incessant midday ramblings...

conclusion is..take things as they are...reading too much into things will just complicate it all...
be happy, be content...be simple, be sweet...and life'll be so much more easier...

be cool, be calm...be steady, be composed...and things will be so much more lighter and manageable...

: )

what you see is what you get..I am what I am...if you do not like what you see...then buzz off...muahahhaa.....

midday ramblings...you can tell...how my mood is!!! hahhaa.....crab, crap?? woohoo!!

Simply You..

You make my heart flutter
When you reach for my hand
When you look into my eyes
When you just smile at me...

You blow me away
When you reach to hug me
When you whisper in my ear
When you just caress my hair...

You make me smile
When you have your silly antics
When you send me a message
When you just call to say hello

3 little words or sometimes just 2
Hope I don't spout them too often
For it is not of my intent
To make them lose their shine

Just those few words
Spoken with clarity
And presented to you
With the honesty of my heart

=======================
Hmm....feel there is a still a fence I have yet to cross?
A barricade I have yet to conquer? *ponders*... :)

more random stuff...

am in a fix...dunno what phone to get...prefer having a nokia still cos i'm totally used to them...also attracted to the samsung 730...but then super ex...heartache to spend tt much $$ on a phone...hope within the next few weeks, a nicer choice comes along...

==================
had a nice dinner with ahboy today...impromptu makan but glad for the wonderful time spent with him *hee*...missing him already...counting down to saturday when i'll next see him..sentosa here i come!

meantime though, my week is filled!! wednesday dinner with family..thursday..hmm..hvn't decided to skip class to watch superstar or not...friday night dnd and then woohoo!!~ supper and drinks with the rest..ahsan, kok, bro, win, crowey n peterpan...fun fun fun!!!

==================
do i have the words "come suan me" on my face??? somehow i'm a super easy target to kena suan by pple...damn..haha....today whole day kena by the rest in office...now got new nick somemore...mang-ga-li...not to be racist though...argh...

random-icity...

come to think of it...hmm....the sunday just past was a day of many "firsts"...

- 1st time i went swimming with him (the one in costa sands sentosa doesn't count)
- 1st time i went to hougang swimming pool
- 1st time i didn't put my things in a locker
- 1st time my hdph got stolen...
- 1st time i heard him utter so many cuss words in a single day...

haa...

====================
dang..monday n tuesday were kinda zombiefied for me...in office, think i was just floating around..did some stuff here and there..but nothing sat-sat...more menial tasks and admin duties...haa..partly cos the event's over liao...can rest for a day or two..but another one coming up...gotta run soon again...

====================
didn't forget about the manhattan lunch date..will ask crowey tmr...think thursday sounds like a good day...really, the things we talk about...putting it crassly..."sibei entertaining"..haa...changi & east coast..and joo chiat is a no-no...will remember that ya...hahahaha.....=p

====================
friday DnD coming..hmm...nothing to wear...not even dressing up i suppose..haa....chau geng man...

super sunday...

sunday morning breakfast at eunos...then went hougang for a much awaited swim...did my 20 laps...woohoo...spent a lovely lovely time with ahoboy in the pool talking away after our swim...spent time tanning...nuahing...tokking rot...

then f***...discovered our things were stolen at around 2pm...and that started our whole day of fiasco...went for lunch at 201..kinda succumbed to fate liaos..couldn't do much anyway...haa...then went to 462 NPP to report his losses...went back my place to cancel all his cards...called up ling n liet to get their spare phones...yada yada... settled replacement sim cards with M1...went to collect the cards...piangz...

supposed to hv been a relaxing sunday...ended up spending the whole day settling things...feel a lot for boy..sighz..like what he said....what an expensive tan..and well technically speaking..my ph is his too...i dun mind losing the phone..abit sore about the purple crystal though...and those sms-es in my inbox...and those long lost friends of which i'll never be able to get their contacts from other people!!

something boliaos...never heard so much cuss words from him before..what he uttered in a single day today was more than what he has uttered in front of me for the past 1.5 yrs man...haaa...

