finally blogger is accessible..

2 farewell dinners within this week alone..

Thursday was with the duckie gals...our dear whacko Lydia is leaving us for a 2-yr stint in Jakarta....
Teaching the A-level curriculum English to the graduating batch classes of an international school there...

Quite a good package...staying in a condo which is barely 2 yrs old....
A chauffer to fetch her around...aw man...

And then there's Dan...
Steamboat dinner for him at his place tomorrow night...with the rest of the uni gang...
Leaving us in Jan to further his studies in Sydney for about a year...

Sighzz...my close friends...
Do take care whilst there...will definitely miss you guys...

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It's almost the end of 2006...
If 2005 came and went by fast..
Then 2006 zipped by precariously fast...

If 2005 was a year of many ups & downs...
Then 2006 was even more of a rollercoaster ride haha...

Havent been able to do a proper review of the year's activities...
Achieved some goals..partially achieved some...& fell flat on some as well..

Time to reflect? Time to plan for next year?

Tentative theme....
Re-charge, Re-motivate, Re-juvenate, Re-energise

Been in too much of a slowmoving slacker position...
Guess I need some change..
I need some more action..

Is BKK possible in January?
Maybe...Hope so...

===========
Our 1000th day is arriving...
In less than 2 months time...

boxing day...

I is grumpy.
I is drowsy.
I is cold.
I is sick.

Got up this morning and struggled a bit.
To go to work or not?
Ok, conclusion = NO!!!

Reason #1
I is sick. Throat hurts. Nose blocked. Cough...
Bleah..

Reason #2
Who the fish goes to work in such heavy rain?

========
Did some work, including my Performance appraisal..is this considered work too?
Oh well..cut & pasted alot of last year's stuff into the appraisal.

Seriously cannot be bothered to do too much with it. Waste of time.
Does it help to ask the same questions year after year??

What are your career goals?
Describe your strength & areas for improvement.
Rate yourself from 1 to 5 on the following attributes...(and yeah, there's like 31 rating questions altogether...)

Waste of time. Period.

========
Not bad. Managed to do some work even though my brain's half fried from the medication.
Flu pill + cough mixture = POWER....
Think I'm on a high now...halloooocinating....
oh wait...halloooseenating....
halloooseenayyyting...
hallucinating...

========
Busy week ahead...gatherings..
More food & booze maybe...bringing voddy to Dan's place on Saturday..

========
Hmm mm..hope mama choy, big sis & 2nd sis like the craft pieces I made for them...

Hope papa choy can be patient...din get him anything...nor make anything..for this xmas..
But his expensive pressie will be coming soon..
Akan datang...
Chivas Regal 18 years...coming soon in mid Jan...when Adrian comes back from his Vegas trips...

hiakzz..

========
The novice me...lost $30 in MJ yday...
Grrrrrrr.....
TMD...1st time in my life I had a chance to win a full colour....but it all fell to pieces cos the card I threw was what Eugene wanted...I was only waiting for 1 more card leh!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh well..what is mine is mine..what is not..is not bah....

I need other players...peter pan, purple skies, on???
hahaa..

=========
I am
talking nonsense

...
I am....zzzzzzzz

off to
bed........

friday...

As much as I'd like to be an epicurean..
Think I'm more comfortable being in the confines of austerity & simplicity..
Epicurity is reserved for the occassional indulgence to the soul...

Hmm..personal preference or a matter of being brought up this way..I dunno really.
Haha...just came to this conclusion somehow or rather..

I am on leave today..and I have spent my whole day at home.
Weird some might say..but wahey..it's a "take leave to rest" day..
Haha...as a matter of fact, it was thanks to a full bladder that I've just gotten out of bed
Would have slept on llike a log if my bladder did not send warning signals to my convoluted brain.

Adrian asked me. So sis, what did you do today?
Hmm mm...it really is just a short short list..
Had lunch, did some work, read my book, did art & craft, took a 3 hour nap, blog.
Which is where I am now.
So what comes later?

Perhaps to wrap my remaining 2 presents, to read somemore, and oh yah...to munch my dinner..
Bleah...not much of an appetite..

