The Coll

As a manager, who has staff reporting to you, shouldn't you lead by example?
You penalise them when they head out for lunch because they are not supposed to as they are on afternoon leave.

And yet, you do it yourself. Not once, not twice but on several occasions.

Where's the integrity? Super double standard lor........
The more I see these things, the more I lose my respect for you......

Nadya at 15 Months

And so Little Baby is turning 15mths old on 9 Jan 2015. What's her stats now?

Weight: 9.4-9.5kg (70-75% percentile)

Length: 75-77cm (around 50th percentile)

Teeth: 2 stubby lower front incisors and 2 stubby upper front incisors (all are stubby because they seem to grow out halfway and just stop there)

Mongoloid marks: The one on her right shoulder is faint but still visible.

Motor Skills

• She gets up on her own now to walk and is walking quite steadily. She does not bother to see where she is going though and barges through anything and everything and thus falls over quite often. Either that or she gets excited and walks faster than her feet can handle and trips over herself lol.
• She has discovered the twisting motion and is twisting the caps off pens, and my makeup pens...She has also discovered how to tap down on click pens...(my bedsheet has several pen marks now because K gave her a pen to play with zzzzz...)

Cognitive/Emotional Development

• She is still throwing a hissy fit when you take something away from her or when you don't give her what she wants.
• She can get pretty stubborn sometimes.
• Sometimes refuses to let me hold her hand when she's walking (but I need to on some occasions especially when she's on a tarred road or at the carpark)

Communication/Social Skills 

• She is not waving so freely anymore. :( Upsetting to see. Maybe she has learned that since people (strangers) are not so forthcoming with waves and smiles, she probably should not waste time extending such pleasantries to them. I noticed this trend since a few weeks back...
• Sticks to me like glue when with other people she is not familiar with. Takes a long time to warm up. I hope this is just a phase.
• Babbling alot more with intonations. 
• She can say the words "Ba-Bye" to mean bye bye. It used to be "BaBa" to mean bye bye. She can also say "bird", "ball", "mama", "dada" and "yeye". Her favourite word seems to be "ball". 
• Recently likes to say "WHOA!" 
• Understands alot more questions and words now. "What does a dog say?" and her response would be "wou wou" or "woof woof". "What does a cow say?" and her response would be "moo" or "moo moo". 
• If she is in the cot, she knows to stop whatever she is doing and lie down on her back with her head on the pillow when she sees me approaching with a bottle of milk.

Food

• She fell sick with diarrhoea and a bad stomach the week before Christmas 2014 and was eating poorly. She's fully recovered now and is eating with a vengeance haha. I am always happy to see her eating and finishing up her food.
• New foods that she's tried in the last 1 to 2 months:
• small bits of my tomato sauce pasta
• cake
• home-made banana pancakes
• the burger bun of a filet-o'-fish hamburger
• McDonald's hotcakes (minus the sweet syrup) 
• grouper fish
• salmon
• threadfin
• tomato
• corn
• oats 

1001 Things

*breathe*

Many things. Each with its own numerous nitty gritty sub-tasks.
Many timelines to adhere to. More schedules to plan out.
And many many small things to track.

My to-do list with its tasks and sub-tasks and sub-pointers for each sub-task is getting very long.

Have tried delegating some things out but technically I don't have any staff below me and there is only that much I can delegate out. 

Super stretched with many things which were not in my original job scope being thrown to me.

*breathe*

If I don't get my High Achiever status and good bonus this year I am going to......

I dunno.....

.......

...

Pluck the boss' hair out???

He better appreciate what I am doing because I am handling a very big piece of one of his work items for him.

Goodbye?

Friends since 1994. You were my senior in secondary school. We were both prefects, we were in the same Art Club and you had a crush on my good friend as well.

You graduated first and I graduated 2 years after you. We kept in touch for the longest time after we both left our school, albeit on and off.

I remember there was once I even crept out of my house in the middle of the night (at the risk of incurring the wrath of my parents) to meet you at my void deck because you were crying your heart out over a break-up.

We last met in 2011 when you popped by my office area. We had kopi at Yakun.

In 2012, I invited you and your wife to my wedding. You took a long time to reply me but said you would be there. And then on the very day itself, you cancelled on me. You said you had to work at the last minute. It was a Sunday, I understand because you do shift work. I was upset but I understand too if you were busy and all you could do to inform me was to send an SMS. I would even understand if you told me afterwards that it was because your wife didn't like me and hence didn't allow you to attend my wedding.

