Waiting. Attendre.

Saturday evening. Vivocity.

It was a long and frustrating wait for him to arrive.

Slightly more than one hour.

I don't enjoy waiting for others for so long.

A time has been set, stick to it.

Why bother putting a time in the first place?

And "go shopping" is not always a way to brush me off.

I hate crowds. I dislike swarms of people milling about this way and that.

It makes me giddy and disoriented.

The noise gets to me and I get distracted and irritable.

And "go shopping" on Saturday evenings is not a likeable option.

Not when you have a big bag of textbooks, a dictionary, a water bottle and some notes.

I did what a lonely frustrated woman would do in such a circumstance.

I found a seat.

In a relatively quiet place.

The steps leading to the Harbourfront MRT station.

Pathetic perhaps.

But it's a reprieve from the chaos inside the mall.

And I had fresh air to breathe in.
Plus I had a rubbish bin for company.

Nice and quiet.

Sarah Mc Lachlan's "Angel" (sung live in concert) lasts for about 5minutes 49seconds.
It was on repeat mode.
I listened to it for at least 10 times or maybe 11 times or even 12 before he appeared.

free the mind

I dislike it when people assume all public service personnel are super free.
I don't know about those in ministries but I think those in statutory boards do work hard.

There are always busy and lull periods, much akin to private organisations.

It doesn't mean that public service personnel = sibei free.

Sigh, the world, societies and cultures will never be rid of stereotypes and generalisations.

Oh yes, and who made me launch this mini tirade? None other than one of my ex-bosses whom I met this morning. Go figure. Where else have I worked in that is also based in Suntec?
Gave him my opinions and he just gave a wry smile...

My parting shot as usual was "Don't smoke so much"....
Purpleskies should know this..ha.

More About English

Lest I repeat the same booboo the last time round...Let me clarify, I got this off an email.. :)

============
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is UP.

It's easy tounderstand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?
Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP. To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for my time is UP, so -- it is time to shut UP!

Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis

Closed off from love

I didn't need the pain

Once or twice was enough

And it was all in vain

Time starts to pass

Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened

For the very first time with you

My heart melted into the ground

Found something true

And everyone's looking 'round

Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear

But they talk so loud

Their piercing sounds fill my ears

Try to fill me with doubt

Yet I know that their goal

Is to keep me from falling

Hey, yeah!

But nothing's greater

Than the rush that comes with your embrace

And in this world of loneliness I see your face

Yet everyone around me

Thinks that I'm going crazy

Maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open

And it's draining all of me

Oh they find it hard to believe

I'll be wearing these scars

For everyone to see

I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the pain

That I keep all closed in

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

Of Blades

Hope to embark on blading lessons soon with Ally...
Been talking about learning for ages...

There'll be wrath from parents if they find out.

But...fuck it.

I need to do things for myself sometimes.

Class 95FM

I don't usually listen to CLass 95 in the mornings.

I made an exception today because I needed some energy and music to distract me, to soothe me, to calm me, to blah blah blah...

Else the emotionally unstable me might just flood my cubicle area with salty tears haha.
I think the monthly cycle is fast approaching and seriously doing loads of bullshit to my nerves.

And so Glenn and FD did a good job in putting smiles on my face.. :)

Of Friendships

It’s been an emotional few weeks. There’ll be stuff I won’t mention.

And then there are the stuff which everyone feels in one way or another but some won’t take the effort to rectify things. Maybe ‘rectify’ is a wrong word to use. ‘Improve’ might be a better choice.

I’ve known Ally & PQ for like 15 years. We friggin like grew up together, explored fashion and cosmetics together, studied together, hung out together, pontang together, yada yada...And then the usual thing happens: we grow up, we go to different schools, we develop different perspectives and priorities in life, we end up in very different environments, we get to know new people and make new friends, we start working in different places, you get the drift…

Things change, people change. And I guess, it did dawn on me that I was a piece of plywood which broke off from the main pile and I was being carried away by the currents. But the grey matter I carry in my head doesn’t seem to work well in such situations. I didn’t really know what to do and so I did what most complain queens would do. I lamented, I was frustrated, I was somewhat upset and disappointed, I was a little jaded BUT I didn’t do anything constructive about it. I just let things run on its own.

