Post-partum II

13 days post-partum

- Linea nigra and darkened spots are still there 

- Facial skin, while still bumpy and lacklustre, is doing better from the loooong break of not wearing any form of makeup. 

- Hands and fingers and even feet are rather dry but I am lazy to apply moisturizer while at home. 

- Belly has gone down a little. I am looking 5 months pregnant instead of 6-7months. 

- Milk supply has increased only slightly. I need to try to pump more frequently. 

- it's been 5 days since I stopped taking Ponstan (the painkiller suspected of giving me an allergy rash). It has been 2 days since I weaned myself off Panadol as an alternate painkiller. Glad I am still doing alright. Pain is transient. I do fine if I don't overstrain myself. 

- Allergy rash is finally subsiding after being stubborn for the first 3 days. The minor areas have faded while the more stubborn and angry areas are showing signs of darkening and drying up. May they all go away by the end of this week. 

- Panda eyes are still there....

- New patches of spider-web looking varicose veins have shown up on my left foot. Oh well.....

- No more swollen feet from water retention since I started drinking more water instead of the longan red date tea.

- Mum helped to take out the waterproof plaster covering my csec wound 2 days ago. Wound is 18-20cm long this time round. Compared to 12-15cm previously. Discovered red nylon looking threads/strings at both ends of the wound. I think those are meant to be the dissolvable type of stitch threads. Hope they disappear soon. Will need to check with the gynae if they don't disappear by the end of the month....

Supper? Breakfast?

It is 3:00am. I have just finished pumping and o have also just devoured an anpan bun K had gotten for me earlier in the afternoon.

For some reason, my mouth (or was it my tummy?) told me to grab a red bean bun when I went out to the kitchen and I ended up having it for supper. 

Or is it breakfast since it is morning already?.....

Of sounds

Disclaimer: The below contains many references to breasts or boobs, milk or breastmilk and breastfeeding in general. Do not proceed if reading the previous sentence alone invokes any sign of disgust or queasiness in you. 

The Slurp

One of the nicest sounds in the world is the sound of your baby slurping and suckling at your breast. It represents fulfillment, that you are meeting some of her needs; and joy, being able to eat and drink is a blessing; and also wonder, that something that feels so beautiful feels so natural too. 

Yes, because I am cheesy like that. :)

The Whrrr

The whrrr-ing aound of the breast pump machine is ......rather annoying at times. I cannot imagine the irritation K feels when I use it in the middle of the night. 

Sorry sayang....hope I didn't disrupt too much of your sleep.....

The Cry

Hearing the baby cry can trigger a letdown. True story. Letdown in this case refers not to disappointment but rather to the boobs releasing their stash of stored milk voluntarily on their own. It's like they have a life of their own. 

Here's my theory and understanding of why it happens. Baby cry - Brain interprets it as "oh baby hungry" - Brain goes into problem-solving mode and translates that into "baby need milk" - Brain then transmits action trigger command to boobs - Boobs receive action command and releases milk.

Yes and the above process takes a split second to occur. Hence, the invention of breast pads. 

The Mew

One of the other nicest sounds in the world is when your baby mews. Like a kitten. For some reason, Peanut is mewing much more than Little Baby did when she was around the same age. I'm loving it hahha. She was mewing while searching for a boob to latch on earlier this evening when I was carrying her.  Awesome possum sound that mewing is.  :) 

Definition

And the definition of FML is....

The moment you realise that your belly actually protrudes out from your body more so than your boobs. 

Ouchness

Part #1

Last evening. Drank water and spluttered. Involuntarily coughed several times. Damn it, the wound hurt real bad! 

Part #2

This afternoon, N brought to me a $2 note crumpled up in her fist. 

"Mama, crushed already." She announced to me.

She then proceeded to open the note up and showed me the man printed on the note. 

"You suck suck." She said. 

"You suck suck???!!" I exclaimed. She nodded earnestly. 

And then it hit me. Darn. Yusof Ishak. She was trying to say his name. 

I broke into peals of laughter!!! 

And damn it, the wound hurt real bad lol. I was clutching the area and was sweating profusely by the time I stopped laughing. 