========
avoidance.
you're the boss.
so i shan't say much.

========
ok, off to cook maggi mee...
been a long time since i had maggi mee..woot woot!

more senseless stuff

Met up with Eddie yesterday for lunch..

My dear buddy..what a sticky, interesting situation you have gotten yourself into..
You ah...sighzz..

Told you my piece..shared with you my concerns..
Shared with you my thoughts..

But ultimately, it's your life and your choices which matters...
All the best & keep me updated... haaa...

========
Dropped note to XiaoDi on friendster and he replied! haha...
Been a long time since I last communicated with him..

Haha, nice to hear from him.... =)

========
I surprised myself this year.
It has been quite awhile since I wrote so many Xmas cards...

Think I only gave out like less than 5 last year?
I wrote out more than 15 this year...

Madness..ahha..

Xmas is still my fav time of the year..but the cosy feeling I get whenever Xmas draws near is diminishing year by year...

Aw man...Is this a sign of aging?
I think so leh....*horrors*

=======
Should be heading to Cannery next Friday....
Anybody keen?

=======
2 years..cun wait for the keys to arrive...
Haha..=p

senseless stuff...

Now i know why i've been feeling so down and out..
Tired and grouchy..
hahaa...miserable day yesterday..din feel good..
And by the time evening came..I was sprawled on the table while waiting for ahboy to meet me at Hans.

Struggled through dinner..couldn't eat much..
Caught a cab home and then discovered I was running a slight temperature...
Popped 2 panadols, concussed at 930pm and slept like a log through till 7am this morning..

Fever's gone but the sore throat is still there...bleah..
Mind over body...

Think I will be concussing soon again...
Not back to 100% yet...

========
It's gonna be a busy busy 2.5 weeks ahead...with the festive season gatherings, birthdays & a wedding...

========
The anagram's a tough one eh? ahaha...

Gotten some tentative ones from the Lemon...but all dun make sense!!! hahaha...
What the hell is Cheem "n" Gills?
haha...a...

Cherry...help me out!!

========
What do you do when you think one of your bosses is a dick head?
Oh my pardon my lang. But it gets the point across, you have to admit...

But then again, I'm just a small fry getting my monthly pay....
Not worth it to get worked up about stuff....

========
On leave liao loh!! woot woot!
Hmm mm..might be on "MC" next week..hmm mm...

========
Goodbye 9522...
Mazda 3 Carbon Grey is here!!

Virgin trip in the Grey today...not bad..not bad at all...
But guzzles oil like xiao...

edge of a precipice

ouch.

cun believe i spent $60 over 3 occasions.
just buying beads & metal connectors & crystals.

oh well. to feed a new found hobby.
to feed my itchy fingers which need something tangible to do.

=======
wealth accumulation.
what a term to use.

But it sounds pretty fetching ain't it?

give me a choice and yes, i do want to accumulate wealth too.

the choice has not presented itself to me yet though. or do i need to go out to find it?
passive? proactive? which is me?

=======
it is odd. the forehead seems a little tender and sore.

since yesterday or was it two days ago?

the right side seems more so.

i cannot help but be paranoid. whenever something unusual happens to the head area.
or to anything connected to the head.

=======
it seems odd too.

that a colleague from my team texted me this afternoon.
"get online. i need to talk to you."

shoot. have i done anything wrong? did i offend this person?

and so online i went. with slight trepidation.

and became a partial listening ear to one who needed to vent a little about the job and our boss.

"i will not be here for long. i will quit soon" she said.

wow. so forthright i thought. and we are not even that close.

do i have an honest face or demeanour? why are people telling me such things?
do i seem to be a keeper of secrets? it is hard to remain objective and neutral for long.

but i will try.

=======
oh blimey. i have a slight rash again.

=======
ch is a joy to be with sometimes. neverending bubbliness.
is there such a word?
ever cheerful. once of the few who's able to smile even when she's pissed off.

brother is the other.
come to think of it. sharon too.

am i the only monkey in the company who's a grouchy one?

