I had a Dream

I woke at 530am to feed Little Baby. She went back to sleep after having her tummy filled and I headed back to sleep as well. Catching every little bit of sleep is important to us these days.

In that short 45minutes, I had a dream which I woke from feeling a mixture of sadness and happiness.

I dreamt I was in a big big house with lush gardens surrounding it. The grounds of the house even had a stable for horses. I was walking around outside and decided to go back into the house. I went in from the backdoor which led directly to the kitchen.

And when I stepped into the warm cosy kitchen, there they were, seated at a rectangular wooden table which had been pushed against a wall.

My Aunt (who is still very much alive by the way), my grandmother and my grand-aunt. The three of them, chatting away in English and our Peranakan lingo. They were happy. When I stepped in, my grandmother turned slightly my way and gave me a small nod to acknowledge my presence though the other two didn’t. After that nod, she went back to their conversation.

My grandmother looked healthy and happy. She was not too thin and looked like how she was back in 2007, 2008 or even 2009, when she was still using her walking frame to shuffle around. I remember seeing her pink walking frame in the dream. It was folded up and placed against a wall in a corner of the kitchen.

She was dressed in one of her brown multi-print blouses and her usual black pants. And she was wearing her gold-rimmed specs. She was her wrinkly self but when she smiled or laughed in her conversation her eyes sparkled and her cheeks bunched up.

I don’t remember much about how my grand-aunt was in the dream. Her back was facing me but I could hear her voice and I could see her permed white hair, full and proudly coiffed. But she sounded excited, happy and chirpy for sure. She let out one of her chuckles in the dream.

I don’t remember anything else after that. The dream probably ended there. 

I hope this is their way of telling me that they are together now in whatever place they are at and that they are doing well and are happy. 

Today happens to be the 133rd day after Gran's passing.

On the bus this morning

2 young ladies were seated behind me, chatting (gossiping) incessantly. I think they were in their early or mid-20s.

They were scoring the guys in their mutual social circle on a scale of 1 to 10.

A: "Sean's an 8 to me."
B: "Really? I think I'm stricter than you. He's a 7 to me."
A: "Haha ya, I'm more generous. Weiye's very photogenic though but he doesn't look as good in person. I give him a 6.5."

Girls.....Like seriously??
No better things to talk about meh?

汪峰

Just discovered this singer. A respected 摇滚singer based in China. Loving this song of his.

Lyrics are pretty meaningful and it captures the paradoxes and dilemma of life. How one can feel happy and sad at the same time, how one lives and yet doesn't at the same time.

汪峰 - 存在

多少人走着却困在原地

多少人活着却如同死去

多少人爱着却好似分离

多少人笑着却满含泪滴

谁知道我们该去向何处

谁明白生命已变为何物

是否找个借口继续苟活

或是展翅高飞保持愤怒

我该如何存在

多少次荣耀却感觉屈辱

多少次狂喜却倍受痛楚

多少次幸福却心如刀绞

多少次灿烂却失魂落魄

谁知道我们该梦归何处

谁明白尊严已沦为何物

是否找个理由随波逐流

或是勇敢前行挣脱牢笼

我该如何存在

谁知道我们该去向何处

谁明白生命已变为何物

是否找个借口继续苟活

或是展翅高飞保持愤怒

谁知道我们该梦归何处

谁明白尊严已沦为何物

是否找个理由随波逐流

或是勇敢前行挣脱牢笼

我该如何存在

Om Nom Nom

This was the first time I let her try a fish-flavoured baby biscuit.

She loved it. 

back...zzz...for now....

When I go missing from my own blog, it usually means I've been really caught-up in various things.
These days, "various things" usually means family, chores and Little Baby.

Let's see..what were the things I was thankful for since last Wednesday 13 Aug?

1) Went to an industry seminar on Thursday and saw a number of industry folks (both local and overseas folks) who I know. It was nice catching up with them. The seminar was at Raffles Hotel and I had a nice buffet lunch too :)

2) Had a nice lunch on Friday with KH and Clarissa.

3) Went home for dinner on Saturday night and met up with Adrian and family.

