Please go back to sleep darling

The little one seems quite content in my arms now, at 5am, after fussing for the last hour and a half. She sure knows how to choose the "best" times for fussing. Zzzzz.

Granny

Granny was discharged from hospital yesterday afternoon. 

And I thank the Lord for that. 

She's at her thinnest ever I think. Sigh. 

Fuzzy Wuzzy

You know your brain is quite muddle-fuddled from lack of sleep when, at 445am in the morning while trying to put a struggling, fussy and wide-awake baby to sleep, you start thinking about the most random of things and feeling a little sorry for an acquaintance who happens to be named Penny. 

I can imagine the taunts and ribbings she might have gone through during her school years. I mean, I went through a phase when silly hormonal teenage boys kept saying to me "Michelle, do you know where my pen is?" (Translation: pen is = penis)

I mean. 

"Do you know where Penny's pen is?"

Wonder if she went through it. Hmm..,

Growing up

"Sometimes, you have to shut up, swallow your pride and accept that you are wrong. It's not called giving up. It's called growing up."

Siphoned this off a friend's Facebook status.  

I wonder how many people can do this? 

And yes, it gets harder to do this the older you get. 

This past week

This past week has been...not sure how to describe it...

There's the rigour of looking after Little Baby.

And the various health scares she gave us.

And then Mum wasn't feeling well and even went A&E twice. 

And today, Granny was warded for urinary tract infection and a mild heart attack. 

Sigh. 

Dad has been running around. I hope he's doing ok. 

May God bless my family and keep them safe and sound. 

There's a first time for everything

Changing a soiled diaper for a squirming and screaming baby in a moving car. At 9am on a Monday morning on the CTE amidst the morning traffic.

Sibei challenging! lol...

But I did it! 

4G

One of my wishes has been fulfilled.

We brought Little Baby to visit her great-grandmother this morning. Dad was there as well and I made sure we took a photo for posterity. 4 generations in one pic. 

It was regrettable though that the oldest was half asleep. She saw the little one but probably couldn't and didn't register in her mind that this is her youngest great-grandchild. Heck, she couldn't even recognise Dad and I. The youngest too was sleeping and didn't really "see" who her great-grandma is.

Well, at least they've "met". And I am very glad for that.

Fiak

Rant post.

Patience wearing thin. Feeling very very stifled today. The room seems to be getting smaller. Too many hands. Too many voices. Too much noise. Too much of others trying to be in control or attempting to "help". Too many unspoken words hidden in other words. Need to vent. Right now the only avenue is this virtual space. Wishing really badly that I was alone in the house with just the little one. Waking up on the wrong side of the bed really jars up the system. God grant me patience. 

Wahlan.

NB NB NB NB NB NB. 

Ahhhhhh Shitfuck.

What's the point of saying "call me if you need help?" when you don't mean it? I don't call and you still come up anyway. So what's the friggin point of saying it? 

There, I feel slightly better. I think.

One of those days

This is one of those days where you wake up feeling less than ideal - physically, mentally and emotionally.

But hey, life still needs to go on. The little one still needs to be cared for. People (read: in-laws) still need to be managed. My own parents still need my concern. Personal administrative things still need to be done. And, the list goes on.....

Ganbatte.

Fighting.

Jiayou.

!!!

P/s: looking like shit. Can't remember the last time I remembered to apply face moisturizer...or body moisturizer for that matter. Personal grooming has taken a backseat for now and the nest on my head seems to have morphed into a wavy mop.

Confinement Nanny

Feeling amused, touched, grateful and loved all at the same time.

The confinement nanny, Auntie Chiew Fong, left about a week ago. Her daughter works in sales and regularly drives into Singapore to deliver goods to her clients. Today auntie followed her daughter into Singapore and since she was in SG, she decided to give me a ring. Sort of as a follow-up to see how I am and how the little one is doing. 

She ended the call with "那你多多保重啊!"

So sweet lah...excellent customer service with after-sales support haha. 

Either that or she's feeling grateful that I recommended 2 friends to her or perhaps my angpow to her was generous? Lol...

