For posterity

Some memorable pics from the HK trip...really love some of these...:)

Alyssa being cheeky and gamely posing for the camera. At the SQ lounge before boarding the flight to HK.

Breakfast at the Disneyland Hotel.

Cloudy skies

Ok I'll admit that part of her chor-lor-ness comes from me.....

It was a cloudy and rainy morning...we had to run here and there to hide from the rain, which started and stopped at its whim and fancy. We gave up after 2 hours and went back to the hotel.

During breakfast!

Peekaboo! In the hotel room. 

Fooling around during breakfast, with a smiley face sticker on her nose.

What to do in hotel rooms? Bubble bath!!

The Sleeping Beauty castle in good sunny weather. 

At the seaside just outside the hotel grounds.

That's the Disneyland pier just outside the hotel. 

When she heard and saw that Minnie Mouse was in the restaurant. 

Planting a kiss on Mickey when he wasn't noticing lol....

In the hotel.

View from our balcony. Gorgeous on a bright, sunny day. 

And we survived. :)

A trip to HK's Disneyland with both kids in tow...and a helper too.

The girls did well during the flights there and back. That was my biggest concern actually but they did good. Although there was more fussing from them on the flight back to SG, it was still relatively manageable.

I'm glad Nadya got to meet her idols Elsa and Anna from Frozen. We had queued up for about 20-30mins just to have a picture taken with them. But she chickened out at the last moment and burrowed her head in my chest and refused to take a picture. We took a picture anyway. With me grinning and Elsa and Anna smiling widely, and with Nadya in my arms with her head in my chest lol.

I'm glad she got to meet her fav character too! Minnie Mouse! She was in a good mood by then and could even hug and kiss Minnie Mouse. She also took pictures with Mickey Mouse and the chipmunks, Chip and Dale. She saw Pluto and goofy as well but did not get to take pictures with them.

I think Alyssa sort of enjoyed herself too? Hahaha...she's probably too young to understand things now...but we can show her all the photographs next time. She cowered when Mickey Mouse tried to kiss her hahah.Oh yes, but she had her first taste of food that was not prepared at home. She slurped up a bowl of pork porridge flavoured with dried oysters on one morning and another small bowl of fish porridge on another morning. :)

She's growing up fast...slow down little one...mama and dada still want to smell your babyness....

While I didn't get to shop or eat my fav mango jelly dessert from Xu Liu Shan...
While I didn't get to walk the streets of Tsim Tsa Tsui or the streets of Nu Ren Jie...
While I didn't get to munch on lots of dimsum...
While we didn't venture out of Lantau island to the city area....
While my arms and back ached from carrying Nadya too much...

I think...

This has got to be one of the best trips I've had to HK...:)

I told K the day we got back to SG that I might not be ready for another trip yet...

I'm having second thoughts...maybe....I could do another trip...yes, with the girls...

Hmm...mm.....early next year?

Eema

Eema is doing ok so far. Her op lasted almost 4 hours and her head was shaved. She still has a tube in her skull to drain out any other excess blood and is still in ICU. If she is stable, by this evening she would be moved out of ICU into the high-dependency ward instead.

Thank you God, for keeping her safe during the op....

I hope my mum gets enough rest too. She's been running around because of Eema's situation.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change, 

the courage to change the things that I can, 

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Why do not-so-good things happen to good people?

My maternal Aunt is a devout Buddhist with a pure and simple heart. All she's ever done in her life is to work hard, pray, be selfless and care for others around her, including her friends and family.

She's a great cook, honed from when she was young and had to cook for the entire family. She was the eldest daughter and back in those days, the eldest daughter in a Cantonese family undertook most of the responsibilities of helping to look after the household. She was also a cook at a chye-png stall for many years. And at festive occasions like CNY, she would camp out at my uncle's house. Together some some other aunts, she would whip up an amazing meal for the rest of the family....


4 years ago, she had a stroke. We were lucky, it was not a very serious one. But even so, it took her a good 6 months before she became better. At the behest of her siblings and my mum, she retired and was no longer a workhorse. She became weaker after that incident but still kept up with her prayers and trips to the temple...and she was still whipping up lovely dishes at big family gatherings...

She's been having a bad swollen right leg for the past 1 week plus. She can't walk properly. 

I just received news this morning that my mum and another 2 aunts brought her to A&E yesterday. Through various tests, it was discovered that she had bleeding the the area between the skull and the brain. It was happening on the left side of her head which was why her right leg was badly affected and swollen due to pressure building up in the head....

