thoughts

You know in cartoons where there is both a devil and an angel floating above the character's shoulders, one on each side...each saying good & bad things into the character's ears?

So one part of me is saying fuck things, just do it....dun think so much...for what?

Another part is saying...no cannot, must consider this and that...and this again, and that again...

No points for guessing which side usually wins. 

Colours

Was out for tea yesterday with Ally & PQ...They gave me a pretty bouquet of preerved flowers...lovely muted purplish & greyish colours. 

They could decide which colour and eventually settled for this one. 

They asked me what's my fav colour and I couldn't answer them too lol. I don't have a particular favourite colour. Ally said "I don't recall ever associating you with any particular colour". LOL LOL. She's right. 

Clothes...I'd go for monochromes or blues, khaki and the occasional nudes and dusty pinks. 

Flowers...I think pastels & dusty neutral colours work well...

Shoes...blacks, whites, pale pinks again...

Easy to match colours I guess....

Laoniang is boring. :)

冷

Yesh...laoniang can be pretty lame sometimes...

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K: 你要不要我的鸡肉？

Me: 不要。我也有我的肌肉。*flexes arm*

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K to N: You need to push yourself ah and focus..2 weeks later you have 4 exams in that single week. Push Push Push!

Me: Next time the girls no problem when they 生孩子。

K: ???

Me: Everytime push mah...by that time when they are giving birth they'll be damn good at pushing. 

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LJS

It has literally been DECADES since I had anything from Long John Silver's...I think the last time was when I was in secondary school or JC probably because that was when LJS still had an outlet at Tampines (was it Century Square? I cannot recall also)

Anyway, for the last 2years, I've been to Heartbeat at Bedok on and off for various things...and always passed by the LJS outlet there...each time I stared at the menu but eventually slunk away lol. 

This morning, I gave it a try and got one of their breakfast sandwiches to go. 

Got home and found out they gave me the wrong sandwich. :( 

What was supposed to be a double pollock ended up being a spicy texas chicken.

It was still kinda nice though I felt it was quite salty and there was too much sauce. K & I felt that the chicken tasted like BK's tendergrill...He said maybe it came from the same supplier haha. 

Will try more of their things next time!

And the knee again...

Went to the polyclinic today and got an x-ray on the right knee. 

Doc said there's no hairline fracture. Which is a good thing...and yay! But that I strained 2 tendons...boo...

Scheduled for a physio appointment tomorrow. I hope it heals soon...

Knee

Right knee is worrying me. I fell on 20 Sept. It's 10 Oct now, around 3 weeks have gone by. 

The swelling is gone but there are still aches, especially when I stopped using the Fastum gel about a week ago. 

Thinking to swing by the polyclinic on Thursday morning. At least they have xray services there...maybe the doc can check for me to see at least in general what's going in. 

Fingers crossed things are ok.

9 October

And so the older young un turned 10 yesterday....:) 

She's a decade old liao. So fast. 

I remember the trepidation when the csec date came....and the scary feeling of being able to hear all the surgical equipment and sounds of things happening in the operating theatre...All else was a blur after that and the weeks thereafter were a mix of joy, excitement, laughter, exploration and wonder...interspersed with frustration, helplessness, sadness and anger...

Hindsight makes all these seem less challenging now. How we've all grown. 

It's been a trying time this year handling N. The attitude and downright plain rudeness at times has gotten to me many a time. I'm learning how to manage myself as well when in trying situations with her. I don't know how many deep breaths I've taken...countless lol. :) 

Our Little Baby....Here's wishing you a very Happy Birthday. Keep up with discovering new things in the world and new facets of yourself! We'll always have your back and Dada, Mama and Mei Mei love you! 

Stuff

Was on leave yesterday 9 Oct. 

T'was a somewhat fruitful day. 

Did up an FD with a foreign bank. Did up an insurance policy. All done online and things which I've been thinking about for quite awhile but I hadn't yet found the time to do. 

