Hwaiting

There are good days
There are bad days
Some days I do better
Some days I do worse
Then I wonder if I am losing my shit

The trembling
The nervousness
The unease or panic or terror that sometimes comes

The tightness in chest
The deep breathing needed
The urge to cry

The self-talk
The pep talks
The meditation music

The need to be stronger
The expectation to be stronger
The want to be stronger

Avoiding
Hiding
Cowering

The acid reflux
The stomach issues
The eyes
The heart
The brain
The mind

The worry of being a burden
The worry of bringing down others
The worry of ....

Don't dwell
Don't be afraid
Don't worry
Be happy
Be open
Be optimistic

Try
I'm trying
Try again
I'm trying
Try harder
I'm trying

Alone
But not alone
Alienated
But not alienated

Weak smiles
Forced laughter
Nervous laughter

Face your fears
Perservere
Hang in there
Fight on
Exercise

Waiting
Hwaiting
This too shall pass?

Losing weight
Losing appetite
Can't eat well

Hwaiting
Waiting
All these too shall pass?

The night is darkest before dawn comes?
May the sun shine
May the rainbow appear
May the birds chirp

Hwaiting