But then after that you went MIA. No calls, no SMSes, nothing. Since then, every time your birthday rolled around, I would send an SMS greeting to you. I received no reply both in 2013 and 2014 when I wished you. I reached out a few times in between, dropping you an SMS each time to ask how are things. No replies.

Over time I didn't even know if you had changed your number. You were dormant on Facebook as well. I was wondering what went wrong? How were you? How were things between you and your wife? And your cats too...

I knew you were still around though. You "liked" one of Little Baby's photos I posted up on Facebook the day she was born. A silent "like" I could easily have missed seeing.

I was busy for much of 2014 but at the back of my mind, I often wondered how did our friendship deteriorate suddenly a few years back? There was no pre-empt, no warning sign, no major quarrel or blow-up. And I think neither of us did anything stupid to warrant a sudden downward dip in our friendship.

I was perplexed. I had half a mind to not salvage our friendship anymore and let it spiral out of existence. Many a time I told myself to let it go. But I decided to reach out to you again. I dropped you a Facebook message a few weeks back to ask how are you. No reply again.

Your birthday was on 3 Jan and I dropped you a Whatsapp message to wish you. Surprise surpise.
You replied and thanked me for my well-wishes. I did not expect that and was hence somewhat surprised.

I asked after you. A simple 2-liner message.

You read it. Whatsapp shows 2 little blue ticks when the recipient receives and reads the message.

You did not reply again.

Sometimes, there is no point pursuing what is not meant to be, especially when the other party does not reciprocate.

A 2-decade old friendship. I tried.

Maybe it is time I give up and let things go.

Feeling

Indignant

Work that I've done behind the scenes has been claimed credit by my boss and another lazy asshole in Sri Lanka. 

Like WTF? I spend time and effort and someone else takes the credit while I remain anonymous to the community.

Exasperated

Even if you want to claim credit at least make sure that the document you send out is of some standard lah! Take my work and morph it into something sub-par and then send it out to so many people. *MEGA facepalm*

Resigned 

What else can I do? 

Wet hair

不认老也不行了...

I wash my hair everyday at night. And I used to go to sleep with wet hair when I was in my 20s. It was only in the last 4-5 years that I started blow drying my hair. 

These days, if I go more than 2 days of sleeping with wet hair, I get a bad headache. 

Was busy the last few days and could only shower late in the night after settling chores and the little girl. Got too sleepy and lazy to even blow dry my hair...flopped into bed with dripping hair...

And so...today the sides of my head hurt. 

活该, 自找的...

2014 in some simple stats

1. Went a whole year with nary a single facial, manicure or pedicure done. 
2. 2014 is the first year in more than a decade that I did not exit the country a single time. *jaw drop* I did not even step foot in Batam or Bintan or Johor. 
3. This is the year I was at my heaviest at 53kg (sans baby) since more than a decade ago. 
4. 2014 marks the first time ever that I have a debt, specifically, a $1million debt. 
5. I went to the GP more than 15 times in 2014 for various ailments.
6. I spent the most on online shopping. (I did not tally my expenditure. I did not want to shock myself.)
7. I spent the most on cab rides. 

Goodbye 2014.

When 2013 was ending, I thought 2014 and I would be good friends. It turned out otherwise. We had a love-hate relationship.

2014 was a challenging year. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Many peaks and troughs. Not sure if tumultuous would be the right word to describe it. Maybe eventful would be a more apt word.

2014 was when my:

• patience was stretched
• limits were breached
• emotions were tested thoroughly 
• determination and perseverance were tried
• ego took many beatings 
• self-doubt was over-taking me

Why do I say it was a love-hate relationship with 2014? 

Because with all the above, 2014 was also the year that I experienced:

• unconditional love and support from K, family and friends
• growth, in all senses of the word
• the widening of my horizon
• realisation, understanding and some clarity 
• the love a mother has for her child

And for these I am thankful.

It's been an eventful year. Not very good, not very bad, but eventful. 

May 2015 bring greater things. And may everyone around me stay healthy, happy and blessed always.

May God bless the little girl too. That she grows up healthy, happy and strong.  May she be guai guai and listen to her parents too.

And so it is...

