Thoughts. Of Work.

Reminder to self.

• 别管太多他人的事。别管太多他人的是非。别管太多他人的对或错。做好自己的本分。做好自己该做的事。 就够了。除非，他人踩到了你范围之内，或踩到了你的脚，那就是时候抛头露面反驳他人了。
• Integrity. Ownership. Honesty. Pride. Authenticity. Sincerity. Responsibility. Willingness to help. --> while these may not get you moving fast, at least, you're doing things with conscience and honesty. And more importantly, 你对得起自己。
• Build alliances and a support network. Of people who share the same values and principles. Of people who are unafraid of putting the team's and others' interests before their own. Of people who have your back (and likewise, you have theirs).

Practising Chinese. I don't know if the words are right or wrong. But, so long as I understand. 

whiter than white

And so Ivan Lim has pulled out of the GE.
Poor guy...I feel for him.
Whether he's really arrogant and elitist and not a good guy is one thing.
But having your name and reputation dragged through the mud at a national level....is another matter.
And having your family members endure the stress of this public scrutiny...is also quite a burden to bear.

He's a young guy. His political career is as good as zilch already.
But I hope his future in the private sector won't be too affected by this incident.
People forget over time.

This whole fiasco reminds me of an ex-colleague....
Steven Tan, who was introduced by the PAP at the 2015 GE and who similarly had to withdraw himself from running....
Due to some allegations of his past behaviour.

Like what SP said to me earlier today...
To be a politician, you need to be whiter than white.
LOL....how true....

Emo, tired. Need to pick self up.

Emo week, haven't had a proper chance to sort out my thoughts and 整理一下心情.

Mon 22 Jun - dental appointment
Prepping myself for a possible extraction done on the day itself. Took up a fair bit of energy.

Tues 23 Jun - work
Things gearing up but still not too bad

Wed 24 Jun - morning rush, packed my stuff at the Tampines flat and Night work duties started
Mad rush in the morning. Cleared work then rushed out of the house in the midst of rain and an (almost) lift breakdown and a fiasco with the cab I booked...
Packed my stuff at the Tampines flat while on a 1.5hr work call.  A little sentimental about my old things but not too bad.
Did my monitoring work shift from 4pm to 12am

Thurs 25 Jun - closed case with Ellen and night work duties
Somewhat emo but not much time to deal with it. Just accept and move on.
Another night till 12am. Clearing media statements at 11-plus in the night.

Fri 26 Jun - saw the video the housing agent did up for the Tampines flat, received a bomb of a news that Mum was starting catechism classes on that night itself. 
When realisation hits. When things start becoming real. When things have been put into motion and the agent comes and takes photos and videos of the flat to post online in his property listings. Emo about it. My childhood home. From Jan 1986 till Jul 2012 when I shifted out. Many memories. Many firsts. Many crying sessions. Many dance sessions. Many spaced-out times. Many moments with myself. My own valued private space in my room.

Granny's old cupboard was still there on Wednesday. The cupboard that had been in the family for more than 40 years. I didn't get a chance to touch it or look at it when I was over at the house on Wednesday. I didn't know they were going to get the town council to get it and throw it away today. Many many memories of me sitting in front of that cupboard while Granny packed her things. Many memories of her explaining what those things were and who gave them to her or how she came to possess those items. The cupboard's gone now. Just like that. Maybe I am placing too much attachment on physical items. In a bid to retain those memories.

Bombshell came in the evening. When Mum said she was starting catechism classes that night itself. Big news that I was not aware of till the very last moment. To be exact, around 2 hrs before her class started.  Macham just a cursory gesture to let me know. Felt displaced, out of place, out of the picture.

Worked till 10-plus.

Of milestones

I closed my case with MPFSC yesterday afternoon.
In the midst of the work chaos, I carved out a space for my chat with Ellen.
It was our monthly phone chat since February earlier this year.
And yesterday's session was our last.