Part #3

I was breastfeeding Peanut when she decided to chomp down on whatever was nestled in her mouth. N was just next to me on the bed. Expletives flew across my mind but I could only grimace in person.....must set proper example for the children right? -_-''

Gratitude

It's 2:15am. 

The air is still, the night is dark. With it comes some measure of peace, calmness and clarity. 

I am thankful, for a relatively smooth pregnancy and delivery. I pray now for a smooth and quick recovery process. 

I am thankful for the love, care and well-wishes received from friends and family, from my neighbours and from the nurses at SGH. 

I am thankful, that Nadya has so far been a great jiejie who has been dishing out loving pats and "sayangs" and some kisses to her meimei.

I am thankful that my milk supply is still present and increasing, although rather slowly and not as fast as I wish it could be. 

I am thankful for having K around. He has run errands like nobody's business, looks after Nadya, and been my PA for the past week. 

I am thankful for having a helper at home who has been washing bottles and bottles and more bottles, and also doing laundry, laundry and more laundry. 

I am thankful for my mum who has also been running back and forth between her home and mine, helping me out and accompanying me whenever she can. 

I am thankful that I can feel the pain from the surgery wound, for it means I am well and alive. 

I am thankful that despite being "trolled" by a confinement nanny who went back on her word and told me a week before my delivery that she wasn't going to take up my case, she was at least nice enough to find me a replacement. 

I am thankful that Alyssa's jaundice is showing signs of improvement and that her eyes aren't as rheumy as they were several days ago. 

I am thankful.

Hives please go away....

Rash and hives are still present. Itch is still present though getting slightly lesser. Yes, only slightly lesser. Trying not to scratch. 

I'm still red and bumpy. This is how the back of my right thigh is right now. 

Really hope this goes off soon. 

Side note.

Pain level has increased since I stopped taking the painkiller. Panadol does not work much. I'm hobbling more again and I can't walk straight. Nursing the baby causes slight discomfort as well since she is lying prone on my tummy and there is added weight on the wound area. 

Willing myself to be stronger. This shall pass and get better with time. 

Jiayou Michelle...!

Itchy itchy

One of those xian-half moments occurred today. 

I've had rashes for the last few days. But it morphed into hives last night and this morning the rashes appeared on my arms and right hand as well. 

Went to a GP earlier this afternoon and was given anti-histamine pills to take as well as a steroid cream to apply on the affected areas. Rash seems quite a lot according to the doctor, with the worse hit being the back of my right thigh, and the hip areas below the support binder I am wearing after the csec op. 

I asked what might have caused the flareup. After some fact finding and discussion, we narrowed it down to two possibilities: (1) the rice wine the confinement nanny was using in my food and...(2) the painkiller I was taking, Ponstan. Was told to lay off these things and  only rely on Panadol as a painkiller. 

I hope the hives and rashes clear up soon. Don't want to spread unnecessary stuff to the two little girls at home....

Quiet moments - part two

I've not had as much time for bonding with Peanut as I would like. Partly because I know I should be resting more now when the confinement nanny is still around. And partly also because she is still sleeping like 90% of the time. 

I try to breastfeed her directly when I can. And I treasure such quiet moments.

Holding her in my arms with her head nestled in the crook of my elbow. Stroking her small round head full of soft downy hair. Breathing in her heady newborn scent. Taking in the feel of her velvety skin. 

I love how she gives out mewing sounds. So utterly endearing. I don't recall Little Baby mewing so much last time. 

I love how she stretches her arm and arches her back. Stretch more darling! You'll grow faster. According to all the nannies I've spoken to so far, stretching and arching of the back helps the baby grow faster physically. 

To be honest, it took me several days before I felt some bond with Little Baby last time when she was born. This time round with Peanut I felt it earlier, much earlier. 

I don't know. It could be that I am a second-time mum. It could also be that I know in my heart that this is my last pregnancy and this is the final baby that I will ever have to hold in my arms and call mine. Maybe, subconsciously, my mind knows that I need to treasure every possible moment with Peanut when she's still small for I won't get to experience it ever again...

Smiling in her sleep. Maybe her guardian angel just gave her a kiss. 

