One of those days

This is one of those days where you wake up feeling less than ideal - physically, mentally and emotionally.

But hey, life still needs to go on. The little one still needs to be cared for. People (read: in-laws) still need to be managed. My own parents still need my concern. Personal administrative things still need to be done. And, the list goes on.....

Ganbatte.

Fighting.

Jiayou.

!!!

P/s: looking like shit. Can't remember the last time I remembered to apply face moisturizer...or body moisturizer for that matter. Personal grooming has taken a backseat for now and the nest on my head seems to have morphed into a wavy mop.

Confinement Nanny

Feeling amused, touched, grateful and loved all at the same time.

The confinement nanny, Auntie Chiew Fong, left about a week ago. Her daughter works in sales and regularly drives into Singapore to deliver goods to her clients. Today auntie followed her daughter into Singapore and since she was in SG, she decided to give me a ring. Sort of as a follow-up to see how I am and how the little one is doing. 

She ended the call with "那你多多保重啊!"

So sweet lah...excellent customer service with after-sales support haha. 

Either that or she's feeling grateful that I recommended 2 friends to her or perhaps my angpow to her was generous? Lol...

Musings from a new parent

- You can't really consider yourself a parent yet unless you've been vomitted on, peed on, drooled on, farted at, sneezed at and...(insert other bodily excretions).

- You're disheveled half the time. Sorry, make that all the time.

- When your little one falls asleep in your arms, you feel like you're the greatest person in the world.

- When your little one gets extremely agitated and you can't do anything to soothe or alleviate whatever discomfort she is facing, you feel like the shittiest failure in the world. 

- You cringe when you hear others speaking and coo-ing in high-pitched baby talk, but you yourself somehow end up morphing into baby-talk mode as well. Oh well, double standards. ;p

- You suddenly discover a whole new creative side of yourself you never knew existed. And it usually appears right at those desperate moments when you're trying to entertain/distract/calm/soothe/pacify your little one. 

- You find the minutes, hours and days slipping by more quickly than they ever did before. 

- You never knew you could go on even when you're doggone tired and your lids are falling shut.

- You realise that most, if not all, mothers somehow naturally band/bond together. It's an unwritten code, an invisible glue of sorts. "I understand what you're going through. I've been through it. You'll get through it like how we all did. Hugs." 

Yay!

It's Tuesday today. Glad to say this: Yay! We survived a week without the confinement nanny already!

Many trying and tiring moments for K and I, but we're roughing it out together and that's what counts. 

Special shout-out to my mum who has provided much help too.

脸色差

当然啦，心里现在抱着不满，埋怨，愤怒， 不耐烦，等等不开心的feeling。。。

也有打抱不平的感觉。。。

害得我现在也睡不着。

也许，我的tipping point/boiling point 要到了。

News at 3am

Nanny forgot about my expressed milk and didn't feed it to the little one. Had to throw it away...:(

Wasted effort in pumping, Sigh. Sibei sad. 

"Control Freak"

The partial definition, pieced together from various sources, of which is:

Control freaks rarely know that they are one. They believe they are helping with their "constructive criticism" or taking over a project because "no one will do it right". They don't see their controlling behaviors as symptoms of what's really going on - their own anxieties running amok. 

In some cases, the control freak sees their constant intervention as beneficial or even necessary; this can be caused by feelings of separation or departure from one whom loved, believing that others are incapable of handling matters properly, or the fear that things will go wrong if they do not attend to every detail. 

In other cases, they may simply enjoy the feeling of power it gives them so much that they automatically try to gain control of everything and everyone around them.

Core elements of a controlling or bossy person include a lack of trust in others and their abilities, a feeling of superiority, a need to criticize and a liking of power. They tend to think they are entitled to being in charge and to bossing around others. 

If they are disrespectful, arrogant in tone, pushy and dictatorial, this is a sign that the person is controlling rather than requesting, negotiating and respecting. 

Keep going

"If you're going through hell, keep going. " - Winston Churchill

This was on a friend's FB status. 

Winston Churchill made this remark during WW2, when the UK was facing uncertainty about the war, with Nazi Germany conquering France. So in that context, in the face of adversity, have faith, hope and confidence in yourself. :)

I like this quote. 

Quite timely too. 

Midnight Gasp

Tmd! Supply dwindling again??!!

