Notes from a podcast

Be mindful about (i) body, (ii) feelings, (iii) mind, and (iv) mental states.

How to be mindful of your mind.....

Observe your thoughts, become aware of them. It creates a space between you & your thoughts. It separates you from your thoughts. Your thoughts come and go, there is impermanence. You are you, you are unchanged, but your thoughts can come and go. When you separate yourself from your thoughts, your thoughts become like an outside object and you hold a more neutral non-judgmental view on your thoughts.

Ask yourself: what are you thinking of?

It is challenging but you have to practise this and be mindful about it. It gets easier over time after you practise and practise it. Your anxiety is always triggered by an emotion. It brings you to the future – what happens, what will happen what might happen?

What made me anxious? What made me fear? Then come back and think of this present moment.

Practise mindfulness and the separation of you & your thoughts.

Show some compassion for yourself. No one can be perfect always. Perfection does not equal success. Just do your best.

Breathe

choose your battles.

even at home? with the kids? 

trying time with Nadya. 

had to walk away just now before I lose it in front of her. 

Quote

Tomorrow must be created. It cannot be concretised today.

- Sadhguru 

The back

Strained lower back on 19 Mar. 

Since then, I woke everyday with bad lower back aches and soreness. 

Been doing physio stretches and exercises since Apr 13. 

Happy that on 19 or 20 Apr, I woke without the bad stiffness and ache at the lower back. 

And the morning aches are mostly gone too. 

Ganbatte...继续走...

Jiayou...

Broke down and bawled on Friday night. 

The cause? A difficult case at work which is bringing me much stress. 

I'd already been feeling a little low and unconfident. And this case just tipped me over

And so yeah...11pm came, I walked over to K...he looked at me and I ended up....

A blustering piece of mess.

Mood is still a little low now. 

Been working on and off over the weekend cos of some query from the powers up there. Makes everyone along the downstream chain jumpy, and the minions at the bottom of the food chain (aka laoniang) ends up having to dig info and investigate the issue...I feel it's mostly for nought and a waste of time to tweak things to the preference of some and an overkill to try to do certain things. But I am just a small ant...I can't say much or refute much also. Just do. 

Anyway, I digress.

I will keep going. 

I have to. 

Time flies

Mentioned to Ally & PQ that N has some blackheads on her nose liao....why so fast??

Ally said it's puberty already...

OMG lah...so fast meh? I am not ready for the girls to reach puberty so soon...

Not ready to get into conversations on the birds & the bees, menstruation, boobs, bras, etc...

And mostly I am not ready to have their baby-ness go away...

:( 

Note + Reminder to Self

Was listening to something on YouTube while editing a document. 

Keeping the list here as a reminder......

1. Identify your emotions (recognise, be aware)

2. Take responsibility for our actions (hold yourself accountable)

3. Find a role model (as a good guide, how do they handle negative feedback)

4. Keep a thought diary (identity patterns, realise that bad thoughts and worries are not true)

5. Learn to be open-minded (hear others out, less judgement)

6. Embrace reality (accept life, accept flaws, accept what can’t be changed)

7. Pause and be patient (pause & reflect, consciously choose how you want to react)
8. Live in the present (be conscious, be in the moment) 

11 April 2014

It's been 9 years since you left us Granny. I hope you're doing well up there and having fun being with Ipoh, Tuanku and the latest (and youngest) joiner, Brenda. 

I still think of you often. 

And most recently, I was thinking of the handmade potato chips we made whenever CNY swung by. How we sliced the potatoes using the handheld slicer (which I never got to use by the way cos I was still quite young at the time), how we laid out each slice on huge metal trays and also rattan trays, how we blanketed all those trays with so many slices of potatoes and sunned them all in the balcony.....How we collected the slices and then how you & Mum deep fried each piece lovingly and then sprinkled salt on them...how Adrian & I stole chips while you guys were making them heh...

I love you and I miss you. 

I wonder sometimes how the nurses at the Econ Medicare home are too from time to time...I thank them for taking care of you in your final years...

Take care, wherever you are..

Frustrating Morning

"Argument" with the grouchy older girl. 

Who has been giving me an attitude since last night. 

Affected my mood. Made me anxious and frustrated.

Younger one is slowly being influenced as well and has started giving grouchy faces and pursed lips these last 2-3 months.

Overly chatty cab driver. One baby roach in the car too. Crawling on the ceiling. 

Made for a slightly tense 25min ride.

Rushing things. With one staff who kept bugging me on stuff at the same time.

Boss’ boss pushing for things.

 

Big frowns.

Not talking. Just listening to my piano music.

And just taking deep breaths and making a lot of frustrated sighs.

I hope I don’t disturb YZ who’s in front of me.

9 April - part 2

It is a milestone of sorts...

Today marks the first time I used the razor on the older girl. She refused it this afternoon but came to me on her own accord in the evening...and so yeah...it's a first! 

Have to slowly teach her how to use it in the future though...

Parenting is quite the journey...lol. 

9 April

14 years ago. 

9 April 2009. 

K & I got together that fateful evening.

It's been a long running debate on who conned who to get onto the pirate ship. 

到底是谁骗谁上贼船的？

lol...

Thank you sayang for being around all this while. 

To the many ups and downs and everything in between...

And to the many more adventures and experiences we'll have in the future!

也不求什么, 材米油盐平平淡淡过个日子我也开心!

With Love & Patience

I remind myself quite often these days

When I'm running out of steam or patience

That when the girls ask for me, when they need me or want me to be around

To be there if I can. 

For they are only at this age and this stage once in their lives

Once this stage is over, there is no getting it back 

If they want any hug or reassurance or listening ear

If they want me to lie in between them while they fall asleep

If they want me to play riddles with them

If Nadya wants me to massage her back

If Alyssa wants to hold my hand or nuzzle me

I will try my best and be there

For I've a feeling that

It will be sooner rather than later

When they start to stop being this way

When they stop wanting to hold my hand

When they stop wanting to snuggle with me during bed time

When they stop asking for hugs and kisses

When this time comes

I don't know how I will feel actually

Because sometimes

I needed that hug more than they needed it