Gynae visit

I was at the gynae's this morning. 

1. Everything's going smoothly. What a relief to hear.

2. I have sugar in my urine again. It turned the paper the darkest shade of green/blue/teal I'd ever seen. The nurse told me to drink more water. The doc didn't seem too concerned. 

3. I asked the doc how heavy Peanut is right now but he didn't reply me...:(

4. I apparently still have a lot of amniotic fluid in me. Which is good cos it means Peanut will still stay in there for several weeks more. 

5. Muahaha. I was issued 2 weeks MC by the doc to rest well before Peanut arrives. *evil laugh* MC starts from next week. *evil laugh* :D

6. I've put on 13kg so far. Sigh...for the entire pregnancy for Little Baby, I put on 13kg. I still have 3 weeks more to go for this pregnancy lor! 

7. BP was 110/52 this morning. I'm happy because it's going back to normal again instead of being on the lower end of the spectrum. 

Supposed to see the doc again in another 2 weeks. 

Jiayou Michelle! 你可以的!!

Yo whassup?!

Got a cap for her a few days ago. Glad I made the purchase. :)

Her first cap ever and in bright pink too. 

Here's her new image! I'm loving it and it seems she does too! 

Bleah!

Feeling. Un-sated. 

There's a niggling feeling of wanting to munch on something. But can't put a finger on what food exactly. 

And the man just flatly refused to buy prata for me. :( 

Which means either I'll stay restless and missing something (a rather torturous feeling might I add), or I'll stuff myself with some milk and cereal. Not the most ideal either way. 

Oh.....>]*~€{¥<+}]€£{=<@&@&:!;$;&:"-:!!!!!!

Murphy's Law?

I find it strange.

Things can be at a lull but when one is going on leave soon, it is as if the universe wakes and decides to send in several work items all at once so that your last 2 weeks (before you take your leave) becomes a hectic period.

Just within these 2 days alone, I've suddenly had work items coming in and several more discussions and meetings taking place...

Lol...why ah?
Happens all the time :)

Duit, Money, 钱, Argent

I used to harbour some hope of perhaps working on a part-time or flexible-hours basis. So that some time can be freed up to spend time with the children in their growing up years.

Did some calculations.

With the type of funds and expenditure that we need each month, I think I can say that my hopes are pretty much squashed flat. Flat to no recognition whatsoever.

All about choices I guess.

The type of lifestyle, the type of decisions we make, the things we end up committing ourselves or tying ourselves down to.

Just really looking forward to the following months:

• Dec 2015 when I will be receiving my year-end AWS bonus of one month
• 6-7 months later in April/May 2016 when I will be receiving my next pay increment. Hopefully it will be something substantial. Fingers crossed.

Reminder and Note to Self

Online-shopping is easy peasy BUT.......不可以乱花钱！

Well, at least from now till the next 3-4 years.

Omg. :(

加油！

需调整和平复一下心情
但从何开始？
最近的 grogginess 和 inability to concentrate 和 forgetfulness
是有点难搞
嗨，加油吧美金！

What is a FML moment?

When you are in the middle of the expressway and you suddenly discover that you forgot to bring your office laptop with you.

Happened this morning. First time ever. I usually discover it before I leave the house.
Peanut must really be re-directing alot of my brain juices to herself. Please save some for Mama ok? Mama still has one more work week to go and needs the brain juice!

We were on a cab. I dropped K off, went back to the house to get the laptop and then took the same cab back to my office in Pasir Panjang.

I am thankful that the cab uncle was a nice guy who ferried me to and fro. I was apologising to him for making him "go round the world" but he said it was okay. Thank you uncle.


Sidenote #1:
The amazing thing was that despite me making detours and all, I still reached office earlier than 80% of my team-mates. Hmm...either the few of us are hardworking or the rest of them are slackers haha.

Sidenote #2:
I was expecting the cab fare to be above $50 and possibly close to $60. It turned out to be $47, with a $5 discount....not too bad at all...

Heavy downpour

It's 215pm on 26 Aug 2015. 