tmd..on saturday my posb atm card kena eaten up by the bloody machine...7th month...did i step on something suay? cun be right?? must go n buy flowers liao lah...bathe in them, soak in them..cleanse the bad luck away..argh...luckily i delayed my ops to the lunar 8th month...

next week better be a great week man...must go n buy 4d....make sure win big time...to cover boy's losses....

busy weekend...

packed weekend...

thursday night..went home around 1am..share cab with pq...by the time i slept was almost 2am..then got up at 530am friday morn (first alarm..) snoozed and then dozed off...got up with a shock around 630am...and rushed down tot suntec for the Microsoft TechEd event...

friday night..aft event, went for makan with ahsan, ahkok n win...went LPS...not bad lah..haa...a bunch of pple who can tok rot together...imagine tokking rot to a 40 yr-old..haa...quite fun...munching on satay and discussing about bosses, genting, gambling..blah blah blah...then rushed down to thomson to meet the uni gang at rohlin's place for gathering n desserts.....played 'taboo' and luffed our heads off..quite paiseh actually..haa...the other customers were all watching us...a bunch of silly cows moo-ing away..haha...left around 12plus..share cab with kym, xl n kaiping..

sibei shack....saturday concussed till 1pm...wouldn't have gotten up if ahboy didn't call me...rushed again to get ready to go meet the duckie babes at goodwood for dimsum...reache there..but well..lyd was super late (we left liao then she came), selin was sick, couldn't make it....not much of a gathering anyway...but still glad to see them for that short while...

then went to meet ahboy for the movie Perth at Lido...super slow show..but lim kay tong's conveyance of his emotions was quite good at times...went arab st to explore..parked ourselves at an arab restaurant and tried their dishes...quite ok lah..erm...haha....exotic...

so late still blogging???

Never knew
I had the capacity for such feelings
Of such varying spectrums
Till I met you

Love, happiness, contentment..
Disappointment, anger, wrath..
Bliss, excitement, delight..
Anticipation, eagerness, callousness..
Uncertainty, anxiousness, fear..
Hope, jealousy, faith..
Candidness, openness, joyfulness..
Paranoia, insecurity, worry..
Confusion, meekness, gratification..
Affection, lust, pleasure..
And the list goes on...

A means to an end?
Guess you brought out the best and worst in me..
Sides of myself I never knew existed..

==================
spent 1/3 of the working day chatting on MSN....find myself disgusting..and quite non-value-adding to the company..gosh...chatting abt bouncing titties and vibrating nipples..haa..not forgetting kissing and chewing....was luffing my head off..trying to do it in silent mode though cos was in an office environment...imagine the level of difficulty....(gal, u make me laugh man..haha...the things we tok about...=p)

went for the photoshop class..woohoo..interesting..looking 4wd to the next class on mon...aik lee told me to kope the software from brian..perhaps can kope flash and dw too...hmm...=) see if my charm can work or not..haa..

===================
didn't feel hungry but went to munch on some stuff anyway at Mac's..realised i was sipping tea and munching on fries and fish dippers soon after....pq came to join me...great time chatting..friends for 12 years and counting...will make it 50 yrs...=) godmas to each other's kids and gran-godmas to each other's grandchildren...

she's right too..what's a r/p if you can't express yourself fully & totally? and are burdened with the concern of what the other party will feel? sighz..ah well...one of the perils of life..guess it's these little things that add colour/spice to one's otherwise drab, mundane existence..i cun unknot myself...argh...

====================
*zzz* exhibition tmr again...8am at suntec...darn...it's almost 2am already....okok...smack my own backside...itchy finger...wanted to type something even though brain abit zapped out...okok...have to go sleep have to go sleep....zzzzz.......

random thoughts...

I am thankful for...
Having a roof over my head,
Being able to have my meals,
Being able to breathe and laugh and smile...

I am thankful for...
Having found a guy I simply adore,
Being able to love,
Being loved in return...

I am thankful for...
Having a family who cares,
Being able to walk,
Being able to run and job and skip...