Life in snippets

• I'm doing better though my stomach is still in a queasy and fragile state. 
• Little baby is doing better as well. Her appetite is back, she is drinking milk like nobody's business and she seems to be pooping normal poo.
• We brought little baby to the PD at least 4 times till the nurses there are on good terms with us.
• K on the other hand was doing better but was suddenly hit by gut issues again on Sunday. I hope he gets well soon enough. 
• I lost 2kg over the last 5 days or so. 

• There are just some work matters that I can't seem to get started on. They are important but...I have no affinity with them...bah.
• I need to wake the gardening side of me up again. It's been dormant for very long..all but one of my terrariums have withered away at my inlaws place, including one gorgeous one I did earlier this year...:(
• I should get started on the herb growing kit K got for me too...:)  

• The pile of clothes that need ironing is growing organically on a corner of our sofa.
• Little baby has been drooling and licking or sucking on her fingers and smearing them all over the balcony doors of most of the rooms...I've resigned to this fact and have stopped cleaning the doors that much now....hence, the ugly glass doors with finger prints and palm prints and lip prints and tongue smears....

Shitty (literally)

And so I spent Xmas night running to the toilet 6-7 times in 3 hours, and counting. Stomach feels a mess too. 

A trip to the doctor's tomorrow is a must.

In the meantime, I shall try to sleep. 

Sigh...

Queasy and lethargic

How I've been feeling since 2 days ago. Hope my stomach gets well soon. 

*pant*

It's been a somewhat rough and tough past 1.5 weeks.

- K came down with a bad bout of stomach flu and was purging from the top and bottom. 

- Not sure who spread to whom but N had diarrhoea too. She is still having it actually. Sigh, quite worrying 

- I had the runs too. And these 2 days my stomach has been feeling extremely queasy. I've not been eating much too. 

- Had to rush out various pieces of work. There's been many little little things to do and settle. I've had to list them down in my to do list lest they fall through the cracks somewhere. 

- It was a mad rush to settle Xmas presents and wrap them up 

香香

Just started using the Xmas gift I got for myself. :) quite fragrant. 

diet?

I've put on almost 2 kg in around 5 months.

Despite doing more household chores.

But I think the main culprint is my food intake.

After we shifted to our own place, we've on and off been experimenting with food and cooking our own meals. And for a period of time we were ordering in our meals as well...And also on and off for several weekends, we've had guests coming over as well, which meant more ordering in of meals.....

Xmas time now, hard to resist the good food that is around.

Maybe soon though it will be time for a diet....?

Hmm.

Herb garden

K got this for me last Friday when he popped by NTUC Finest. (Love this man!) 

I have yet to get it started but once I do, I hope the seeds germinate properly! 

Zombie

It was a tough night with me spending almost 1h30mins from 4am to 530am trying to get her to go back to sleep after she woke....and then finally ending up on the sofa with her sleeping on top of me. (I was desperate.)

In any case, I am a zombie today. Totally unproductive. Been drafting a memo since morning. I should have finished it before lunch time and it is now already 3pm.

3 more hours to go before end of the workday. An hour of bus ride and then another 3 more hours of mom duties. Good luck to me.

jiayou....

Oh the horror

When you discover that instead of writing "put my neck on the line"....

I wrote "put my head on the line" in the email.....which had already been sent out.....

Bah.....Boo....

It was supposed to be a strongly worded email.

That has now turned into a mini farce.

Parents

Spoke to my mum earlier this afternoon.

My parents are getting old. In the past week, Dad went for 2 check-ups, one for his eyes and the other for his heart. Both didn't go as well as we'd expected.

He has slight cataracts but the doctor said this was not much of an issue. His left eye is now showing early signs of glaucoma and he needs to be put on medication. Eye drops twice a day. My grandmother had the same issue and the doctor said it might be due to family history. (Now I'm worried for myself, sigh.)

And Dad's old heart condition is showing signs of coming back. He had gone for an operation back in 2009 (or was it 2010). It was an operation that scared us out of our wits because his lungs collapsed during that procedure. As a result for several weeks or maybe a month of two after that he had to be hooked up to a breathing machine while he was convalescing at home.

The reading's 8% now. As in the condition is back by 8% and Dad has to be put back on his heart medication again.

I hope he is feeling ok. I hope he won't get too affected by these 2 pieces of news.

I know I felt worried and bad when I heard about it.

Mum doesn't want me to broach the topic with Dad for fear of making him depressed. So I can only let off my own worries and concerns here.