=======
ugh. rash is irritating me.
i will go bathe again. and loofah my skin off maybe.

need hot water to soothe frazzled nerves.

sit down. be still.

extremely frustrating day.

on way to work. at bus-stop. pants all wet. shoes all wet. bedraggled doll.

at work. what's new?

lunchtime. botak jones. with san, kok, lian. disappointing and unsatisfactory. 4 plates of leftovers.

back to work. nothing new. more irritations.

afternoon. stomach spoil. feel like barfing.

just before going home. fuck still heavy rain. dinner with ahboy is cancelled.

on way home. dumb 16 yr-old teenagers acting as chimpanzees in the train.

reach interchange. brainless people who flick their wet brollies at hapless passers-by.

reach bus stop. extremely long queue. could not get up the 1st bus.

just before home. stepped into a puddle of water. TMD.

reach home. slammed door onto finger.

lonely dinner. with PC as companion.

now. still sitting in front of PC. cold fingers. cold toes. miserable and irritable.

tummy partially satisfied. self-made spaghetti and sausages.

hmph. frown. pout. fucking frustrating day.

December 18th

31 months.
& counting.

*evil laughter*

muaaha....
muahahah..
muahhahaaa....

Another convert to Il Divo...
My brother..=))
Borrowed all their albums from me just now..

=======
When will the day come?
When little Marc Sng actually marches up to me and says: "Ah Gor, play with me!!"
(He does this to his grandad all the time..)

Little brat walked right past me just now..
When I asked him if I could play with him..
Sighzz...
I have lost my charm.

=======
Am reading a book now..
Called "Midwinter of the Spirit" by Phil Rickman.

Sinister...About exorcism..or "deliverance" as a more diplomatic term to peruse..

Hope I don't think too much and get nightmares like how some of the previous books were... hahha

=======
I actually received a Xmas card from a primary school mate..

Gosh, I am S-U-R-P-R-I-S-E-D....

Do people really send physical greeting cards to friends nowadays?

Wow..

monday..the blues..(and no, am not talking about chelsea)

the rain..just puts a damper on things..

======
the indigo of hurt
the ochre of sadness
the magenta of mystery

To add a new one
The bronze of frustration

======
Kok sent me home today..kinda sweet..
Knew I was moody...offered me a ride home..though it was way out of range from his hometown haha..

Steady uncle..

Going Botak Jones tomorrow with him, Ah San & Lian..=)

======
Suddenly realised I miss Hammie.. (in the pic)
And Baby..

My 2 little darlings...







======
I find myself scary when I get down in the doldrums..
Cos it's seldom that it's so intense...(with the exception of last year when I was on medication..)
And I hate the fact that I feel like crying every moment.

Blast it..

I'm not exaggerating when I say I teared when I watched the Channel 8 drama when Li Nanxing sang a birthday song to Zoe Tay. What was a comical scene turned out to be very touching to me. Aw man....some tears came when I was watching abit of CrimeWatch showing
Huang Na's case.

What shit?
I'm nuts...

Bleah, and I have to bear through with it..for at least a few days till it goes away...
And all goes back to normal again..

=======
New lady came today..new member to the Mktg team
Cheryl

Let's see...let's see
If she's a friend or ...

my sunday

Gosh. Been huddled over my desk for most part of the day..
Fiddling with my art & craft...
Il Divo playing in the background.
It's weirdly therapeutic..

Brows furrowed over the tiny crystal pieces...
Fingers getting slightly numb..
Neck aching..
Burnt my finger too cos I was trying to seal the ends of a nylon string together with a lighter..

But it feels good, when you've completed a few pieces of it...

A rainy day..took a nap in the afternoon..
Who can resist the lull of the raindrops?

Ended up concussing for slightly more than 2 hours..
Woke up still as grouchy as in the morn. Guess the sleep didn't do much to soothe the soul..

Night time comes.
And still the rain persists..even more so with thunder and lightning..
I cannot quite seem to clear my head of thoughts..

And so I head back to my craft...fingers really kinda numb..
So decided to pop online..and surf aimlessly...

