CBT & visualisation

Several things happened before the girls' bedtime last night. 

N was still taking her own time getting ready as usual. 

I was already in their room with A and doing my usual goodnight wishes to A. We somehow got to talking about handling & regulating our own feelings and emotions. A mentioned she'd imagine herself as a big & strong horse with all bad thoughts & stuff scrunched up into a ball at her feet. She'd use a strong hoof and squash that ball of bad stuff into a flat piece as a thin as a piece of paper and then kick it away. That flat piece of bad stuff would then float away in the wind never to be seen again. 

I was surprised. I'd never taught her about visualisation or imagery. I told her then about visualisation techniques and how therapists teach adults how to do this as a way to have a better grip on their emotions. I told her she was good & "clever" to already know this at such a young age and that some adults don't know about this. Case in point, laoniang only learnt this method during therapy 6yrs ago lol. 

As if on cue...N came in and started kicking up a fuss. She'd been feeling emo & scared ever since she watched a few minutes of an odd and creepy Korean horror drama at Adrian's place earlier in the evening. She got increasingly difficult to handle and was working herself into a frenzy. She was bawling loudly by then. So much so that I had to take her out the room and make her stay in my room instead. Else A would not be able to sleep. 

I apologised to A...who grumbled "Why does she have to always throw such tantrums? Just don't think about bad thoughts lah! If the show is bad, then don't watch, right??!" Wise words from the small one. Earlier in the night she'd sensed that the show was creepy and opted not to watch it. Anyway, I digressed. 

I had to leave A alone in their bedroom to tend to N. In the short 2-3 mins I spent apologising to A, N had stopped bawling. She was sitting on my bed, leaning against my pillows & bolster and just staring into space. Occasionally sniffling abit. Probably stuck in a rut. I snapped my fingers and got her to wipe her face with a tissue and tidy up her hair abit. Also got her to sit up straighter. 

And then spent the next 30minutes giving her a mini CBT session. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. I tried to teach her what I'd learnt last time from my own therapy sessions. Understanding that thoughts affect your feelings and emotions which then affect your actions...and sometimes your actions feed back into your thoughts and then it becomes an endless loop. I shared with her visualisation techniques how to better control your thoughts. And how to perhaps then replace those thoughts with more neutral or happier ones. I reminded her again about breathing and how focusing on it could help to calm oneself down. 

I tried my best lah. Teaching a 12-yr-old these things...and using language that she understands...I may not have done CBT much justice but I tried. And more importantly, I hope N gets it and finds a suitable way to regulate herself. 

I also shared with her that visualisation might be difficult to do in the beginning but it gets better with time and practice...I hope she remembers to try it out.

Milestone

I don't know whether to label it as a milestone or not. 

But Dad went to get himself a walking stick last week. 

His left leg and hip aren't doing well the last few months. He said he'd been thinking about getting a "tongkat" for awhile now, and he finally did so last week. Got a simple one from Unity. 

He's a proud man. For him to get a tongkat and use it in public....it means he's really acknowledged that his left leg is getting weaker. I guess the turning point probably came around 2-3months back when he finally agreed to go see a doctor and get a referral to an orthopaedic specialist. After my Mum's nagging....

Bringing him to the acupuncturist on 17 July, followed by an MRI that same afternoon. Hope he won't get too stubborn on me. Lol...

He's come around on his leg...but still hasn't come round to getting a hearing aid fitted...

The hearing aid thing is alot more sensitive...let's see how we can bring it up again sometime....

拿备

I thought having "I hate you" said to me by my kid was the ultimate. 

Never in my life did I expect to hear "You are not my mother." 
When all I did was to get them to go to bed. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong person. 

Nabeh. 一山比一山高 is it? 老娘 is carrying a 12cm scar across my abdomen cos of you lor. 

Nair mind. 

Laoniang take deep breaths. 

Laoniang will take as many deep breaths as she needs. 

This too shall pass. 

Kids/Tweens/Angst

Everything happens for a reason. 

Happened to have a chat with a lady from another department in the office. She shared something with me "Kids are ungrateful. Don't take it personally." She emphasised that she meant it with no malice...but just as something factual...a matter of fact. We were probably assholes to our parents at some point in the past. Just a matter of how big or small of an asshole we each were that's all I guess. 

N was very frustrated last night. PSLE coming. Her days are filled with revisions. And when she wanted to chill abit at night, her phone somehow could not work well. Frustration and anger set in. Guess who bore the brunt of it?

I happened to step into the room at the time to ask her to get ready for bed. She told me to shut up. I belted out "What did you say??!!" She instantly broke down and cried, and apologised to me. It was only a short while later when she was in the bedroom again and I was wishing A good night and tucking her into bed first. N was muttering stuff under her breath. 

I caught this phrase she uttered "You are not my mother."  

It was strange. I didn't blow my top. I was calm, and nicely asked her to repeat herself. "Come again, what did you say? Can you say that again please?" 

Silence. 

She started crying again, letting out her frustration (despair?). I sat there with her on her bed. A tried to sayang me & give me a hug. She'd heard it too, and she whispered to me "Mama, I heard. I don't want you to be sad." I assured her I was ok and made her lie down again.  