She seems to feel better sleeping with one of her arms out and not swaddled up. 

Quiet moments

I put Little Baby to sleep tonight. She wanted me to be with her. So I sat in her bed and hummed the song "This Old Man" softly in repeat mode. I stroked her hair while humming. She burrowed her head against my thigh. 

The lights were off and only the faint light coming from the neighbour's house opposite us illuminated her room. 

I love moments like these. Quiet moments. Just me and her. 

There was a special moment when she reached out a small pudgy hand and patted my thigh. The same thigh she was burrowed against. My heart melted. I felt loved. 

She fell asleep pretty quickly and lapsed into a steady deep breathing rhythm. I could have upped and gone back to my room at that point. 

But I lingered. I stayed for awhile longer. To savour the private time with her. 

Cheesy as it may sound, my heart was brimming with so much love for her I felt abit overwhelmed. 

Everyday, Mama misses the you of yesterday and looks forward to the you of tomorrow. 

Grow well little one. But don't grow too fast too......

Post-partum

It is 10pm now on the 1st of October. I gave up and took a warm shower about 45mins ago. Didn't wash my hair though. Will leave that for tomorrow. 

Chinese traditions dictate that  women in confinement are not supposed to bathe for the entire 30days of confinement. Some people follow the really traditional confinement period of 40days. I cannot imagine not bathing for that long an amount of time. Just a few days in this humid weather and I am getting a whole lot of rashes already. And actually, since I've been home, I've spent more than half my time holed up in my room with the aircon switched on. 

Anyway, I digressed. 

After my shower, I stood naked in front of the mirror. I look....what's the appropriate word to use? Sigh...

Post-partum.

Size

Still looking like I'm 6 or 7 months pregnant. Definitely bigger than after I delivered Little Baby back in 2013. Still looking pudgy and bloated. Cellulite seems to have found a home at the back of my thighs. My mum grabbed my thigh 2 days ago and quipped "still quite big." FML. 

With the amount of great tasting food (read: hard to resist) the confinement nanny is stuffing into me, doubt I'll lose weight anytime soon. Noticed too that I am getting hungry pretty easily. Perhaps due to my body producing milk...I don't know. 

Discolourations

The linea nigra dark lines and discolored patches of skin are still around. If my experience in 2013 is anything to go by, these discolourations take several months to go away fully. :( Don't like. 

The wound

The area around my Csec wound is still a little swollen. The Gynae vey kindly trimmed off my old scar during the op itself. I hope no scar tissue forms this time round. 

Milk

My milk supply came pretty quickly this time round. I got engorged on day 4 after delivery. Hope the supply maintains and hope it increases quickly too so I can ply Peanut with my milk to flush out her jaundice. I am not producing enough to match what she needs though. Supplementing with formula milk. 

Rashes 

Having them again. Same situation as back in 2013. Wore compression socks during the whole stay in hospital and the skin on my legs got quite sensitive after that. The night after I stopped wearing the compression socks, I was scratching non-stop behind my knees. Hope it clears away soon.

Water retention

I think I am having water retention. Worse than when I was pregnant. Perhaps I am not drinking enough water, perhaps I am drinking too much longan red date tea made by the confinement lady. My feet are slightly swollen. And I get a tingling feeling or slight aches in my feet from time to time. Ok, I shall resolve to drink more water. Heck what the confinement lady says. 

Home sweet home

It was home sweet home for me yesterday and for Peanut today...

It is 11 now and K has gone to the hospital to get her. What a relief it was to receive the hospital's call informing me that she could be discharged today. 

It is a little unfortunate though, that the haze is pretty bad. We have switched on the air purifier in Peanut's room and will leave the aircon on in there today. No choice. She's still too young to be breathing this air now...if adults are getting scratchy throats and teary eyes and runny noses....I worry for her. 

Both a relief and a worry that she is coming home haha. 

Mostly happiness though. My littlest baby is coming home very soon! 

Of boobs and milk

Just went through a marathon seesion with the aid of 2 nurses, one after the other. 

1 hour 15mins. 

Of painful massaging, manual squeezing and then machine pumping. I felt winded at one point when the nurse manually squeezed me. And yes I felt like a cow. 