It's raining cats and dogs now with thunder rumbling and then booming extremely loudly in the sky.

I hope she's fine in school and not too cold or too scared of the loud thunder. :( 

Little Baby, Mama wishes she was by your side right now, to comfort you if you're feeling afraid. 

Cravings

This time round, my cravings are somewhat different.

When I was carrying Little Baby, I wanted hor fun, cheeseburger and fillet 'o fish burgers from Mac, toasted white bread, Gardenia's raisin bread, Kraft cheese, Sara Lee's chocolate pound cake and HL milk. 

This time round, I need my Sara Lee chocolate pound cake even more. I didn't really snack mich on cheese though I take it in some of my sandwiches for breakfast. And I crave for roti prata although strangely I didn't ask for it these last 2 weeks. Oh yes, I need a lot more cold water or drinks this time round too. 

Peanut seems to have a sweet tooth. I was dabaoing Cheng Ting quite often haha. And there was a short few weeks when I needed Kit Kat every night, together with Chips Ahoy. I've since cut out Kit Kat and Chips Ahoy...um, ever since my urine test showed signs of sugar in it....(opps!)

But oh yes, the milk craving stayed the same. At this point, I'm downing 4 litres of HL milk every week....I think K finds it scary hahah. 

Wow...

I just discovered my colleague has 4 kids, with the youngest being only 7mths old. His eldest is 8 and in primary two already. I thought he had 3 kids and was mighty shocked when he told me...nope, I've 4.

I told him, "Wow, I salute you!"

And actually I salute his wife too. I respect her more in fact.
For going through 4 pregnancies, with each kid on average being 2 years older than the previous sibling. That means on average, after each pregnancy, she only stayed non-pregnant for around 14-16 months.

And she's still a working mum.

(They have to be dual income, what with 4 kids and several years more of diapers and milk tin purchases and helper hiring and babysitter hiring....)

Pretty challenging I think. I'm seriously in awe.

======
Come to think of it, I suddenly realised I know at least 10 people with 3 kids and another 3 more folks with 4 kids....

Much saluting to these people! 

The Untitled Poem

You don't know it little one
But Mama is starting to miss the days when you were even more little
The heady smell of your newborn skin
The creases and wrinkles in those first weeks after you came crying and fist-punching into this world
The thick fuzz you had on your head
The big unfocused eyes you had then
The way your head turned to me when you caught a whiff of my smell
And of course....your tiny fingers and toes 

You don't know it little one
But Mama is wondering why you are growing so fast
Where did all the time go? Can it slow down a little?
One minute you're helpless on your back
The next minute you're on your tummy already
One minute you're stuck in the same spot
The next minute you're leopard crawling all over the place
And of course....now you're walking all around

You don't know it little one
But Mama wishes she could keep each and every memory of you etched deeply into her mind
Your first smile, your first gurgle
Your first flip onto your tummy
Your first expression when you first tasted solid food
Your first babble, your first real word
Your first crawl, your first step
And of course, your first hug to me and your first utterance of "MaMa"

You don't know it little one
But Mama is afraid and unsure sometimes
Am I doing the right things?
What more should I do, can I do?
Am I doing enough?

Are we making the right decisions?

Are we teaching you right?
And of course, what if I turn out to be a terrible mother?

You don't know it little one

But Mama loves you so so much

And of course, you're living in her heart.

=======

Inspired.

By an article I read from another mother. 

I can't give credits because I've forgotten where that article appeared in. 

Comment: This was written and posted a year back in August 2014. I have NO IDEA how it came to be republished today in Aug 2015. So strange.....

Mid-day musings

I think I have not handled 2015 very well so far.

The early months were spent grappling with getting a rhythm in our lives in our own home and figuring out how to engage Little Baby more in her meals and development. Weekends were spent cooking and doing chores and looking after Little Baby. It did not feel to me like as if we had much freedom or social life.

And then later on, it seemed to me that I spent most of my time just trying to keep my head afloat and above water. Frantic paddling of feet underneath the water's surface. Juggling work, Little Baby and a burgeoning belly. It did not help that for the period of April, May, June and July, she fell sick once a month. I used up quite abit of both my annual leave and childcare leave during this time.

