20 September 2024

Received news of Ah Dioh's situation on 18 Sept. He was gravely ill and warded at CGH. I visited him and spent more than an hour there that same evening. I wasn't sure if his mind could register anything as he was already in a somewhat unresponsive state. But I still greeted him and said my hellos. Much of that hour was spent supporting & comforting my aunt (his wife), and chatting with my cousin (his daughter). 

I'm glad I rushed over that day and managed to see him. 

He passed away early on 20 Sept. 

I attended the wake on 20 Sept evening, and was also present at his cremation service on 22 Sept Sunday evening. 

And just like that....in a jiffy...he went from hospital bed to coffin and then the incinerator in less than a week...Things end quite swiftly sometimes. 

He battled bladder cancer for 3 years and had several operations over this period of time. He was quite resilient and still had a good appetite. His mind was good and was very lucid when we visited him during CNY earlier this year. 

Rest in peace Ah Dioh. I hope you're happily reunited with all your siblings in heaven..

Rest in Peace

Haven’t really had the chance to organise my thoughts or pen things down. Myriad emotions since MIL’s passing exactly 3 weeks ago. 

On one hand, I am glad she is no longer suffering. Being unable to eat, or taste much took a toll on her mind and body, given the foodie that she was. 

The other part of me, the selfish part of me I guess, feels the loss of a steady presence (& glue) on that side of the family. One who was always there and looking after the family in her own ways. One who was the more practical &  level-headed half, watching out for FIL, whether he knew it or not. One who was doting on the grandkids, yet also tried to impart key values and life habits to them, and emphasised the value of education and female independence.

Thank you Mum....

• for looking after the girls, for teaching them English & Chinese since they were young, for developing your own flashcards & guiding them to read & write, for sewing pajama pants and cute skirts for them since they were toddlers, for bringing them out to town or even to the zoo and bring them on MRT rides and bus trips, for showing them girl power
• for running around doing groceries and buying snacks or cakes or fruits or special food items, for making our favourite foods, for planning out all family meals during special occasions like CNY and Xmas, and for always remembering to create a non-herbal and non-seafood version for me for these meals if needed
• for offering to help whenever you thought we might need some assistance
• for showing us what being steadfast and staying true to your values and principles is like
• for just being there.....

Rest in peace...

17 September 2024 - 17th work anniversary

I joined the organisation on 17 September 2007. 

Voila. It's been 17 years. 

I'm more or less still holding the same role, with a highly expanded scope, and my own team now. 

I guess I've grown with this place. It's witnessed many milestones in my adult life.  

In these 17 years.....I went through a hurtful breakup and had to give up a flat I balloted for. I got to travel alot and sometimes to "exotic" places. I met K and we eventually got married. The girls came along. Granny passed away 6 months after N was born. A never got to see her. K & I got our own place. We also got our first car & second cars. I hired my first helper ever. I got clinically diagnosed with anxiety. I got promoted 3 times......amongst other things. 

I am thankful for the good bosses I've had, and good teammates. Thankful too for some friendships formed over the years with colleagues, and ex-colleagues. 

Wednesday 4 September 2024

MIL passed away.

While the eventuality was expected given the illness, it still hits hard when it happens. 

FIL & SIL called K & I at 230am. My phone was on silent mode and I slept through the calls till K woke me up to inform me he was heading to the hospital. I stayed back as the girls were still sleeping. But I couldn’t get back to sleep and was on standby mode, thoughts running through my tired mind. 

K finally texted me at 4:58am to let me know she had passed.

The wake was held over the next 3 days, with the cremation ceremony on 6 Sept evening, and scattering of ashes on 9 Sept morning.

In a way, I am glad that her suffering was not too prolonged.

Rest in peace Mum. I hope you're having a fun reunion with Ah-Gu and your parents. 

Unstoppable

Unstoppable - Sia

All smiles, I know what it takes to fool this town

I'll do it 'til the sun goes down
And all through the nighttime
Oh, yeah
Oh, yeah, I'll tell you what you wanna hear
Leave my sunglasses on while I shed a tear
It's never the right time
Yeah, yeah

I put my armor on, show you how strong I am
I put my armor on, I'll show you that I am

I'm unstoppable
I'm a Porsche with no brakes
I'm invincible
Yeah, I win every single game
I'm so powerful
I don't need batteries to play
I'm so confident
Yeah, I'm unstoppable today

Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
I'm unstoppable today

Break down, only alone I will cry out loud
You'll never see what's hiding out
Hiding out deep down
Yeah, yeah
I know, I've heard that to let your feelings show
Is the only way to make friendships grow
But I'm too afraid now
Yeah, yeah

I put my armor on, show you how strong I am
I put my armor on, I'll show you that I am

I'm unstoppable
I'm a Porsche with no brakes
I'm invincible
Yeah, I win every single game
I'm so powerful
I don't need batteries to play
I'm so confident
Yeah, I'm unstoppable today

Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
I'm unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
I'm unstoppable today

I put my armor on, show you how strong I am
I put my armor on, I'll show you that I am

I'm unstoppable

I'm a Porsche with no brakes
I'm invincible
Yeah, I win every single game
I'm so powerful
I don't need batteries to play
I'm so confident
Yeah, I'm unstoppable today

Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
I'm unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
Unstoppable today
I'm unstoppable today

============

Summing things up? I dunno...