Tomorrow's a working day..Xian.

hopes & fears..wishes & dreams..do you know?

I have learnt not to hope or expect too much.
Cos the more you hope, the harder you fall if you don't get what you wished for..
And that's why sometimes I choose to hide in my own little corner..with my own thoughts, unspoken wishes & fears..

Oh...the pessimistic, paranoid side of me...
Someone, save me from the shackles of it....

=======
Moping .
On a rainy Sunday.
With Il Divo playing in the background..
Man, the tears have arrived again..been awhile..

raindrops galore

Am on a mini quest, to form an anagram from my name.
Michelle Sng

Quite a number of singular words can be formed..But when I try to use up all letters..
I can't seem to form anything much...

Bleah..opening up to the rest...any takers to the challenge? haha...
Lemon, you are in on this yah. Mr Power-English.
Cherry, you too...=)) Ms Power-English.

==========
Was at Creation yesterday..
Their business is doing good good good...
Hired more staff, more tables, newer menu...
Longer queues..

Wonder if they'll eat up the business next door as well...
Hmm mm...

Did not manage to finish the brownie yesterday though..
Wasted...was too full..

==========
I have added 2 more converts to the Il Divo club..
muahhaaa..

Mum & Dad...

Got a plesant surprise when she was asking for me to play the "Italian Opera CD"...
haha...

new hobby

hiakzz....back to one of my loves..
art & craft...
bought lotsa swarovski crystals...gonna make keychains & handphone chains....

yay!! fun fun fun!
=))

but tmd...din know such crystals are quite expensive actually...

barf time

I broke the promise i made to myself 3 years ago.

What happened then...
Was with the DK group..company outing to Europa..
Went home and hugged the toilet bowl retching..
Told myself then that I would never do that to myself again.

And I did it again last night.
TMD.
Hugged the same damn bowl and retched in the same darn position.
Sigh..it's a balance..a few hours of happy reprieve and wild abandon..
Followed by some sort of a payback..

So today..is a stomach spoil day...
Bleah..

=========
St James Power Station...

Think I prefer MOS..

am sad..

am abit sad..
you try...but sometimes trying just aint good enough.
somehow..a friend still chooses to go to another..

am abit sad..
you try..but sometimes trying just ain't good enough.
somehow..the project you are doing, still fails to pull through..

am abit sad..
you try..but sometimes trying just ain't good enough.
somehow..the more you try..the more conscious you become..

am abit sad..
you try..but sometimes..it just ain't happening.

colourisation

the red of passion
the green of hope
the pink of health
the indigo of sadness
the ochre of naturality
the black of nights
the cream of days
the magenta of mystery
the blue of calm
the emerald of peace
the purple of hurt
the yellow of happiness
the cyan of ecstasy
the orange of fun
the sepia of memories
the fuchsia of madness

what was i before you?
a canvas sheet
a tarpaulin
a piece of cloth

you have coloured my life so much
a tapestry of sorts i am now

Morose Recluse

Retreating into my shell
This is happening more and more

Withdraw and hide
Tucked into the confines of your own safe haven
Seems like a comforting place to be in

=========
Uh-oh..
The slapping feeling is here again.

Stepped into office this morning and I feel like slapping people again.
And of course, I stepped in late as usual. 915 I think.

Yikes. Can I find a place soon who will have me?

people to people

I don't know why.
But I take it very hard & I get very disheartened & sometimes pissed...
When I see how 2-faced some people are, whether they may or may not realise it.

I know this is not a new topic I have written about.
But the fact of the matter is, this is something which always gets me riled up.

Come on.
When she's not around, you bitch about her to others, you talk bad about her & you laugh at her.
Then when she's back, you talk to her, joke with her & ask her for opinions?
Hmm mm..makes me wonder, sometimes out loud, what the fiak?

And some of the remarks you make, seem funny to you only.
Wonder if you noticed?

And to those who wonder...
No, I am not talking about the whore.

========
At times, I'd rather hide out in my own cubicle..
Ad be in my own little private world...
Sure I'd miss out on some gossips or some bonding with others..
But well, if it keeps me out of the hypocrisy of things...why not...

