娘 has discovered that you can follow someone's else Instagram account, much like how you follow someone on Facebook.
老娘 still has not explored Twitter though...and has no intention to tweet.
老娘 wonders if "tweet" is even a recognised word/verb.
Buzz
I've not had the inspiration to doodle for a long long time. For some reason, today happened to be a day when I decided to pick up my pen. My work PC was undergoing a huge Microsoft Windows 10 update and I couldn't do any work. So I decided to doodle...
The concept? A single-line drawing. The entire piece is made up of a single unbroken line.
Done in 30mins or so?
I don't usually name my doodles. But this one's called Buzz.
Because it's the first word that popped into my mind when I saw it in its finished state.
Hope I get a chance to pick up my pen again soon...
The concept? A single-line drawing. The entire piece is made up of a single unbroken line.
Done in 30mins or so?
I don't usually name my doodles. But this one's called Buzz.
Because it's the first word that popped into my mind when I saw it in its finished state.
Hope I get a chance to pick up my pen again soon...
Wednesday, March 21, 2018
Legal Day Today
I've designated today as Legal Day. The day when I try to concentrate hard on vetting, editing, proof-reading and customising a 21-page legal document to suit a certain project's purpose.
The entire document is a full listing of terms and conditions worded in extremely legalistic language, chockful of references to Articles and clauses of numerous other documents.
#readtillwannavomit
#giamchyemia
#clearingshitforothers
Performance appraisal is over so I can't even add this into my work done for the FY.
Boo :(
Jiayou Michelle! 你可以的!!
The entire document is a full listing of terms and conditions worded in extremely legalistic language, chockful of references to Articles and clauses of numerous other documents.
#readtillwannavomit
#giamchyemia
#clearingshitforothers
Performance appraisal is over so I can't even add this into my work done for the FY.
Boo :(
Jiayou Michelle! 你可以的!!
Monday, March 19, 2018
My K-journey
I only watched Korean shows on and off in the past. Random but popular shows like Full House, Boys Over Flowers, Coffee Prince and Big. The Crucible introduced me to Gong Yoo (which brought me to watch Coffee Prince) and it was then that I considered him as one of my favourite actors.
I couldn't be considered a K-drama fan as my experience with them was minimal. I wasn't a K-pop fan either. I had no idea who was who and I didn't quite enjoy watching pubescent-looking boys singing.
Fast forward to Dec 2016. For some reason, I must have heard the word "Goblin" more than a few times. A thumbnail of Viu appeared on my FB feed as well. Curious, I clicked on it....and that was when it all began. My almost 1.5 year journey into the K-world.
Within a month from Dec 2016, I devoured several K-dramas including Goblin, Descendants of the Sun, 7 First Kisses (web drama) and Legend of the Blue Sea. I continued with several other popular dramas and by chance, I stumbled on K-variety.
For 7-8 months thereafter, I caught up with almost 200 episodes of 2 Days 1 Night - Season 3. Episodes which spanned from Dec 2013 to date. It remains as one of my favourite variety shows and I am still following it. I then went back to some dramas for awhile before starting on Running Man. It was a popular variety show that I'd read about in the news from time to time. I caught up on episodes from January 2017 to date. I am still following it now.
Other variety shows that have crossed paths with me include The Unit, It's Dangerous Beyond the Blankets and All the Butlers.
And reluctant as I am to admit it, I am a recent convert to K-pop. My main bias is now EXO. Maybe because they have bulked up a little and don't quite resemble the pubescent looking teenage boys of some other groups. Henry Lau, Taeyang, Roy Kim and Jung Joon Young are some of my other favourites as well. Some others in the industry are really really talented. They speak several languages, play several instruments, were star students in school and can sing, dance and act as well. Super multi-talented and I'm really impressed.
I don't see this K-journey waning anytime soon haha. Maybe the bug doesn't go away once you're bitten by it. :)
The funny thing is that I laughed at my Dad when he was obsessed with Girls' Generation several years back. I swear he has watched almost every single video available on YouTube that relates to them. For the past year though, he kind of fell out of his obsession and has rarely touched any Kpop video since then....
I couldn't be considered a K-drama fan as my experience with them was minimal. I wasn't a K-pop fan either. I had no idea who was who and I didn't quite enjoy watching pubescent-looking boys singing.
Fast forward to Dec 2016. For some reason, I must have heard the word "Goblin" more than a few times. A thumbnail of Viu appeared on my FB feed as well. Curious, I clicked on it....and that was when it all began. My almost 1.5 year journey into the K-world.