But anyway, the other day, K & I were debating what word it was (old liao both of us forgot lol)...

I said it was "Impossible"...he said it was "Unbreakable"...

The girls overheard....rolled their eyes and said..."Unstoppable lah!!!"

Lol lol lol....

Another conversation with the girls

How do you broach the topic of mortality with a 9-yr-old?

I am thankful that both girls had had pets (both hamsters & spiders) in the past who all passed on eventually. At least that helped to introduce the concepts of impermanence and mortality to them. 

We've both been slowly talking to them in bite-sizes, whether individually or together, about things and the eventuality. 

I hope they understand...slowly bit by bit...

Conversation with the 9-yr-old

Conversation with the 9-yr-old

A: I want 3 birthday cakes this year.

Me: Har? Why?

A: Because this is my last year with a single digit age number.

Me: Errrr ok…

A: I also need 3 birthday cakes next year.

Me: And why again?

A: Because next year is my first year with a double digit age number.

Me: .............

Reminder to Self

Don't buy things on impulse when you're not in a good mood. 

Ended up with 2 articles of clothing that do not fit me, and which are somehow non-returnable. 

Sigh. 

活该

Wonder if I should bring them to be altered? Hmm......

可以的

Wondering if I am doing an ok job as a reporting officer. 

Wondering if and how I can do more and how else I should handle this one particular staff, who is also bringing some amount of headache for my own boss. 

It's my first time dealing with this situation. He has seen more through the course of his work life....while he also finds this situation not ideal, at least it is not anything too egregious. 

I had a chat with him a few weeks back. We agreed that while we can show compassion and accord more flexibility to this staff, we need to also ensure work responsibilities get fulfilled, and we need to properly document our chats/counselling sessions/instruction emails with this staff. 

I'm still learning....

可以的

可以的

Trying to be best friends with my dumbbells. Kinda slow getting to know each other better. May we find each others' frequency soon. Lol....

可以的!! 

可以的

We’re almost midway through the 7^th lunar month already. Mid-autumn is coming soon.

The purchase and delivery of mooncakes is coming up soon. 

Time ticks away so fast.

I should be prepping for Xmas soon too. In fact, I think we were already done with a portion of the Xmas gifts by this time last year. 

Nvm....

可以的......

Best Buy

I've been buying some things recently...from crochet stuff to the kids' bedding, to sewing materials, etc. 

But the best buy has got to be....

A pair of prescription goggles. 

It was an off the shelf pair from View. Got it from the Sun Paradise shop and was told by the sales lady that it was a Japanese brand. The cheap pair I got online from Shopee didn't work for me. Water seeped in whenever I dunked my head underwater. And so without hesitation, I bought the View pair. I think from asking the lady, to trying it on, and then paying up, I only took probably 10mins haha. Fast purchase.  

Managed to try it out over the weekend and suddenly found that I could swim again! Yay! I could see underwater. Though it's not fully clear but better than not having any vision underwater at all. 

I stopped swimming ever since I had kids and it was even harder to get started again when I stopped wearing contact lenses about 7 years ago....I simply couldn't swim without knowing exactly where I was going or what I was seeing. It felt very scary to swim like that and given my high myopia, I just kinda forgot about swimming and gave up. 

I can't do 15-20 laps like I did 15 years ago. But oh well..baby steps baby steps...happy to even just do the equivalent of 1 lap for now...broken into smaller distances since the pool below my block is just a small pool lol. 

Ganbatte!

The Small One

Sick since Wednesday afternoon when she called us from school to announce that she was havign a fever and had a headache. Vomitted twice at home that afternoon. The doctor said she had stomach flu. 

We separated the big one from her. N slept with me and K bunked in with A. 

Fever broke by Friday morning but the cough...oh the cough. It's so persistent and the phelgm sounds so thick. 

Sigh....may the cough & phelgm go away soon. She's been cranky & moody the entire day today, claimed she's extremely bored. 

Back to school tomorrow so I hope the school, work, homework & friends occupy her enough....

The nephew

Marc's entering uni. He's going NTU. And he's starting his hostel orientation camp in 2 day's time. 

I'm getting all the feels. Feeling excited for him and all that he'll be going through over the next few years. For the new friends he'll be making, for the new experiences, for the new "freedom" of staying on his own and looking after himself. 

有一种莫名的兴奋和骄傲。。。

Adrian, me, and even K were all from NTU, my cousin and his wife as well...and now the next generation is going to NTU too...:)

It felt real nostalgic when Marc showed me a map of the current NTU on his phone. The place has changed so much and expanded in ways I never imagined too.