The situation looks serious and she's been scheduled for an emergency operation this morning to remove blood clots and stem the blood flow.

Sigh.

It is scheduled as a pinhole procedure for now as they don't want to stress her body too much. She's 78 this year. But if the clots can't be fully removed through this procedure....they would have no choice but to do a full surgery and cut her up for better access to the affected area.

Fingers crossed that the op will go smoothly....

She's an aunt I hold close to my heart.

And I hope God watches over her.

Let the black pen dance

Recent pieces over the last 1.5 months.

Each piece is about A5 in size. 

I like the last one. It's actually made up of many many different triangles to get this "pointy sea-shell" shaped pattern. 

没这个天分。。。没这个天赋

I think....I'm an artist wannabe.

I'd like to think I can draw a little. But truth be told, I can't really do so....

Without Youtube tutorials, without Google Images, I won't have enough creative juices to come up with good enough mandala pieces or doodle designs or Zentangle designs.

:(

Even after several months of looking at some of these tutorials and designs, and various trials and errors, I still struggle to come up with something unique or passable.

:(

Guess I'll just....

Try again...

At the most, I'll keep watching and looking at other designs online....

Big sigh

I've asked myself this question many times over the last few months. 

Just what the fuck is happening?

The girls...are making me worried sick. (Yes, I'm both literally and figuratively sick by the way.) 

Alyssa with her ENT issues...

And now Nadya. 

She went from several months in the clear, to being down for the past 1.5months. She had fever and runny nose and cough. Went to the PD twice and had to be on antibiotics before she recovered. 

And then almost immediately after she recovered, she got hit by a tummy bug and had a very bad bout of diarrhoea. Her peak was 15/16 times to the toilet a day. Was put on a short course of antibiotics again. 

And after the recovered she suddenly developed a cough. She probably got it from me, who got it from Alyssa. And while we have been self-medicating her, she seemed to be doing ok till today when she started coughing more. 

Just this evening she developed a fever. 

Sigh. 

Please God...

Please bless and protect my girls and let them recover fully from whatever ailments they have. 

And please let them grow stronger and healthier in time to come....

And please let my cough go away too.im starting to get breathless again...I don't want to keep using a steroid puff to keep my lungs clear....:( 

I should just get my brother's pastor to come in and bless the house or something. Or read some scriptures to chase away whatever bad iffy stuff there might be...

Planning for.....

1. Our upcoming trip to HK Disneyland (this one might be...a logistical nightmare I think haha)
2. The girls' joint birthday party with our families
3. Nadya's birthday party with her classmates 
4. Potential food to order for the potluck session with 2 of our immediate neighbours

One big win

One big challenge has been overcome recently. Amidst all the demoralizing ailments and maladies suffered by the girls, we managed to get Nadya to quit her pacifier. 

We had tried to get her to quit it several times in the past but failed miserably. She was addicted to it. 

And in the past month or so, it had gotten to a state where the pacifier looked like a rat had chewed it up. There was a ragged hole in it. She still insisted on using it. I was getting paranoid that she would end up eating silicone because of the hole that seemed to be getting bigger each passing day.

After several nights of nagging and prepping her that we had to throw it away, I finally got her to do the deed herself. 

And she was a brave one. She took it and threw it into the bin herself. Quite resolutely I must say. 

Sure, she asked for it from time to time over the next couple of days but it was generally manageable. I'd remind her that she had thrown it away herself. She would be silent and brooding for several moments and then give a sigh of resignation. 

So there you have it, one hurdle crossed and out of our minds. :) 

For posterity : 

Mid-August 2016. Nadya threw her pacifier away!!

Yay!

Hang in there....

One after the other. 

From not falling sick in several months, to being sick for more than a month with various ailments. Cough, fever and cold to diarrhoea to now cough and cold again. That's Nadya.

And Alyssa...with her allergic rhinitis and perpetual runny nose and resulting cough...

I think we've been to the PD and/or specialist clinics more than 20 times this year so far. 

And it's only August. 

Jiayou to the girls.

Jiayou to us.

Dear god, please heal and bless my family and keep them well. 

"Washing face"

The floodgates open more easily these days.

I involuntarily cried when a colleague asked me how I was yesterday morning. Ruined my eye make-up abit...-_-

And I involuntarily cried again this morning when I was at my desk having breakfast.

Bah.