Then there was the period from May till July when I was trying to settle issues related to getting a helper in and then doing onboarding for her.

Plus my medical check-ups every now and then. zzz.

If 2014 had its challenges, then 2015 is somewhat comparable too haha.

There are definitely also good and happy times.

Just wondering what can be done to revamp our humdrum lifestyle a little so we can inject abit more fun and excitement into it. Glad we did things like bring her to the beach and eat breakfast at Starbucks at ECP haha. And glad we brought her out for brunch at The Bank a few months back too.

Of course, maybe any changes to be tried and implemented could only come after Peanut is out and after I have recovered from my csec.

Food for thought.
Food for thought.

fml

For the life of me, I simply cannot cross my legs in the lady-like way anymore i.e.  with thighs overlapping each other.

I can only place my left foot over my right thigh i.e. doing it the men's way.

And it makes for pretty uncomfortable positions in office lol. My bum hurts after a day in the office.

Factoid of the Day

My mum was sharing this with me the other day.

She was having lunch at Tampines Mall. My Dad was at the gents. Next to their table in the foodcourt was seated a mother and her toddler daughter.

My mum, being the auntie that she is, was curious and started observing the little girl.

And being the auntie that she is, she started a conversation with the mother. Turned out that the girl was around Little Baby's age. At 20 months, she's around 2-3 months younger than Little Baby.

My mum mentioned to the younger mother that her daughter had a nice almost full set of teeth, vis-a-vis Little Baby who is till now only sporting just 8 teeth. The younger lady told my mum that her daughter was refusing to speak though and only says some words like "milk", "mama" and "dada". In response, my mum told her Little Baby was chatty and talkative although she is trying to pronounce words well enough.

The lady said, "Oh yes, babies whose teeth pop out earlier and fuller will end up being late bloomers in speech. And those whose teeth take a longer time to pop out will end up speaking much earlier and better!"

So there you go, factoid of the day.

Or old wives' tale of the day? Hmm. :)
My mother had never ever heard of this before haha. Neither have I.

Suddenly

Time has a way of suddenly popping up in your face and telling you that Dday is near. Be it school or work project timelines, wedding dates, etc....and of course, pregnancy delivery dates.

Suddenly, there are only 4 weeks left. 

Jitter. Jittery. Jitters!

Still some more things to be done before I feel more ready.
Still at least 2-3 more gynae visits before D-day.

Breathe...

thoughts of...granny

Woke with tired eyes and a stuffy nose this morning.

Mainly because I bawled hard for a good 5-10mins yesterday. I was re-reading an old blog post I made last April, about the day my granny left us.

There were other subsequent posts relating to the proceedings for her wake but I decided not to read them. Otherwise I would have been bawling for more than that amount of time.

On hindsight, I can only conclude that either I was already feeling emo, or that I am a writing maestro and my written words were simply too fantastic and powerful and could evoke such strong feelings in someone.

I choose the latter. Hehe :p

Sun shiny day

"It's gonna be a bright, bright, sun-shiny day!"

Got onto the cab earlier on and Kiss 92FM was playing this song. 

Awesome start to the day. :) 

Definitely perked up my zombified self somewhat. Why am I zombified? Cos Little Baby woke at 12am, 130am and then 530am....zzzzzz. She had a heavy dinner and we had initially thought that we would be having a smooth night ahead of us. Guess we were wrong...

Anyway, Jiayou to both K and I!!

FB Memory Feature

FB has this new feature where it shows you your previous posts made on the same day in past years. 

So nostalgic and sentimental. Perfect feature for me. 

A short look back into the past. To remind you somewhat, of where you came from, how things and people have changed from then till now, and how much you have traversed in body, mind and spirit within that few years. 

Taking some stock too. 

Like? Don't like?

She had her first taste of durian today. It wasn't from an actual durian fruit but it was close enough. She was licking and chewing on a piece of Mao Shan Wang durian snow skin mooncake from Goodwood Park Hotel.

