Conversations with a 6yr old and a 4yr old

2 days ago, in the car.

We had a small bag of rubbish in the car. Some stuff in it were mine and some were Nadya's. I sought her help to hold the bag and told her to throw it into the bin after we parked the car. She complained a little....

Me: "I can't be throwing away your rubbish for you all the time you know. You're big enough to do this on your own anyway."
N: "Excuse me!" *followed by a sassy head roll*
N: "You also have your rubbish in here (the bag) you know!"

*rolls eyes*
Are we starting the rebellious stage so soon? Since when did 6yr-old talk back so much? Lol....

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It's been relatively easy putting Nadya to bed these days. She knocks out within 5 to 10mins. Even if she takes longer, she knows and understands that she needs to be quiet and close her eyes so she can drift off to sleep. Alyssa is a different story....and has been rather difficult during bedtime for the last couple of weeks.

Last night. When putting the girls to bed. Alyssa again started her antics.
She was playing, walking around in the room, going from bed to bed. Even if she lay down, she would start kicking her toys and bolsters and ME, refusing to lay still and be quiet. And refusing to sleep.

I reached my limit last night. I gave her an ultimatum. That she stop her antics or I'd leave the room.
No points for guessing which option she took. I left the room. To calm myself down and also to show her that I meant what I said.

30 seconds later I heard her start crying. No big wails but soft sobbing and whining. I'm soft-hearted but willed myself to stay in my room. Nadya then came over to announce "Meimei is crying already." I thanked her and told her to go back to bed. Willed myself to stay in my room for while more.

I think it was a couple more minutes before I went back to the room. I think she was relieved to see me but still acted defiant. (Perhaps it's an ego thing?) She refused any form of physical contact with me. And still refused to listen to me when I told her to lie down and go to sleep.

So I sat there. In silence. I waited.

She eventually gave up and came sliding over to me, wanting hugs. I held her for a couple of minutes and she buried her head in my chest. I took the time to explain to her why I was angry and what was expected of her when it was time to sleep.

When she was ready, she let go of me voluntarily and went to lie down on her own accord. After hugging her favourite toy and snuggling into her pillow, she told me.....

"Sorry Mama, for being naughty."

That. That was sudden and unexpected for I'd not taught/told her that before.

That. That melted my heart.

That. That made me feel that despite the uncertainties and groping around in the dark in this parenting journey, perhaps we did do some stuff right.....

Hier Matin

Yesterday Morning.

I remember looking up at the sky and feeling happy
Something about the bright, sunny sky
And the big, white, fluffy clouds
And the way the sunlight bounces off the plants, grasses and trees

It made my heart full
With love and hope
And determination
And of better things to come

I saw 2 birds in the sky as well
They were big, definitely not sparrows or mynahs
Soaring high and gliding
Looking so confident, calm, strong and majestic

I wished that I could be strong, calm and confident like them too
I wished for good things for my family and loved ones
I wished for more time for everyone in these hectic days
And I wished for the girls to grow up well

J'ai souhaite aussi que
Nous serons tous heureux
Notamment K, N et A
Mes bebes

Nana

Nadya did well this morning...she did not fuss and was just moving slowly due to sleepiness.
She was even smiling after she brushed her teeth...Hope this keeps up!

I think she'll start fussing in the morning again after the CNY break though haha .

One thing I am a little concerned with. She's been complaining of "tummy ache" or "tummy pain" almost each weekday morning......hope this wears off after she gets more used to the routine and when she fully accepts the fact that she needs to go to primary school from Mon to Fri....

Bookends

Back in December, I stumbled upon plain bookends in Daiso and fell in love with them.
I grabbed some of them and used them as simple canvases...

Ended up with this rather simple and amateurish set of 4 haha....Pic's a little pixellated though...

Moss rose

Propagating the moss rose and trying to do up a new pot of it.

Took 8 cuttings yesterday from the original pot as it was getting too scraggly and twisted already. Transplanted the cuttings into a pink pot and it's sitting in my toilet currently. Away from the crazy winds in my balcony.

I hope the cuttings establish themselves soon and take root! Checked on them this morning and they've already started to stand more upright compared to yesterday afternoon!

Moss roses are supposedly very easy to propagate. So hope this pot grows well....
Promised Shuting I'd make a pot for her...if this experimental pot is a success that is haha.

Fingers crossed!

no like...

There's this sensitivity lately about "cultural appropriation".

While this is not really cultural appropriation, it's still an appropriation of some kind. At least I feel it is....on the word "nyonya".

People just affix the word "nyonya" to anything and everything just so that the product could (i) catch more attention, (ii) be priced at a premium, and/or (iii) sound fancier or more exotic.

K and I were at a wholesaler for bak kwa last week. They sold "nyonya bak kwa".
Like what the hell is "nonya bak kwa"?? Nonsense lah....I didn't bother to try it at all.

And then KFC is marketing it's "nyonya chicken" now. Simi "nyonya chicken"??
No such thing lor...there are different chicken dishes in Peranakan cuisine...but none of it is even similar to whatever KFC is selling now.....ayam buah keluak, ayam pongteh, ayam sio, ayam curry....

Bah to such gimmicks!

Nadya

Nadya handled Day 1 & 2 of her P1 journey pretty well.
She was rather tired though. I think she was mentally and physically exhausted.

The following week she was teary and fussy each morning. She protested with "I don't want to go to school", "I hate Tao Nan", "I am very tired.", and the like...