Within a month from Dec 2016, I devoured several K-dramas including Goblin, Descendants of the Sun, 7 First Kisses (web drama) and Legend of the Blue Sea. I continued with several other popular dramas and by chance, I stumbled on K-variety.
For 7-8 months thereafter, I caught up with almost 200 episodes of 2 Days 1 Night - Season 3. Episodes which spanned from Dec 2013 to date. It remains as one of my favourite variety shows and I am still following it. I then went back to some dramas for awhile before starting on Running Man. It was a popular variety show that I'd read about in the news from time to time. I caught up on episodes from January 2017 to date. I am still following it now.
Other variety shows that have crossed paths with me include The Unit, It's Dangerous Beyond the Blankets and All the Butlers.
And reluctant as I am to admit it, I am a recent convert to K-pop. My main bias is now EXO. Maybe because they have bulked up a little and don't quite resemble the pubescent looking teenage boys of some other groups. Henry Lau, Taeyang, Roy Kim and Jung Joon Young are some of my other favourites as well. Some others in the industry are really really talented. They speak several languages, play several instruments, were star students in school and can sing, dance and act as well. Super multi-talented and I'm really impressed.
I don't see this K-journey waning anytime soon haha. Maybe the bug doesn't go away once you're bitten by it. :)
The funny thing is that I laughed at my Dad when he was obsessed with Girls' Generation several years back. I swear he has watched almost every single video available on YouTube that relates to them. For the past year though, he kind of fell out of his obsession and has rarely touched any Kpop video since then....
Friday, March 16, 2018
Decluttering in progress
Office is shifting in April...Colleagues and I have been packing and clearing stuff.
In the midst of packing, I realised I've accumulated 12 namecard boxes worth of namecards over 10.5years. Didn't realised I've met and conversed with so many people over the years.
I went through all namecards and I've to admit. I don't remember ever meeting more than half of those people. And I definitely cannot put a face to the name. I ended up throwing away at least 8 boxes.
In the midst of going through all those namecards, I felt a little sentimental at some point because I realised I met alot of people in my preparation for my biggest project ever in the whole course of my working life...the APRICOT 2013 event. Some ended up being good friends. Some came and went...others ended up in my FB. :)
People come, people go. Some leave nary an imprint on your life save for a quick hello. Others leave more than a lasting impression.
Anyway, more decluttering to come.
The new office cubicle & table space is apparently 90% of our current size and cupboard space is only 50% of our current space....:(
In the midst of packing, I realised I've accumulated 12 namecard boxes worth of namecards over 10.5years. Didn't realised I've met and conversed with so many people over the years.
I went through all namecards and I've to admit. I don't remember ever meeting more than half of those people. And I definitely cannot put a face to the name. I ended up throwing away at least 8 boxes.
In the midst of going through all those namecards, I felt a little sentimental at some point because I realised I met alot of people in my preparation for my biggest project ever in the whole course of my working life...the APRICOT 2013 event. Some ended up being good friends. Some came and went...others ended up in my FB. :)
People come, people go. Some leave nary an imprint on your life save for a quick hello. Others leave more than a lasting impression.
Anyway, more decluttering to come.
The new office cubicle & table space is apparently 90% of our current size and cupboard space is only 50% of our current space....:(
Nadya - N for newborn?
Nadya woke 4 times last night. Twice to pee, twice to throw a fuss for milk.
70-80% of the time I feel like I'm taking care of a newborn at night. For the last 4.5 years.
Groggy, a little breathless, bloated and tired. I hope the work day ahead goes smoothly enough....
p/s: I hope she's not falling sick. Her nose seemed blocked this morning. Sigh...
70-80% of the time I feel like I'm taking care of a newborn at night. For the last 4.5 years.
Groggy, a little breathless, bloated and tired. I hope the work day ahead goes smoothly enough....
p/s: I hope she's not falling sick. Her nose seemed blocked this morning. Sigh...
Exhausted
And so I saw this article on Facebook this morning:
8 Warning Signs You're Mentally and Emotionally Exhausted.
Yeah, I know...take whatever you read online with many pinches of salt...this piqued my interest though...I feel I can relate to it somewhat.
So what are the 8 signs?
1. You are easily irritated
2. Your motivation levels are lower than ever
3. You are experiencing anxiety attacks more than usual
4. You have trouble sleeping
5. Meaningless things upset you
6. You feel dizzy and nauseous
7. You feel like crying for no reason
8. You start to feel detached
Let's see how I fare on these....
1. You are easily irritated - Yes
2. Your motivation levels are lower than ever - Yes
3. You are experiencing anxiety attacks more than usual - Don't think so?
4. You have trouble sleeping - Nope. I'm tired as f*ck so I fall asleep within minutes of lying down.
5. Meaningless things upset you - Yes, sometimes
6. You feel dizzy and nauseous - Yes. For this year, it's almost all the time
7. You feel like crying for no reason - Yes, sometimes.
8. You start to feel detached - Nope. Whatever this means.
I answered yes to more than half the list.
