I was walking home earlier tonight.
And at a cross junction, I saw an old man. With a walking stick. The kind which branches out into 4 other legs about 5 inches from the floor.
He was ambling and wanting to cross the road. No. He was shuffling. No. I can't find the right word. Let's just say each step he took was probably only about 4-5 inches wide.
I was waiting for my green man to appear and was crossing from South to North. He was crossing from West to East. I was staring at him, fearing for him. How the hell was he going to make it to the other side before the green man changed to red?
I was undecided. I wanted to walk with him. I didn't know what to do. I was so worried for him. My heart went out to him but my feet stayed rooted to the ground. I still didn't know if I should go forward or not.
By that time, a few others were watching too. From where I was, from the opposite side of the road, from within vehicles.
The green man stopped blinking and changed to red. He still wasn't even halfway across the road, only 3-quarters of the way to the middle island where the green railings are usually placed.
Everyone was staring. I could feel it in them too. Everybody felt for him but somehow didn't move forward to be with him or to hold him or to guide him. A young girl next to me was undecided too. I could see it in the way she stood and faced him, as I did.
The cars had started moving by now. Some couldn't move because of him, others veered around him. Some were turning into his lane but couldn't. One asshole of a motorbike rider was honking at him.
By that time, my own green man had appeared and it was time for me to cross. I crossed, as did the few others who were with me. Each of us took furtive glances back at the old man. Undeniably to see how he was doing and to see if he was okay.
He had reached the midway point by now and was just standing motionless there. One hand on his walking stick. The other cluthing his sling bag close to his body. The cars moved. In front of him and behind him. It felt harrowing just seeing him there. So frail and helpless amidst the traffic.
And then in what seemed like forever, his green man appeared again. The cars stopped. People started crossing from West to East and from East to West again. And he started shuffling again to get to other side of the road. Hopefully before the red man appeared.
When his green man appeared, it seemed like a signal. Everyone who was watching anxiously suddenly went about their ways as usual. No more glances back at him. No more walking slowly just to be around just in case something happened to him. Everything went back to normal.
I continued crossing the road, albeit still with some glances back at the old man. When I reached the other side, I stood and watched him from a distance as he snailed along.
Only when he reached the other side safely did I turn to continue with my journey home.
My heart felt heavy though. I was disappointed in myself. It was not the first time that I was caught in such a situation. Of wanting to offer help but not knowing how and not knowing whether I should or not. And ending up just standing there watching from a distance, wishing the other party well and praying for them.