She gave a cringey look but continued licking and nibbling anyway. And son after she rejected it lol. Not sure if she liked it or not. 

Photos for posterity! 

Male chivalry

Popped by Opera Estate's Baker & Cook branch for breakfast this morning again. A convenient place to head to since they are open for business very early. Before we discovered them, we only had MacDonalds as an option.

Left the place after a happy meal or croissants, scrambled eggs, ham and cheese. Kyne was carrying N and had gone out first. I, being the slow and shuffling one now, was trailing far behind and by the time I reached the exit, the door had already closed. I reached out to push open the door and was then pleasantly surprised when a Caucasian guy popped out of nowhere to help me open the door. 

I said a big thank you. Felt totally grateful and appreciative of his gesture. If the cafe had been full of local guys, I doubt any of them would do it. (Ok, K begged to differ though haha) 

Anyway, thank you sir. For helping me with the door. And for putting a smile on my face so early in the morning. 

Counting Down

Approaching 34 weeks.Time really flies.

While most of the pregnancy has been relatively smooth and manageable compared to when I was having Little Baby, I didn't count on feeling much much heavier (and more breathless) in my last 2 months of pregnancy this time round.

Pelvic pressure is building. There are days when I walk awkwardly due to aches in my loins and at the thigh joints. The belly seems mighty heavy too.

And since around 2-3 weeks ago, there are days when Peanut seems intent on sucker-punching me form the inside once every few minutes till I feel winded. She must be having a ball of a time stretching, kicking, somersaulting, and basically trying out every conceivable gymnastic and pugilistic trick in the book. She stretched me so much last night with a mighty kick that I instinctively sucked in my breath in shock.

I hope she doesn't turn out to be as feisty and stubborn as her older sister haha.

The jitters have been on the rise. Yes, even though this is my second pregnancy, I am still feeling the jitters. 

Praying for a smooth csec delivery and a smooth recovery after that as well.
Praying for a smooth time in nursing Peanut.
Praying for sufficient rest.
Praying for a compliant, cooperative and understanding Nadya during the time of my confinement too....

Praying.

Hans Zimmer

Hans Zimmer accompanies me this morning...what an exceptional composer.

His pieces conjures up tonnes of emotions...

Inspiring, haunting, scary, uplifting, soothing, loving, you name it....

Currently in love with the following:

• "Gortoz a Ran" from Black Hawk Down (all time fav since a long time back)
• "Chevaliers de Sangreal" which is the main theme song for the Da Vinci Code
• "Time" from Inception 
• "The Way of the Sword" from The Last Samurai

Pls explain

I simply do not understand.

How does one BLATANTLY claim to be busy and have a big workload.

And still also have time to BLATANTLY read newspapers everyday at her desk?

Please explain to me.

I am too dumb to understand how such a contradictory situation can occur.

Conversations with a 22-month old Toddler

Scene: She stole my pillow. I was trying to take it back. We were both holding onto separate ends of my pillow.

Me: That's Mama's pillow. Can you give it back to me please?
N: Mama! No! Let go!
Me: *stunned*
Me (thinking): where did you learn that? we only ever use "give it back" with you....lol.

===========
Scene: She was sitting on my bed with K. I had just taken a morning shower and was walking out of the bathroom.

N: Mama come! Sit down! Bed!
Me: Ok, coming.
N: Mama come!!!
Me (thinking): you need more patience my little one......

===========
Scene: I was lounging on her bed. She had just gotten off it and was pacing around her room looking for something.

Me: Are you looking for something sayang?
N: Dada! Book! Where Dada put the book?
N: Where? Where? Where Dada put the book?
Me: Haha...Maybe it is under your bed? Underneath your bed. (She likes the word "underneath")
N: Oh...underneath....*proceeds to peer below her bed for whatever book she was looking for.*

Work in progress

Reminds me a little of my grandmother's sarongs for her kebayas. Not those she used for daily wear but those more intricate looking ones she wore for special occasions. 

