Woot!

Checked my HR app yesterday.

Checked my bank account yesterday too. 

Yay, performance and corporate bonus are in already...! 

内耗 - part 2

It's been around 4 weeks since I took the bus to work. 

Already expected that it would derail me somewhat. This morning was a jittery time getting to the bus-stop, waiting for the bus to come and the whole journey. 

Glad the "Coffee & Piano" playlist I listen to on Spotify worked its wonders again to keep me abit more calm and grounded. 

And it had to be today that I met with heavy rain again lol. 

Took me 15-20mins from the usual bus-stop I alight at to get to my office building. It usually takes me 5mins to walk to office. 

I spent a few minutes frozen at the bus-stop this morning instead, wondering if it would make more sense to backtrack to Labrador MRT station and then take the sheltered walkway to the office building, or forge ahead & brave the 500/600m walk in the rain. 

Considerations?

Which would get me less wet...and which would preserve my new calfskin leather shoes better. 

I ended up going to Labrador MRT station. There was only a big road that was unsheltered before I got to the MRT station. But....that small stretch....was enough to get part of the inside of my shoes wet...just glad it was not soaked through else I'd have another pair of ruined & grimy leather shoes. 

Mini adventure this morning...Here's to a better week ahead!! Jiayou!!

内耗

还是时不时地想朋友之间的友情和关系

Leave & OIL

Thankful, laoniang accumulated 10 days OIL, to be cleared in one year. 

I still have 43 days of AL out of which 28 can be brought over to 2026.

Which means I have 25 days (including the 10 OIL) that need to be cleared within this year. 

Ok....need to plan how to make this happen. 

Mother's Day

 Alyssa wrote a poem for me for Mother's Day. She did it in Chinese & translated it into English as well. 

叶子　－　林芯余

当雪从老天
落下来，
叶子都会
离开树妈妈。
有一棵叶子
还紧紧地
抓住树干。
那个叶子是
我。

Leaves - Alyssa Lim

Once snow falls
from the sky,
leaves will
leave Mother Tree.
But,
there is one leaf
still holding on. 
That leaf
is me.

Nothing from Nadya this year...:) Are we at that stage where she is so busy till no simple card for her mum anymore? Tween-hood....

Jiayou

Feel a little sad for Dr Chee Soon Juan. I did not listen to his rally speeches nor did I read his party's manifesto and proposals. 

But I know of him since I was a kid. How he was prosecuted (fairly or unfairly?) many times in his political career. And how got up each time he was beaten down. And how he carried on fighting for what he believed in. 

是执着， 是固执， 是信念， 是不服？

Whatever it is, I respect him, his gumption, his perseverance, his courage, his guts in carrying on all these decades in fulfilling his ideals & beliefs and staying hopeful despite the many setbacks he'd encountered. 

And I respect his wife too. Don't think it's been easy for her all these years too. 

Jiayou to him & his family. 

And it's a wrap

老了

Past 2 weeks of odd working hours during the GE period have turned me into a zombie. 

230am - 9am....then 230pm to 9pm. Sometimes 830am - 230pm...then 230am to 9am. 

Glad we've stood down from operations officially at 210am 4 May 2025 right after all local votes were announced and declared conclusive. 

More things to do this round. Maybe cos there are more paranoid higher-ups...and cos of all the scammy , spammy and malicious issues which started since a few years ago. 

Just glad things are sort of over....

It's 12pm now. And I feel like I need to crash into bed again...

Need to get my body clock back in order again lol...

GE2025

24/7 monitoring started on 23 April. 

Laoniang 老了. I feel more tired now than when I was involved in shift work in GE2020. 

Mid-way through...ganbatte!!

===========================

I feel a buzz in the air though....I can almost see it. 

GE2025 is so different from GE2020 where things were so muted and campaigning and hustings were conducted almost entirely online. 

I did not realise how I missed the rallies. I did not realise how I missed the trucks driving around bearing their party colours and loudhailers blaring party slogans and calls to action from ward resident. 

Till I heard them once again. :) 

Maybe age changes someone. I was never this interested in our GEs...this round feels different somehow and I find myself regularly catching the news and watching updates or highlights from mainstream media or from social media. 