My boobies were engorged. 

With all the effort, we managed to collect 20ml of breastmilk. Rather good for only the 4th day after delivery. 

But still below whatever Peanut needs right now to clear her of her jaundice. 

Not looking forward to 3hrs later. The nurse said I would need to massage and pump again later. And that engorgement takes around 24hours to clear. 

Zzzzzzzz

The kiddos

Missing Nadya badly. 

Missing Alyssa too. 

She's brought away to undergo phototherapy. And as such I'm staying a day more in hospital. A day more away from Nadya. 

Nvm...tahan...have to. Need to. 

2 kids - double the love, double the worries lol. 

Someday

Someday this little hand will grow bigger.

Someday these fingers will grow longer.

Someday this little hand will support my hand instead.

Day 3 of Peanut's Birth

Things are not as chaotic and haphazard as the first day. And I can truly say that I do enjoy the food and meals that are served to me. Pretty good actually. 

The nurses have been more than helpful, some more than others but generally all nice ladies. 

Peanut is doing alright and latching on me for long periods. I am still sore as a result. 

I am walking more. Forced myself to. Had another bout of physiotherapy and I'm glad I got a good one today. She was firm and knew what she was doing. Went to the washroom on my own earlier on. Achievement unlocked! :) 

The wound's still painful and I am still on painkillers. Not getting off them till at least a week plus later I think. 

Peanut is looking a little jaundiced. Hope she remains below the threshold level, otherwise she would need phototherapy. 

My appetite has improved tremendously today. I keep feeling like I am hungry. K bought quite a lot of buns and stuff for me in the afternoon and I initially thought they would last me till the middle of the night or even tomorrow morning. Erm, I finished them all before 1130pm this evening. Heh. 

Still looking pale...in slightly better spirits. But still as tired haha. 

月亮圆又圆

A little disappointed that I couldn't bring Nadya out for a walk this evening, the eve of the Mid-Autumn Festival. 

Last year we didn't walk around as well because she was unwell if I remember correctly. 

I'd gotten her a lovely Hello Kitty lantern this year which she initially loved but then grew bored of...zzz. 

Anyway, next year then. 

And anyway, we have Xmas to look forward to. :))

For now

Some peaceful moments before the humdrum of the day begins...it is 745am. 

It was a tough first half of the long night. The nurse gave in, like wtf after 5-6hrs of trying on my part to nurse, and agreed to top-up some formula milk for Peanut, who was still bawling hungrily at that hour. She was wheeled off at 230am and I finally could have some 3hrs of sleep. 

It is 745am now. I've already had my BP taken twice. Latched her for a short 15/20mins before she fell asleep and refused to latch further. 

And I've also had myself checked by 2 junior doctors, who clinically informed me that my "uterus has contracted". 

Um ok, right. I'm actually more concerned about the ache below my ribcage, I started. And the sore nipples, and the pain I feel in my wound area. And the....I went on. Oh it is "likely some musculoskeletal issue or the way you are lying down" they went....we will issue you some nipple cream. The senior registrar will be here later. And then they scampered off. 

Pshaw. They should have sent over more senior people in the first place who can answer my questions. Pffft.

Anyway, some peaceful moments for now. 

Little Baby will be coming to see Mama and meimei later this morning. Looking forward to seeing her. Missing her much. 

Sleeping soundly for now....

Shack, pale and zzzzz. 

Knn

Literally. In blood, sweat and tears. 

Latched from: 

8-830pm  left boob

850-950pm  right boob

1045-1110pm  left boob 

1245am-115am  right boob

Tired and sore. Aching and tearing. 

I thought the second kid was supposed to be easier?????!!!!  

Ppffffttttttt

Need to vent. 

Fuck this shit.

The pain. The panting. The breathlessness. The shuffling. The tenderness. The soreness. The sudden sharp pain that makes you gasp. The not knowing what time is it. The 'not daring to drink too much cos you don't want to spend half an hour making a trip to the toilet'. The weariness. The resignation. The fear. The lack of rest. The 'what the hell possessed me to go through this shit all over again' feeling. 

Is it only Day 2? 

Yes fine, I'm a weakling. 

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