Mid-life

Went through a period of awkwardness in secondary school and ended up being quite open & out-going in upper secondary, no thanks to a bunch of good friends whom I hung out with. 

JC was pretty weird an experience for me. Things were ok. There was a period of time where I apparently experienced anxiety issues according to my GP and was prescribed Xanax in JC1. JC life was meh to me....

Entered uni and for some reason, I took to hostel life very well. I was open, out-going and knew alot of folks in the hostel. I headed a committee, participated in activities, etc. Made alot of friendships there, several of which have lasted till now. 

Came out to work and was like a deer in headlights. Experienced some not so nice things but had a pretty good time still I think. Youth is energy. Social life was quite rich at the time. 

 Entered my late 20s & early 30s, stopped Friday pub nights with 2 friends...got together with K, got married, had kids and slowed down. And then the awkwardness set in again. The doubts, the worries, the wondering if you're good enough, the not knowing what the hell you're doing, the constant winging, etc. 

And then the full manifestation of anxiety issues when I hit 38/39. And then the continued on and off doubts & awkwardness & unsureness... 

Till now.  

Thoughts of how to continue my work/career in this organisation has also popped up recently.....

Is this mid-life crisis? Lol...

If I live till my 80s, this is just about mid-life....

Shifted Work Area

 Since 20-something June...our team shifted from Lvl 12 to Lvl 3. 

Half of my desk faces a pillar...a wall of sorts. 

Fengshui sites say it's not too good to face a "wall"....I hope my tilting my body a little to the left, I avoid this "wall"....

Oh well...will just continue to do my best and whatever I can in my work....

Just that my "sea, Sentosa and expressway" view has morphed into a "pond and tree" view. 

Get the Beat

Nadya spent 3 days competing last week. 

3 solo dances:

1. 10&U Intermediate Lyrical  - No placing. Platinum score (within 80-89)
2. 10&U Elite Ballet - 5th place out of 20-odd girls. Diamond score (> 95 or 95+). Fairy doll variation. 
3. 11&U Elite Ballet - No placing. Double-Platinum score (within 90 - 94). Aurora variation. 

3 group dances

1. 10&U Contemporary - 2nd place. Diamond score.
2. 10&U Classical - 5th place. Diamond score.
3. 12&U Classical - 1st place. Diamond score. Most Promising Technique prize. 

Proud of her. Happy for her. 

Just a little bewildered why she didn't get a placing at the 11&U Elite Ballet cos I felt she did pretty well. But then again, I'm not a professional dance judge. :)

One more competition on 13 June. 

Jiayou!

Alyssa was such a good girl. She spent many hours together with K & I watching many many performances just to get o Nadya's turn or just to wait till the awards section to see if Nadya got anything. Sometimes it was just plain waiting with nothing to do. While she was bored and tired, she didn't complain too much. 

Math!

And so the girls have been home. 

And so K has been drilling them on Math & Chinese, their weaker/weakest subjects, for a certain amount of time each morning. 

And so N came to me for help on Math sums this morning. She couldn't do 3 questions on ratio. The 3 questions also touched on geometry and money. 

I have to say those questions were quite complicated for a Primary 5 kid. 

I was proud to say I could do them! 

And then I realised....

Piangz...my standard seems quite low haha...cheap thrill to get so happy over solving P5 Math questions lol... 

A was assigned science work for the school hols...and it involves completing several small and big tasks to earn points to qualify for a Young Scientist badge. 

$#!%$!$#@%

I dislike such long-drawn projects and I am trying to get all the tasks over and done with sooner rather than later. 

I've had to work with her on them since last week and we still have at least 2 more tasks to go before we hit the minimum number of points we need to get. 

Ganbatte...

Dance Comp

 'Tis the season…dance competition season.

 Laoniang’s needlework tested again, as I had to sew on a special support structure for one of N’s tutus.

 Dance mom. Lol.

Happy colours

Was in a cab on the way to work.

Cab uncle suddenly exclaimed "Eh got rainbow!"

There was indeed one in the sky. Two-thirds of an arch. It wasn't vibrant and held more gentle, subtle hues. 

Still, it was beautiful. I liked it this way. Very beautiful & gentle amidst the clouds and the blue sky. 

I was happy to see it. It was a great start to the day!

This

Verbatim extract from LHL's interview with CNA in the past. Not sure when it was exactly....but I think he summed up alot of our thoughts perfectly. 

=================================
In the West, they’ve got a movement called “Wokeness” where you are super sensitive to other people’s issues and you become hypersensitive when other people somehow or other say things or mention things or refer to you without the respect which you or your super sub-group feel you are entitled to. It leads to very extreme attitudes and social norms, particularly in some academic institutions, universities. You talk about safe spaces, you talk about appropriate pronouns. You talk about “I’m about to say something which may be offensive to you. If you don’t want to hear it, perhaps you would like to leave now.”

 And life become very burdensome, and I don’t think we want to go in that direction. It does not make us a more resilient, cohesive society with a strong sense of solidarity. We must be more robust.

~ Singapore ex-PM Lee Hsien Loong
Extracted from a CNA Interview
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eb6Qv4rPiIk 

=================================

Buay balen

Not in a good space for the last few months, especially in the last several weeks. 

Unbalanced and "stuck". 

Unsure how to get "unstuck". 

Wiggling slowly. At times when I see some success, I get pulled back by stuff again. 

迷茫的时候不如慢下来，让风吹散前路的雾。

不过，现状能让我慢下来吗？

When you're a minion

Was so frustrated by work yesterday I cried again. 2nd session in as many months.