Settled some work which needed my inputs before the team could proceed. 

Checked out some possible gifts stuff online.

Managed to take a 30-min nap though I should have taken a longer one....haha.

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SP is heading to Germany for a conference soon...and I probably have to cover him or at least be "around". End of month is likely new system UAT time again. 

Wondering if I could have a 2 or 3 day break (with no work interruptions or texts) sometime in Nov. 

Fingers crossed. 

October babies

Nadya chose to go Sushiro for her birthday meal. I'm happy. I like Sushiro.

We're celebrating it on 8 Oct since 9 Oct is a Monday. She has an English exam on the same day too. 

Welcome to the world of an October baby sayang....

One where your birthday hits the exam period every year from when you're P1 till you graduate from university lol. Jiayou!

Thin

Went to SP's Mum's wake this afternoon. 

Received 2 "你瘦了" comments from 2 different pax. To which I responded "没有啊。Same as the last time you saw me."

Which is true. 

But again. It makes me conscious. And it gets to me. 

It's not that I don't eat or go on diets. I do eat, and I like my meats. 

Dunno lah....pek chek...frustrated...somewhat helpless. 

One at a time...breathe

It's been a week or more of alot of things...

Several celebrations, including a surprise birthday celebration this morning for my big boss TY. Coordinating this brought me some grief though...as meeting dates & rooms were changed several times and I had to coordinate the delivery of the cake. I happened to be the one doing this cos....I was the one who opened my big mouth to suggest this surprise to my immediate boss. 

Had to order N's cake as well for this Sat evening's celebration with my side of the family.

Had a birthday lunch with my ex-boss and current immediate boss on Wednesday...

Trying to coordinate a congratulatory flower wreath to be sent to Sky's new jewellery shop....

And just received sad news that immediate boss' (SP) mum has passed away this morning. Had to coordinate with the executives to get them to re-arrange meetings scheduled for Monday, discreetly check with the team on "pek kim" contributions, and organise the condolence wreath to be sent over...

While trying to chase the never-ending pile of things feeding into my work to-do list....And trying to be patient with the older girl....and trying to get down to tackle that pile of laundry on the sofa lol...

Old boss

I had lunch with Choon Sai today...and SP.
Lol....lunch with retired ex-boss and new boss who took over him. 

Felt nice seeing him...though he seems alot more frail compared to when he was still my boss....his voice is still the same. 

Maybe I have a soft spot for him as he's born in the same year as my mum. Maybe it's cos he never really threw a tantrum at me, unlike some others I heard of. Maybe it's cos we had a little squabble before and we found a mutually respectful way to treat each other after that. 

I hope his vertigo goes away soon and he recovers 100%. I hope his hearing loss doesn't deteriorate anymore (he has hearing aids in both ears now). And I hope he stays happy...

Of brains...

It's interesting. 18 years after I had a major brain surgery, I met someone who had the same brain surgery as I did. 

Was having lunch with my colleagues at our pantry yesterday. I asked a guy if he went for surgery before as he had a scar on his head. Turned out that he had an aneurysm which burst 2-3 years ago. 

He was lucky. Though he had bleeding in the brain and he collapsed, he managed to regain consciousness on his own and his wife took him to A&E. The bleeding stopped on its own, which was rare according to his doctors. But because it stopped bleeding, it also sort of saved his life as it didn't bring further damage or complications. 

His surgery was smooth though the aftercare wasn't smooth. Apparently he spent another 2 weeks in high-dependency co she collapsed in hospital 3 days after his surgery due to low blood pressure and low sugar. Seemed like the brain function controlling his speech was also affected slightly and he couldn't talk for that 2 weeks. He made a full recovery after that though and was thankful that everything was ok. I feel happy for him too...and his wife and young son, who was only around 2 or 3 years old at the time. 

I was lucky too. My aneurysm was discovered early before anything untoward happened. Thankful. Very thankful. 