I am thankful for...
Having my friends around me,
Being able to drink,
Being able to sing and dance and be merry...

Yes, I am thankful.

=================
Fun though tiring day at TechEd...was talking cock with ahsan, kok, lian n pui for most of the whole afternoon...think ahsan n kok are pretty easy to get along with..haa..didn't realise kok's got such a tendency to be crappy too...haha....the "cow down the hill" was the ultimate joke of the day man...haha...kantang version..

found out tt ahsan and his wife jalan for 8 years before tying the knot..in the midst of it..there was a 2.5 yr army stint..and ahsan's 2 yr overseas study trip...and they pulled it off all so nicely...feel happy for them...and yes, i can feel their happiness too...and yeah...admire his zest and drive...and bountiful energy..ahha...

=================
dinner was quite okay...catching up with pq and the rest...hmm...looking forward to the taiwan? japan? trip next year..hope it pulls through...been pretty long since i travelled...

kinda love TH's bag...abit big for me lah...but colour and all ..damn nice... :) but ex also...hmm..Le Coq Sportif...wonder if I should get it...a smaller version if there is...

hmm....wasted...

Heard from Lawrence that "Tamade" has closed down!!!...was actually thinking of treating ahboy for makan there for his bday...thought it would be nice to go back there..cos we've never been back there together ever since that wonderful time in April 2004.. =(

No fun. *pouts*

wham bham slam...

"Acceptance, not resignation, is a beautiful thing to have....Insecurities still comes once in a while, the same with self-consciousness, emptiness, confusion and doubts about your destiny and future. It bothers, it disturbs, but it never eats me up."

Got this from a friend's blog...(hope you don't mind ya gal)...But the first sentence just hit me with a wham...kinda like a "half-full, half-empty" paradox type of statement...threw me off my feet...just felt it was powerful...and well...as to insecurities and doubts and confusion...hmm...seems like they are still prevalent within me...rearing their ugly heads from time to time...laying dormant at other times...it bothers, it disturbs, it irritates and sad to say, it does chew me up sometimes...and well..this period of time is one of those times I think…

Try as I might, I still have not gotten to the state of mind where I am entirely comfortable with who I am and what I am...in certain ways, somehow, I am still a gawky awkward teenager trying to fit in...and grow up..and i still have difficulty expressing my feelings in person...frustrating but darn darn true... Going by Maslow’s hierarchy of needs..think I’ll need lotsa work to hit Tier 4 : self-esteem…and whoa, needless to say…Tier 5 : self-actualisation..

=====================
walking the streets of raffles place and boat quay on a not-so-crowded weekday night is quite interesting in its own right...no hustle n bustle..no rushing executives and high-strung peeps zipping about..no pushy sales people approaching you... kinda surprised me that I actually enjoyed just taking a slow walk along the streets..and along the office buildings…just him and me and the night ahead…:) relaxing and chillin’…

========================
“Doubts about someone close to you might have no real evidence, but nevertheless, you just can't shake a certain feeling you have. That's fine -- just don't jump to any conclusions without evidence.”

My horoscope for today..hmm…spot on…

=========================
Gonna clear some work before I hit the sack…tmr’s gonna be a tiring day…have to stand whole day…and act knowledgeable haha…dinner at billy bomber’s tmr..change of plans..shit man, hope dun put on weight…been eating…

Disparity

Equilibrium…balance…in equal parts…
Nothing seems to be in equilibrium now
Perchance I need to let the head rule
I do not comprehend
Though I try to my utmost

The heart is weak
As petals droop and wither away
I feel vulnerable
Shivering and meek and dazed
Brooding in morose silence

I am trying
Perhaps not hard enough
God grant me strength and the will
Odds I will weather
And rivers I must cross

To reach the other side
Of greener pastures
And rolling clouds
So oft heard of
Near and yet so remote

I wIll Survive

I Will Survive - Cake

At first I was afraid
I was petrified
I kept thinking I could never live without you
By my side
But then I spent so many nights
Just thinking how you've done me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to get along

And so you're back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you
Here without that look upon your face

