new hobby

hiakzz....back to one of my loves..
art & craft...
bought lotsa swarovski crystals...gonna make keychains & handphone chains....

yay!! fun fun fun!
=))

but tmd...din know such crystals are quite expensive actually...

barf time

I broke the promise i made to myself 3 years ago.

What happened then...
Was with the DK group..company outing to Europa..
Went home and hugged the toilet bowl retching..
Told myself then that I would never do that to myself again.

And I did it again last night.
TMD.
Hugged the same damn bowl and retched in the same darn position.
Sigh..it's a balance..a few hours of happy reprieve and wild abandon..
Followed by some sort of a payback..

So today..is a stomach spoil day...
Bleah..

=========
St James Power Station...

Think I prefer MOS..

am sad..

am abit sad..
you try...but sometimes trying just aint good enough.
somehow..a friend still chooses to go to another..

am abit sad..
you try..but sometimes trying just ain't good enough.
somehow..the project you are doing, still fails to pull through..

am abit sad..
you try..but sometimes trying just ain't good enough.
somehow..the more you try..the more conscious you become..

am abit sad..
you try..but sometimes..it just ain't happening.

colourisation

the red of passion
the green of hope
the pink of health
the indigo of sadness
the ochre of naturality
the black of nights
the cream of days
the magenta of mystery
the blue of calm
the emerald of peace
the purple of hurt
the yellow of happiness
the cyan of ecstasy
the orange of fun
the sepia of memories
the fuchsia of madness

what was i before you?
a canvas sheet
a tarpaulin
a piece of cloth

you have coloured my life so much
a tapestry of sorts i am now

Morose Recluse

Retreating into my shell
This is happening more and more

Withdraw and hide
Tucked into the confines of your own safe haven
Seems like a comforting place to be in

=========
Uh-oh..
The slapping feeling is here again.

Stepped into office this morning and I feel like slapping people again.
And of course, I stepped in late as usual. 915 I think.

Yikes. Can I find a place soon who will have me?

people to people

I don't know why.
But I take it very hard & I get very disheartened & sometimes pissed...
When I see how 2-faced some people are, whether they may or may not realise it.

I know this is not a new topic I have written about.
But the fact of the matter is, this is something which always gets me riled up.

Come on.
When she's not around, you bitch about her to others, you talk bad about her & you laugh at her.
Then when she's back, you talk to her, joke with her & ask her for opinions?
Hmm mm..makes me wonder, sometimes out loud, what the fiak?

And some of the remarks you make, seem funny to you only.
Wonder if you noticed?

And to those who wonder...
No, I am not talking about the whore.

========
At times, I'd rather hide out in my own cubicle..
Ad be in my own little private world...
Sure I'd miss out on some gossips or some bonding with others..
But well, if it keeps me out of the hypocrisy of things...why not...

Of fakeness & facades..

Ok, maybe I am not such a PR person.
I cannot be bothered anymore to initiate conversations with people...
More and more, I seldom make the first move & I seldom interact with people unless neccesary.

Man, I sound like a recluse wanna-be.

=======
Have I mentioned before that I cannot stand squealers?
Oh yes I did I think.

I cannot stand peeps who squeal.
Especially those who squeal over the slightest thing.

Ok, I can stand them when they dun squeal. But when they do.
Please, spare me the agony.

Is there a need to S-Q-U-E-A-L over the littlest of things??
Is there a need to get so over-excited over some trivial thing??
Sheesh........

=======
Ok, on top of being a recluse wanna-be...

I think I am starting to sound like an uptight spinster liao....

Bleah......!

a few good things & a WHAMMY!

A few good things:

1. Official Zo Bo Day: Got called into an absolutely redundant meeting from 215-545pm..did more MSN-ing and my own work than listen to the meeting.
2. I think it's starting to sink in..am feeling happy about the Monday deal..
3. I got another dress! black one this time..
4. I got my pasta sauce! Tmr will be pasta for dinner!
5. I got a whole box of salad ingredients!
6. 2 more days to Saturday!


And a WHAMMY....

I forgot to buy my unit number...for today's draw....
And the number came out...in starter.........bleah......
@#%$*&)(*)%^*&

Mum & Adrian got it...
$%$&
Adrian offered to help me buy yesterday but I declined somemore, saying that I will settle myself...DUMB!!!!!

On a positive note...hiakzz....nvm lah..at least me & ahboy have brought joy to others lor haha..
And well..this is a good start...our number has struck lottery & in such quick time somemore...
It's a good sign... haha...

money money money

I just emptied a large portion of my savings today.