Musings from a new parent

- You can't really consider yourself a parent yet unless you've been vomitted on, peed on, drooled on, farted at, sneezed at and...(insert other bodily excretions).

- You're disheveled half the time. Sorry, make that all the time.

- When your little one falls asleep in your arms, you feel like you're the greatest person in the world.

- When your little one gets extremely agitated and you can't do anything to soothe or alleviate whatever discomfort she is facing, you feel like the shittiest failure in the world. 

- You cringe when you hear others speaking and coo-ing in high-pitched baby talk, but you yourself somehow end up morphing into baby-talk mode as well. Oh well, double standards. ;p

- You suddenly discover a whole new creative side of yourself you never knew existed. And it usually appears right at those desperate moments when you're trying to entertain/distract/calm/soothe/pacify your little one. 

- You find the minutes, hours and days slipping by more quickly than they ever did before. 

- You never knew you could go on even when you're doggone tired and your lids are falling shut.

- You realise that most, if not all, mothers somehow naturally band/bond together. It's an unwritten code, an invisible glue of sorts. "I understand what you're going through. I've been through it. You'll get through it like how we all did. Hugs." 

Yay!

It's Tuesday today. Glad to say this: Yay! We survived a week without the confinement nanny already!

Many trying and tiring moments for K and I, but we're roughing it out together and that's what counts. 

Special shout-out to my mum who has provided much help too.

脸色差

当然啦，心里现在抱着不满，埋怨，愤怒， 不耐烦，等等不开心的feeling。。。

也有打抱不平的感觉。。。

害得我现在也睡不着。

也许，我的tipping point/boiling point 要到了。

News at 3am

Nanny forgot about my expressed milk and didn't feed it to the little one. Had to throw it away...:(

Wasted effort in pumping, Sigh. Sibei sad. 

"Control Freak"

The partial definition, pieced together from various sources, of which is:

Control freaks rarely know that they are one. They believe they are helping with their "constructive criticism" or taking over a project because "no one will do it right". They don't see their controlling behaviors as symptoms of what's really going on - their own anxieties running amok. 

In some cases, the control freak sees their constant intervention as beneficial or even necessary; this can be caused by feelings of separation or departure from one whom loved, believing that others are incapable of handling matters properly, or the fear that things will go wrong if they do not attend to every detail. 

In other cases, they may simply enjoy the feeling of power it gives them so much that they automatically try to gain control of everything and everyone around them.

Core elements of a controlling or bossy person include a lack of trust in others and their abilities, a feeling of superiority, a need to criticize and a liking of power. They tend to think they are entitled to being in charge and to bossing around others. 

If they are disrespectful, arrogant in tone, pushy and dictatorial, this is a sign that the person is controlling rather than requesting, negotiating and respecting. 

Keep going

"If you're going through hell, keep going. " - Winston Churchill

This was on a friend's FB status. 

Winston Churchill made this remark during WW2, when the UK was facing uncertainty about the war, with Nazi Germany conquering France. So in that context, in the face of adversity, have faith, hope and confidence in yourself. :)

I like this quote. 

Quite timely too. 

Midnight Gasp

Tmd! Supply dwindling again??!!

Now I have to restart the 3-hourly expressing again?? 

Mega bleah. 

Hope

I hope we manage to teach, guide and care for our child the way we intend to.

Others may have their own thoughts about how we should do things, but I do hope that they also respect our ideas, views and decisions made for OUR child. Not his, not hers, not theirs. OUR child.  

Going forward, I hope things will be followed through based on the parameters we set. If not, things will get ugly. 

Afternoon musings

Wonder if a person's lack of trust in the ability of others is the cause of bossiness in the same said person. 

But I do think that a person's lack of trust in the ability of others definitely exacerbates the said person's bossiness. 

*pant*

Challenging day so far. And it's only 2pm. Was thrown some curveballs as well. Great opportunities for learning although I still suck big-time at things.

Nvm, bring it on!! 

要拼才会赢!!

Fighting!!