I should have changed my f*ckin' lock
I would have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me

Well now go,
Walk out the door
Just turn around
Now, you're not welcome anymore

Weren't you the one
Who tried to break me with desire?
Did you think I'd crumple?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh not I,
I will survive
Yeah
As Long as I know how to love,
I know I'll be alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
I will survive,
I will survive
Yeah, yeah

It took all the strength I had
Just not to fall apart
I'm trying hard to mend the pieces
Of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry,
But now I hold my head up high

And you see me
With somebody new
I'm not that stupid little person
Still in love with you
And so you thought you'd just drop by
And you expect me to be free
But now I'm saving all my lovin'
For someone whose lovin' me

Well now go,
Walk out the door
Just turn around
Now, you're not welcome anymore

Weren't you the one
Who tried to break me with desire?
Did you think I'd crumple?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh not I,
I will survive
Yeah
As long as I know how to love,
I know I'll be alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
I will survive,
I will survive
Yeah, yeah
Oh no

==========
soothing to the senses
salvation to the soul
if love is the dance floor
then god is the deejay...

need to vent....

the day started out fine...got up earlier than usual...dunno why...forgot that i had to meet up with the temp girl too..but anyway...was abit zombified..eyes were smarting and kept yawning...popped by raffles place for lunch with sherwin..haa..long time nv kacheow him..supposed to have gone soup spoon or sakae...then long queues..ended up at obriens at singapore land tower...was nice catching up with him..and hearing his experience at the tsunami...hmm...must have really changed his outlook on life man..

rushed back to work for the event brief...thought it went quite well...was in good spirits...popped by PS with win aft that to source for event props..then my old injury started acting up...when i was wearing one of my highest heels...damn...was walking around with a hobble..trying to find fishbowls and ping pong balls...wtf??

anyway...gave up and rushed back to ofc...only to find out along the way back that the photoshop class had been postponed...imagine me with a black face..walking with a hobble and clutching a bag of ping pong balls and breadtalk (which was supposed to be my dinner before the class)...sighz...was sulking even more when i found out about the postponement...

stayed back to clear some stuff till 8plus...was walking to tjg pgr mrt & realised my foot still hurt...even from tamp mrt to the interchange, i was hobbling...damn unglam..haa...

==============
was thinking, kinda felt bad for rejecting an overly-eager, overly zealous young punk from a finance firm trying to get me to play some stupid game...but hey...the least was that i think i rebuffed him in a nice way...

==============
read an article in IS today...about a cabby who had a wife and 2 teenage kids...but yet...had a gf for the past 16 yrs...16 yrs!!!! wat crap??? and he made a comment to the journalist "...and then how do you think i managed to survive and be alive and kicking all these years?" wtf lor....i mean, there's just so much injustice in this world...it's god-damn sad when you read of stuff like this...and sherwin was also sharing with me..his ex-classmate of the same age as me...just committed suicide last month cos she found out her husband was having an affair...

I mean...where's the sancticity in marriage?? is monogamy that difficult? really leads me to thinking...wat if you married the wrong person? is divorce the way to go? or some just choose to hold on cos of some responsibilities....sigh...am feeling agitated...especially when i recall the cabby's words...if i were the wife and i heard those words coming from a man i lived my life for...my heart would have just broken into pieces on the spot...

==============
another thing to kao beh about...some people just need to learn to shut up..and mind their own business...and not poke their noses into anything and everything they come across...wat's worse is if this is your co-worker.........am losing patience......simply unnerving.........though i admit she's got her nice points as well........sighz...

the last day of the week already...argh....that's sad....

dinner was at Manhattan Fish Market @ PS. Same concept as Fish & Co. Nothing diff. Even the platters are similar...think Fish & Co's platter is still nicer though...

Was tired from the activities of the past two days... but to a certain extent the dinner was okay...great to see Will and his antics again...dun know where he gets so much drive and energy from...he simply thrives on challenges...which is great in a way...Eric too..nice to know he's doing so well in his career...this one lagi terror...his determination just blows my mind...