Grass for my meals in the next few months?
Bleah...

Bonus...pls come quick..18th Dec...2 weeks more only...
I NEED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

=======
Kinda exciting...lotsa turning points in my life over the past 2 years..
Health, relationship...friends...family...

Lots more to come next year too.
Am looking forward to French..a nice way to start the new year...
A nice way to usher in new hopes & dreams...
2007..I'm ready for you man!

=======
Shit...French just burnt another hole in my pocket...
$335 for 8 lessons. Everything in. Text, course fee, GST, registration fee.
WTF. $40 for each 3 hour lesson??

bleah....

It's a done deal

4th Dec 2006.
It's a done done done deal.

Brother Longan, you might be happy to know that your basketball kaki...
Will be staying in Tampines in the near future...
5 minutes from your place..
Hahahhaa....

========
Damn..purse strings must be watched even tighter...

the other me

I stand outside the bubble looking in.
Looking in at the other me inside the bubble.

The other me holds a ciggy.
Puffing away. Puffing away whatever bad thoughts, stresses, unhappiness there might be.
The other me stands alone, leaning against a railing, overlooking a river.
It seemed familiar, the place...esplanade? one fullerton? collyer quay? boat quay? clarke quay?

The other me looks a tad older & wiser.
Signs of whatever has gone on through the years is written on the face, only slightly though.
More weather-beaten but surprisingly, more well-toned & womanly.
The other me wears a smart, well-tailored blue striped shirt and a black skirt ending just above the knees. Covered heels.
The image screams 'Corporate'.

The other me still has long hair.
More layered & dyed a dark brown with a few lighter shades of brown streaked through.

The other me stares out to the river.
It is night-time and she looks a little dreamy and pre-occupied, staring at the lights reflected on the water surface.
The ciggy dies out and the other me throws it into the river below.
She stays there against the railings for a long time. Hugging her arms around herself.

I stand outside the bubble looking in. I think to myself.
What is she thinking about? Why is she there?
Has she taken her dinner? How is her life now?
How old is this other me?
Who/What is in her life now? Why isn't she carrying a bag?
Is she going back to office to do OT?
Or is someone else waiting for her at a dinner table elsewhere?

=====
Tis a dream I had last night.
A snippet into my future?
Or my over-imaginative mind just fabricating a scene..?

....

There's a difference between Mr/Miss Know-It-All.
And Mr/Miss Think-They-Know-It-All.

Both irritates me to some aspect..
But the latter irritates me most..

========
As a true friend..would you want to:

- tell someone what you think they want to hear? or...
- tell them the truth? even if it hurts bad?

tmr's friday!

WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

18th Jan 2007.
D-Day when I get to see my 4 pseudo lovers in the flesh...
And when I get to hear Sebby live...*hoots*

Went to Sistic just now to get Il Divo tix..
And yeah, am watching it ALONE...realised it's on a Thursday at 8pm...Ahboy can't make it..
He offered to take half day..but nah...
Didn't want him to waste his leave on such a concert afterwhich he'll probably strangle me when it ends...
And well..didn't think any other peeps might appreciate them..so didn't bother trying to jio others...
Yeah, guess I'm a loner in some ways...

Hope to be able to sneak in a camera...
Will I be cuffed if I run backstage? Hmm mm...hehe..

==========
Prolly heading to the doc tomorrow morn.

The 2 rash areas on both my thighs aren't getting better...
And they were itching like crazy when i was lunching with XP, Kok & San this afternoon....

It's kinda weird...everyone's getting rashes..boss, kok, diana, wilson...bleah............
Hope it's the air in office...hope the doc gives me 5 days MC so I can stay away from office... (yeah..fat hope)...

==========
Speaking of lunch..

The buffet lunch at Siam Kitchen in Bugis Junction really filled me up...
To the BRIM.

Couldn't walk properly after that cos I was trying to suck my tummy in...
Whilst trying to maintain a good posture...
And trying to maintain a straight face.. haha..

==========
I hate to be a spoilsport...
But shit but I ain't the least excited about the company D&D.

And try as I might to muster up abit of interest...But...
Nah, decided to be true to my heart...

I still ain't the least bit interested...
Hiakzz..

==========
I hate squealers.
I hate gigglers.
I hate act-cuters.
I hate naggers.
I hate over-exciters.

I love suave-ers.
I love diplomatic-ers.
I love smart-ers.
I love quick-witters.
I love quiet-ers.

==========
Was with Marc that day...
Said he wanted to get turtles...
And he wanted 3!

Asked him what would he name them.
Gi Gi, Go Go, & Ga Ga!!
He screamed happily...