Till I received a lashing out from PQ in mid 2006. At least I think it was then. It was a miserable time, big tiff with wm, followed by tiff with PQ. But it was a wake-up call of sorts. I ‘d been too preoccupied with wm and work and other stuff..I’d neglected my best buds and well, there was no excuse for that…

But I’m glad that such ties, once there, are always there...We all just have to work harder to polish it a little here and there to keep things in tip top condition…A little more time, a little more effort here and there does make a difference.

I sent Ally an SMS yday…”Ally..luv u! I’ve never said it before...” Lol...I think she went like “huh???” cos it was so out of the blue.. haha.

I’ll endeavour yah to keep things going stronger…I will. :)

From Michelle to Michelle

I opened my mailbox this morning to find an email...

Sent from myself to myself...with the Subject Title of "Cheer Up"

And I went like huh??? The email messgae went to read on as:

Bubbly greetings from the Email Server...I live in the machiinnnneeee.....wwooooo!!

It must be HC!!!!
Trust these technical folks to spoof your email address and manipulate the email server to do such a thing.... hahahaa..

But it brought a smile to my face..:)

Thanks HC for everything and for being so sensitive haha...

Guan Yin Temple & Breko & Contacts

Am on half day today..so I went to Guan Yin Temple to pray after I left office.

Been a long time since I went back there. So I thought I'd better make some prayers and offerings before the year closes. I didn't expect myself to stay there for close to 30minutes as it's usually a pray, offer, leave kind of thing.

I kneeled on the prayer floor today and prayed to Guan Yin. It's always surreal when you "talk" to her amidst all the noise surrounding you but yet you feel like you're alone there and speaking to her.

I felt tears well up and tried to control to no avail...some tears escaped from the lids of my eyes..
I didn't feel at peace after praying...but I prayed that I would get some peace and directions soon. The heart is heavy and messed up at this point in time and it's a very distracting thing.

=======
Sat at Breko for a late lunch of a Salmon Salad at 230pm.
Studied French there for the next 1h40mins before leaving shortly after 4pm to head back Tampines.

Salad was disappointing but the Earl Grey tea was good.

=======
Contact lenses. A year's supply just set me back by $200.
Sigh. Maybe I should really consider Lasik as a long-term measure...

The morning

Spoke to PQ on the phone for an hour just now..She knows now.
Walked out of office at 1020am and sat downstairs in front of the taxi stand to talk to her.
I think countless taxi drivers and some passers-by saw my tears.

A mad woman wearing an IDA jacket, in a pair of unglam office slippers, sitting by the taxi stand crying and talking into the phone.

The talk didn't really help cos it's something I need to settle on my own. But it was still good to have someone on the other end of the line hearing you out. I only grabbed a piece of tissue when I made my way downstairs after she called me. So I had to go to Coffee Bean to get a serviette to use. Abit "lang bei".

Went back to my seat and in less than 5 minutes it started to rain. Lagi "lang bei". Had to go into the building and find a corner to stand & talk to her.

Things just ain't going my way.

From an Email...

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife : ' Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes ! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he hurts you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you ! '

His wife responds : ' He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.

He told me that he's gay, and he thinks you're cute. He asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. You be strong, honey. I love you, too. '

Nobody Knows.

I hope this period tides over soon.

I hope things get settled.

And I hope everything will turn out okay.

Nobody knows. Only me and my shadow.

Everytime a step forward is taken, something happens to make it 2 steps back.

I am tired. I don't know what to expect anymore.

Losing faith is one thing. Losing trust is another.

I pray for strength and guidance and directions.

For I know not what to do nor what to expect anymore.

@#$#$&^(*&(&^*(^%

I just cleared $2,500 in insurance fees.

I was charged $90 for a 5-min consultation with the heart specialist today for my annual check-up at the National Heart Centre.

I will be charged $350 for a scan I'm slated to go for next week.

There's two weddings coming up for two close friends. Read: BIG ang pows are inevitable.

Nabeh.

