MC

MC Day today.

Not technically sick.

But fragments of the cough from October is still lingering on.

Kena nagged by mum for the past 2 weeks to go Polyclinic and get a referral to see a specialist and have my lungs x-rayed.

And so voila, today is the day.

Spent close to 2 hours in the polyclinic settling this.

Come to think of it, the last time I went to the poly was like 5-6 years ago..

Anyway, am back home liao..

Porlly gonna study a little French, do some mock-exam questions.

And then head for a nap...

Thursday is the day to see the specialist. Afternoon appointment.

SGH again.

Wow!

OMG.

Guns N' Roses have a new album called "Chinese Democracy".

How cool is that man?

20 years on and Axl Rose is still rocking!!!

Tried looking for recent pics of Slash but couldn't really find any.

Wonder if his hair is still as big since he left GnR close to 10 years ago...

Broke as I am.

I think I might take a trip to the CD store tomorrow to check this album out.

As well as Il Divo's 4th album...

MUACKSS..MUACKSS..MUACKSS

Lovely lovely lovely...:)

phone clinic

Ok.

I am back to using my old E65 phone.

At least for the next one week or more.

My new phone 6600 slide...

Which happens to be less than 2 monthsw old...

Has been sent to the Nokia clinic.

There's no sound at all when there're incoming calls or SMS-es.

Argh.

>:(

I wanna go Italy and Switzerland too....

Seeing those architecturally challenging buildings, those renaissance fresco art....

those gondolas, those lakes, those snow-capped mountains...

those pebbled streets, those pasta, those beer, those wine, those chocolates....

I am officially JEALOUS.

Nah, that sounds negative.

I am GREEN WITH ENVY.

Yeah, that sounds a little better....

Check out Kym & XL's photoblog of their recent honeymoon...

To where?

Italy and Switzerland of course...:)

www.italiasuisse.blogspot.com

*breathe in, breathe out*

Take a few deep abdominal breaths to calm yourself down.

That was one of the anger management techniques I learnt that day in a half day seminar.

It's not working on me. Not at all. Zilch.

Either that or I really have anger management problems.

Or is it the case of when you have a really anal colleague (by this I mean THE COLL), whatever anger management techniques in the world will not help at all?

If this goes on, I'll age 2 years in the next 6 months.

The Commonality of Names

Quaint little shop somewhere on the 2nd or 3rd floor of Far East Plaza...

Mixed supplies shop under a block of flats next to Kallang MRT station.

They were carrying this brand of supplies...

From scotch tape to torchlights to metal push pins..

Haa..Saw it and had to take it down to show Ally next time...

Little Sunflower...

A bus ride home after a day's work can be a weary thing.

Maybe someone thought to brighten other peoples' day.

By having a pretty little sunflower right at the bus exit.

Placed in the bin for used tickets.

Saw this last week on my feeder bus...

Ice Cold Beer.

14 November 2008.

With Mr & Mrs Koh.

Back from their honeymoon in Italy and Switzerland.

Unglam.

When you get chirpy after some drinks.

And find that you shouldn't trust your friends with your camera. Lol.

The voluptuous beer lady poster on the wall behind me makes for a better focal point.

Big Head and Small Head again. After some Asahis.

Xingli with her newly cropped hair. Gorgeousness

Makes me wonder if I should lop off my hair as well.

Waiting. Attendre. III

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For the break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

Angel - Sarah McLachlan

Waiting. Attendre. II

Asleep at 115am.

Awake at 2:15am.

Darkness. Blackness. Greyness.

Thoughts running.

Mind is spinning.

Spinning out of control.

The body turns. Flips. Shifts.

The mind keeps running.

Eyes open. Eyes close.

Darkness. Blackness. Greyness.

Shapes. Shadows. Stillness.

A car's engine growls by.

Fading.

Restless. Disturbed. Frustrated.

The heart pumps.

Echoes of it in the eardrums.

Thump thump.

Waiting.

For the elusive peace of sleep.

It hides. Doesn't come.

The house creaks.