Mixed feelings.
There's the apprehension of one of the safety nets being pulled away.
And this little bird being left to fly on her own.
There's also the understanding that I can't drag it out too long for her and MPFSC.
There's also the understanding at the back of our minds that we cannot let this turn into a form of reliance.

K said this is a milstone.
I'm glad he gave me this perspective.
Because I didn't think of it this way.

It indeed is a milestone, isn't it?
A 15-month journey with Ellen, where she guided, supported and helped me.
And slowly left me to my own devices.
I'm thankful for the journey and for her being around.
18 sessions, of which the last 4 were just 30min or less than 30min chats.
It was a bittersweet bye that I said to her.

Forward
Onward
Keep going

Reminder

Headspace gave me this little nugget this morning:

"Ultimately, there is only one thing that creates tension: wanting things to be different than they are."

And this other nugget came was from yesterday:

"Before being able to let go of an emotion, we first need to be aware of the emotion."

11:15pm

Drafting and amending drawer media statements together with the comms team in case we kena any issue. At 11pm at night.

Laoniang is zombiefied. I started my day at 6:10am...and turned on both work PCs at 630am...

Just thankful that I took a 45-min nap in the morning and another 30-45min nap in the afternoon...

I hope tmr will be a non-event with zero prep and/or background work....

Mixed Feelings

K had a whole bunch of old clothes that he wanted to throw away.
Helper asked if she could have them instead. She might want some and those she didn't she would go ahead to throw.

And so...it has become that she took some of his old T-shirts and...is wearing them now.

A little strange lah....to see another woman wearing your husband's clothes....

Brings me some measure of discomfort but nevermind....
I guess....over time....laoniang will learn to dull this weird feeling...hmmm...

Hectic day

Somewhat hectic day.

• Morning rush to get the kids ready. 
• Cleared some emails and then rushed out in the heavy rain to head over to the Tampines flat. 
• Cleared an email and read a doc while in the cab. 
• Reached Tampines with 10mins to spare before my 10am meeting started. I felt 
• Participated in the 1.5hr call while concurrently packing some of my stuff and discarding other things. (Received feedback later on that I was clear-minded and made good points when I sought clarity and made suggestions on some of the processes and issues being discussed. That made me happy!
• Boss texted me after that to ask me to cancel my leave today since I already spent half a day clearing emails and being on the meeting. And that I would be on night duty this evening too.  Told me to take my time and pack my stuff in Tampines. Told me no need to rush home to continue work. Felt so thankful that he's so flexible and understanding. 
• Had a good breather during lunch when I sat down with Dad and ate together. Chatted with him and all. It was good and I felt happy. 
• Continued with abit more packing and then K came to help bring the stuff back home. 
• Reached home and put aside some boxes. (There're more in the carboot though...and 2 more big boxes still at Tampines)
• Managed to get an hour shut-eye in mid-afternoon though it was interrupted 3 times. Still thankful for it. 
• Continued working and spent some time discussing stuff in virtual meeting rooms. 
• Had dinner....and back to clearing some work and being on standby. 

It's 10pm...2 more hours to go...though I may get off slightly earlier....

Shack liao...

The big E lai liao....

And so...with this latest announcement...Things have been set into motion.
The wheels are turning...the spokes are cranking...the gears are shifting...

And laoniang...
Has to start night shift work from tomorrow onwards...

Of covert missions and operations...

I'm lucky though. Boss has very kindly placed me on the 4pm to 12am shift for this week and the 9pm to 1am shift for the week thereafter.
The guys are taking the 1am to 5am shift next week.

That said, the WA chatgroup will still be buzzing quite abit I think...
Laoniang will be panda-niang in the next 2-weeks plus....

Ganbatte....
This will be "national service"...

The weather

It rained everyday last week. Sometimes it started out hot, humid and sunny in the mornings, then started drizzling in the late afternoon.

