I need a break. I need sleep.

I've not had a good night's sleep for close to 3 years.

Since Nadya was born, I wake anywhere between 1 to 3 times a night. Usually it's 1-2 times. On bad nights, especially after Alyssa arrived, it could even be 3-4 times a night. I'm thankful these bad nights are rare and don't happen often.

But still, waking up 1-2 times each night for 3 years is taking a toll on my body.

People in office tell me all the time "You look sleepy" or "You look tired" or "You look like you need rest" or "You look like you need a break"...

I also know...I want a break.
I want to sleep. I want to sleep 7 to 8 hours straight.

During maternity, I could still nap for a good 1-2 hours during the day.

Now at work I make do with being a zombie half the time.

Not good at all. I am unproductive and I can feel my brain cells just giving up on themselves, preferring to go into zombie mode rather than get involved in some intellectual thought processes.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm doing a half-assed job both at home and at work. Mainly because I'm sleepy and tired half the time in office. And I'm sleepy and tired half the time at home.

Like wtf?

Something's gotta give. But what?
I definitely don't want my health to be at the shorter end of the stick.

It's not helping too that I'm the only one who can settle N back to sleep when she wakes in the middle of the night. And she wakes every night.....at least once...

I feel myself getting desperate.....very.