Questions. Thoughts. Worries.

The thought has always been at the back of my mind. To either take a 1, 2, or even 3-year break from work; or work on a part-time basis.

Alyssa is sick again and the thought has thus resurfaced again. I have half a mind to take her out of infant care, if it would help her gain some semblance of a healthy, happy childhood. I do not wish for her memories to be filled with images of being fed medicine all the time or of coughing and having a leaky nose all the time.

6 months on, after returning to work from my maternity leave, I still don't seem to be handling this working mother shit thing very well.

My brother texted me this morning and surprised me. He asked me to consider taking a few years break from work till the girls are older and more stable. He can attest to this I suppose. My sister-in-law stopped working to fully concentrate on my nephew, from when he was 6 months old. He is 13 this year.

Questions. Thoughts. Worries.

So.......

So I guess this is what growing older means...

Taking care of and worrying over your kids...
Helping out and worrying over your parents...

Trying to settle your own things but most of the time not being able to do so...
Things are put on the backburner...

Jiayou.
Jiayou.
Jiayou.

王德顺

I was listening to an old Chinese man's speech online. I chanced upon it.
Mainly because I recognised him as THE old Chinese man whose picture went viral last year when he proudly strutted his stuff down the runway during China's fashion week.

His name is Wang De Shun, 王德顺 in Chinese.
He was 79 last year, which makes him 80 this year in 2016.
He was in very good shape during the talk, speaking, prancing, jumping, gesticulating and running about on stage.
It was a TEDx-type of forum called Yixi. You know, whatever the world has, China would have its own version of it.

Although the talk was mainly a chronological diary of his achievements in life and in the arts, it was inspiring in a way. It wasn't a self-glorifying speech but it didn't dwell on life values and learning points either. He left it to the individual listener to glean what they wanted from his talk. 

For me, my takeaway was that while tenacity, drive, determination, passion, grit and hardwork gets you far, luck and connections bring you further and helps set you apart from the others who also have the same grit and passion as you do. Getting a lifelong partner who supports you in your quest in life is important, as is holding to your own ideals and principles in life. And, it is important to keep your passion and interests alive, no matter what age.

Set your mind to something you want and pursue it doggedly. For one of his art performance, in order to fulfil the role he envisioned in his mind, he spent 3 years at the gym to hone and tone his body. He had wanted to achieve an Adonis-like physique because he would be "performing" with 3 bronze female Greek mythology-type statues. And so he set his mind to enter the gym and get that body he wanted. He was aged 50 when he stepped into the gym for the first time. When he was 53 and had attained his body, his face looked like an old man but his body looked like a 30-year old's.

He ended his 30mins talk with a poem written 30-odd years in the 1980s by a poet from Shanghai named Bai Hua, 白桦.

And in that poem titled 船, was a line which I thought resonated with me.

今天，我才有资格嘲笑昨天的我。
- 白桦

Baby Dylan has arrived!

Just visited TH and Diana at Gleneagles. I managed to carry baby Dylan! Always lovely to carry a newborn baby. They are so small and their mews make me melt. 

Dylan's 3.19kg and 50cm long with a head circumference of 33cm. 

I only saw Diana for a while because she went for a breastfeeding class and by the time she came back the baby was hungry and wanted to latch. 

I have concluded. I am the only buay-gan mom who went for a csec and looked so chui after the op. I was totally drained and felt so painful. 

Diana was a picture of happiness and she was walking around almost normally. I was sort of hunched over for a long time. 

:( 

累

是很累
是想哭

不过路还是要走的
还是得走的

那就抬起头
下恒心
继续走吧

加油
加油
加油

小红, my wallet

I'm picky about my wallets. I want them small but with sufficient space to store my cards. Not that I have a lot of them, I make sure I have minimal cards because I don't like clutter in my wallet. 

So in the meantime, till I find another replacement, here's my obiang solution for the broken zipper...

What happened the other day...

在我的天空

I recently stumbled across an indie rock band from China. 

They're called 南征北战, or NZBZ for short. 

One of their songs <<在我的天空>>, is pretty cool and quirky. What I like most are its lyrics...in particular, this section...

再见我的爱 I Wanna Say Goodbye
再见我的过去 I Want a New Life
再见我的眼泪跌倒和失败
再见那个年少轻狂的时代
再见我的烦恼 不再孤单
再见我的懦弱 不再哭喊

 
Now I wanna say
hello hello 我的未来
hello hello 

在无尽的黑夜
所有都快要毁灭 至少我还有梦
也为你而感动

原来黎明的起点
就在我的心里面 只要我还有梦
就会看到彩虹 在我的天空

and also these lines...

