Chloe & Atom

Happened to meet Chloe and Atom yesterday when I got off the bus. 

There were at the same bus-stop waiting for Bus 26 to bring them back home. :) 

Was so happy to see Chloe. I was also very glad to see her happy, smiling, contented and .....grounded...for lack of a better word. She seemed in a good place. A very good and happy place. And it was heartening to see that. 

They looked good together too. Both were so happy and cheerful! And in sync with each other. :) 

I miss the times when we would chat on MSN (yes, it was that long ago). I could talk to her about anything and everything, literally everything, even the grossest stuff haha. 

When they got on their bus, I left with a smile on my face. :) 

Conversations with the girls

Both girls were quite cranky last night and anything and everything would trigger them. 
And so...Nadya had an argument with K ...

N: I already had a nightmare in school today. Do you want to give me another one tonight?
Me: I have nightmares too.N: You are giving me a nightmare and headache!Me: I have two headaches.N: They are not real!Me: Believe me, they are very real. One big, one small and they walk all over the house.N: Not talking to you!


===============
Before bed, Alyssa and Nadya got into an argument as well...I don't remember what they were arguing about but it came to this....
Surprisingly, the smaller one "won" the argument! It was hilarious to me but I couldn't laugh out loud in that situation haha. 

N: I will shoot you!
A: But you don't have a gun.
N: Then I will throw you into the swimming pool!!
A: But you don't have strength to carry me.
N: *huffs in frustration and starts to tear*

Sometimes

Sometimes you really don't need advice

When you say things or gripe a little, you just want a listening ear

Sometimes there really isn't anyone else who you think would understand or know

Sometimes you end up talking to yourself, which isn't very healthy 

Sometimes you end up talking to a wall, which is better 

Except that the wall reverberates at times and gives off other vibes you have to contend with

Sometimes you just want to express yourself but don't know what to say or how to say it

And you end up staying silent again, lost in your own thoughts

Sometimes you talk but get brushed off or feel invalidated 

And so you end up staying silent again

Sometimes you just write and let the words flow

Words which could not get past your mouth for whatever reason 

Sometimes you just listen to music, or that emptiness in your head 

And let it bring you somewhere, anywhere

Sometimes 

Sometimes 

Taiji

It IS a skill. A survival skill of sorts.

Of which The Coll is very adept in.

How she does it shamelessly is another skill.

Memorising

I used to be damn good at it. Especially in secondary school. Rote learning mah. ;p

I could memorise some Jap songs last time in my late teens and early 20s as well.

I'm trying to learn a Korean song now.....to no avail. Hahaha.
Still stuck at second sentence after a whole week lol...

The brain is not what it used to be I guess. Plus a w hole host of other things are taking up my brain and mind space. :D

Nvm...at least I will learn some bits of the song, if not the whole thing!
Paul Kim's Me After You....

Reminder?

"The best way to avoid disappointment is to not expect anything from anyone."

This came up on my FB newsfeed. It is a good reminder.
Though in reality, execution is not so easy. :)

For we often, knowingly or unknowingly, place expectations on others, especially those closest to us.

Mindful eating

I've been practising mindful eating whenever I can over the last 2-3 months. Usually it's lunchtime in office if I'm not eating with someone else. 

It started out awkward and boring. I started out with a short duration of 5mins only just to try the concept out. Then it increased naturally to 10mins and then to 15mins or so. 

Over time, it's been quite enjoyable actually. 

You clear your mind of all things and just focus on eating. You focus on the chewing, the sounds (if any), the textures of the food, the taste, the colours, etc. 

And when you're done eating, you just go back to whatever it is you want to do next...

LH

A little sad.
A close team-mate and ally just showed me her resignation letter. It's dated today...
I was her buddy when she first joined in 2014.

She has mulled over her decision for several months and it's now come to this.

I still hope she stays...maybe after a deeper conversation with our boss she might stay?

I can only hope.

Concidentally, just yesterday, I thought of making her a card today.

9 August 2019

It is the nation's birthday.

It is also Mei's birthday. I've been wishing her for 17 years and this year, out of habit I texted her to wish her happy birthday as well. After sending it out though, I wondered if I was doing the right thing.