My colleague doesn't know if he has screws in his skull though lol....we concluded that maybe medical technology was more advanced during his time and maybe he didn't have any screws in. So I'm an old robot with 3 titanium screws...and he's the newer version 2.0 robot lol. 

Time

And we're in my birthday month already. 

Wasn't it just CNY...and then Nadya's big ballet competition in June...

And suddenly...

It's October. 

Time slips away so fast...I don't know what I've done or not done this year....

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Anyway...Oct is here..I've had too much cake & desserts since last week lol.

More cakes this weekend for Nadya's separate birthday celebrations with both sets of grandparents. 

I hope my cough stays away...too much sugar aggravates it

To dance or not to dance

N is part of her dance school's scholarship programme and one of the soloists they are trying to groom. 

Just received an email from them on her scholarship dance training/practice schedules starting from Oct onwards. They want her to do 3 solos and be part of 3 group dances next year....That's 6 items in total???!!!

They've put her down for three 45min sessions and one 3hr session each week. These are on top of her own normal ballet lessons which are at one 1hr session and one 1.5hr session each week. 

Wah lau.

Really alot of time & energy...If we take them all up, that's ballet everyday except for Monday and Wednesday. I think we need to regroup....With the amount of time spent dancing, how much time does she have left for her school & enrichment homework? And she'll have zero me-time?  

Need to talk to her too....the commitment needed is really.....alot if she wants to pursue dancing...

How do we balance this with her studies? She's not doing great in studies and next year she'll be in P5 already...she needs to get her foundations right before PSLE comes in 2025. 

Breathe

Feeling overwhelmed these few weeks. 

Work

Personal stuff

One particular staff texting every other day...seeking permission to WFH or to come in office later in the day cos son/daughter/self [insert situation].....

Recently I've also been inundated with calls & texts from DBS relationship managers, and now even my insurance agent is reaching out to me on some illness & early cancer coverage plans. 

Some friends asking for meet-ups. Another updating on his work interviews. 

I still have a thermal bag stuck at a friend's house....which I've not collected since Jan 2023 I think. 

Clothes to be folded or ironed. 

Project manager that doesn't seem to be doing his job adequately and now me and another team member are doing more work...

Trying to improve relationship with N.....

Too many birthday presents to get and cakes to order....

This....

And that....

And these.........

And those...............

呼.......

吸.......

呼.......

吸.......

呼.......

吸.......

Ouch

Irony. I always tell friends, colleagues & my parents to be careful when walking, especially after rain when the ground is wet.

Was walking home yesterday at 5-plus when I fell. Ground was wet after the afternoon rain. Left foot slipped on a metal cover on the pavement, and I landed fully on my right knee with a loud slam on the metal cover. Happened in a second and I couldn't have prevented it at all. No reaction time. 

I remember immediately uttering "SHIT". 

There was a Malay uncle behind me who was fiddling with something from the box on his bike maybe 2-3 meters aware and he was quite sweet. He shouted to me: "You ok or not? Can walk? Must be careful ya! Don't walk on the metal covers! Aiyah, I also kena alot of times on these things, very slippery one! Next time don't walk on them ok! You ok? Need help or not? That's why lah, I don't know why they must put so many of these metal things on the ground. Aiyah next time don't walk on these already ok."

I got up, tested my knee and found I could still walk. Thanked the uncle and continued walking home, though slowly cos my knee was aching. 

Went home and peeled my jeans off. Thankful I was in jeans else my skin would probably have had a bad cut. Kneecap was reddish, with some orh-cheh starting to show up. There were some patches of bleeding under the skin, and a small cut. Was wondering how the cut happened when my jeans was still ok and had no tear. Spent a few minutes wallowing then realised I should be icing the area. 

