Friday, September 29, 2023

To dance or not to dance

N is part of her dance school's scholarship programme and one of the soloists they are trying to groom. 

Just received an email from them on her scholarship dance training/practice schedules starting from Oct onwards. They want her to do 3 solos and be part of 3 group dances next year....That's 6 items in total???!!!

They've put her down for three 45min sessions and one 3hr session each week. These are on top of her own normal ballet lessons which are at one 1hr session and one 1.5hr session each week. 

Wah lau.

Really alot of time & energy...If we take them all up, that's ballet everyday except for Monday and Wednesday. I think we need to regroup....With the amount of time spent dancing, how much time does she have left for her school & enrichment homework? And she'll have zero me-time?  

Need to talk to her too....the commitment needed is really.....alot if she wants to pursue dancing...

How do we balance this with her studies? She's not doing great in studies and next year she'll be in P5 already...she needs to get her foundations right before PSLE comes in 2025. 

Breathe

Feeling overwhelmed these few weeks. 

Work
Personal stuff

One particular staff texting every other day...seeking permission to WFH or to come in office later in the day cos son/daughter/self [insert situation].....

Recently I've also been inundated with calls & texts from DBS relationship managers, and now even my insurance agent is reaching out to me on some illness & early cancer coverage plans. 

Some friends asking for meet-ups. Another updating on his work interviews. 

I still have a thermal bag stuck at a friend's house....which I've not collected since Jan 2023 I think. 

Clothes to be folded or ironed. 

Project manager that doesn't seem to be doing his job adequately and now me and another team member are doing more work...

Trying to improve relationship with N.....

Too many birthday presents to get and cakes to order....

This....

And that....

And these.........

And those...............

呼.......
吸.......

呼.......
吸.......

呼.......
吸.......

Thursday, September 21, 2023

Ouch

Irony. I always tell friends, colleagues & my parents to be careful when walking, especially after rain when the ground is wet.

Was walking home yesterday at 5-plus when I fell. Ground was wet after the afternoon rain. Left foot slipped on a metal cover on the pavement, and I landed fully on my right knee with a loud slam on the metal cover. Happened in a second and I couldn't have prevented it at all. No reaction time. 

I remember immediately uttering "SHIT". 

There was a Malay uncle behind me who was fiddling with something from the box on his bike maybe 2-3 meters aware and he was quite sweet. He shouted to me: "You ok or not? Can walk? Must be careful ya! Don't walk on the metal covers! Aiyah, I also kena alot of times on these things, very slippery one! Next time don't walk on them ok! You ok? Need help or not? That's why lah, I don't know why they must put so many of these metal things on the ground. Aiyah next time don't walk on these already ok."

I got up, tested my knee and found I could still walk. Thanked the uncle and continued walking home, though slowly cos my knee was aching. 

Went home and peeled my jeans off. Thankful I was in jeans else my skin would probably have had a bad cut. Kneecap was reddish, with some orh-cheh starting to show up. There were some patches of bleeding under the skin, and a small cut. Was wondering how the cut happened when my jeans was still ok and had no tear. Spent a few minutes wallowing then realised I should be icing the area. 

Iced the area and felt myself getting increasingly anxious about it. Will my knee be ok? Got fracture or not? etc...Tried my best to calm myself down and manage myself. Felt ok enough to go out to the living room to have dinner with the girls. Ate halfway........and then I didn't feel right. Told K I had to go back into the bedroom to lie down....

And then it came.

The symptoms I felt whenever I had a fainting spell. The warmth, the cold sweat, the clammy skin, the tingles in the palms & fingers, the light-headedness. The greying and blurring vision...Wah lau I thought to myself...Somewhere in the midst of this, I had the sense to turn on the room lights, and turn on the fan, before throwing myself on the bed and trying to breathe and control the fainting.

Called out to K and he came in. I think I was rather pale and breathing quite hard by then. I remember moaning a little and whimpering. He was my calm anchor and held my hands. I could him talking to me in the background, trying to calm me down and assuring me he was there. 

I'm not sure how long passed before I opened my eyes. I don't think I blacked out. I remember being conscious throughout, just feeling very uncomfortable and quite out of it. When I finally opened my eyes, I felt tired...quite tired. 

Rested another 1.5hrs before I got up & out of bed, and carried on with whatever else I could eat and had a shower before crashing into bed again....

This vasovagal episode has brought me much anxiety again...Feels a little like I regressed. May I have the strength to manage my thoughts, emotions and feelings.

Jiayou Michelle....

Wednesday, September 13, 2023

Sick

Been unwell for slightly more than a week. 

Nose was runny, then just mainly stuffed. And because I couldn't breathe properly through my nose, I had to breathe through my mouth, which made my throat dry and I ended up having a cough as well. Been trying to get rid of whatever mucus I have. But the moment I step into office (i.e. aircon) my nose stuffs up again. 

It is getting better...but very slowly...

Not sure if going to the doc another time would help though. The Zyrtec I was given didn't help at all. 

May I get well soon...

Overheard

The songs I've heard N humming or singing over the last couple of weeks:

  1.  "You're my wonderwaaa--aallll..!!" (Wonderwall - Oasis)
  2. "I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world! Life in plastic, its fantastic!" (Barbie Girl - Aqua)
  3. "They'll tell you I'm insane...but I've got a blank space baby..." (Blank Space - Taylor Swift)
  4. "I've got the eye of the tiger....you're gonna hear me roar..oh oh oh oh...." (Roar - Katy Perry)
  5. "Yeah -eh eh eh...party in the USA!" (Party in the USA - Miley Cyrus)
  6. "I can buy myself flowers, write my name in the sand...Talk to myself for hours...." (Flowers - Miley Cyrus)
  7. "Lily was a little girl, caught in the big bad world...." (Lily - Alan Walker)

This girl is turning out to be quite the pop music "guru" haha.

Saturday, September 02, 2023

Unfamiliar places

1 September 2023 was Polling Day in the Presidential Elections 2023. 

This round, our polling station was at CHIJ Katong Primary. We dragged both girls along because...no helper, can't leave them at home along and so...all went together lor. 

As with any new and unfamiliar place, I'd get fidgety. I usually can still stay calm enough though. 

There was initially only one queue but as more people came and the queue grew and spilled out of the main gate of the school along the road, the polling station officials decided to get people to do S-queues instead so as to maximise some of the wider spaces within the school compound. 

And that's when the anxiety got to me more. People on both my left & right sides, despite them being maybe a metre apart from me on each side. The increased noise levels from cramming more people into the same space, the humidity, the not-knowing-how-long-more-we-will-be-stuck-in-the-queue....I could feel the anxiety creeping up. 

Tried to keep a straight face. Not sure if I succeeded or not. I remember N holding my hand at one point, maybe she noticed my discomfort. Then she let me go and continued chatting with her sister. I held onto K's hand for the next 10mins or so...I kept my eyes closed for awhile....till I calmed myself down enough. As the queue moved and we morphed back into a single file line, and as we moved into a more open area within the school, things felt alot better...

Grateful for the kids' and K's presence. 

If it were just me alone there, I'd take a much longer time to calm down and may have spiralled more.