4) Attended an ex-colleague's post-ROM tea reception at Food for Thought Gardens by the Bay on Sunday. Brought Little Baby long too. Though she took long to warm up to all the new faces, she eventually did to about 2-3 people only after an hour or so .

5) Cooked aglio olio on Saturday for lunch and carrot, potato, corn soup. :)

6) Was on leave on Monday! Although most of the day was spent catching up on chores, it still felt good to be on leave. You can let your hair down and let yourself pick whatever you wish to have for mealtime.

It's Tuesday afternoon 3pm now. To be honest, I keep falling asleep at my desk. I'd be typing halfway and then I find myself nodding off with my fingers somehow typing out some intelligible rubbish on the screen.

Being thankful - Day 9

Today I am thankful for:

1) Catching up with a good friend from work, KH. We didn't see each other for 2 entire weeks and had a number of things to catch up on haha. Our lunch ended up being 1.5hours long. Just discovered that she is also watching Voice of China Season 3! Yay, there's someone whom I can discuss the show with now. :)

2) Little Baby being alright after a small tumble she had in school. She is learning to walk now and is using furniture and other objects to get to a standing position. She is still a little wobbly though. Either she lost her grip or she was trying to get down to the floor this afternoon. She took a tumble and landed on the mat beneath her. But her right cheek hit part of a shelf and had some red bruising. The teachers put an ice pack on her cheek and the redness has since almost gone away. Was told that she cried initially but stopped when the ice pack was put on her because she was curious about the ice pack and the cold feeling. Just very glad that she's okay. My poor baby...am so gonna give her a big hug when I see her later back at home...

3) Being able to hum or sing songs to myself without caring if other passers-by think I am mad. If I'm happy and feel like singing, I'll sing. Of course, I don't do it loudly lah...just enough for myself to hear. Someone standing next to me or a few steps away from me will definitely hear it.

Being thankful - Day 8

Yesterday, I was thankful for:

1) The bus arriving at the bus-stop just 2 minutes after I reached the bus-stop. Lol, I guess it's the little things which make your day sometimes. :)

2) Having a conversation with one of Little Baby's teachers in infant care. It is always good to hear feedback and also always good to hear that there are positive observations made about your child. So Little Baby is opening up to other teachers now and is less sticky to this particular teacher who spoke to me. She even approached two other teachers on her own accord and they were so pleased and happy that she was finally willing to go over to them. She is becoming more independent apparently and can sit on her own to play or go off exploring on her own. She can also interact with the other kids better now. Little Baby is growing up...

3) Salad supper. Munched on crunchy greens tossed in Japanese roasted sesame seed sauce. In the white bowl K brought back from Nice. In the quiet of night. It was 10pm. In the kitchen. In our home. I felt happy.

RIP Mrs Doubtfire

The first news I saw this morning was that of actor Mr Robin Williams committing suicide on Monday 11 August 2014. He was aged 63 only. That is still young to me.

I do feel sad. He was a good actor. He made us laugh, made us cry, made us think and imagine.
He inspired me in Dead Poets Society, made me laugh till my sides hurt in Mrs Doubtfire and left me crying and in awe in Good Morning Vietnam. 

RIP Mr Robin Williams.
Perhaps you were in despair, perhaps you felt tired and did not wish to battle on. Whatever it is, I believe it took you much courage to do what you did. 

Wherever you are going, I hope you will find your peace there and happiness as well...

Being thankful - Day 7

Yesterday, I was thankful for:

1) The chance to take a 30-45min nap. K looked after her while I collapsed on our bed and snoozed for almost 45mins in the early afternoon. A good nap definitely brings you further and I was grateful to K for doing chores and looking after her during that time.

2) Little Baby's trip out to the park. There is a park about 5 mins from where we stay and while K went for his Sunday evening jog, I brought Little Baby out for a walk along the park connector and at the park and playground itself. She looked intently everywhere and when we reached the playground she was staring at all the bigger kids running around (some were a little "amok" lol). I sat with her on one of those saddle seats that had a huge spring connecting it to the ground. She held the handlebars and I just rocked and bounced away haha. I'll be more prepared next time though, I forgot to bring her portable fan out, forgot to put on her pre-walker shoes and also didn't put a mozzie patch on her. Next time!