Aw man..the innocence of youth...hhaah
Damn cute...

==========
Heading Sentosa again with Dan, Kym, XL & Von..
Time for more frisbee..
Time for more nuahing..
Time for more bonding..
hhaa...

my 4 lovely gentlemen..

Was at Gramophone.

Asked for Il Divo's 3rd album and the girl looked at me like I was spouting rubbish.
Told me there's no 3rd album. They only have 2 albums and a Xmas CD.

Told her there was a 3rd album and it's called Siempre.

Insisted there wasn't.

Told her there really was!

Insisted there wasn't!

Ok, so I gave up.

TMD.
#^%^*&(^%

She doesn't know her stuff

$#&%^(*&$

The album was released in SG on 27th Nov!!!!!

=============
OMFG!!

They are really coming to SG...Hiakz!!!

18th Jan is D-Day!!
Gonna get either the $118 or $148 categories...

Wonder if I can psycho ahboy to go...hmm mm...
Prolly have to pay for his tix if so..hmm mm..

Anyway!! I'll get to see them!

Voddy...

I have succumbed to Voddy....

I have finally opened that bottle of vodka sitting in my cupboard...
And finished about a third of it liaozz...aw man.. haha..
Was feeling bored on Friday...bored, moody and more than a little listless...

Little Vodka was calling out to me from the cupboard....
Opened the door...and there she was..waving her hands at me...

For a year I managed to withstand her advances...but well...I finally gave in...
And well..had vodka cranberry for the rest of the night haha...
Couldn't find any soft drinks in my kitchen..so made do with cranberry juice...

=p
I miss having that little bit of alcohol in the system...Been quite awhile..
Hope this Friday's K-session will materialise...

*beep beep*

*beep beep* went my phone..at 630pm..

It was Lemon.
"Hey, Il Divo is gonna be on Channle 14 in a few minuites time."

Woohoo!!!!
Plonked myself in fron tof the TV and waited...And in a few minutes time..
There they were...looking glorius and suave on Larry King Live...
Throaty voices...engaging smiles..aw man...I was glued to the screen..

And then they performed...and I melted...yet again..haha...

Mentioned that they would be doing their Asian tour next year...
Hope they'll pop by SG...*crosses fingers*

Think I'll name my future son Sebastien...Maybe with Carlos as a middle name..
Hmm mm..Sebastien Carlos... hahaha....

Ok, I am officially infatuated..with 4 guys...
hiak hiak...

thoughts

Date: Sunday 26th November.
Time: :30pm
Location: Sitting in my room.
Weather: Dark cloudy skies.

I am thinking of:

1) A trip to either Bali or Hong Kong or Bangkok in Q1 next year...
Pity that a large part of Chatuchak was burnt down a few weeks ago. Wonder if things will be okay in 4-5 months time? HK..been 3 years since I was there..wanna go back for a 2nd visit..this time round with ahboy..
Bali..hmm mm..I wanna get a tan! and so many peeps have been saying what a nice place it is..

2) Cutting my hair next week. Maybe on Tuesday?
Getting long and bushy again..Rebond has worn out already...am having inner curls already, which adds to the bushy-ness...

3) Damn, I can't go for a run today..looks like it's gonna rain any moment now. Perhaps tomorrow night.

4) Sighzz. Xmas season again. On the one hand, it's my fav festivity of the year. On the other hand, there's the headache of giving gifts..wondering & thinking of what exactly to get for various people.

5) Feeling sleepy again. Shit, and I just got up at 11am!

6) I think chances are slim for the Premiere. Alternatives: Kallang? Bishan?? hmm mm..both areas don't seem very appealing to me..

7) I need to trim both sets of nails..too long for comfort..

8) Wondering when will my concentration be long enough to pursue an interest for a worthwhile period of time? Malay was half done. Just started on yoga & I suspect that will be forsaken after awhile. French is akan datang..and I hope I can follow-through with it.
Grrr...hate my hot-cold interests...

9) Kinda like the atmosphere in office now. Not so many people around. Quieter, less buzz...easier to do work. Though the irritability of work has not subsided. Haha...had a good session with the boss on Friday afternoon. Gave me a compliment. And somehow I felt like a little girl again...happy to receive a little compliment..eager to please...
Aw man.. haha...just a few days ago, I felt ready to strangle her..

10) Staccato shell at work again..disjointed thoughts...so many thoughts...all totally unrelated...
Think i will go watch some DVDs now..and then after that...go read through my diary for some of my past entries..

Hope

Every page will be flipped.
Every book will be read.
Every chorus will be hummed.
Every song will be sung.