Now I have to restart the 3-hourly expressing again?? 

Mega bleah. 

Hope

I hope we manage to teach, guide and care for our child the way we intend to.

Others may have their own thoughts about how we should do things, but I do hope that they also respect our ideas, views and decisions made for OUR child. Not his, not hers, not theirs. OUR child.  

Going forward, I hope things will be followed through based on the parameters we set. If not, things will get ugly. 

Afternoon musings

Wonder if a person's lack of trust in the ability of others is the cause of bossiness in the same said person. 

But I do think that a person's lack of trust in the ability of others definitely exacerbates the said person's bossiness. 

*pant*

Challenging day so far. And it's only 2pm. Was thrown some curveballs as well. Great opportunities for learning although I still suck big-time at things.

Nvm, bring it on!! 

要拼才会赢!!

Fighting!!

-_-""

她要睡觉了你还一直跟她大声说话，哪她怎么睡得着??? 后来哭了又是让你抱走...zzz

Awkward Conversations

Filipino helper just walked in on me expressing my milk. By now I'm immune to flashing my chest at any and all ladies. While her English is passable, sometimes it is still hard to understand her.

She: Mam, small. *points vaguely at my belly/chest area*

Me: Huh? U mean my belly is getting smaller?

She: No. Small. *points to my chest and the breast pump*

Me: ???

She: Small, milk. 

Me: ???

We kind of switched topics after this because she couldn't convey her thought and I couldn't comprehend her. 

But. There can only be two ways to interpret "Small, milk". 

One, she's trying to say my boobs are small. If so, fml. 

Two, she's trying to say I have little milk flow. In which case, fml too. 

Hmmm....

The DWM

And the Double-Word Monologue starts again:

"Oh taking your bath-bath ah?"

"No need to cry-cry lah"

"Auntie wipe-wipe you only lah"

"Auntie help you clean-clean, no need to cry-cry ok!"

"You will smell nice-nice after this!"

"Okok, dry-dry now"

"Do you need to burp-burp?"

"Nai-nai carry-carry ok?"

"Do you need to poot-poot?"

"You look so sweet ah, soooo sweet-sweet"

"Cannot put you down is it, wait you cry-cry again ah?"

"Don't need to be so upset-upset lah"

"Do you want to eat-eat?"

"Orh Orh Orh Orh Orh Orh Orh"

Ohm...God grant me patience.

Monologue

"You want to drink milk-milk ah?"

"Why you cry-cry so much?"

"Give you drop-drop you want?"

"Okok, burp-burp you now ok?"

"You're so sweet-sweet lah"

"Give you milk-milk already"

"Why so upset-upset?"

"Are you hot-hot?"

"Are you cold-cold?" 

"你热-热啊?"

"Orh Orh Orh Orh Orh Orh Orh"

Sigh. The baby's trying to drink. Disturbing the baby with so much one-way dialogue is not going to help. Grammatically wrong and weird double-words will not help too.....

Oh yes, patting the baby's stomach and head while she is trying to drink will not help too! Sigh. 

累了

Feeling appreciative

Grateful and thankful for all the gifts and visits from friends and relatives.

I've got many many boxes of bird's nest and essence of chicken now. If I open all the boxes of essence of chicken, I think there'd be at least 100-120 individual bottles....not counting the 20 bottles I've thereabouts already consumed so far. 

And the little girl now has many many booties lol. And more additions to her (burgeoning) wardrobe. 

Storage seems to be an inevitable and upcoming challenge for us lol....

On leave...by right

But "by left"....there are still some work-related questions being directed my way. Not that I am complaining, for it gives me something concrete to focus on and it stops my brain from becoming mush. It'll probably keep me on track too, easier for me to get back into the daily work grind after my maternity leave is up. 

Tired

All I feel like doing now is to have a good deep sleep.

This is probably a period when I'm at my most drab. Few have seen me like this. Only close friends and family maybe. But in the last 2 weeks, everyone has seen me in this state - sans make-up, with thick glasses on, chapped lips, white and blackheads in their full uncovered glory, greasy hair in a ponytail with stray strands falling out of it, unplucked brows, exposed nursing bra straps, unshaved legs, dark eye rings, and of course....wearing my worn-out tattered FBT shorts. 

Strangely, I don't care. Or maybe I'm too tired to care about how I look to these visitors. 

This is the raw me.