如果没有离别如何学会承受打击
如果没有跌倒如何能够学会爬起

rather meaningful...rather inspiring...

One of the reasons why I like Chinese songs is that the lyrics are often beautifully phrased and form very meaningful and inspiring verses.

Or maybe my Chinese isn't good so that's why I am easily impressed haha.

keyboard warriors

The Internet has spawned numerous keyboard warriors and people who type or comment without thinking through if what they say actually sounds right, correct or isn't hurtful. Worst are those who purposely spread vitriol.

And so, Singapore, through Joseph Schooling, has earned her very fist Olympic gold medal ever.

With it came many articles exalting Joseph and his family and the amount of sacrifices they have had to make to support his dream of being the world's best in swimming.

These are definitely ok and to be expected. Afterall, his winning the coveted gold medal had united a nation....and it is a feat to be honoured and congratulated.

And then there are the other articles and comments....

That he is not a local and questioning his parentage and his parents parentage. Just because his last name isn't the typical Chinese, Malay or Indian-sounding ones doesn't mean he is not Singaporean lah...aiyoh....

And then...I just saw an article comparing him with a foreign talent who had helped Singapore win a silver medal in table tennis 8 years ago. The article hailed him as a hero, a true Singaporean with the passion to succeed. The same article put down that China-born athlete who has subsequently left Singapore to go back to China. The article, while not scathing, not so subtly hinted that she was just here for the money and had no passion for the sport whatsoever. And of course, it mentioned the fact that she was not a local and would not be loyal to Singapore.

Sigh. I give my hats off to these people and to these so called independent alternative news sites. Any opportunity they get, they try to twist it into something political and anti-foreigner, just to fan the anti-establishment and xenophobic flames more.

Conversations with a 34-month old

Last evening, our neighbour gave her a cupcake. I cut it up into pieces.
It was a red velvet cupcake with dotted with chocolate chips within. It was quite nice actually.

Me: Nadya, there's a small piece and a big piece left.
Me: I take the small piece and you take the big piece ok?
N: No mummy. I take the small piece.....

Me: *my heart soars*
N: ....And also the big piece...
Me: Right. -_-''''

LV ah LV...why u so fast kaput??

I got myself a red LV wallet during our second Europe trip back in 2010. That was when I visited K when he was studying in Nice. And I got the wallet from the LV shop there....

It's only been 6 years!! 

And the zip gave way this morning....

Boo. :( 

Ok time to look for an equally small and efficient wallet. 

Nadya

I don't think I've ever felt so helpless and desperate.

Since she turned 9 or 10 months old, Nadya has never been a good sleeper. I consider it very good if she only wakes once a night. And we have had many very good nights so far. 

In recent weeks though, she's taken to waking at least 2-3 or even 3-4 times a night. This started when she fell sick. She was also cranky and irritable during the day. The PD attributed it to her taking a new type of medication (Fedac). He switched it out to a different medicine. 

I also spoke to her teacher in her childcare to find out if there was any underlying cause for her crankiness, besides her sickness. There was nothing. 

Her day-time crankiness abated after a week plus. But the bad nights continued. She would wake fussing and crying and sometimes seemed inconsolable. 

We checked the Net and found out that it could be due to night terrors. There was no cure for it except to "wait it out" and that the child would "grow out of it". 

It has been 3 weeks already, at least. 

She's now perfectly fine during he day but in the middle of the night, she morphs into a small monster. 

There has been a lot of frustration for me, mainly because she only wants me to be with her and rejects K at night. She insists on me sleeping with her in her room as well. Woe is me because there is only that much space on a foldable mattress on the floor. Anyone who has ever slept with a toddler next to them will attest to how capable that toddler is of pushing them off the mattress. It gets rather trying as well when you get a kicking thrashing toddler next to you who can't calm down and tell you exactly what is wrong. I've lost count of the number of kicks I've received already. 

Now, since 3-4 days ago, whenever she wakes at night, she is still fussing and crying and kicking badly. But she has also started to complain of pain in her right lower arm (from the elbow onwards) and in her right leg (from the knee onwards).

It is 1am now. She has woken 2 times since she fell asleep at 930pm. She just complained of pain in those areas again and also in her left ankle. I had to alternate between threatening and carrying and scolding and cuddling her. 