3) Our little family eating together. The fried rice and salted vege soup that my Mum made us dabao when we went over for dinner on Saturday dinner formed part of both our meals on Sunday...
During dinner, K, Little and Baby sat at our dining table on the balcony. 我们一家三口。A small breeze was blowing, a neighbour peeked out through his balcony (we waved to him) and there we were having dinner while the sun was setting. Nice homecooked food, using our own cutlery and crockery and utentsils, sitting in our own space. Couldn't ask for more.

Fish Porridge

Yesterday was a second failed attempt at getting her to try and finish fish porridge.
We tried 2 months back as well and she did take some of it but eventually turned her face away.

Last night, she took a few mouthfuls and then started fussing and crying.

Hmm, am I not doing or cooking it right? Is threadfin too fishy? Maybe I'll try cod fish instead?...

Oh the thoughts and plans and ideas for her food are floating around in my mind right now.... Mid-afternoon at work lol... ;p

Being thankful - Day 6

Today I am thankful for:

1) Mum cooking salted veg with duck soup for K and I. She knows we like it and I think she was also worried if we were getting enough to eat for our meals. For she cooked an extra Tupprware for us to dabao home haha.

2) The chance to watch the National Day parade on TV. I've not done that for many  years and this year, the little girl was looked after by K and my parents so I decided to park myself in front of the TV and watch it. :)

3) A clothing sale. Chanced upon a Fox Kids store and it was having a sale of buy 4 get 1 free. Needless to say I grabbed 5 items of clothing for Little Baby, hehe.

Being thankful - Day 5

I am thankful for these yesterday:

1) K coming home earlier. He was supposed to touch down at 12-plus am but it turned out that his work couldn't proceed per schedule and he managed to switch to an earlier flight home. 

2) A good friend I have in HK. I started out being wary of him and his intentions but H has since turned out to be a good friend I have in this industry. We can bitch about stuff in the industry and also share views on things out of the industry and on our personal lives.

3) The nice lunch I had with two other colleagues from my team. Nice in the sense that we could talk freely with each other and had much fun and laughter. 

Being thankful - Day 4

Today I am thankful for:

1) A surprise visit in office by an ex-colleague. Lili's getting married soon and I wish her all the best!

2) A surprise FB message from an ex-work acquaintance. He used to be from a Ministry and was checking if I was going to attend a particular Internet conference in Istanbul in October. Turns out I'm not attending. He's with Google now and has invited me over to his office for a catch up session. Muahahahha, I'll take up the offer soon :) Having a contact in Google is always good, especially when you yourself are in the Internet industry. 

3) My mum. She's been there for me always. I didn't see it when I was younger and had a difficult period with her. But things kinda changed when I was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm back in 2005. I was touched, very touched by how she and my dad took care of me. And I told myself to always be there for them too. She's staying with me tonight because K is out of town. She so very kindly offered to help me out and look after Little Baby while I settled chores and other stuff. Lol deep down, I know she is also super curious as to how our new home is like. Plus she misses spending time with Little Baby. Hence her offer to come stay with me for a night. Haha....

Sleepyhead

I used to wonder how people doze off so easily on the bus, the MRT or anywhere else.

I hereby announce that I have unwittingly become a part of that group.

I'll be on the MRT or bus and if I choose to close my eyes, I'll be asleep within minutes.

I ishh zombie liao...

Being thankful - Day 3

I am thankful for:

1) Touching base with an ex-colleague. He's younger than I am but I call him Mr Han just for fun. A smart and eloquent guy who is not uppity like some of the other Gen Y folks these days. Good head on his shoulders. 

2) Little Baby being a sweetheart during mealtime. She gets cranky at times during feeds in her highchair but it was a relatively smooth feed tonight. And she gobbled up the entire banana that I smashed up for her. Definitely more than what she usually takes. And just 10mins later, she somehow finished up another 90ml of milk. Growth spurt?