Every stream will bubble.
Every river will flow.
Every sapling will grow.
Every tree will take root.

Of love, life, wishes.
Pain, anger, hurt, disappointment.
Laughter, happiness, peace, joy.

To live.
To learn.
To love.

Everytime I look At You - Il Divo

I used to think that I was strong
I realise no I was wrong
Cause everytime I see your face
My mind becomes an empty space
And with you lying next to me
Feels like I can hardly breathe

I close my eyes
The moment I surrender to you
Let love be blind
Innocent and tenderly true
So lead me through tonight
But please turn out the light
Cause I'm lost everytime I look at you

And in the morning when I look at you
Wake me gently so I'll know
That loving you was not a dream
And whisper softly what it means to be with me
Then every moment we're apart
Will be a lifetime in my heart

I close my eyes
The moment I surrender to you
Let love be blind
Innocent and tenderly true
So lead me through tonight
But please turn out the light
Cause I'm lost everytime I look at you

Kaozzz....

Stepped into office at 11am after the medical appointment.
Logged on, cleared some emails. Packed some collaterals for someone to collect.
And then voila. Boss sends an SMS at 1150pm.

"Michelle, we have a lunch appointment with Andrew at 1230pm."

Hello???? Now then you tell me.....abit late right???

Boss comes back at 12pm..discusses something with her. With regards to the lunch appointment. And then 1225...zoom we're off for the appointment.

Comes back at 150pm. Boss says:

"Oh yah, there's a LOVE meeting at 2pm"

What the???? Now then you tell me AGAIN???????!!!!!!!!!
I give her a look. *whiney voice* Do I really need to go?

"It will be good you to go lah..."

And so off I go again. Only when I arrived then I realised. This is not a meeting at all lor!!!! It's a mini training session!!!
The session was till 420pm. 2 torturous hours of sitting in a classroom setting..

After that, trudged my way back to my office.
Reached my desk and sat down for not more than 5 mins. Li Li comes over and says:

"Hey, you joining us right? Now got briefing."

Har??? There's a briefing, I'm supposed to be involved and I didn't even know?? I'm supposed to be involved and nobody informed me? What the hell???

And off I go again. Till 530pm I think. And that was the time when I finally had the time to sit down and warm my seat properly.
Spent the whole friggin day...in meetings, briefings & what not. All of which I was supposed to be involved in. But nobody informed me till the last minute.

Once or twice is okay lah. Not all the time mah....
What the....
*fumes*

Ok, nvm..looking forward to Thursday where there's a carpark beer date again.
A resurrection of a buried tradition.
Haha..not really a tradition too...more like a bonding session of sorts.

Thursday...yeah...put time put place liao. =)
Wonder who else is coming though...
Old members for sure. Me, kok & san. New members?
Hmm mm...

monday bluesss

Oh my..we received the notification form..
We in the list...for The Premier..

Though we're number 720. And there's only 616 units for sale.
There're taking in applications up to twice the number of units avilable..
Just cos of the possibility that there might be people of Q number 1 - 616...who might not want the flat afterall...

So well..we're number 720...we'll see how it goes...
4th Dec is the day we have to go for selection of unit..that is, provided there are still any units left...330pm
Else, back to square one..i.e. nothing...

===========
Haha..find it kinda funny..
Yong Siang is popping by the office tomorrow...

We're gonna have a wine-tasting session... =p
To select our company's year-end gift for our corporate clients...

Thanks to Guin, I now have the proper excuse to drink whilst at work...MUAHAHAHA....

===========
Appointment with JT today. Waited for 30 minutes..
Went into his office and I was out of it in 3 minutes flat.
And the verdict is...I'll next see him in a year's time..i.e. November 2007.

Him : How are you? How's things? All ok? All normal? Hair's all ok?
Me : Uh huh..all normal..yup, hair's all ok..growing out.
Him : Good! *beams at me*
Me : *continues* Cept for the occassional headaches..and there was once my head hurt the whole day from morn till the next morn.
Him : Hmm...*continues scribbling on his notepad* *raises his brows and gives a shrug*

Me : *Looks at him* I don't have to do a re-scan of my head? It's been a year
Him : Nah..no need. I scan, it only shows that yes, you've done an op before. That's it. It won't show anything else.
Me : Errr..ok.

Him : Ok, that's good, so all's fine. Occassional headaches are fine. Just as long as they are not recurring or daily. Ok, so I'll see you next year then. You take care.
Me : Oh ok...thanks.
Him : *sticks a note into my patient file* Bye! You take care!