In the end, I had to massage her limbs, those which were apparently painful. And I massaged her for some 10-15mins till she fell asleep. 

K says its child rheumatism. And that he had it when he was young as well. 

I hope it's not. 

And I am desperate for a solution as well. 

I've been trying to function on an average of 4 to 5hrs of sleep each night. 4 to 5 hours cobbled together, and not in one single sitting. 

It's affecting my mood and my brain function. I even spelt my own name wrongly on a piece of form I had to fill in. (Yes, like wtf??) 

I hope to find a solution soon...and at least find out if she's medically ok or not....

Stay strong my baby girl....

Peanut had fever on National Day afternoon...She's still at home today (with the helper) but I'm back at work already.

My body may be in office. But my mind is at home with her....

Brought her to KK yesterday morning just in case. A previous ENT doctor said 2 weeks ago that she had middle ear infection and liquid in her ears so I thought bringing her to KK would be better...just in case.

My poor baby, please get well soon...Please fight off all the bad germs and whatever is bugging you. 
You've been falling sick so often that Mama's childcare leave of 10 days this year has all been used up in 4 months.

Stay strong ok? Be strong ok?

*worried*

sigh

sigh

sigh........

Reading

I'm glad our persistence and consistent routine paid off.

Even when I tell Nadya that it's late and she needs to sleep, she would still insist on reading at least one book before going to bed. Whether she's just trying to buy time and fight off having to sleep, or she's genuinely wanting to read, I don't really know to be honest. But I choose to believe she really like reading. :)

I hope the younger one catches on this in time to come...

Peanut...my lovely girl...

I had to hold her down again while she had a nose scope done.
So poor thing. She was terrified. The moment I lay her down on the patient chair she started screaming. And she was still screaming when we had to wrap her up tightly in a blanket so she couldn't move. Imagine how she must have felt...

Sigh...I'm very sorry you had to go through it sayang....Mama felt sad too...

And now what I'm hearing from the ENT doctor is that she may be having a food allergy. After 2 weeks on antibiotics, her sinus infection (if it was a pure infection) should have cleared up pretty well...and her middle ear infection and liquid build-up should clear up too.

Unfortunately, they don't seem to be clearing up that well. And the specialist said it only meant that she was probably having a food allergy. To what? We don't know but a common cause is milk.

He advised us to cut out her formula milk and replace it with soy-based formula milk instead.

Sigh. Why like that ah...
Peanut...stay strong ok...Dada and Mama are with you.
Stay strong and happy...and as healthy as you can be....

Dada and Mama love you alot...

Another baby is coming!!

I'm happy and excited beyond measure. 

2 good friends of mine have been trying for a child for the last 7 years. They've finally succeeded and their tiny one is already 17 weeks!! Due in Jan next year...

And I must say. My dreams are damn zun. I dreamt of a friend being pregnant back in June 2014. She really turned out to be pregnant. 

2 days ago I dreamt that these 2 good friends of mine were discussing money matters with each other and were also discussing whether to buy baby clothes now or wait till later. I remember waking up and thinking "eh??!!" Lol. 

Then he texted me today to ask for confinement lady contact! 

Hahahah so zun lah. If only I can dream of 4D numbers :) 

Taxi drivers....

It helps to know your route and how to get from place to place. 

There are honest drivers and there are some dishonest drivers. 

Just met one who suggested a route which would have probably been 2 times longer in distance than usual. 

I gave him the benefit of doubt and described the route that I wanted him to use. To my surprise, he knew what I was talking about and could even finish off my sentence for me. 

Oh well, maybe he really did forget that there was this shorter route available...

On MC today

Both to rest and recuperate from my cough (which I got from Nadya). 

And to get some peace. 

I am one who needs a lot of alone time to decompress and feel sane. With kids, that's hardly possible. Unless I'm on MC or on leave. 

Spent the morning clearing some work which had deadlines (erm yeah, today was the deadline haha). 

Having lunch now. Maggi mee with veg and sausages. Not the most healthy but I'm making do and besides, it's comfort food. :) 

Oh yes, and am attempting a whole single page meshing together different Zentangle patterns. My mind's not as creative as I hoped it would be...and I'm taking quite awhile to complete it...

But for now, I am content to just sit here alone. With quiet surrounding me.

 

Zentangles

Recent artworks that I was practicing based off other designs from the Net.