===========================

I admire those who stepped up for the various parties. Whether from a small party or a big one with great resources, putting yourself out there in front of the nation, calls for great courage. And I applaud all those who have stood up to run. 

What I don't appreciate though, is the various netizens who lambast candidates online. As one netizen put it aptly: "Say so much, comment so much, why you ownself never run? Talk big only." 

Say what you want behind closed doors but to openly belittle someone else online, I think it is not nice. 

Granted though, that some (or perhaps many) of these FB accounts may just be bots created by folks who just want to be trolls or foreigners who just want to have an interfering hand in SG's business or bored locals who just want to "stir" up unsavoury sentiments on the ground. 

===========================

Kudos too to the many unsung folks working behind the scenes to ensure the whole machinery is working well...to quell any possible foreign intereference...to ensure security systems are in place...to ensure IT systems are working well...

Both the public service, and the many volunteers behind each party...

Jacky in the cab

Took a cab to work today. Lazy to lug 2 laptops on the bus. 

Cab guy made me "cry" lol. 

His playlist was all Jacky Cheung's songs, both in Chinese & Cantonese. 

Gosh, all the feels.....

I teared up at one point and was able to just dab away those tear drops....I thought to myself: "Lucky he didn't play 我真的受伤了" else I'd be bawling in the cab lol...

When I reached office, I thanked cab guy for playing Jacky's songs and told him "我的童年。"

He laughed and said "Hah nor...我也是。"

Thank you Matthew for a nice playlist!

Breathe

feeling stuck, restless and frustrated 

also having brain fog and lethargy 

stomach not doing too good 

anxious thoughts 

trying to 调解 

有些事情不在我控制之内 

有些人和事故也不在我控制之内 

It's said that we should just accept things beyond our control. 

Am I supposed to just accept? Getting harder these days. 

Mama

I remember friends around me found it odd we called you Mama. I don't know, maybe it's a Peranakan thing to call our grandmothers "Mama". Pronounced as M3 Ma2. I've known you as that my entire life, as have my brother and cousins. 

It's been 11 years since you passed. I miss you Mama.....and I miss...

• your leathery skin & age spots
• your wrinkles & big eyes
• your perfectly straight teeth (cos you had dentures ;p)
• your long long ear lobes
• your permed silver hair
• your super warm and big hands which were a lifesaver in cold shopping malls when I was a little girl 
• the way you pat your stomach when you have indigestion (I think I got this habit from you)
• the way you sat at the coffee table playing solitaire with 2 decks of poker cards by yourself. (I remember the cards were so well-used that some of them felt pretty soft to the touch and their edges were a little furry cos the cardboard was so worn out already)
• your yellow glutinous rice and its accompaniments like friend ikan bilis, sambal, dark soy sauce prawns, etc
• your chin chow & cheng ting
• your lo mai gai & bergedils
• your potato chips & kueh pie tees
• your bak zhangs & chap chyes
• your kebayas and kerosangs
• your "cilakahs" & "yao xius" & other swear words when you watched a baddie do his things in a channel 8 drama
• the way you set up your tilam on the floor each night & refused to sleep on the proper bed Dad did up for you
• the way you would spoon me on the sofa at our old Bedok home and sing nursery rhymes to me on some evenings after dinner. I was only 4 then and still tiny enough to squeeze with you on the sofa. 
• the way you tried your best to sign T.G.Q. on my primary school workbook on a few occasions because I forgot to get Dad to sign my work and I didn't want him to know but I had to hand in my book the next day and you were the only "help" I could get lol...I'm sorry you had to sign even though you didn't really know how to write or read...
• your old white cupboard which stood tall & proud for more than 40 years I think...it was definitely older than me and my heart broke when Mum & Dad sold the Tampines flat and could not bring that cupboard along to Adrian's place....
• the way you hid your various pieces of gold jewellery all over the house to spread the risk in case thieves got into our house. It drove Mum nuts but it definitely amused me as a young shild. 
• your feistiness and spirit even when your physical body and mind was not fully cooperating with you anymore..... 

the list goes on and on....

I hope you're happy & well wherever you are...and may you continue to watch over us and bless us...

女人

Since last year, it's been more jialat each time big auntie comes to visit these days, compared to just a few years ago and compared to when I was in my 20s or 30s.