Iced the area and felt myself getting increasingly anxious about it. Will my knee be ok? Got fracture or not? etc...Tried my best to calm myself down and manage myself. Felt ok enough to go out to the living room to have dinner with the girls. Ate halfway........and then I didn't feel right. Told K I had to go back into the bedroom to lie down....

And then it came.

The symptoms I felt whenever I had a fainting spell. The warmth, the cold sweat, the clammy skin, the tingles in the palms & fingers, the light-headedness. The greying and blurring vision...Wah lau I thought to myself...Somewhere in the midst of this, I had the sense to turn on the room lights, and turn on the fan, before throwing myself on the bed and trying to breathe and control the fainting.

Called out to K and he came in. I think I was rather pale and breathing quite hard by then. I remember moaning a little and whimpering. He was my calm anchor and held my hands. I could him talking to me in the background, trying to calm me down and assuring me he was there. 

I'm not sure how long passed before I opened my eyes. I don't think I blacked out. I remember being conscious throughout, just feeling very uncomfortable and quite out of it. When I finally opened my eyes, I felt tired...quite tired. 

Rested another 1.5hrs before I got up & out of bed, and carried on with whatever else I could eat and had a shower before crashing into bed again....

This vasovagal episode has brought me much anxiety again...Feels a little like I regressed. May I have the strength to manage my thoughts, emotions and feelings.

Jiayou Michelle....

Sick

Been unwell for slightly more than a week. 

Nose was runny, then just mainly stuffed. And because I couldn't breathe properly through my nose, I had to breathe through my mouth, which made my throat dry and I ended up having a cough as well. Been trying to get rid of whatever mucus I have. But the moment I step into office (i.e. aircon) my nose stuffs up again. 

It is getting better...but very slowly...

Not sure if going to the doc another time would help though. The Zyrtec I was given didn't help at all. 

May I get well soon...

Overheard

The songs I've heard N humming or singing over the last couple of weeks:

1.  "You're my wonderwaaa--aallll..!!" (Wonderwall - Oasis)
2. "I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world! Life in plastic, its fantastic!" (Barbie Girl - Aqua)
3. "They'll tell you I'm insane...but I've got a blank space baby..." (Blank Space - Taylor Swift)
4. "I've got the eye of the tiger....you're gonna hear me roar..oh oh oh oh...." (Roar - Katy Perry)
5. "Yeah -eh eh eh...party in the USA!" (Party in the USA - Miley Cyrus)
6. "I can buy myself flowers, write my name in the sand...Talk to myself for hours...." (Flowers - Miley Cyrus)
7. "Lily was a little girl, caught in the big bad world...." (Lily - Alan Walker)

This girl is turning out to be quite the pop music "guru" haha.

Unfamiliar places

1 September 2023 was Polling Day in the Presidential Elections 2023. 

This round, our polling station was at CHIJ Katong Primary. We dragged both girls along because...no helper, can't leave them at home along and so...all went together lor. 

As with any new and unfamiliar place, I'd get fidgety. I usually can still stay calm enough though. 

There was initially only one queue but as more people came and the queue grew and spilled out of the main gate of the school along the road, the polling station officials decided to get people to do S-queues instead so as to maximise some of the wider spaces within the school compound. 

And that's when the anxiety got to me more. People on both my left & right sides, despite them being maybe a metre apart from me on each side. The increased noise levels from cramming more people into the same space, the humidity, the not-knowing-how-long-more-we-will-be-stuck-in-the-queue....I could feel the anxiety creeping up. 

Tried to keep a straight face. Not sure if I succeeded or not. I remember N holding my hand at one point, maybe she noticed my discomfort. Then she let me go and continued chatting with her sister. I held onto K's hand for the next 10mins or so...I kept my eyes closed for awhile....till I calmed myself down enough. As the queue moved and we morphed back into a single file line, and as we moved into a more open area within the school, things felt alot better...

Grateful for the kids' and K's presence. 

If it were just me alone there, I'd take a much longer time to calm down and may have spiralled more.