Adrian was in Melbourne. In less than 10minutes, I got a text from him saying "I got a text from Marc. Please do not send Mei greetings anymore."

I felt hurt and disappointed. For some reason, I also cried. It was an immediate raw reaction.
I guess, I was hurt because all the things she'd said previously seemed to be just lip service.

"Keep in touch. Take care."
"I'll have a small housewarming and invite you when the house is ready."

Nada. Zilch. Zero. Nothing.
Just lip service.

Maybe she did mean part of it when she said those words last year but grew cold feet as time went by.

Anyway, she wants to cut off all communications. Ok fine. I respect that choice.
I'll tell myself and remind myself that. No point in trying to keep something when it isn't working or when the other party does not want to.

Just need to tell myself to move on.

Yet

Rivulets
Yet, dry

Crowded
Yet, alone

Happy
Yet, sad

Forwards
Yet, backwards

Growing
Yet, stagnant

Staccato
Yet, monotonous

Moving
Yet, still

Yet


==========
Drafted
On a day, at a time
When I was feeling down, tired, sad, alone, a little frustrated and out
Just a small being in this big universe
But who knows for sure
The best is YET to be

God has his plans for us
Probably written out
I wonder if they are in drafts or finalised versions
I wonder if he will rub off some text and re-write our future stories
As the scenes unfold slowly

Still popping up

Still happening after so many months...the number 44 keeps popping up. I take less note of it now though...used to it already perhaps....

• When I tap my phone to check the time, more than half the time, it'll be the hour and 44 minutes. e.g. 2:44pm, 5:44pm....
• Took a walk with K yesterday and when I glanced at the lamp-post next to him, it was numbered 44....
• The other day again when I checked the microwave to see whether my food was going to be done soon...the timer showed that 44 seconds was remaining..

Goosebumps lol!

Sunflowers!

The sunflower seedlings are doing good so far....one of them is getting quite tall...almost 20cm already.

Germinated them from seeds so I'm proud of them! Transplanted them from the starter kit pot to an actual pot a few weeks ago and I hope they survive long enough to mature into adult plants....:)

I forgot to label the exact date of when I planted the seeds....so I forgot how "old" these seedlings are already. But I know that I planted the seeds in early July...So they should be around 1.5mths old now?

==========
Got myself some other flower seeds over the weekend....of plants called Rose Fairy and Celosia (Fairy Fountain). Those Horti brand seeds that you can get off the shelf in Giant.

Will sow the seeds one of these days with the girls...They take at least 10-14 days to germinate though...I hope the girls are patient enough to wait lol....

And I should remember to label these pots with the dates of when the seeds were sown....

Succulents

Succulents are supposed to be very easy to care for.
I've never had much luck with them though. I somehow kill them quite easily.
Not sure why too....overwatering?

I just bought 2 tiny pots over the weekend and transplanted them into a bigger pot.

Hope they survive and thrive...

Conversations with an almost 4yr-old

On Saturday afternoon, while in the car waiting for K to pick Nadya up from Berries....

Alyssa: Mama, what is tree plus house?
Me: Treehouse?
A: Ya correct! What is water plus melon?
Me: Watermelon.
A: Ya correct! Very good!
Me: Ok, my turn. What is ice plus cream?
A: Banana cheese!
Me: ???!!!

She might be eloquent sometimes....but the logic....erm.... lol...
Either that or she purposely wanted to snook me and play punk with me haha....

Please...get better soon...

It's become sort of a family tradition to eat pizza or order food in on National Day each year and watch the parade on telly.

The rest of the family had pizza from Domino's and I had the leftover rice and dishes from lunch instead. I took 2 or 3 garlic breadsticks though. I was full...and might have overeaten a little...oh well...in the spirit of the day and our nation's birthday...

And then the next day....stomach spoil. In fact, the next few days...:( Couldn't eat much, was constantly bloated and I even had cramps in the upper abdominal area. When Nadya patted my tummy, she said I had air in there...even she now knows how to tell if there's air in the tummy or not. She said I sounded hollow like a drum.

