PSLE

Was looking through the PSLE dates and putting them into K & my joint calendar. 

Tis the year....

Wondering if I should take leave on those exam days...

Wonderland

孤独·是永恒无解的习题，但总有人不倦地陪你解谜

Found this quite meaningful. It's from Wonderland Season 4, a Chinese variety show. 

Wonderland can be boliao and draggy at times but I still watch it cos of the camaraderie of its cast members and of the various heartfelt conversations that gets thrown up in the midst of their interactions. I only started from Season 3 and am 1/3 of the way through Season 4. 

Season 3 had a segment which not only made me bawl my eyes out, but also made many cast members cry as well. It was a segment which made each cast member say his or her apology. It could be an apology to anyone or anything. The touching stories that came up, some were quite emotional and thought-provoking. I thought that segment was wonderful. 

Sigh

When you feel like a friendship seems a little broken or out of place 

But don't know what happened 

And don't know how to go about fixing or improving things 

困扰

Fragility

 A lady from the organisation was found unconscious at her desk on 27 March Thursday 11am. Her desk was on the 6th floor. I'm on the 3rd floor and I did not know her. Colleagues tried to resuscitate her and performed CPR while others called for an ambulance. Despite efforts and AED being deployed, she did not make it. She was either my age or a few years younger. 

Though I did not know her, the news still rattled me. How things could change suddenly. How she was find and made it to work in the morning but was gone just a few hours later. It's been a few days and I still feel a little shaken. Sigh.

Rest in peace Sharon. 

The Humming Song

Alyssa made a request last night before bed.

“Mama, can you hum for us tonight? It’s been a long time since you did it and when you hum I feel happier. I can sleep better too because it makes me feel safe and happy. And it makes me feel loved. I really like it. Can you hum for us tonight please?”

And so I did.

I hummed that tune which I came up with back when they were 1 & 3 yrs old I think. It's an improvised  draggy version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star....I used to do it every night for a period of time when they were still little. As they grew up, I did it less & less often till it kind of faded away and was not included as part of the bedtime routine anymore.

From time to time now though, one of them would still ask me to hum that tune before bed…

I hope they remember the tune in their heads…maybe they can hum it to their own kids next time….

Owwwwww

Income Tax Assessment SMS notification just came in from GOV.SG

Logged in.

Saw bill. 

OUCH.

Paid immediately lest I forget and kena splash red paint by the gahmen.

OUCH. 

Ok...eat grass in the next few weeks............

Boundaries Redrawn

And so EBRC has published its report of how the various GRCs & SMCs will be like for the upcoming elections. 

Not looking forward to the work that has to be done on my end...and the jitteriness of the higher-ups and the possible scrutiny that might be on our team's work processes.

Fingers (and toes) crossed that everything will be 顺顺利利. 

Faces..People

Ever since we shifted, I've been taking the bus to work a whole lot more. 

I'm at only the 4th bus-stop after the bus leaves the interchange so I am usually able to get a seat. And I usually prefer to take bottom deck when I head to work...Over time, there are some folks I've noticed on the same bus at around the same time each day...

1. Haig Road Market Auntie - always sit at a particular corner window seat, and she's there before me so I'd sit next to her. She always gets off at Haig Road Market so once she gets off, I'd take over her corner window seat.
2. Pink Sling Bag Auntie - always there before me as well, usually sits on one of those seats running parallel with the bus, always gets off at Vivo
3. Make-up Auntie - carries alot of things, the moment she sits down, she starts putting on makeup, uses cotton buds to draw her brows, then puts on powder lipstick, etc. Sometimes applies a spicy ointment on specific areas of her neck. (acupoints maybe?)
4. Pretty Filipina in dark grey dress - which seems to be her uniform, always paired with black pumps, and carrying a black tote bag, with hair slicked back in a bun, gets off at Harbourfront. 
5. 20-something Girl with Dark Blue Anello Haversack and light brown shoes - always in pants, and gets off somewhere before Dunman High School
6. 20-something Girl with glasses, beige bag & a white crocheted amigurumi duck keychain - can't recall where she gets on or off at
7. Yeji (ITZY) look-alike - pretty 20-something girl who's like a SG version of Yeji lol, with long straight hair, always in Nike white & green sneakers. I like her sneakers!
8. Calculus Guy - bespectacled, Chinese, 30s or 40s, so far always trying to read a book on "What is Calculus?", wears a PSA landyard and gets off after me so he could really be from PSA. 
9. Danman High - Xiaobai - upper secondary school boy who's fair and reminds me a little of Lee Jong Suk
10. Dunman High - Pigtails - seems to be lower secondary school girl and always wearing her hair in 2 plaits. 
11. Dunman High - White Bag - seems to be JC level girl

So true

You’ll never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.

Saw this from a short film. So....beautiful. And so true.

ooof

Been my own punching bag for several weeks now. 

Need to get out of the 圈圈。

一步一步来

往前走

#!%$%^@$@!#

Hate dealing with a certain person from the parent ministry.

Hate having to deal with high achievers with snooty attitudes who write in circles, and use exclamation marks to emphasise certain points in their emails. (How rude though. It's a professional work email.)