Will asked me something..."don't u wanna be your own boss? you wanna work forever meh?" I've never really thought about it that much..am i just a simple girl or am i simply bo chup..? Working for others is not so bad afterall right? I mean, there are upsides & downsides to everything...hmm... perhaps I'm just a plain jane content with skimming along the waves and not making the waves...

Will's gf was nice..kinda reminded me of Kelly Cho..same skin, same hair..same eyes..hmm.. thought they were sisters at first...nan's bf..quite quiet..cept when it came to the part when we played "Qian Bian Wen Da Ti"..haa...

wow..hope I have the energy to go through next week..think it'll be a whirlwind ride...chicken essence is gonna be my staple diet man..haa...and shucks..my toes are blue-black...haa...
here's the plan...mon, thurs go for course, wed meet pq & gang for din, fri meet dan & gang for din, tuesday go for jog!! saturday meet duckie babes for dimsum...am really hoping the swim is on next sunday...and that'll complete my week ahead...hmm...maybe saturday after tt can meet ahboy for movie...=D jiang hu ah sao...though susan said not nice....ah well..for the heck of it....hee....great..got my week all drafted out....=)))

HB said something to me..."chey..ur blog not juicy one"...well..put it this way...to each his own...blogging...hmm... perhaps it's just another outlet to vent certain stuff...other stuff are just kept in my heart..and yet other stuff i share with friends and loved ones directly...and well..it's just another medium to capture some moments of my life so that next year when i look back...i'll remember certain poignant moments in times gone by...makes sense? like i said...to each his own....and anyway haha...his ain't juicy either! :)

hmm...am thinking if i shd catch chelsea & arsenal till the end..no lah..think not....else tmr i'll be zombified...then again...when have i not been? haha...okok...better be disciplined...

*zzz*...

..bee-zee....

Let's see...

It's been quite a feast over the past two days with Ling & gang...Friday night's dinner was at Esplanade's hawker area...as usual...the sinful stuff like char kway teow, orh luak, hokkien mee, sambal kang kong, la-la, cockles, ngor hiang..did i miss out anything? hmm...oh ya...sambal stingray! =D makaned...tok rot..makan somemore..tok more rot....then went over to Aria next to Harry's...ordered drinks and tok even more rot....haa...much fun n laughter n simple joy...

The drinks were quite fun in their own right..haa...we ordered the weird weird exotic stuff we could find on the menu...things like choc & vodka which came in a martini glass, pearadise which also came in a martini glass...some funny mint & midori mix...etc...and most importantly...hahaha....we managed to snag the sofa seats..woohoo.....sea breeze..music...sofa seats...bunch of "tokable" friends...drinks...wat more can you ask for on a perfect chilling lounging friday night??

Saturday...was abit draggy....kel n ling came late..then slowly made our way to sentosa...met up with gail, adrian along the way...and then wham, reach thr, met up with binggen n susan...then voila..we had like err....15mins or sun...and then it was cloudy all the way...wat a disappointment...dinner was at Bedok Corner...gorged ourselves silly again like the night before..and then..haha...popped by Adrian's place for mahjong...well...haha...for Ling, Gail & I , it was more like lessons...

Sunday is here...adrian, mei n marc just left...as usual, my floor's littered with toys...of which i've to pick up n keep...woke up this morn with a bad stomachache...went toilet twice since morn already...sighz...too much eating over past two days?? am tired...wanna go snooze for awhile...i've been black-eyed for as long as I can remember...

oh...decided to sit in for tomorrow's photoshop class...woohoo.....here i come!!!

mid-day thoughts...

You are just like
The icing on a cake...
The cherry on a sundae...
The vanilla on a brownie...

Seeing you just makes my day
That much brighter
Having you around me just makes it all
That much chirpier

Just thought I'd let you know that
I'm missing you
Mushy, cliched and over-the-mill
But oh so real...

Am wondering how are you?
How's your day been so far?
Are you going for lunch soon?
How's the workload today?