After just a few days of eating light, eating less and having stomach issues...my weight went down by almost one kg to 45.7kg this morning. I've never been below 46kg since more than 10 years ago. zzz...

My dear tummy...please get better ok...
You've been giving me issues for 8-9 months already...I've cut out so many types of food, including my favourite spicy food and my favourite HL milk, just to appease you....
Please cooperate okie?

Rice!! My rice!!

Our helper went back to visit her family for a week. She left on 29 July and only came back on 6 Aug. It would have been 2 days earlier if not for the airline cancelling her 4 Aug flight due to low air pressure in the Davao skies.

During the period she was away, I realised I didn't eat much rice, save for the dinners at my inlaw's place. And even then K and I skipped dinner on 2 days to have our own dinner date....and there was another night when they cooked porridge instead.

On the weekend, we ate out for all meals and we mostly ate noodles and MacDonald's.

From 2 Aug Friday till 5 Aug Monday lunch, I didn't have any rice for my meals at all. It was all either bread, toast, noodles, or pasta. Easy stuff that I could prepare at home, or dabao from the stores below my office block.

Today, I finally had rice for lunch. Helper started cooking my lunch again for me to bring to office. :)

I didn't realise I missed rice soooo much!

True Asian heart. Lol....we need our rice!!

Conversations between a 4yr-old and a 6yr-old

On Saturday morning 3 Aug. The girls had a squabble.

A: Jiejie your poo is so smelly!
N: No! You are smellier!

A: I will flush you down the toilet!!
N: But I can’t even fit in so how can you flush me down? That doesn’t make sense!

A: *screams in frustration*
N: *smug face*

Wonder how their squabbles will evolve next time. Lol...

Right now, Alyssa's at the losing end because her eloquency and thought processes are not on par with Nadya's yet. :) We will see how as time goes by. 

Laoniang needs some love

Laoniang kena poked once on 23 Jul for a CT scan. This is a 5-yearly scan and the SGH staff nurse who inserted the plug for me did a good job so I am thankful.

Laoning kena poked twice on 30 Jul at CGH for another medical test. One for a plug and another time to draw blood for testing. The staff nurse...couldn't save my vein to insert a plug in after drawing blood for testing. I had to poked elsewhere for the plug to be inserted. I don't know what she did but....she caused me a big bruise at the initial site. She told me it'll be gone in a week.

Nabeh. One week liao. Bruise still there. One big orh-cheh and blood beneath the skin. Sometimes still sore to the touch. Laoniang not happy. I asked a doctor (whose field is totally unrelated to the blood test) how long the bruise would take to go away....he said 2-3 weeks at least.

Laoniang needs some tender loving care....the girls have been giving me kisses to the bruise area each day...

Of conversations

Out of work, I don't like discussing with people on how certain systems and processes should be like this or like that. Or how things should be done in a certain way instead of this way. Or how some of the nation's policies should be like this or like that.

I dislike the back and forth and the constant spewing of opinions. And the laments and complaints. Like that talk so easy, then everybody go become policy-maker lah. Maybe I'm a Libran and I can see from both points of view. Both from the policy-makers' perspective and the man on the street. Maybe it is because I am a public servant and I understand it is impossible to please everyone all the time. Maybe my mind is just not so equipped to have strong views of my own as well.

I step away. I steer the conversation away. Or if it's a virtual conversation. I just don't reply to any such discussion.

I just want to have simple and sometimes mindless conversations about the person himself/herself, and the things they are going through and of life in general. Simple slices and nuggets of information here and there. That is palatable to me. I like light soups. Not heavy cream, stomach-churning, acid-inducing stuff.

Don't get me into discourses on policies (and politics) and how the gahmen should be doing this or that. It tires me and I switch off almost immediately. It also stresses me out.

I just ghosted a good friend on Whatsapp. Because of this. He sent me several texts on what and how the government should do to improve the process of whatever he is dealing with right now. That is not an answer to a question I asked him. Oh well....sigh. Let me see how it goes.

Reminder to Self

• 3 steps forward and 2 steps back, is still a step forward. 
• It is a choice. You have a choice. 
• You can do this! I can do this! We can do this!