To the Red Biscotti

Looking around the room, I noticed remnants of you here and there. The grey Tatty bear that sits on my bed. The floppy brown dog, my xmas present in either 1999 or 2000, given when I just finished a carolling performance at Bugis Junction. The little brown bear which came with a bunch of fresh flowers...delivered to my office for our 4th year anni in Oct 2003. The little white sundress you got for me. The precious moments alphabets spelling out my name, given for my 22nd bday. And then there’s those two Jap pictorial books hidden in one of my drawers. Still remember that I teared when I first read them.

I suppose all these little things were your way of saying ‘love you’ and ‘I care’. Reading your old blog entry that day evoked a lot of memories in me. Thank you for your love and commitment then. Things didn’t quite turn out as you expected and I apologise for the hurt that I might have caused you back then. I was curt to you and threw tantrums haa… paiseh for being so wilful, impatient and grumpy with you always.

Guess on my side, I was also not one who was good at expressing her thoughts and feelings. For the longest time (hmm…it was really a long time), I didn’t want to think about things and whenever those thoughts (of whether our relationship was going the right way) came up, I chose to shove them aside rather than confront them head-on. And I just clung onto whatever existed, whether out of habit, whether out of familiarity, I don’t know.

But trust me, many a time I wanted to speak to you, but never mustered up the courage to. Things got kinda bottled up and in the end, it just reached a max capacity where I had to do something. I must have wasted quite abit of your time and effort yeah?

Well, anyway, no use saying so much now yeah? A year and a half later. And I realized that maybe you don’t need anymore clarifications or whatever. You ain’t those that speak about things. More often than not, you think and ponder…but never voice out to the party in question.

We have both moved on. We have both grown. All the best in your efforts leh..lotsa moral support from me ok. You know that..haa..

Glad we’re still there for each other as friends.
Here’s wishing you well always.
Stay crappy, philosophical and creative ya.

p/s: don’t smoke so much lah…

Shell