Jackson

I heard Robbie Williams' "Better Man" on the radio earlier tonight. I love the song for its sincerity and down-to-earth feel. And of course Robbie's voice is just so lovely in this song.

This song never fails to remind me of Jackson as well.

I first met Jackson back in 2004. A long time back come to think of it. We were at a BBQ and at that time, the first Singapore Idol was in its auditions stage. Jackson loved singing and he was keen to participate in the auditions. He wanted to sing "Better Man" for the auditions and gathered a bunch of us together so that he could sing to us and have us critique his singing. For a tall, big and heavy guy, he was quite shy initially as he cleared his throat and prepared to sing. He then stood on a stone bench and sang his heart out.

I remember thinking, his voice was average, just like any other man on the street. But he was eager and earnest and sincere and I gave him brownie points just for those attributes. I kept my comments to myself though for it was only my first time meeting him and I did not want to say anything wrong especially when I had heard some bits of his background.

Jackson went through a hard period sometime back in his life and grew a little mentally unstable as a result. There were times when he would suddenly disappear for a few weeks and we'd hear that he had heard voices in his head and so he took to hiding under a table in the church nearest his home. Or we'd hear that he refused to take his medication and hence his temper became volatile again and he hit his father at home. Stuff like these.

But he was still a good guy at heart. Eager to learn about life and love and people. Sometimes innocent and naive too. He would get all silly and romantic and write poems. He would get philosophical and ask questions that no one found easy to answer like what is love, what do you think love encompasses, what is the most important lesson life has taught you so far, etc...

We got along alright. Whenever we met at gatherings, he'd come greet me enthusiastically. I suspect he had a soft spot for me haha. Sometimes people didn't really talk to him and he'd end up in a corner either drinking or stonigng or staring into space. I would go over to talk to him or keep him company for awhile so he wouldn't feel so left out and I think he appreciated that.

I lost touch with him since early 2009 though. But he was in my Facebook and I'd occassionally see him post a cryptic message or two in his status or he'd post up one of two of his poems.

He suddenly messaged me through Facebook a few days ago. I usually keep myself on an offline status but for some reason that day I accidentally allowed myself to be available for an FB chat and then he messaged me.

He sounded happy and more at peace and I felt happy for him too. He said he no longer hung out with that group of friends and now had a whole new circle of friends. When I asked him why, he said that he had found that he could not really fit in with the old group of friends due to differences in mindsets and values and hence decided to keep away. He found himself a new social circle and was feeling happier with them. He'd also had some of poems published in the newsletter of the rehabilitation centre he was with.

Jackson asked me too, what do you think love is about? I was at work and did not have the bandwidth to mull over such a question. I answered off the top of my head and I told him I thought love was about patience, understanding, compromise and emphathy, amongst other things. He seemed to be satisfied with my reply and agreed with me too haha.

We talked for just a little while more before I had to end the conversation. Before we said our virtual goodbyes, he said he was glad to have known me. I was a sincere and real person he said, not some fake-o with a not-so-good heart. I thought it was sweet of him to make such a comment lol.

Stay happy Jackson. And stay true to yourself and continue doing what you like best.
Take care. :)