N started voicing out some of her sad, angry thoughts. Amidst spluttering, sniffling and snot wiping. Somewhere in between....I'm unsure but I thought I heard a "sorry" to me being said as well. Some silent moments in between as well. I shared with her too that it was not nice to say mean things and what she said was quite hurtful. 

Things tapered off and ended. N & I hugged and I offered to play each girl a song of their choice before they finally went to bed. A declined the offer. N asked for Adele's "When We Were Young". Emo song. While it was playing, I then felt the impact of the words she said. The lights were out by then. And I felt safe to start crying. Silently. To myself. Forced myself to stop by the end of the song. 

N then asked for "The Humming Song". A tune I hummed to them to put them to bed with ever since they were babies...They still ask for it once in a blue moon. Last night was that blue moon. 

I hummed it for them for awhile...before I stopped when they were fidgeting less in their beds...

Jittery

Jittery night. Did not manage to sleep it off.

And so...

Jittery morning. 

Hope the course of the day wears the jitters down or at least smoothens down their edges.
And there's the long overdue lunch with KH happening today too..

Jiayou Michelle!

Pantry chats

Met a lady from another department. We didn’t know each other till we got put together in the same group at a big corporate event last year. We had to run around Fort Canning & handle quizzes and games together.

She’s older and quite a lively person so I feel comfortable talking to her. Sometimes when we meet in office, we’d chat abit.

Today, I found out that her younger daughter is taking the O-levels. And N’s taking her PSLE so we were chatting about exams, teenagehood, etc. I left the conversation with a takeaway…it was a phrase her ex-colleague shared with her, said not with malice but as a matter of fact.

“Kids are ungrateful. Don’t take it personally.”

Useful phrase to keep in mind when the going gets tough…:)

Too fast

Small one might be entering puberty...hmm some tiny physical changes....and....

One pimple each on both her cheeks since yesterday!

Growing up too fast...I still wanna bask in her kiddiness longer...

The youngest in both the Lim and Sng families...

Hobbies...

Recently started tangling and doodling again. 

I'm not such a creative person and get stuck on the few designs/patterns I know...while I enjoy the doodling and drawing....my lack of creativity sometimes stifles things lol. 

I guess I move on from hobby to hobby too...crochet for a period of time, then stop...then dabble in zentangle & doodling again....then stop...then read abit (a really short bit)...then stop again 

买东西!!

These 2 days....

Suddenly 心血来潮...

Been purchasing stuff online. LOL...

Plogging

Spent the last 4 days plogging for 30mins each afternoon or evening with Alyssa. For one of her Brownies' project. 

We're novices and only armed ourselves with a mid-sized plastic bag, and a pair of disposable chopsticks. We mainly walked along the pavements and grass patches around our house. 

I was surprised though. Each day of plogging yielded at least 300-400gms of rubbish. And it was mostly because we did not have larger bags to store the rubbish. Bigger pieces of junk like trunking, cables and were left as is.

Day 1 - 82 cigarette butts, and random bits of paper, rubber and plastic. Also tissue, sweet and snack wrappers and odd pieces of small junk.

Day 2 - 60+ cigarette butts, random bits of plastic and paper again. Discarded metal cans. More tissue, sweet and snack wrappers. Straws.

Day 3 - 1 cigarette butt, 3 empty cigarette boxes, more wet tissues, cable ties, snack wrappers again. At least 2 plastic dabao bags (those used to dabao iced milo or kopi). Straws again. 

Day 4 - 14 cigarette butts, various pieces of styrofoam, many tissue papers, straws again and odd pieces of plastic, rubber and paper again. 

Many of us just walk along pavements without realising there are many bits of rubbish nestled in between grass patches, along road kerbs, next to bins, under bushes, or just on the pavement itself. 

Alyssa & I realised that when we open up our eyes to observe then we really can "see" and notice so many things. 

I don't understand though, why there are so many snack, food, biscuit, sweet wrappers around on the floor? If you dropped it, just pick it up and throw it when you next see a bin right? So difficult meh? Sigh... 

Your Clone

Alyssa came home from Brownies today bearing small wooden tags for K, N, herself & myself. 

One side bears our name and the side of the tag contains a meaningful message. 

I loved the one she wrote for herself. So profound for a 10-year-old.

"Just know that I am proud of you."
- Your clone

Loved the message she wrote. 

Wish I had her level of intelligence when I was 10. I think I was just nuah-ing around and irritating my brother at home at age 10. 

Woot!

Checked my HR app yesterday.

Checked my bank account yesterday too. 

Yay, performance and corporate bonus are in already...! 

内耗 - part 2

It's been around 4 weeks since I took the bus to work. 

Already expected that it would derail me somewhat. This morning was a jittery time getting to the bus-stop, waiting for the bus to come and the whole journey. 

Glad the "Coffee & Piano" playlist I listen to on Spotify worked its wonders again to keep me abit more calm and grounded. 

And it had to be today that I met with heavy rain again lol. 