Big friggin arrow coming. All because of one person's comment and expectation. All cuss words I knew were floating around in my mind when I read those emails relating to the matter. 

I hope it can be deflected. Only my 女神 (aka the number 2 in my organisation) can save us I think. 

I have tried and am still trying to counter, deflect, oppose....and counter somemore. My RO is trying as well. 

I can only hope. Fingers crossed. 

I can only say to kill an ant with a sledgehammer is a MAJOR OVERKILL. And you need a team to procure that sledgehammer, and also need to find someone to swing that sledgehammer, and probably also other manpower to clean up the ground thereafter......just to kill one ant. And that bloody ant, may not even appear at all on that path. 

Fingers crossed. 

Toes crossed. 

Single Line

Pretty fast this round. Am thankful. 

Yesterday was Day 4...tested myself at night using an expired ART kit and it turned out negative. 

Was wondering about the kit's efficacy and did another test this morning with another kit which hasn't expired. Result was negative as well. 

Yay!

Leaky nose has morphed into just a stuffy nose (pretty much like my usual sinus stuffiness anyway).

Irritating one is the cough which is usually the last one to go away. 

Hope I recover fully soon! 

That...yearly SMS

Income tax payment SMS came in. 

O.

U.

C.

H.

Another big outflow. 

This week has many 泪点 .....

真的是要把老娘哭垮是吗？

只能默默的承受默默的消化

Rants

We're in May already. 

Too fast. 

It's been almost 6 months past Xmas. 

Which means.....the cycle of brainstorming for Xmas is starting soon again. 

Can dun so fast or not ah?

Laoniang barely took a breather....everytime take leave also my plans get "ruined" by urgent stuff or staff looking for me or....the kids not letting me nap or.....................

Recently had 1-on-1 conversations with my immediate reporting officer (whom I'm quite close with) and his boss, who is new to the team. Think I was pretty candid and when they asked how I was, I told them "Tired. Quite tired, and frustrated at times too." 

Unbalanced...need to recalibrate...but can't quite figure out how also....

Rattling...just rattling off....

While having fishball noodles at my desk....can't join the girls cos I don't want to spread anything to them. 

Chinese

The girls' school did something new this year for their Chinese Weighted Assessment 1. 

Instead of sitting for a normal paper test, they had all the students from P3 to P5 voice their thoughts in Chinese and submit their audio recordings through the SLS. Each cohort was given a topic/theme and accompanying guiding questions and encouraged to voice their thoughts on the topic. Sort of like the discussion section in an oral exam, just that you are given ample time to prepare (and write a script) and then do an audio recording. 

Been a long time since I "flexed" my Chinese muscles....but I'm actually kinda proud of some of the stuff I came up with for both their scripts haha...

I guess watching Chinese variety shows over the last 2-3 years does help a little. 

2 Lines

When 2 lines does not bring happy news. 

No I'm not pregnant. But I'm C+. 

2nd time to kena...one week shy of a year when I had it for the first time. 

Achey, slight fever, fairly leaky nose, scratchy throat. 

But on the whole, I think the symptoms are more manageable compared to the first time. Fever is lower too. Throat doesn't hurt as much as the first time as well. 

I just feel bad (and a little worried) as I had lunch with TY yesterday. He's a cancer patient and while he is in the clear right now, he's still undergoing preventive treatment where he's going through a round of chemo once every 2 months for the next 2 years. 

I pray that he is resilient and that I did not pass anything to him. Fingers crossed. 

I missed my brother's convalidation of marriage ceremony this morning too...

In the meantime....drinking water like nobody's business. 

Thankful that it rained alot and it is not as warm as it was over the last 2-3 weeks. 

Hope I recover soon...

Pick your battles

What if one day comes and I don't want to care about anything at all anymore?

Let all issues drop into a black hole of oblivion. 

How nice that would be. 

Let everything be just rainbows and butterflies and fluffy clouds.

Caring too much. 

Have to let go. 

Can I learn to let go even more? 

Maybe I should carry a broom around and remind myself to sweep more things under the carpet.

:(

Saddest thing I've heard today. From ST.

"Actually you don't look too good. Got to love yourself more."

Chinese Poem!

Nadya's homework...she was supposed to do a writeup or poem or mindmap regarding the word "永远".

While munching on dinner...laoniang came up with the following, which she happily copied....zzzzzzzz.....

永远是友情

也是吃不完的冰淇淋

永远是亲情

也是玩不完的游戏

永远是爱情

也是舔不完的棒棒糖

To be honest....I don't know if it makes sense lol...

Knee

The right knee's feeling better and less stiff after re-starting physio exercises at home again. 

Reminder to self to keep this up. 

The other M

Had lunch with Michelle Ho yesterday. 

A little sad she'll be seconded out quite soon. Yet another familiar face from Suntec days will be gone for the next few years. 

I've always felt a certain affinity with her. Besides sharing the same first name and having had people send wrong emails to us during our early years in this organisation (just cos we share the same first name), we were both from the same primary school, grew up in Tampines (she is still staying there!), are Peranakans, had the same boss, liked the same stuff, etc...We each have 2 kids, and each had a helper and now both of us have no more helper too lol. 

Hard to find folks of the same wavelength and values. 

Sincerely wishing her well in her new place and may we catch up again in the near future. 

9 April 2024

15th paktor anniversary!

It was a Tuesday so we didn't do much on the actual day. The Sunday before, we went for a meal at Sushiro Bedok Mall. Dragged 2 (fairly noisy & "squabbly") lampposts along lol. 

I guess this is how I like it too. Simple, nothing too fancy or ostentatious. And just being together.