Last week, she was quite ok. Still grouchy in the mornings but she did what she was supposed to do and there wasn't much fussing.

This week, the fussing and protests started again. Tears yesterday and this morning as well.
I hope she settles down soon.

Nadya, you are brave and strong. You can do it!

Side note: Kids these days go through so much...even on weekends...:( sometimes you wish they could just rest and play but there's also the FOMO in the rat race (we call life)...

Reminder to Self

To not let what others say affect you too much
Sometimes it comes from not understanding
Sometimes it comes from not being sensitive
Sometimes it stems out of ignorance
Even from those closest to you

Afterall, if they are not going through it
They won't fully understand too

Just appreciate the love, care and support
That's around you

And be there for yourself too

It is okay to falter sometimes
Just keep trying and keep going
One step back out of 2 steps forward is still a step forward

Ganbatte!
Hae suiss-da!
*yuuuuuu*

musings

I started with a newly released song from BTS' Suga and just let Youtube do its thing where it would just continue playing the next song/video on and on....

An OST from Goblin came on after awhile.

It brought back fond memories of the show. I remember having had many heart-fluttering moments while watching that show back in 2017. 

Should I re-watch the show? Hmm....:D

pottering in the garden

The adenium (aka desert rose) that my FIL gave me spent a good 3 months with me....
It was initially doing ok till the December heavy rains. It might have gotten too soaked on my balcony.
And from then on, its leave started turning yellow and even dropped 2 leaves. :( 
The adenium doesn't have many leaves, it only has several large leaves sprouting from its main trunk. Dropping 2 of the leaves will affect its overall health I think.

It wouldn't do the young plant any good if it were to stay with me and so around a week or 2 back, I passed it back to my FIL....Hopefully he can nurse it back to health....

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The stevia that Ally gave me for Xmas and which arrived at my place on 13 Dec, seems to be doing ok. It thinned out a little though and its bottom leaves are turning a little brown. But new shoots are sprouting and it has started flowering too. Just noticed last night that it has very tiny pale green and white flowers...:)

It's a heavy heavy drinker too. I didn't realise how much water it needed till it became limp when I forgot to water it for 2 days. I literally had to drown the whole pot in water thereafter and the plant "stood" up again.

From then on, I water it heavily everyday, rain or shine.

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The moss rose that Ally gave me is doing good too. I love that it is constantly flowering. Everyday there will be at least 1 or 2 flowers. Sometimes the entire pot is covered in blooms too. Bright pink blooms.

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Was on leave on Monday and somehow had the mood to do up a new pot...A new pseudo bonsai pot.
Split a small bunch out from my existing asparagus fern and repotted this small bunch into a small bonsai pot I chanced upon in Giant back in Dec.

It is a small rectangular dark green glazed ceramic pot, with 4 slightly raised feet.
I accidentally chopped off some big roots from this small clump...It's  hardy plant though, hope it can still survive.

It's currently residing in my toilet haha. With partial sun and not alot of draft.
Hope it does well enough to go out to my balcony in the coming weeks and months.

Baby steps

要调整情绪一下
今天早上费了很多力和精神
肚子也好像打了个大结
心也还在跳得比较快

你可以的
你可以的
你可以的

加油!!

Took the train this morning.
And eventually took me more than 15mins to get from the MRT station to the office.
Had to stop somewhere to catch my breath and hide from the crowds.

Need to calm myself down. Still jittery.

But still, it's another baby step forward.

Small wins, celebrate the small victories too.

Reminder

To breathe.

To self-manage.

To prioritise and do first-things-first.

To not get or allow myself to get too stressed.

To remember that others are going through the same or similar stuff as well. 

To jiayou. 

To breathe.

To breathe.

To breathe. 

Milestone

It's been a year.
The stars have aligned themselves!
Finally gathered some courage and took the train to work today.
Was nervous and had to get K on the phone with me for 25mins.
But I did it.
The first steps are usually the hardest.
But I will get through this.
That said, this was actually slightly easier to manage than back in June 2019 when I started taking the bus again.

Jiayou!
Jiayou!
Jiayou!
Hae suiss-da!

Good start to 2020.

Rumination

I have been thinking
And I've only just come to the conclusion
These two days
That I don't seem to have
Fully accepted myself
For who I am now
The new me
I don't seem to have fully accepted
This new normal

And perhaps that is why
I am still feeling
A little affected and perplexed by it
And having a small sliver of hope
For things to get back to the way they used to be
For me to get back to the way I used to be

This new normal
This new me
I should open up and accept them
Wholeheartedly

I should love and accept myself
For if I don't
Who will

2020....

And we're in 2020 already.

2019 went by really fast.
I spent most of my time going for medical tests and learning/relearning how to manage myself better.
The other time was mostly spent on the kids and their activities.

2020. I hope to.....

• continue learning and fine-tuning the way I manage myself,
• spend more time on building up my physical stamina,
• spend some time on my hobbies and learn something new along the way,
• continue maintaining good relationships with family and close friends,
• continue with some of the decluttering at home, 
• learn how to accept some things and move on, and
• stay positive and hopeful......

Jill of all trades, Master of none

And so...

I’ve dabbled or am still dabbling in...

- acrylic painting
- watercolour painting
- calligraphy using brush pens
- doodling
- colouring
- crocheting
- terrarium making
- taking care of plants
- making very simple bonsai

I like all...and I enjoy different ones at different times, depending on my mood.
But I’m a total noob at everything and....a master of none...:D