3) Having all my 5 senses. Sight, Hearing, Taste, Touch, Smell. They might not be perfect but they are functioning well enough and they bring me more experiences than I give them credit for. Case in point: Because of my ears, music can touch my soul. Because of my ability to taste, food can satisfy me. You get the drift. :) Thought about this during my quiet lunch at my desk today. 

Hmm...

Just wondering if I am bogging myself down with too much physical clutter. Or if I place too much emphasis and attachment on some physical items I own.

I met with this question back in mid-2012 when I shifted from my parents’ home to my inlaws’ place. This recent home-moving exercise has again triggered these thoughts.

I have tons of clothes but really only wear a selection of them.

I have many pairs of shoes but really only wear a handful of them.

I have maybe 10 or more bottles of nail varnish but I’ve not painted my nails since March 2013.

I have many small pouches, wristlets and other smallish purses but I usually don’t use most of them.

Will it hurt me if I throw or donate some of the above away? Probably not.

I have a big box filled with art and craft knick knacks that I’ve amassed over the years since I was a child. I can’t bear to part with some of these because they were either from my grandmother or because they have been with me for the longest time.

Will it hurt if I throw some of these away? Yes, I think it will. At least I know I won’t be able to let go of the things my grandmother left behind.

I still have a big bag of soft toys at my mother’s place. Each has its own story and sentimental value.

I still have an entire storage bed at my mother’s place, full of old photographs, autograph books and other memorabilia from my youth.

Will it hurt if I throw some of these away. Yes, it probably will.

I still have story books at my mother’s place and at my inlaws’ place.

What am I to do with all these things?

Am I vesting too much attachment to some of these things? Hmm….

Bruno!

Voila, it'll be Bruno Mars accompanying me today. He reminds me of Jason Mraz but with a little bit more pop.

Bobbing my head to the beats now. My colleague Danny looked over quizzically and I pointed to my earphones. I saw him mouth the words "Ah ok" and he continued banging away at his laptop....hahaa.

Being thankful - Day 2

Today I am thankful for:

1) The brief but very enjoyable whatsapp chat with Chloe. It's always a joy to communicate with her, whether in person, over texts or via other online methods. I definitely miss our MSN conversations, which can range from the mundane to the nonsensical, from raunchy and explicit to vulgar and uncouth, from the philosophical to anything under the sun. I miss her and am glad we are somewhat still in touch. 

2) Little Baby being given the all clear. She had a bad bout of cold the other day, complete with fever and runny nose and cough. While everything else healed, her cough lingered and we brought her to the PD again. He ordered a nose swab to be done on her. If bacteria was found, she would have to be on antibiotics. The clinic called me up this morning and informed me that she had no bacteria in her and would not need to be on antibiotics. Needless to say I heaved a big sigh of relief. 

3) The rain. It brought respite from the humidity and heat. Enough said! Even Little Baby was sweating less. 

Phew

There was actually something else that happened yesterday morning for which I am thankful for. 

There is a major cross junction along Pasir Panjang Road that I need to cross each morning to get to office. The lights turned to the pedestrians' favour and so a lady and I started crossing the road. We had hardly taken 5 steps when the lights malfunctioned. There must have been some lapse or computer glitch in the system for then the traffic lights turned against us. The traffic started moving.

And there we were, the two of us in the middle of the road with cars starting to come towards us. There were other people around but as they were behind me and this other lady, they managed to scurry back to the roadside. 

The lady hurried forward to get to the island in the middle of the road. My puny follower-brain followed suit closely behind her. 

What am I thankful for? I am thankful that the drivers yesterday morning were vigilant and noticed the situation. They slowed down to let us pass through safely first. An uncle high up in a big cement truck even smiled at me and waved me along. 

Thank you Lord.

Being thankful - Day 1

There is an FB tagging post going around recently where one must write down 3 things he/she is thankful for everyday for a period of 5 days and then tag someone else to do the same.

I like the idea. I think it makes us think through and focus on all the positives in our lives instead of getting distracted and hindered by the negatives. Though no one tagged me, I'd like to undertake this effort too. On my own accord.