Sounds of the night.

The dark is more alive than you think.

Darkness. Blackness. Greyness.

Waiting.

The mind still runs.

Echoes of thoughts.

Slivers of restlessness.

Permeate every cell in the body.

3:00am.

Get up. Walk. Pace.

Living room. TV.

Alone in the dark.

Colours. Shades. Voices.

Distorted images.

Chills. Ghostly Breeze.

Waiting. For fatigue to come.

The mind runs on.

Thoughts. Staccato. Broken.

In the room again.

4:00am.

Restlessness still.

Darkness is laughing.

Mocking.

Haven't you found what you're looking for?

4:30am.

Waiting.

Darkness. Blackness. Greyness.

4:45am.

Waiting.
Darkness. Blackness. Greyness.

5:00am.

5:30am

Waiting. Attendre.

Saturday evening. Vivocity.

It was a long and frustrating wait for him to arrive.

Slightly more than one hour.

I don't enjoy waiting for others for so long.

A time has been set, stick to it.

Why bother putting a time in the first place?

And "go shopping" is not always a way to brush me off.

I hate crowds. I dislike swarms of people milling about this way and that.

It makes me giddy and disoriented.

The noise gets to me and I get distracted and irritable.

And "go shopping" on Saturday evenings is not a likeable option.

Not when you have a big bag of textbooks, a dictionary, a water bottle and some notes.

I did what a lonely frustrated woman would do in such a circumstance.

I found a seat.

In a relatively quiet place.

The steps leading to the Harbourfront MRT station.

Pathetic perhaps.

But it's a reprieve from the chaos inside the mall.

And I had fresh air to breathe in.
Plus I had a rubbish bin for company.

Nice and quiet.

Sarah Mc Lachlan's "Angel" (sung live in concert) lasts for about 5minutes 49seconds.
It was on repeat mode.
I listened to it for at least 10 times or maybe 11 times or even 12 before he appeared.

free the mind

I dislike it when people assume all public service personnel are super free.
I don't know about those in ministries but I think those in statutory boards do work hard.

There are always busy and lull periods, much akin to private organisations.

It doesn't mean that public service personnel = sibei free.

Sigh, the world, societies and cultures will never be rid of stereotypes and generalisations.

Oh yes, and who made me launch this mini tirade? None other than one of my ex-bosses whom I met this morning. Go figure. Where else have I worked in that is also based in Suntec?
Gave him my opinions and he just gave a wry smile...

My parting shot as usual was "Don't smoke so much"....
Purpleskies should know this..ha.

More About English

Lest I repeat the same booboo the last time round...Let me clarify, I got this off an email.. :)

============
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is UP.

It's easy tounderstand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?
Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP. To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for my time is UP, so -- it is time to shut UP!

Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis

Closed off from love

I didn't need the pain

Once or twice was enough

And it was all in vain

Time starts to pass

Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened

For the very first time with you

My heart melted into the ground

Found something true

And everyone's looking 'round

Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear

But they talk so loud

Their piercing sounds fill my ears

Try to fill me with doubt

Yet I know that their goal

Is to keep me from falling

Hey, yeah!

But nothing's greater

Than the rush that comes with your embrace

And in this world of loneliness I see your face

Yet everyone around me

Thinks that I'm going crazy

Maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open

And it's draining all of me

Oh they find it hard to believe

I'll be wearing these scars

For everyone to see

I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the pain

That I keep all closed in

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

Of Blades

Hope to embark on blading lessons soon with Ally...
Been talking about learning for ages...

There'll be wrath from parents if they find out.

But...fuck it.

I need to do things for myself sometimes.

Class 95FM

I don't usually listen to CLass 95 in the mornings.

I made an exception today because I needed some energy and music to distract me, to soothe me, to calm me, to blah blah blah...

Else the emotionally unstable me might just flood my cubicle area with salty tears haha.
I think the monthly cycle is fast approaching and seriously doing loads of bullshit to my nerves.

