三菜一汤

Long time din update on weight. 

Happily at 49/50kg since end last year or early this year. Just need to maintain this weight. :)  It's weird though, how some folks still say I am too thin. Hmm...nvm..I happy can liao. 

Think it's cos of the regular home-cooked meals over the last 10months since we shifted back to this place. The 三菜一汤 that I diligently plan for each week...comprising of veg + proteins + one soup at each meal...

Unfortunately, I find it hard to remove processed food fully from our meals, given how much we love our sausages, and me my luncheon meat.... ;p

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speaking of 三菜一汤....

I was racking my brains a few days ago and sought A's help. 

"aiyah I dunno what I want to eat lah, you plan." came the response.

zzzzzzzzzzzz......I made a face.

she followed up with a "aiyah do something simple. like sandwich making. just put the ingredients there and we can make sandwiches ourselves. We can choose whatever ingredients we want."

Hmm...interesting idea....let's see if I can make this happen one of these days....

Maybe discuss with K too. He has a larger appetite. I don't know how many pieces of bread or croissants he needs to have in order to fill his stomach LOL.....

Another 聊 session

In the midst of PSLE exams. Started on 25 Sep Thursday. Ending this Wednesday 1 Oct. 

I hope N is doing ok and not feeling too stressed out. 

She & I had a little talk last night. She could not sleep and asked if I was angry with her as I spoke gruffly to her before I turned off the lights in their bedroom. 

Explained to her that I was getting impatient and thus used a sterner tone with her as she was procrastinating alot and delaying bed time. It is a challenge getting her to brush her teeth & prep for bed. Once, twice, thrice. Multiple times of nagging. And even after she brushes her teeth, it takes ages again for her to get her bed ready. From placing the bolster in a certain way, to the blanket being laid out in a certain way, and the water bottle and watch and clock and her glasses being in certain spots on the shelf on her beadboard, etc. It tests my patience each night. 

Her response? "But it's not my fault."

Hard to talk to her sometimes. 

Hope to find a different way to get through.

Nevertheless, we ended the conversation in a good way with hugs & cuddles & some kisses....and she did not go to bed feeling bad. Glad that at least we 说开了 abit and she did not go to bed with 隔夜仇. 

Mother-Daughter Talk

Had a talk with N last night. A heartfelt one. Been a long long time since I had such a talk with her. 

And I felt strangely at peace while talking to her. I was not judgemental, I was not impatient, I was not trying hard to quell my own bad feelings.  

She spoke most of the time. About how annoyed she was with A, how her parents (yes she referred to her parents in 3rd person form even though I was there) were biased against her, how everyone loves the younger one but does not like the older one, etc. She talked about how A is good in class, is a teacher's pet, is a Brownie and is a prefect, how A seems better at most things, etc. How it is unfair that sometimes A annoys her and starts an argument but the one getting scolded in the end is not A but N, etc...She spoke on how she wanted to scold cuss words at home but could not, how she wanted to throw things or hit something but could not. 

I understood her 委屈, frustrations, anger and annoyance. I shared some anecdotes on how she could vent or let out her frustrations, etc. Also shared how she should not do anything to hurt or injure herself in the process.... 

Inwardly, I felt I could have done better as a parent...sigh...to minimise feelings of "comparisons", to be there for each of them in my own ways, etc...I will try...

Gordon

Got news yesterday that Gordon had a massive stroke at home and was warded in ICU. Visited him today and found out from Celine that it wasn't a stroke at all but it was a ruptured aneurysm near his brain stem, deep within the brain.

One of those things you could not have known about and could not have prevented. It seems there was heavy bleeding and his brain is  now permanently damaged. There seems to be no reversal nor recovery from this as well. Otherwise, his heart and other organs are all functioning perfectly fine. His vitals are all ok too. 

He just retired last year and was spending his time rather fruitfully with Celine dragging him on trips overseas, taking long walks, even going for barista courses, volunteering with various church activities, etc...

Life is unpredictable.

Feeling a little emo. 

Once again, I am thankful, very thankful....that my aneurysm did not rupture when I was 25 and that it was discovered early on and treated successfully. 

hmmmm

More flustered these days again and just want to 躺平. 

什么都不想做， 什么都不想想

只想躲在我窝里

能吗？

丢信的念头又来了， 今年仿佛有了好几次， 以前都没这么想过的 hmm.....

LPAs

Adrian helped parents to do up their LPA yesterday. I was one of the donees and had to login to the OPG portal to accept this role. Then I realised from the portal....K & I did ours up 4 years ago in end 2020....how time flies...

I told my parents about it at the time and it took them 4 years to execute....mainly cos Adrian guided them how to do so. My fault, I didn't follow-through. Also cos...they told me they wanted to read up on their own first. 

Anyway...nvm.....

Reality check

Had an hour long chat with my direct boss this afternoon after lunch on some sensitive work matters about how another team's boss spoke to me about tapping on my staff to fulfil the other team's work scope. 

Somewhere in the conversation...

Me: The youngest in my team is already 40. 
Him: We need to get younger folks on board to know our work. We're in a niche industry. It takes someone several years to know and understand how things work...and you're already nearing 50. When we leave, who's gonna take over? 

Didn't bother with his last sentence......

*cue cymbals clashing*
*cue sad music*
*cue close up shot of my anguished face*

"....AND YOU'RE ALREADY NEARING 50...."

Laoniang is mid-40s....I still have 5 more years to hit 50 ya...not too far but also not so near lah!!! 

岁月不饶人.....sigh...

岁月

年轻时的劲， 活力，冲
勇敢，洒脱， 亮丽 

都到哪儿了

留下的只是

焦虑， 担心， 愁
累， 怂， 懵

Itch

Eczema?

Ever since we shifted stuff out from BluCoral in end June & July, I had on & off outs of itching...one after the other...with some itchy areas just staying itchy till now.

Itchy scalp. Itchy area around lips. Itchy fingers with tiny bumps sometimes. Itchy armpits. Itchy back of neck with rashes. 

And most recently in the last 2 days....itchy patch on back of right thigh just below the bum.

Pek chek & worrying. 

Cannot be slathering myself with hydrocortisone so much right? Resorted to taking Zyrtec on one of the days several weeks ago too. 

May this pass soon....

Jiayou

Teary since yesterday. Not sure why. Emo cos of menses? But upcoming one is only in another 1-2 weeks I think. Unless the cycle is getting shorter which happened before. (Menopausing?) Tired of things?...

Stepped into office building lobby this morning and wanted to cry. Face was scrunched up and I took deep breaths lest the security guard at the counter noticed me. Luckily there were only 1 or 2 others around and they were all scuttling towards the lifts. 

Stepped out into the lift lobby at my level and again wanted to cry. 

May this just be a passing phase. 

Jiayou....