Maybe I am just not good enough & cannot understand their "angmoh". 

Sorry lah, laoniang is not from that strata, I cannot comprehend things beyond a certain level. Sorry lah, I ish also not a full-time policy-maker. I ish just a 打工仔 who is trying to 过日子 and 混口饭吃。

AND, laoniang 不是 scholar. Laoniang brain not so good. 

Deep breaths. Let's not ruin my Friday night. Maybe feeling emo & dramatic cos menses coming soon? 

Options...

That feeling has come again. 

Wondering how long more can I "last" in this job...

If I can't anymore...what are other options in the future? 

Can I quit & get a data entry job or an office admin job instead? Knock off on time, no need to OT, no need to handle staff, no need to handle stakeholders.....

In a blink of an eye

And so Christmas is over, New Year is over and now CNY is also mostly done & over with (though we still have Chap Goh Meh on 12 Feb). 

This year's CNY was relatively quiet. Quieter than usual. We had 4 house visits on Day 1, 2 on Day 2 and that was it. Good also...else too much ra-ra and hala-ing zaps my energy. :) 

Spent the whole afternoon yesterday tabulating the girls' angpows. They had a smaller "haul" this year partly cos we shifted out of our apartment and hence did not receive any from the neighbours lol. But till a good haul nevertheless. Both are 小富婆s..... :D

..........

有心无力，要咋做才能更精力充沛呢 

That feeling of being stuck in a rut and just cruising along with no real growth & improvement. 

Mid-life woes?

Lack of exercise & hence motivation?

Shio........Pan.......

 I am not done with my shio pan phase. We're heading to Bedok Mall later today for lunch.....

A trip to Breadtalk is necessary. :D

7 February 2025

Happy Birthday Mama!

I miss you alot. 

From time to time snippets & memories of you float into my mind. 

Like how when I was in primary school and I often did my homework in front of the TV while sitting on the floor with my books arranged in a circle around me, with you sitting in your trusty orange armchair (with wooden arms) on my right. You'd have your eyes glued to the TV which was airing some rerun of a Channel 8 drama (and occasionally cursing in Hokkien at the baddie on screen lol). It was you whom I learned some choice Malay & Hokkien cuss words from lol. 

Like how I helped you to make kueh pie tee cups from scratch, dipping the metal mould into the flour mix and then quickly dunking the mould into hot oil and finding the right time to flick out the cup and fry it to a crisp. 

Like how we squatted in the kitchen to wrap bak zhang. I was too young & too clumsy to know how to  hold & fold the bamboo leaves properly but I helped to scoop up the filling & dump it into the small hole you made in the middle of the glutinous rice, and I helped to cover up the filling with more rice too!

Like how you'd make yummy yellow sticky rice with ikan kuning fried to a level of crispiness I cannot imagine, and other lovely side dishes to accompany the rice like egg omlette and sambal ikan bilis. 

Like how you'd make your own fermented rice and leave that huge bottle in the fridge...occasionally sipping on the liquid that resulted from it (I didn't know then but I think it might have been some type of rice alcohol.

Like how you always insisted on sleeping on your tilam on the floor next to my bed even though we had a proper pull-out bed for you with a proper thicker mattress. You always said you still preferred to sleep on the floor. 

Like how you regaled me with stories of when you were young, or stories from the war, or how life was back then in those days, etc. 

I miss you. It's been almost 11 years since you passed. 

Pondering

Wonder what will become of me next time. Me who is not a high flyer nor a super high achiever but just a regular office worker. 

We're in a performance appraisal phase right now. I'd been through a round of grading at my level with my boss. He went through a moderation with his boss already and shared the current results with me. 

One older staff from another team within our division seems likely to be given a lower rating. Just because of bell curve fixed quotas that we have to meet, and just because he is older and about to "retire" in another 2 months and be converted to a contract staff. I wondered if it was fair for someone to be designated a sacrificial lamb in such a manner. I wondered if his work performance was actually satisfactory. My boss wasn't sure about that staff's quality of work but it is not the first time this has been done within the organisation as a whole....sigh. 

Sad realities of life?

On the other hand, we'd given a staff  under me a low rating as well. But given that she had the lowest job grade designation out of the entire division, she was "saved" from this lower rating and given a slightly higher rating. Both good & bad news for me I guess. 

Oh...I dislike dealing with HR matters.....

The Bus

Took the bus to work this morning.

Nerve-wrecking given the long hiatus. I can't even recall the last time I took the bus to work. Might have easily been 3 years ago.

Glad that the bus was not crowded given that the usual bunch of school-going kids had probably cleared by then. 

Glad I had a nice corner seat by the window. 

Let's keep this up Michelle!!! 

Hope to

1. Read, Exercise, Reflect more
2. Maintain & nurture relationships with family, friends, colleagues
3. Continue being present for the kids 

2025

New year is here. 

I don't think I have any new year resolutions yet except to exercise more. 

And I wish for more stability, tranquility, peace, good health, happiness and blessings. 

Not just for myself, but for the family & loved ones too.