The last 2-3 days though, it's been dark and gloomy. I'd say for maybe 90% of the day. And heavy rains start from 630am in the morning.

It's been cool (and cold too actually haha) and I kind of like it this way....more comfortable to stay home this way...and it makes me mellow and sentimental.

On the flip side, the weather's making my nose get stuffed up (and to have your nose get this way during this sensitive period isn't exactly good lol).

And it's making me feel like it's December WHICH MEANS....holiday mood.....WHICH MEANS....I feel like taking 2 weeks's leave to nuah at home....WHICH MEANS....I don't feel like working...WHICH MEANS....I just wanna sleep or do my hobbies all day....WHICH MEANS....I don't wanna earn my keep....WHICH MEANS....you get the drift....

And...my plants...oh my plants...There's only that much space in my balcony to play around with and with the number of pots I have, I can't shift them around too much also. So some pots are getting wayyyyy too much rainwater.....I hope they survive. I've not watered most plants for close to a week now. And I'm only giving the airplants a light cursory misting each morning as opposed to heavy misting twice a day when it's hot and sunny.

And the heavy rains are causing more and more pools of water to form here and there. Be it potholes on the roads, crevices on the sidewalks, small holes in the grass patches along the sidewalks, flower pot plates, etc...it even pools on random litter strewn on the ground. With the rise in dengue, it does bring me some concern.

==========
It's 730am on a Tuesday morning. 23 June 2020.
Raining cats and dogs (and cows and chickens) outside. I've started work already, before taking a short detour here...now I'm routing back...

Many things to settle today.
Icann stuff, 11am poly appt, 2pm Teams call with a Beijing-based registrar, 3pm call with a Malaysia-based registrar, 4pm call with DBS relationship manager....

Signing out from here....

Rant

When you don't do your job properly, and I point it out to you nicely, don't give me that attitude face. I did not scold you. In fact, you have been missing many spots in the house.

We have been relatively relaxed and don't impose many rules or restrictions on you. We don't check on you and give you the flexibility to handle the chores on your own schedule and ways.

But.

If there are dustballs in that particular area, it means that you have not cleaned that area for months. If there are brown spots on the soap dish, it means you have not cleaned that dish for months. If there are stains on an area, it means you have not cleaned that area for months.

So don't give me any attitude when I tell you to clean those areas.

You're allowed full access to whatever's in the fridge, freezer and food cupboards.
You get to enjoy a 3 to 3.5hr nap and quiet time each afternoon. We don't.
You don't even need to get up in the middle of the night if the kids wake.

Sigh.

Sheesh.

ganbatte!

Spent the last 1 hr plus or 2 hrs....helping S and D with each of their stuff.
Spent 3/4 of yesterday helping J out for the upcoming Board meeting because it's his first time handling and his partner L (who was supposed to guide him) is out of action these few days due to family matters...

Laoniang is superwoman....
Or should I say...
Laoniang is jack of all trades?
Or...
Laoniang is dope!

Lol....
Ganbatte......!

work

On the workfront...Several projects are hitting snags.

There's one long-drawn project which hit several administrative obstacles last year...and then now yet another major stumbling block. Sensitive as this involves an international not-for-profit organisation and certain diplomacies are "required". Sigh...

Another 3 or 4 which are somehow taking a long time to iron things out...you fix one bit and move on and then another hole appears that you need to patch or a spur appears that you need to pare down.

Ganbatte....ganbatte...ganbatte...

I want to tick things off my to-do list...I have done so for some stuff but these few things....aiyoh...irksome!!

Of Maths.....and.....oh well....

When you are doing HBL with your kid
When you are near her side when she is having a live session with her Math teacher
When you realise some of her classmates have already shouted out their answers and your kid is still staring at the sum and trying to calculate....
When you realise this doesn't happen for just one sum but seems to be a pattern across most sums

You start wondering which part of the bell curve is she at exactly, both within the class and within the cohort
You start wondering if you need to do more and if so, how
You start wondering if your kid (and you) can survive primary school in time to come
You start wondering how your younger kid will be like in 2 years' time

LOL....
piangzzzz

Ganbatte!