Of fakeness & facades..

Ok, maybe I am not such a PR person.
I cannot be bothered anymore to initiate conversations with people...
More and more, I seldom make the first move & I seldom interact with people unless neccesary.

Man, I sound like a recluse wanna-be.

=======
Have I mentioned before that I cannot stand squealers?
Oh yes I did I think.

I cannot stand peeps who squeal.
Especially those who squeal over the slightest thing.

Ok, I can stand them when they dun squeal. But when they do.
Please, spare me the agony.

Is there a need to S-Q-U-E-A-L over the littlest of things??
Is there a need to get so over-excited over some trivial thing??
Sheesh........

=======
Ok, on top of being a recluse wanna-be...

I think I am starting to sound like an uptight spinster liao....

Bleah......!

a few good things & a WHAMMY!

A few good things:

1. Official Zo Bo Day: Got called into an absolutely redundant meeting from 215-545pm..did more MSN-ing and my own work than listen to the meeting.
2. I think it's starting to sink in..am feeling happy about the Monday deal..
3. I got another dress! black one this time..
4. I got my pasta sauce! Tmr will be pasta for dinner!
5. I got a whole box of salad ingredients!
6. 2 more days to Saturday!


And a WHAMMY....

I forgot to buy my unit number...for today's draw....
And the number came out...in starter.........bleah......
@#%$*&)(*)%^*&

Mum & Adrian got it...
$%$&
Adrian offered to help me buy yesterday but I declined somemore, saying that I will settle myself...DUMB!!!!!

On a positive note...hiakzz....nvm lah..at least me & ahboy have brought joy to others lor haha..
And well..this is a good start...our number has struck lottery & in such quick time somemore...
It's a good sign... haha...

money money money

I just emptied a large portion of my savings today.

Grass for my meals in the next few months?
Bleah...

Bonus...pls come quick..18th Dec...2 weeks more only...
I NEED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

=======
Kinda exciting...lotsa turning points in my life over the past 2 years..
Health, relationship...friends...family...

Lots more to come next year too.
Am looking forward to French..a nice way to start the new year...
A nice way to usher in new hopes & dreams...
2007..I'm ready for you man!

=======
Shit...French just burnt another hole in my pocket...
$335 for 8 lessons. Everything in. Text, course fee, GST, registration fee.
WTF. $40 for each 3 hour lesson??

bleah....

It's a done deal

4th Dec 2006.
It's a done done done deal.

Brother Longan, you might be happy to know that your basketball kaki...
Will be staying in Tampines in the near future...
5 minutes from your place..
Hahahhaa....

========
Damn..purse strings must be watched even tighter...

the other me

I stand outside the bubble looking in.
Looking in at the other me inside the bubble.

The other me holds a ciggy.
Puffing away. Puffing away whatever bad thoughts, stresses, unhappiness there might be.
The other me stands alone, leaning against a railing, overlooking a river.
It seemed familiar, the place...esplanade? one fullerton? collyer quay? boat quay? clarke quay?

The other me looks a tad older & wiser.
Signs of whatever has gone on through the years is written on the face, only slightly though.
More weather-beaten but surprisingly, more well-toned & womanly.
The other me wears a smart, well-tailored blue striped shirt and a black skirt ending just above the knees. Covered heels.
The image screams 'Corporate'.

The other me still has long hair.
More layered & dyed a dark brown with a few lighter shades of brown streaked through.

The other me stares out to the river.
It is night-time and she looks a little dreamy and pre-occupied, staring at the lights reflected on the water surface.
The ciggy dies out and the other me throws it into the river below.
She stays there against the railings for a long time. Hugging her arms around herself.

I stand outside the bubble looking in. I think to myself.
What is she thinking about? Why is she there?
Has she taken her dinner? How is her life now?
How old is this other me?
Who/What is in her life now? Why isn't she carrying a bag?
Is she going back to office to do OT?
Or is someone else waiting for her at a dinner table elsewhere?

=====
Tis a dream I had last night.
A snippet into my future?
Or my over-imaginative mind just fabricating a scene..?