I will be spending my whole month's salary and more...in the month of November.

They better not cut my pay in light of the recession. Else I'll cuss even more.

Alma Mater

HC, Rich & I went to NTU today for a meeting. We were looking for attachment students for our company.

It was a sight to behold.
Lol...It's been officially about 6.5 years since I went back to Canteen B..
Some stalls are different, some the same. Seats looked the same but there were nicer walls and some areas had nicer seats..

What puzzled me the most was the crowd.
I expected more chio bus as would the Buiness girls usually be. I expected more locals.

But all I saw was PRCs...hordes of them.
Maybe it's the school hols already hmm mmm....Dunno.

We had to cut through some tutorial rooms..Brought back not very happy memories though haha.

We had to climb up a bloody flight of stairs to get to the Student Affairs Office.

Wah lau. After 6 yers, I'd already forgotten how climbing those stairs was.
Or how hilly NTU can be. I was in pointy pumps. Low heels but the hike up the hilly terrain was still not very welcoming. haha...

It was nice. Very nice to drive past Chinese Heritage Centre, to go past Hall One and to see a girl wearing a Hall One T-Shirt...
Felt like asking her if they had an extra Hall One Tee for me hhaa...
It was nice seeing my old Lecture theatre...now happily renamed as Lee Kong Chian Theatre..

But most of all, it was nice sitting in Canteen B.
Taking in the air, taking in the sight of students writing notes and rushing some assignments.
It was nice drinking teh-o that cost $0.30. Where the hell can you find those prices outside of schools??
It was nice seeing the tables where I used to study at till the wee hours of the morning.

Memories...:)

Year In Year Out

A little sunny smile!
A little beam!
A little cheer!
Things are moving forward and I'm mighty glad.
Time to focus.
Time to think.
Time to plan for the year ahead.
Priorities, mission, vision, values, GOALS.
Been thinking on and off though not too much as yet
As my main focus is now on the upcoming exams and "the issue".
The man and I each bought a little horoscope book yesterday.

Dragon for him and Monkey for me.
We've only taken a short glance through,
But so far 2009 seems good with stars shining bright in certain months.
Career seems excellent and that is a comforting thought.
More to come at the end of the year,
When concrete plans and objectives and GOALS will be made!!

Le Discussion est Fini...Au Moins Pour Actuellement

The discussion is over, at least for now...

The issue was brought up for discussion yesterday..
With the parents..
I've been a ball of nerves for the past week or so
And I'm really glad the discussion is over

It went well...Cos the man has top-notch speaking skills.
Something which I sorely lack.
And which I cannot seem to be able to brush up on..

Guess I'm still someone who expresses better in writing or thoughts..
Try to translate that into words and it just gets the tongue entangled..

It will be a busy time ahead...
Trying at times, happy at times and perhaps also frustrating at times as well.

*keeps fingers crossed*
May everything go smoothly...:)

Danny boy and the shell

It has been a few days since I laughed out loud and had a bounce to my step…
The dinner with Daniel helped quite abit…
We were crapping about things and he was updating me with his stuff…both work & personal
It felt so sisterly actually lol…

I totally heart Daniel~!! hhaa..my bitching and crapping partner!!

Aerin’s at Raffles City is my new favourite place for meals…Cosy, with lighting just dim enough to make you feel a tad light-headed.

He was the only one whom I shared my recent stresses with. And I was mighty glad he had his ears for me last night. :)

I was the usual goofy furball during lunch today. Running & jumping around..laughing at the lunch table, picking on others and vice versa.

Come to think of it, I miss the cheerful side of me!
May this side of me rear its head more often! haha

Opps!!!! Part 2

Opps!

This lil fella brought a huge smile to my face today...:)

Jazzy Jazz

I have been going home with Jamie in the past few days...
Jamie Cullum that is...
It's been months since I've actively listened to his songs...
From the "Twentysomething" CD he launched in 2004.

Anyway, with the rainy, dreamy cool weather
It's nice listening to the likes of Elaine Elias, Michael Buble, Diana Krall, and Jamie Cullum...

Jazzy jazzy days ahead...