Tmr's the start of a new week.
It'll be a busy Monday, with a meeting starting at 8am. zzzzz.....Another conference call at 10am
And then the company townhall at 1130am.

A parent-teacher conference at 2pm.

And a discussion that might happen but not confirmed yet.

And I would really like to head out for a walk. I've not done so for the last 3 evenings. It rained everytime! I hope it happens tomorrow. There's a barrier I'd like to cross. A barrier that is both psychological and physical.

==============
A team meeting at 9am (and likely till 12pm) on Tuesday morning.
A webinar at 12:45pm on Wednesday.
A potential dispute case that might go to the courts.
A tricky situation with an international partner....

==============
May the week go well enough!
Ganbatte!!!

Plant time

Spruce-up time
Spent some time in the main balcony today. With a little helper in tow. Nana.

Got her to do the simple stuff like picking up dead/dried leaves from the floor, and picking them up (with a gardening tweezer) from within the pots. Took the opportunity to teach her some stuff about the Byrophyllum plants we have, and how they produce their little baby plants. And showed her the leaf patterns of the Indian Borage, and she helped to point out dead leaves on plants so I could remove them.

It was fun for me doing this with her and I hope she had fun too.

She said to me "I wish we could have our own garden".
Yes, sweetie. I'd like a garden of my own too....but it's unlikely to happen...so we'll just have fun in our balconies haha...:)

Byrophyllum
Aside from the 2 small pots of baby aloe vera that the girls have, they now also have 2 tiny pots of byrophyllum as well. Planted them this evening. :)

I prepared the soil and pots and the girls placed the babies into the pots themselves. It's a very easy plant to care for and the plantlets root damn easily. You really don't have to do much at all. Just give them enough moisture that's all.

I've currently 2 or 3 pots of this....well 5 if you include the girls' pots. I've thrown away many many small babies...and I would probably have maybe 50 pots of this plant now (or more) if I'd bothered to salvage and plant all those plantlets. It's probably the only succulent that the klutzy me can handle lol....

p/s: just found out this evening while reading up some stuff on the Internet, that the Byrophyllum is also known as the Mother of Thousands or the Kalanchoe or the Devil's Backbone.

Moss Rose
This little lady is a sassy one with attitude. She's bounced back beautifully from her battle with the mealybugs. New shoots appear every other day and she's also grown long and tall new stalks. Tall because they reach out for the sun. Quite cute to see those stalks like this.

Since that day when a lone pink flower finally bloomed, she's been blessing me with one small but bright pink flower every 2 days or so. It's a far cry from the early days when she first came to me though. Back then, she'd bloom like 6-10 flowers each day...easily. Still, I'm happy that she's progressed well, compared to just 1 or 2 months ago when she was ravaged by those damn bugs.

Japanese bamboo
It is shedding less now, but still looks a little shaky. I hope no more leaves turn yellow or drop anymore. I didn't do much to this fella, except to shift its location from the main balcony to my own balcony. And it's placed in a shadier area with no direct sun. It's still in its pot. I decided against re-potting it. Didn't want to stress it further. Relocation can already bring stress to a plant. If I repot it as well, skali it gets more stressed.

Good thing is that its tallest and main stalk has a new leaf unfurling at its tip.
Will keep this fella under close watch and see how....

Ficus Ginseng
The original one I had in the normal pot recently started shedding. I don't know why...:(
It went almost botak a year back. And then it slowly started growing new leaves a few months back. Though it never got back to its original state and was rather sparse. I was still happy but then now it's started shedding again. Leaves turned yellow and kept dropping...Didn't really spot many new shoots too so...I'm just wondering what to do with it.