Gratitude

We were in the cab on the way to work this morning. I looked over to K's side, out through his side of the car window and unknowingly had a small smile on my face. K asked what I was smiling about. I didn't quite answer him...:)

Truth of the matter? I was just savouring the moment.....


The moment when I took a deep breath and told myself that today will be a good day, a beautiful day, a wonderful day.

The moment when I caught the morning sun's rays falling on the trees lining the side of the expressway, turning their leaves from green to bright sparkling shimmering hues of gold and yellow.

The moment when I saw the bright blue sky, way up high with small fluffy clouds of white.

The moment when everything seemed right with all stars aligned.

The moment when I felt grateful for everything I have, including my loved ones and their unwavering presence in my life. 


Yes, those were what I was smiling about......

17 August 2015

How fleeting life can be.

While I can't claim I know you very well, I think you've had a relatively well-lived life.

You've always been fun-loving, smart and loving life.
You recently graduated and got your hard-earned MBA. 
You loved and were loved in return by friends and family and Wanling.
You mostly enjoyed your work and you had the chance to travel to some places these last few years. 

I hope you didn't suffer too much in the last few weeks.
And I definitely hope that you are in a better place right now.

Rest in peace Mahesh.
I wish you well wherever you may be.

And I'm glad that Nadya had the chance to see and play with you at least twice....

Newest obsession

Colouring. In an adult colouring book. :) 

So aside from a recent obsession with buying things from Qoo10, colouring is my newest hobby. 

I love the colouring book I got. It's called "Secret Garden" by a lady named Johanna Basford. She has a full range of adult colouring books, all filled with copious amounts of lined images of flowers and plants, animals, sceneries, fantasy images, etc, 

But I hated that the online vendor "cheated" me of my Staedtler colour pencils and gave me some low quality weirdass Mexican or Spanish brand of colour pencils. 

So I need and want to get a new box of either Faber-Castell or Staedtler colour pencils. 24 colours perhaps, if the 48 colour box proves to be too expensive. :) 

.......

I had originally wanted the last few weeks before I deliver to be more relaxed and smooth-sailing.

Turns out there are various things happening that are bringing me some form of stress and frustration.

2 colleagues "choot" pattern now regarding my covering duties. It's only regarding a small matter but now I seem to have to mediate between the two when it was of no fault of mine.

There are other things happening as well.

When can I get the chance not to think about anything at all?

Gynae visit this morning

Peanut is 32 weeks along and weighing 1.7kg now. Diameter of her head is at 8cm and she has wedged herself comfortably in a corner of my tum, with her head down already and her back/spine at the left my of tum.

My blood pressure was around 94-50. A little low by a normal person's standards but according to the doc and nurses, it's oerfectly normal for a pregnant lady. Good. 

I've put on 11kg so far. Just nice I think, considering I've about 6 more weeks to go.

The doc asked if there were 10kicks in a day. I told him it was uncountable, definitely more than 10kicks in a day lol. 

And he has also confirmed that Peanut's a girl. :) I'll have 2 princesses! More hair to play with too haha. 

And so I've also spoken to the doc and he (bless him) will be granting me a 2-week MC before the date of my csec. Which means my last day at work will be 4 Sept. 

With that I can safely put into action my leave clearance plan with my company. Good. 

Her Speech

I'm pretty stoked that Little Baby is speaking quite abit. I don't know if other kids are doing the same but I'm just rather proud of her haha.

Some examples of stuff she has said so far...

• Mama come, draw.
• Mama read the book.
• Nana feed horse, carrots. 
• Dada help Nana feed horse, carrots

And I just realised she can count from 1 to 10 in Mandarin! And that she actually knows a fair bit of Mandarin words and phrases as well like 大象， 牛奶， 睡觉，要不要，好不好，臭臭....etc.....

Proud mama...haha.

random thoughts

忍一时风平浪静
退一步海阔天空
有进的时候
也有退的时候

风筝的线
有时该拉紧 
有时也该放松一些
好让它飞得更高更远更久

Preps

Booties, socks and mittens see sunlight again after 2 years hidden away in a box.