FML?
8 Warning Signs You're Mentally and Emotionally Exhausted.
Yeah, I know...take whatever you read online with many pinches of salt...this piqued my interest though...I feel I can relate to it somewhat.
So what are the 8 signs?
1. You are easily irritated
2. Your motivation levels are lower than ever
3. You are experiencing anxiety attacks more than usual
4. You have trouble sleeping
5. Meaningless things upset you
6. You feel dizzy and nauseous
7. You feel like crying for no reason
8. You start to feel detached
Let's see how I fare on these....
1. You are easily irritated - Yes
2. Your motivation levels are lower than ever - Yes
3. You are experiencing anxiety attacks more than usual - Don't think so?
4. You have trouble sleeping - Nope. I'm tired as f*ck so I fall asleep within minutes of lying down.
5. Meaningless things upset you - Yes, sometimes
6. You feel dizzy and nauseous - Yes. For this year, it's almost all the time
7. You feel like crying for no reason - Yes, sometimes.
8. You start to feel detached - Nope. Whatever this means.
I answered yes to more than half the list.
FML?
Thursday, March 15, 2018
Rant Post
Feeling stressed, testy and sensitive.
Various things on my plate at work. I've not been able to touch my workplan item much for close to half a year as I've been bogged down by other things. Just kena arrowed to take on something else which was supposed to have been done by someone else. *pui*
He's the same rank as me but since he's a guy I think he's paid more. Why am I catching the balls that he doesn't seem to be able to catch? *pui*
And the registrars...are taking up alot of my time as well.
===============
Sometimes, 一人少说一句, 浪会平静一些 ...
Me saying less or me stopping the conversation does not mean I concede though.
I feel like I'm internalising my feelings...not that good and not that healthy.
How to reduce this? Hmm...
Various things on my plate at work. I've not been able to touch my workplan item much for close to half a year as I've been bogged down by other things. Just kena arrowed to take on something else which was supposed to have been done by someone else. *pui*
He's the same rank as me but since he's a guy I think he's paid more. Why am I catching the balls that he doesn't seem to be able to catch? *pui*
And the registrars...are taking up alot of my time as well.
===============
Sometimes, 一人少说一句, 浪会平静一些 ...
Me saying less or me stopping the conversation does not mean I concede though.
I feel like I'm internalising my feelings...not that good and not that healthy.
How to reduce this? Hmm...
Tuesday, March 13, 2018
Chronology
20 Feb : Diarrhoea after eating sashimi from Melt Cafe @ Mandarin Oriental Hotel.
21 Feb - 24 Feb : Kathmandu trip. Queasy every morning and had to take anti-nausea pills. Ate little for lunch each day. Tummy would be more stable only after lunch. Appetite would be ok by dinner. Heart palpitations and retching on 24 Feb just before checking out of the hotel.
25 Feb - 28 Feb: On and off bloating and queasiness.
1 Mar: Dinner with the duckies. Had to leave halfway. Took creamy mushroom soup and experienced the same thing ont he last day of the Kathmandu trip. Light-headedness, nauseated and heart palpitations again.
2 Mar - 6 Mar: Poor appetite and bad bloating everyday.
7 Mar: Was ok while taking MRT to work. Started feeling queasy while walking to office from the MRT station. After breakfast, heart started palpitating just a little and tummy was nauseated again. Light-headed, breathless and a little pale. Left office and went to the doctor. Was prescribed anti-nausea pills, antacids, probiotics and medication for distention. Doc said stomach viruses could take up to 3 to 4 weeks to clear up. Really?? FML...
8 Mar to date: On and off queasiness and bad bloating. On and off light-headedness. Eating very small meals during the day. Taking half of what I used to eat for breakfast and half or 1/3 of what I usually take for lunch. Will feel better by dinner but I still can't take too much otherwise I would go to sleep full and end up bloating the next morning.
The dilemma is when I take small meals, I don't feel so bloated but I end up feeling abit more tired and zapped out because I have less fuel for energy. I can't take too much water as it causes me to feel bloated too...
Sigh. Not sure what is wrong...Pls get well soon my tummy...
21 Feb - 24 Feb : Kathmandu trip. Queasy every morning and had to take anti-nausea pills. Ate little for lunch each day. Tummy would be more stable only after lunch. Appetite would be ok by dinner. Heart palpitations and retching on 24 Feb just before checking out of the hotel.