And so Glenn and FD did a good job in putting smiles on my face.. :)

Of Friendships

It’s been an emotional few weeks. There’ll be stuff I won’t mention.

And then there are the stuff which everyone feels in one way or another but some won’t take the effort to rectify things. Maybe ‘rectify’ is a wrong word to use. ‘Improve’ might be a better choice.

I’ve known Ally & PQ for like 15 years. We friggin like grew up together, explored fashion and cosmetics together, studied together, hung out together, pontang together, yada yada...And then the usual thing happens: we grow up, we go to different schools, we develop different perspectives and priorities in life, we end up in very different environments, we get to know new people and make new friends, we start working in different places, you get the drift…

Things change, people change. And I guess, it did dawn on me that I was a piece of plywood which broke off from the main pile and I was being carried away by the currents. But the grey matter I carry in my head doesn’t seem to work well in such situations. I didn’t really know what to do and so I did what most complain queens would do. I lamented, I was frustrated, I was somewhat upset and disappointed, I was a little jaded BUT I didn’t do anything constructive about it. I just let things run on its own.

Till I received a lashing out from PQ in mid 2006. At least I think it was then. It was a miserable time, big tiff with wm, followed by tiff with PQ. But it was a wake-up call of sorts. I ‘d been too preoccupied with wm and work and other stuff..I’d neglected my best buds and well, there was no excuse for that…

But I’m glad that such ties, once there, are always there...We all just have to work harder to polish it a little here and there to keep things in tip top condition…A little more time, a little more effort here and there does make a difference.

I sent Ally an SMS yday…”Ally..luv u! I’ve never said it before...” Lol...I think she went like “huh???” cos it was so out of the blue.. haha.

I’ll endeavour yah to keep things going stronger…I will. :)

From Michelle to Michelle

I opened my mailbox this morning to find an email...

Sent from myself to myself...with the Subject Title of "Cheer Up"

And I went like huh??? The email messgae went to read on as:

Bubbly greetings from the Email Server...I live in the machiinnnneeee.....wwooooo!!

It must be HC!!!!
Trust these technical folks to spoof your email address and manipulate the email server to do such a thing.... hahahaa..

But it brought a smile to my face..:)

Thanks HC for everything and for being so sensitive haha...

Guan Yin Temple & Breko & Contacts

Am on half day today..so I went to Guan Yin Temple to pray after I left office.

Been a long time since I went back there. So I thought I'd better make some prayers and offerings before the year closes. I didn't expect myself to stay there for close to 30minutes as it's usually a pray, offer, leave kind of thing.

I kneeled on the prayer floor today and prayed to Guan Yin. It's always surreal when you "talk" to her amidst all the noise surrounding you but yet you feel like you're alone there and speaking to her.

I felt tears well up and tried to control to no avail...some tears escaped from the lids of my eyes..
I didn't feel at peace after praying...but I prayed that I would get some peace and directions soon. The heart is heavy and messed up at this point in time and it's a very distracting thing.

=======
Sat at Breko for a late lunch of a Salmon Salad at 230pm.
Studied French there for the next 1h40mins before leaving shortly after 4pm to head back Tampines.

Salad was disappointing but the Earl Grey tea was good.

=======
Contact lenses. A year's supply just set me back by $200.
Sigh. Maybe I should really consider Lasik as a long-term measure...

The morning

Spoke to PQ on the phone for an hour just now..She knows now.
Walked out of office at 1020am and sat downstairs in front of the taxi stand to talk to her.
I think countless taxi drivers and some passers-by saw my tears.

A mad woman wearing an IDA jacket, in a pair of unglam office slippers, sitting by the taxi stand crying and talking into the phone.

The talk didn't really help cos it's something I need to settle on my own. But it was still good to have someone on the other end of the line hearing you out. I only grabbed a piece of tissue when I made my way downstairs after she called me. So I had to go to Coffee Bean to get a serviette to use. Abit "lang bei".

Went back to my seat and in less than 5 minutes it started to rain. Lagi "lang bei". Had to go into the building and find a corner to stand & talk to her.

Things just ain't going my way.