I'll need to call Adrian later.

Going forward, maybe we might need to help out in their marketing and household chores too...or maybe hire a helper for them....Remains to be seen but I'm sure the day will eventually come....

我们的父母亲都老了...

*tearing*

Singapura

I spent some time reading about the history of Singapore this morning. Not the usual history we know of like how Sir Stamford Raffles came by in 1819 and the Japanese Occupation, etc.

But the history of Singapore right from the beginning in 1299 when Sang Nila Utama first established his presence on the island and then built his city up.

Singapore, or rather Singapura, once had 5 kings and was a part of Melaka. It was also a strong political and trading outpost in the 14th century.

Very interesting read.
Too much to share here. The following URL captures all of it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kingdom_of_Singapura

We're reaching year end already...

It's almost mid December 2014 already. How time flies. We've reached year end.
And year end always brings a tinge of nostalgia and reminiscence in the air. 

For a long long time I did not set resolutions for the year ahead but I did jot down goals and areas of focus I thought I should strive towards. I did not write down any for this year as well but had some idea of it at the back of my mind, including (i) taking care of Little Baby well, (ii) managing well my relationships with K, family, friends, (iii) re-adjusting back to work well and (iv) managing my own health well.

I can't say I did everything super duper. I tried. Sometimes I try hard, sometimes I think I didn't try hard enough. Whatever it is, on the whole, I think I still did okay.

2014 stands out for me. It is probably one of the years that would stick out significantly in my memory when I take a look back next time.

It was a year with more ups and downs than usual. (I know I said the same thing at the end of 2013 lol...) And it was also a year where life-changing events occurred and where my comfort zone was breached and where I had to learn new things and venture abit more out of my safe zone.

1. Little Baby
Of course the little girl would feature prominently. She's brought K & I so much happiness and love. Sometimes I hug her and smother her with so much kisses that she swats my face away or tries to squirm away lol. Sometimes I look at her and my heart fills with so much love that I didn't think it was possible to feel that way. And of course, in balance, she's brought us a certain measure of frustration too, especially when she got older and started to have a mind of her own. Both K & I are walking zombies too. While we might still have some residual differences here and there with K's parents when it comes to looking after her, I'm glad that things are way more stable and peaceful compared to when she was just born.

2. Our Own Home
K & I officially got our own place in January this year. We signed the deed, and got our home loan all within a few weeks. It was pretty overwhelming for me. I dislike having to deal with financial figures, and all the legalistic proceedings. The process of getting our home included all of that and more so yeah, I was quite overwhelmed haha.

We shifted in officially on 31 July 2014 as a family of 3, though K slept over for a night on 25 July, which was meant as a symbolic gesture that we shifted in before the Lunar 7th month. We took some time to settle down, what with unpacking and taking care of the little girl and cleaning up the place properly. Our routines changed again but I'm glad to say that things are more or less settled down by now. It's just that some of our things (or at least mine) are still in boxes...and some are still over at my inlaws' place.

One thing I realised. I had to lower my standards and learn to close one eye when it came to the level of cleanliness and tidiness of the home. There's only that much we could do while concurrently juggling work and the little girl. I admit I pressured myself too much in the initial few months and well...stressed myself out quite abit.

3. Granny
Granny left us to be with the Lord on 11 April 2014. That was the first time I had ever seen my Dad cry. Till now, I can't go without tearing up a little whenever I think of her (which can be quite often sometimes). They say time heals. Yes, I'll move on, and I'll learn to manage but I guess I won't forget...

4.Work
Work was manageable when I went back to it after almost 5 months of maternity leave. It was the transition and the rush back from work to go home and look after the little girl that got to me. What can I say? Many others have done it before me and I can't complain too much. Just bite the bullet and move on. I can only blame myself that I have a sheltered ass and led too comfortable a life before little baby came along.

The boss was hostile to me for a period of time in April when I told him I would not be travelling for work for at least a year due to little baby being well....still little. He flared up. He gave me the cold shoulder. At the times he had to speak to me, he did so in a gruff manner and with brows furrowed so deeply they joined together in the centre. I felt awful but I kept going. What choice did I have? It was little baby vs the boss. Of course I had to choose little baby. He's a father of two himself, he should understand. Things eventually went back to normal slowly after he simmered down and after I worked hard at my work items. By end May or mid June, he went back to how he was last time when he was on good terms with me.