The ficus ginseng in the green bonsai pot is doing ok....an occasional leaf turns yellow and falls off but so far it seems ok. I see some new shoots coming out so I'm hopeful...

Water Plum
This lady...has sprouted many new shoots and I spotted many new bunches of flower buds or at least the beginnings of what would become new clumps of flower buds. I hope many many new leaves spring up soon. To replace the sudden leaf dropping episode last week...I'd never seen that many leaves drop from this lady before...It scared me a little and I was hoping she wouldn't go botak on me.

Anyway, I've not figured out what to do with the bunch of seeds that I'd collected from the 2 seed pods a few weeks ago. Hmm....my balcony doesn't attract any pollinators at all (being on the 4th floor, and less accessible to bees and insects? haha...) so even if I have flowers blooming regularly from this plant, it is unlikely I will ever get any of them pollinated and produce seed pods later on.

Local pomegranate
This old lady...is going strong, although she constantly looks like she's half gone, in recent weeks, she started sprouting new shoots and new leaves. Perhaps it's due to me fertilising her soil or due to the recent rains bringing more minerals and nutrients to her. But I noticed several areas where new leaves and branches forming. That's good...:)

Only thing is, she also has many many dead branches. I've tried trimming them off but there're just too many of them....I'll just leave her be...again. She seems resilient enough to weather most difficulties herself. ;p

Birdspeak

Just a random thought of thankfulness.

There's a wide species of birds residing in my area. At least to the layman me, I feel there's really many different birdies here.

Growing up, I only ever saw sparrows and mynahs. For some reason, in the past few years here in Telok Kurau, and especially in the past 3 months when I've been home all the time, I've discovered so many different birdies here!

Many parakeets around - blue ones, green ones, yellow ones.
Orioles too...yellow and black ones...I googled and I think they're called Black-Naped Orioles.
Hornbills and koels too...though koels seem to be around lesser these days.

Went for a walk yesterday and saw many sunbirds (I think they are sunbirds) congregating in a clump of bushes...playing around and darting about with each other...

And of course, the ubiquitous sparrows and mynahs and pigeons and doves....

And should I include the neighbourhood chickens too? haha....there's a family of at least 6 roosters 6 hens and maybe 3-4 younger ones hanging around about 500m from our house...

Listening to all the birds chirping each morning has been quite the luxury...:)
Brings more depth and cheer to the environment....

Support

It's important who your co-workers are.

We are a small team of 12-13 pax. At least 2 irk me. I used to think maybe our 八字 don't match...till I discovered that others in the team face the same frustration (or more) when dealing with these 2.

Still, I am very thankful I have the rest of the team whom I can get along with. And amongst these are a couple whom I am quite close to and have come to rely on both as friends and as colleagues.

I refer to them as my pillars in the team...for shelter, for support, for strength, for companionship, for comradeship, for fun, for laughter, for peace, for joy..

Here's to ST, DC and LH and to a lesser extent, SP and Mas as well....
Thank you!

Music

Music days are back, at least for this week...
Back to immersing myself in Chinese songs, every since I listened to mini live broadcast Sun Yan Zi had on Tuesday night.

Folks accompanying me these 2 days:

Wang Feng
Zhou Shen
Sun Yan Zi
Hacken Lee
GEM
David Tao
Tanya
JJ
Beyond
MayDay

A good mix of singers from mainland China, HK, Taiwan and of course....Singapore.

Gaining strength from music. :)

Fighting! Hae su-iss-eo!

It was a long day yesterday. Feeling a little out of gas today...the oven-like temperature these few days is not helping too.

Started work at 7-ish yesterday and lasted till 8-plus at night, due to an exercise that I was involved in.
Had to then nag at and help Nadya to pack her bag for school today, and tend to Alyssa when she sought my attention....by the time I got out the shower, it was 9-plus and I felt quite zapped out.

Nevertheless..fighting for today!