I hope he has a great & fulfilling time in NTU, and in his assigned hostel too. I hope he enjoys his orientation & hostel life thoroughly like I did! May he make long-lasting friendships too. 

 

Maybe

Guess we have to accept that as time goes by, as people grow & develop, as people live their lives and go about their own paths...

It is inevitable that some friends will be on a slightly different wavelength with different interests and pursuits. 

Maybe I am getting more gor tak too as I grow older. Maybe I've changed, especially in the last 5 years. 

Hmm...

Is this a Singaporean thing? Or an Asian thing?

To downplay, to be seen as humble, to be self-deprecating...when done too much though, it may be perceived as hypocrisy?

"My kid cannot make it. The Maths and Chinese wah lau eh...I wanna vomit blood"
Kid ends up in BICEP programme....

"I don't exercise, where got time? My stamina chui until...."
Posts on FB about a 7km run...

"No money lah, budget tight."
Buys a multi-storied townhouse with a lift...

"I'm chill lah, just let the kid try lor."
Kid comments that the parent is very strict with studies and makes kid do assessments...

Wondering if I do it too. Hmm..

Random musings

2nd half of the year already. So fast. 

Felt like we just celebrated Xmas & CNY and now it's time to prep for Xmas gifts again, after we settle the mid-autumn festival stuff. Do I have to prep teachers' day stuff this year? Sigh.........

Too quick. 

=============

I've been at this place almost 17 years. Over the last 2 months, thoughts of quitting creeped into my mind. First time ever. 

I don't know why. Frustration at recent happenings? The double & triple-hatting over the last 2 years? My staff having all sorts of things happening to them and having to take leave frequently? The 3rd change of the boss sitting 2 levels up? The frustration of some team members not pulling their own weight? Just me being tired? Me feeling like I don't know what I am doing at work and in life?

=============

Looking to fengshui-ise my cubicle. 

Himalayan salt lamp - checked

Little red something in southwest corner - checked

Live plant in northeast corner - coming soon......

Mid-life

Went through a period of awkwardness in secondary school and ended up being quite open & out-going in upper secondary, no thanks to a bunch of good friends whom I hung out with. 

JC was pretty weird an experience for me. Things were ok. There was a period of time where I apparently experienced anxiety issues according to my GP and was prescribed Xanax in JC1. JC life was meh to me....

Entered uni and for some reason, I took to hostel life very well. I was open, out-going and knew alot of folks in the hostel. I headed a committee, participated in activities, etc. Made alot of friendships there, several of which have lasted till now. 

Came out to work and was like a deer in headlights. Experienced some not so nice things but had a pretty good time still I think. Youth is energy. Social life was quite rich at the time. 

 Entered my late 20s & early 30s, stopped Friday pub nights with 2 friends...got together with K, got married, had kids and slowed down. And then the awkwardness set in again. The doubts, the worries, the wondering if you're good enough, the not knowing what the hell you're doing, the constant winging, etc. 

And then the full manifestation of anxiety issues when I hit 38/39. And then the continued on and off doubts & awkwardness & unsureness... 

Till now.  

Thoughts of how to continue my work/career in this organisation has also popped up recently.....

Is this mid-life crisis? Lol...

If I live till my 80s, this is just about mid-life....

Shifted Work Area

 Since 20-something June...our team shifted from Lvl 12 to Lvl 3. 

Half of my desk faces a pillar...a wall of sorts. 

Fengshui sites say it's not too good to face a "wall"....I hope my tilting my body a little to the left, I avoid this "wall"....

Oh well...will just continue to do my best and whatever I can in my work....

Just that my "sea, Sentosa and expressway" view has morphed into a "pond and tree" view. 

Get the Beat

Nadya spent 3 days competing last week. 

3 solo dances:

1. 10&U Intermediate Lyrical  - No placing. Platinum score (within 80-89)
2. 10&U Elite Ballet - 5th place out of 20-odd girls. Diamond score (> 95 or 95+). Fairy doll variation. 
3. 11&U Elite Ballet - No placing. Double-Platinum score (within 90 - 94). Aurora variation. 

3 group dances

1. 10&U Contemporary - 2nd place. Diamond score.
2. 10&U Classical - 5th place. Diamond score.
3. 12&U Classical - 1st place. Diamond score. Most Promising Technique prize. 

Proud of her. Happy for her. 

Just a little bewildered why she didn't get a placing at the 11&U Elite Ballet cos I felt she did pretty well. But then again, I'm not a professional dance judge. :)

One more competition on 13 June. 

Jiayou!

Alyssa was such a good girl. She spent many hours together with K & I watching many many performances just to get o Nadya's turn or just to wait till the awards section to see if Nadya got anything. Sometimes it was just plain waiting with nothing to do. While she was bored and tired, she didn't complain too much.