25 Feb - 28 Feb: On and off bloating and queasiness.
1 Mar: Dinner with the duckies. Had to leave halfway. Took creamy mushroom soup and experienced the same thing ont he last day of the Kathmandu trip. Light-headedness, nauseated and heart palpitations again.
2 Mar - 6 Mar: Poor appetite and bad bloating everyday.
7 Mar: Was ok while taking MRT to work. Started feeling queasy while walking to office from the MRT station. After breakfast, heart started palpitating just a little and tummy was nauseated again. Light-headed, breathless and a little pale. Left office and went to the doctor. Was prescribed anti-nausea pills, antacids, probiotics and medication for distention. Doc said stomach viruses could take up to 3 to 4 weeks to clear up. Really?? FML...
8 Mar to date: On and off queasiness and bad bloating. On and off light-headedness. Eating very small meals during the day. Taking half of what I used to eat for breakfast and half or 1/3 of what I usually take for lunch. Will feel better by dinner but I still can't take too much otherwise I would go to sleep full and end up bloating the next morning.
The dilemma is when I take small meals, I don't feel so bloated but I end up feeling abit more tired and zapped out because I have less fuel for energy. I can't take too much water as it causes me to feel bloated too...
Sigh. Not sure what is wrong...Pls get well soon my tummy...
busy at work
It's been a busy time at work.
Registrar matters are giving me a headache. From enforcement issues of some naughty and non-compliant registrars, to 3 new applications coming in that require lengthy evaluations, to the renewal of contracts of 4 existing registrars that are easier to handle but still cumbersome.
Policy and legal matters for another team's project is quite a challenge as well. Another senior manager was supposed to do this piece of work but apparently couldn't produce results. The work somehow ended up on my lap. (Can I get a portion of his pay then?)
Lending support to some junior staff, of which one of them is new. Strictly speaking, they are not reporting to me and are not my staff. But they are scared of their reporting officer and have also given up on her due to her "not-very-helpful" attitude. So they come to me for advice or help in the course of their work instead. I try to guide whenever I can...especially when their own reporting officer is leaving them to drown.
We are also in the midst of an office move/renovation. Hordes of boxes everywhere in the office. Boxes for paper due to be shredded. Boxes for packing of stuff. Boxes for disposal. It's been a dusty past week and will be for the next couple of weeks till the 100-odd people on this level have packed their things. My nose is acting up a little due to the dust and irritants. And I'm not done packing. Due date's in another 3 weeks.
Ok jiayou....
Registrar matters are giving me a headache. From enforcement issues of some naughty and non-compliant registrars, to 3 new applications coming in that require lengthy evaluations, to the renewal of contracts of 4 existing registrars that are easier to handle but still cumbersome.
Policy and legal matters for another team's project is quite a challenge as well. Another senior manager was supposed to do this piece of work but apparently couldn't produce results. The work somehow ended up on my lap. (Can I get a portion of his pay then?)
Lending support to some junior staff, of which one of them is new. Strictly speaking, they are not reporting to me and are not my staff. But they are scared of their reporting officer and have also given up on her due to her "not-very-helpful" attitude. So they come to me for advice or help in the course of their work instead. I try to guide whenever I can...especially when their own reporting officer is leaving them to drown.
We are also in the midst of an office move/renovation. Hordes of boxes everywhere in the office. Boxes for paper due to be shredded. Boxes for packing of stuff. Boxes for disposal. It's been a dusty past week and will be for the next couple of weeks till the 100-odd people on this level have packed their things. My nose is acting up a little due to the dust and irritants. And I'm not done packing. Due date's in another 3 weeks.
Ok jiayou....
Thursday, March 01, 2018
Kathmandu trip
The trip wasn't one of the better work trips I've had but I'm thankful and not complaining much. Afterall, I eventually got home safe and sound and with no delays to my luggage.
Will I go back to Kathmandu in the future? Nope. Unless I suddenly went cray and decided to go trekking. Or unless I suddenly became a Buddhist and wanted to go the monastries there for dharma studies. Or of course, if it was a bopian-have-to-go business trip again.
It was an in-and-out trip for me. I didn't explore much save for an hour's worth of walking up and down an extremely dusty street (their version of Orchard Road) and getting pelted by bird poo on one occassion.
Food wise, I ate all meals within the hotel. The buffet lunches were ok though I didn't eat much as my tummy was still a little sensitive and fragile from the bout of diarrhoea the night before the trip. For dinners, I mainly at the hotel's resident cafe called "The Coffee Shop". I ordered Western style mains and they were pretty good. :) I loved the warm butter rolls they gave at each meal before our mains were served. Lost track of how much bread I ate on this trip actually haha...alot. Including all the bread rolls given on the flights.