Took me 15-20mins from the usual bus-stop I alight at to get to my office building. It usually takes me 5mins to walk to office. 

I spent a few minutes frozen at the bus-stop this morning instead, wondering if it would make more sense to backtrack to Labrador MRT station and then take the sheltered walkway to the office building, or forge ahead & brave the 500/600m walk in the rain. 

Considerations?

Which would get me less wet...and which would preserve my new calfskin leather shoes better. 

I ended up going to Labrador MRT station. There was only a big road that was unsheltered before I got to the MRT station. But....that small stretch....was enough to get part of the inside of my shoes wet...just glad it was not soaked through else I'd have another pair of ruined & grimy leather shoes. 

Mini adventure this morning...Here's to a better week ahead!! Jiayou!!

内耗

还是时不时地想朋友之间的友情和关系

Leave & OIL

Thankful, laoniang accumulated 10 days OIL, to be cleared in one year. 

I still have 43 days of AL out of which 28 can be brought over to 2026.

Which means I have 25 days (including the 10 OIL) that need to be cleared within this year. 

Ok....need to plan how to make this happen. 

Mother's Day

 Alyssa wrote a poem for me for Mother's Day. She did it in Chinese & translated it into English as well. 

叶子　－　林芯余

当雪从老天
落下来，
叶子都会
离开树妈妈。
有一棵叶子
还紧紧地
抓住树干。
那个叶子是
我。

Leaves - Alyssa Lim

Once snow falls
from the sky,
leaves will
leave Mother Tree.
But,
there is one leaf
still holding on. 
That leaf
is me.

Nothing from Nadya this year...:) Are we at that stage where she is so busy till no simple card for her mum anymore? Tween-hood....

Jiayou

Feel a little sad for Dr Chee Soon Juan. I did not listen to his rally speeches nor did I read his party's manifesto and proposals. 

But I know of him since I was a kid. How he was prosecuted (fairly or unfairly?) many times in his political career. And how got up each time he was beaten down. And how he carried on fighting for what he believed in. 

是执着， 是固执， 是信念， 是不服？

Whatever it is, I respect him, his gumption, his perseverance, his courage, his guts in carrying on all these decades in fulfilling his ideals & beliefs and staying hopeful despite the many setbacks he'd encountered. 

And I respect his wife too. Don't think it's been easy for her all these years too. 

Jiayou to him & his family. 

And it's a wrap

老了

Past 2 weeks of odd working hours during the GE period have turned me into a zombie. 

230am - 9am....then 230pm to 9pm. Sometimes 830am - 230pm...then 230am to 9am. 

Glad we've stood down from operations officially at 210am 4 May 2025 right after all local votes were announced and declared conclusive. 

More things to do this round. Maybe cos there are more paranoid higher-ups...and cos of all the scammy , spammy and malicious issues which started since a few years ago. 

Just glad things are sort of over....

It's 12pm now. And I feel like I need to crash into bed again...

Need to get my body clock back in order again lol...

GE2025

24/7 monitoring started on 23 April. 

Laoniang 老了. I feel more tired now than when I was involved in shift work in GE2020. 

Mid-way through...ganbatte!!

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I feel a buzz in the air though....I can almost see it. 

GE2025 is so different from GE2020 where things were so muted and campaigning and hustings were conducted almost entirely online. 

I did not realise how I missed the rallies. I did not realise how I missed the trucks driving around bearing their party colours and loudhailers blaring party slogans and calls to action from ward resident. 

Till I heard them once again. :) 

Maybe age changes someone. I was never this interested in our GEs...this round feels different somehow and I find myself regularly catching the news and watching updates or highlights from mainstream media or from social media. 

===========================

I admire those who stepped up for the various parties. Whether from a small party or a big one with great resources, putting yourself out there in front of the nation, calls for great courage. And I applaud all those who have stood up to run. 

What I don't appreciate though, is the various netizens who lambast candidates online. As one netizen put it aptly: "Say so much, comment so much, why you ownself never run? Talk big only." 

Say what you want behind closed doors but to openly belittle someone else online, I think it is not nice. 

Granted though, that some (or perhaps many) of these FB accounts may just be bots created by folks who just want to be trolls or foreigners who just want to have an interfering hand in SG's business or bored locals who just want to "stir" up unsavoury sentiments on the ground. 

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Kudos too to the many unsung folks working behind the scenes to ensure the whole machinery is working well...to quell any possible foreign intereference...to ensure security systems are in place...to ensure IT systems are working well...

Both the public service, and the many volunteers behind each party...

Jacky in the cab

Took a cab to work today. Lazy to lug 2 laptops on the bus. 

Cab guy made me "cry" lol. 

His playlist was all Jacky Cheung's songs, both in Chinese & Cantonese. 

Gosh, all the feels.....

I teared up at one point and was able to just dab away those tear drops....I thought to myself: "Lucky he didn't play 我真的受伤了" else I'd be bawling in the cab lol...

When I reached office, I thanked cab guy for playing Jacky's songs and told him "我的童年。"

He laughed and said "Hah nor...我也是。"

Thank you Matthew for a nice playlist!