So, the 3 things I am thankful for today:

1) I have a loving and supportive family. For this I am deeply grateful. While we may have our differences from time to time, or irritate each other in ways no one else can, deep down we know we love each other to bits and we will be there for each other come hell or high water. Bloodties. :) Mum is coming by to stay with me for a night when K flies off again this Thurs. Deeply touched. While I feel a little guilty at having her drop by for the night, I'm partly glad as well that I'd be getting some time to spend with her. 

2) I can still somewhat squeeze into an XS-sized dress which I bought several years ago, before I even got married. Although it's a little tight fitting at the waist area but at least I can still wear it lah. Haha. ;p

3) Little Baby was playing on her own. She knew I was around in the same room and when she started getting sleepy, she crawled over to me and laid her head on my lap. Then she tried climbing on me and asked to be carried. She somehow likes me carrying her when she's sleepy. She would then lay her head on my chest or shoulder. It's a warm fuzzy feeling knowing your child wants and needs you. I shall endeavor to savor these very precious moments for babies grow up too fast. Soon she might not even want me running my fingers through her hair or patting her to sleep. Soon she will find me too naggy and restrictive. Soon....oh well. So I am thankful for these moments now and will treasure them greatly. 

Spot the Difference

No wonder I was feeling a little strange and different today. Like something was missing. 

Up and Running

We as a family of three have officially moved into our nest. 

Glad that Little Baby took to the place and was excitedly crawling around and exploring. I guess it helped that I dug out her favourite Winnie the Pooh soft toy and showed it to her together with some other of her familiar toys. 

Did our first load of washing yesterday. The washing machine will be pretty well-used going forward. There will be at least 3 loads of washing today alone. :)

Lack of updates yesterday because I was  totally exhausted. There were (and still are) tons of things to do. Boxes and plastics bags of stuff everywhere. My clothes are still in the luggage. And I've also not brought over my office clothes yet. 

Right now it's a 有洞就塞, 有位就放. Loosely translated into "just stuff it into whatever hole you can find, whatever space you can find". Proper organisation can come at a later stage. 

Multi-tasking the entire week. And now as well. Trying to clear work emails while having lunch in my balcony. I've not been in office since last Wed 23 July. There is an avalanche of emails that I thought I'd better clear before returning to work on Monday. 

P/s: alfresco dining in the comfort of your own home is pretty cool. :) liking this. 

Difference between modern day shifting and those of yesteryears

Modern Day Shifting : the WIFI must be up when we shift in! 

And yes it has been set up. 

As has the TV and sound system. After 2 years of living without much music in my daily life at home, I'm glad that I'm getting it again. :) 

See that little black round thing on the floor of the master room? That's a speaker, till we find a better place for it. 

The TV is up as well. Woot!

La Cuisine

The kitchen is the heart of the home. 

While our kitchen might be a tiny one, and smaller than what we both are used to, we'll endeavor to make it our own well-loved space! 

The fridge, washer and oven came in today. :) 

Shifting

The first functional chair/stool/seating apparatus in our home! 

Developing My Musical Instincts

The inlaws recently bought a xylophone for the little girl. And it inspired me to download a piano app on my phone. I've been fiddling around with it and after many trials and errors, I am proud to announce that I now know how to play the following tunes! Of course, I literally only know how to play single note songs with no accompanying or underlying musical currents lol. Plain and simple.

- Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

- The ABC Song

- Baa Baa Black Sheep

- When The Saints Came Marching In (only one verse lol)

- Happy Birthday 

- Doe a Deer.....

Will try to explore other songs!

I played some songs while K and I sang to her last night. I wouldn't say she loved it but it did keep her entertained for more than several minutes :) 

累了, 病了

Guess those initial late nights when Little Baby was having fever and the running around to get things ready for the new home has taken its toll...

Had slight fever yesterday. Nose seems to be a little runny as well. Still feeling less than 100%, am functioning alright but just a little groggy. 

Bah, jiayou!! 

There are still things to be done and work to be settled! 

Moment of Truth

Packing clothes for the shift. Setting aside those shorts and fitted dresses I can no longer fit into.

Bah. 

Reality bites.