More emo, more irritable. More backaches, more cramps. More lethargy, more brain fog.

Symptoms vary each month, sometimes one is experienced more than the other this month but the following month it becomes the other way. 

But generally all symptoms are more pronounced than last time, especially on the day before, Day 1 & 2. 

Checked among closer female colleagues and this seems to be the "trend" among those in their mid-40s. Of course, there are some younger ladies who've had bad symptoms each month ever since they were young. I feel for them, having to endure discomfort for so many years on end. 

Nvm..I will niam each month. And just have to 咬牙继续走....

Dad

Dad had a mini fall a few weeks back. My parents didn't tell anyone. zzzz. 

She only told me about it 2 weeks after it happened. Sigh. They were on their way home from church. Him being the kan cheong spider didn't want to circle around a raised grass patch which had a concrete kerb running all around it. My mum went round it, he stepped on it & attempted to cross over it. And promptly mis-stepped and landed on both knees. Seems he had a bruise on his right knee which no one noticed at home. I don't stay with them so....sigh. 

Apparently he's also been having pain in his left hip since a month plus ago. It acts up after he walks around 700-800m. After repeated attempts, he finally relented and allowed Mum to make an appointment for him to see a doctor at the polyclinic so he can get a referral to see an orthopedic specialist at a hospital. I only hope the referral appointment is not too far off. 

National Event

As the nation gears up for the big event that takes place every 4-5 years

On the work front, the nervousness and paranoia of both working level and higher-ups are making me fed-up and quite stressed at times. I only hope it ends soon, and I hope with all fingers & toes crossed that my side will be smooth-sailing and uneventful.

On a personal front, I'm somewhat excited and wondering how the rallies will be like this round. 2020 was muted due to Covid and there were no physical rallies. This round, physical rallies will be allowed again. Will it be as interesting as 2011 the watershed year? 

PSLE

Was looking through the PSLE dates and putting them into K & my joint calendar. 

Tis the year....

Wondering if I should take leave on those exam days...

Wonderland

孤独·是永恒无解的习题，但总有人不倦地陪你解谜

Found this quite meaningful. It's from Wonderland Season 4, a Chinese variety show. 

Wonderland can be boliao and draggy at times but I still watch it cos of the camaraderie of its cast members and of the various heartfelt conversations that gets thrown up in the midst of their interactions. I only started from Season 3 and am 1/3 of the way through Season 4. 

Season 3 had a segment which not only made me bawl my eyes out, but also made many cast members cry as well. It was a segment which made each cast member say his or her apology. It could be an apology to anyone or anything. The touching stories that came up, some were quite emotional and thought-provoking. I thought that segment was wonderful. 

Sigh

When you feel like a friendship seems a little broken or out of place 

But don't know what happened 

And don't know how to go about fixing or improving things 

困扰

Fragility

 A lady from the organisation was found unconscious at her desk on 27 March Thursday 11am. Her desk was on the 6th floor. I'm on the 3rd floor and I did not know her. Colleagues tried to resuscitate her and performed CPR while others called for an ambulance. Despite efforts and AED being deployed, she did not make it. She was either my age or a few years younger. 

Though I did not know her, the news still rattled me. How things could change suddenly. How she was find and made it to work in the morning but was gone just a few hours later. It's been a few days and I still feel a little shaken. Sigh.

Rest in peace Sharon. 

The Humming Song

Alyssa made a request last night before bed.

“Mama, can you hum for us tonight? It’s been a long time since you did it and when you hum I feel happier. I can sleep better too because it makes me feel safe and happy. And it makes me feel loved. I really like it. Can you hum for us tonight please?”

And so I did.

I hummed that tune which I came up with back when they were 1 & 3 yrs old I think. It's an improvised  draggy version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star....I used to do it every night for a period of time when they were still little. As they grew up, I did it less & less often till it kind of faded away and was not included as part of the bedtime routine anymore.

From time to time now though, one of them would still ask me to hum that tune before bed…

I hope they remember the tune in their heads…maybe they can hum it to their own kids next time….

Owwwwww

Income Tax Assessment SMS notification just came in from GOV.SG

Logged in.

Saw bill. 

OUCH.

Paid immediately lest I forget and kena splash red paint by the gahmen.

OUCH. 

Ok...eat grass in the next few weeks............