And you know what?
Wish I could hug you now
Grab you tight in a huge bear hug
And not let go... =)

...sardonicism...

look like a high-class cockroach...somehow always get into such situations...argh...jasper jasper...wat did you do to me???

visited mama yday..haa...she's getting fatter...tt's nice to know...=D but hearing's getting from bad to worse...hmm...no way to solve that though...

this is the first year that I'm not attending hallball...and that I don't feel that I'm missing out on anything...guess I've grown out of it...and the attachment to it...

buck up buck up...can't wallow in the mud always and get stuck in a rut...not doing justice to myself at all...
aaahhhhh....this is so frustrating...who to turn to?? what to do?? negating negativity...how to? cultivating positivity...how to?

tuesday...

jialat...i start the morning thinking of 6pm...i start monday thinking of friday...tsk tsk...

had a nice dinner with pq just now..think i'm such a fuddy duddy..wennt to Phin's again...but i'm secretly in love with the cod fish there..they must have drugged the food there..makes me wanna back thr ever so often...bopian hahha...had fun tokking rot n luffing...and hearing each other out...hmm..must do this more often...though all are busy bees..feel bad..made her wait for me again...always the case, when u're off rushing to meet someone..all the discussions n meetings have to take place...

had a teary moment in the morn...sighz...what's new from the ever emotional me? the one who can't control her feelings?

anyways...have to go work now...yeah yeah..vet through brochure again...hate hate hate it...
till here...

So alone..

So alone..
Whiskers of the night
Trapezing across the land..

So alone..
Bare walls greet me
My cough echoes through the house..

So alone..
The sound of the TV
Reverberates awkwardly though the silence..

So alone..
As a gust blows
And the curtains sway hauntingly..

So alone..
A lonely black ant crawls on my table
Ah..my sole companion for the night..

So alone..
I crave for silence yet
I'm afraid of loneliness..

So alone..

...blar blar blar...

"When you get a chance, take a look out the window. Looks pretty good doesn't it? In fact, everything's looking pretty good. Try to take a few minutes to walk around outside and find all the beauty out there."

That's my horoscope today...hmm...sounds interesting...perhaps things ain't always as bad as they seem..just need some time to take a breather and have a go at it again...

Things were pretty uneventful today...somehow had a nagging backache in the afternoon.. wonder if it's my heels...hmm...don't think so though..my posture? my sleeping position?...argh... certain angles just makes me grimace...getting old?? damn...even now as i sit, certain angles make me squirm...hope it gets better tmr...

went for a short short short jog just now...wondering y myself...i guess i had the mood..wanted to vent frustrations..had nothing to do anyway..and well..a little bit of exercise goes a long way...

frustrated cos well..you spend time and $$ doing something..then the people at the top keep changing their mind...then it makes u seem like as if what you're doing is nonsensical crap...and it kinda reflects not very good on you??...and it's shit...this cycle's been going on and on since like what?? half a year ago????? run, chase, update...change, run and chase again...update...change again...run again....

had my appraisal done this afternoon by ET...didn't exactly sit down and go through per se..more like she filled it up, I filled it up...then pass to boss to fill it up...then hoorah!! we're over and done with it....hmm...not entirely pleased...nope..not at all...things you put effort in ends up not really being recognised..things you don't put effort in earns you points....irony big time...but well...life ain't a bed of roses...hmm...cun complain too much...

made an appt to cut my hair on Wednesday..decided to take half day instead of full day...yeah, ahboy made sense...think if i force myself up early...i'll have a more fulfilling day ahead...filled with running errands, praying and cutting hair and hmm..shopping? haa...

feel like highlighting with blondish streaks but kinda apprehensive of how it'll be when it grows out...cos I can't have chemicals touching my scalp for many months to come...then like that when it grows out..it's not gonna look that great...hmm....fodder for thought...

it's funny...how at certain points in time..people you've not heard from for a period of time suddenly pop up again in your life at the same time and ask you out for meals...sunday's horoscope was right..i have to make sure my social life ain't too hectic haa...

enough crap for today...shall go lounge.......

~I will be happy. I will be strong~