People wise, I can't say much as I didn't interact much with the locals except for the hotel staff. I think the Nepalese are nicer and more sincere than those in India though. Met an old uncle at a small bookstore and souvenir shop. He spoke very pleasantly in Queen's English and shared with me and my boss some of Nepal's history and current state of government. I was thankful for his sharing and his lilting voice...:)
Work wise, I'm really glad for the chance to reconnect with several old friends. I think some of them were really surprised to see me and came over to give me warm hugs. My boss was somewhat surprised and amused too. I think he didn't know I was on close terms with some of these industry people haha.
Family wise....It was the first time I was away from home since the girls were born. I'm glad there were no major major meltdowns. K said Nadya slept pretty well. Unfortunately, the moment I got home after the trip, Nadya started waking up in the middle of the night again. And Alyssa started waking in the night asking for me too. FML....K said "It must be you"...I think so too..It must be me....why ah??
When's my next business trip? Lol, my boss gave me a year's worth of advance notice.
It's gonna be an ICANN meeting in March 2019. Where? Kobe, Japan! Woohoo! At least this time round it's in a developed nation with clean streets and nice food...:) The weather's gonna be really cold in March though....hmm....
Will I go back to Kathmandu in the future? Nope. Unless I suddenly went cray and decided to go trekking. Or unless I suddenly became a Buddhist and wanted to go the monastries there for dharma studies. Or of course, if it was a bopian-have-to-go business trip again.
It was an in-and-out trip for me. I didn't explore much save for an hour's worth of walking up and down an extremely dusty street (their version of Orchard Road) and getting pelted by bird poo on one occassion.
Food wise, I ate all meals within the hotel. The buffet lunches were ok though I didn't eat much as my tummy was still a little sensitive and fragile from the bout of diarrhoea the night before the trip. For dinners, I mainly at the hotel's resident cafe called "The Coffee Shop". I ordered Western style mains and they were pretty good. :) I loved the warm butter rolls they gave at each meal before our mains were served. Lost track of how much bread I ate on this trip actually haha...alot. Including all the bread rolls given on the flights.
People wise, I can't say much as I didn't interact much with the locals except for the hotel staff. I think the Nepalese are nicer and more sincere than those in India though. Met an old uncle at a small bookstore and souvenir shop. He spoke very pleasantly in Queen's English and shared with me and my boss some of Nepal's history and current state of government. I was thankful for his sharing and his lilting voice...:)
Work wise, I'm really glad for the chance to reconnect with several old friends. I think some of them were really surprised to see me and came over to give me warm hugs. My boss was somewhat surprised and amused too. I think he didn't know I was on close terms with some of these industry people haha.
Family wise....It was the first time I was away from home since the girls were born. I'm glad there were no major major meltdowns. K said Nadya slept pretty well. Unfortunately, the moment I got home after the trip, Nadya started waking up in the middle of the night again. And Alyssa started waking in the night asking for me too. FML....K said "It must be you"...I think so too..It must be me....why ah??
When's my next business trip? Lol, my boss gave me a year's worth of advance notice.
It's gonna be an ICANN meeting in March 2019. Where? Kobe, Japan! Woohoo! At least this time round it's in a developed nation with clean streets and nice food...:) The weather's gonna be really cold in March though....hmm....
For Posterity
Office will be undergoing renovation in the next couple of months so we've been advised to clear up our stuff, shred unwanted confidential papers, send old files out to CISCO, etc.
Found a card of appreciation from what must have been an ex-intern or temp staff. From anywhere between 5 to 7 years ago. She signed off but honestly...I cannot recall who exactly she is. I have a vague recollection but am not sure if it is really her. Anyway, just noting down what she said...for posterity and as a reminder to myself to be nice to people. I think I've become a less nice person as the years go by. :)
============
Dear Michelle,
Thank you for sharing your life experiences with me, be it driving, campus life, Chinese New Year, etc. And you are really very supportive when I was still rather new at the job and Jane was on leave and I had nobody to ask or clarify doubts with. Really appreciate it alot. Here's wishing you all the best for the years to come! May it be an exciting and blissful one! Hehe. Stay pretty and see you next time! Take care! :) Love, Xue Fen.
Preggy??
Had a dream last night. That I was pregnant...gosh.
I don't remember any other detail of the dream though...The dream ended abruptly when Nadya woke me up at 410am....dang...wonder what would have gone on in the dream had she not woken me up.
I don't remember any other detail of the dream though...The dream ended abruptly when Nadya woke me up at 410am....dang...wonder what would have gone on in the dream had she not woken me up.
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