Losing my shit

I lost my temper several times last night and once this morning as well.

N refused to go to bed last night and had myriad requests.

I want milk. I want water. I want light sticks. I want to read a book first. I want to pee pee. I want to drink honey. I want the aircon on. I want my princess cape. I want to see Uncle Eugene's house (my neighbour whose balcony faces mine). I want this......I want that.......I want I want I want.

I raised my voice several times towards the end. I was frustrated and impatient already.
Having both a headache and a lower backache didn't help the situation. Having my menses arrive in the middle of it all added to my exasperation and irritability.

She finally slept but woke up an hour plus later again.
She was irritable, crying and kicking. Nothing I did was right. I couldn't even touch her without getting kicked or my hand slapped away. Nothing I said was right.

I lost it and shouted at her several times.It was the only way I could get her to hear/listen to me over the din she was making.

This morning she woke and immediately went into the same whiny, cranky, kicking, screaming mode. I lost it again and raised my voice once. Not good to start the morning this way, I told myself. Managed to control myself after that.



I'm sorry sayang.
Mummy will strive to be a better mummy ok...? :(

Sigh.