Mind Over Body

It is time for Vitamin C again. And loads of water.

Off with you, bloody sorethroat!! You're affecting my concentration at work!!

Thoughts. About Work.

It does suck a little when your boss claims your credit in front of the even bigger bosses. However small that credit may be.

It does not pay to be always the nice person.

Grapevines and gossip get you nowhere. But it does not harm to build up some small relationships here and there through such chatter. You never know when you need a helping hand.

Work-life balance is important. Enough said.

When in doubt, ask. When you're still in doubt, you either ask somemore and risk being labelled a bimbo, or shut up and pray to god to help you figure things out.

I've taken both paths. Figuring things out on your own does bring more satisfaction. But I've also come to realise that sometimes, two heads are definitely better than one.

A clear head and mind brings out the best results. I've been careless and distracted in recent times. And I mentally slap myself each time I discover a silly mistake I make.

People management is just as important as time and project management. From managing your boss to your peers to your support personnel to external parties to internal customers to colleagues from other divisions.

Procrastination. The taboo word in work. But I seem to be embracing it with all my heart. Especially for work items I dislike. This should not be happening though. I should be saying that I will change this trait. But I'd be lying to myself. So, in the spirit of honesty and truthfulness, I declare that I will try changing and improving but any positive result is unlikely to happen.

Till here.

Le sommeil m'evade

Je me suis couché sur mon lit pendant une heure.
J’ai essayé de s’endormir. Mais je ne peut pas et je ne sais pas pourquoi ca.
J'ai regardé dehors les fenetres, au ciel de la nuit qui est rose ce soir.
Je me suis surpris parce qu'il y a eu des larmes dans les coins de mes yeux.
J'ai pleuré. Tout seul. Silencieusement.
Ma coeur n'a pas été calme ce soir. Mais encore, je ne sais pas pourquoi.
Ah ben, peut-être j'essayerai encore de s'endormir.
J'espere que s'endormir bientot et tout les choses seront bien...

The Perennial Helper

I just started up an excel file and saved it as "The Perennial Helper".

As corny as it sounds, it is a tabulation of all the weddings I've helped out at. After being activated to help out at yet another wedding next month, I finally decided that perhaps I should list all of them down.

For posterity. Haha.

Some insights I gleaned from my list:

• My helper services officially started back in 2001 with my brother's wedding. I have excluded those weddings which had me as a flower girl when I was a young girl. I think there were two of those.
• Including the weddings happening next year for which I have been booked for my *ahem* excellent services haha, I would have helped out in a grand total of 11 weddings.
• Out of these 11 weddings, I would have manned the reception counter 9 times, which makes it an overwhelming more than 80% of the time. I've been duly advised that I am either pleasant looking enough, or I know enough people to do a good job, or I have done it so many times I am an obvious choice.

I have been pre-booked for 2 weddings happening next year and expect another "booking" to come in.

I have had a shirt tailored for me when I was a "brother" but surprisingly, no dresses sponsored for me haha.

I have helped at wet rainy weddings, hot sunny weddings and cloudy day weddings.

My services have been rendered at various locations all over Singapore like Bishan, Serangoon, Tampines, Jurong West, Ang Mo Kio, St Michael's, Hougang, Sengkang, Rochester, .......

And I have been a "sister", a "brother", a receptionist, an emcee, a main coordinator, a tea-lady, an umbrella holder, a wedding gown train holder, a guardian of ang pows, an usher.....you name it.

Voila, the life of a wedding helper.

Silly me.

I couldn't wake up this morning. Felt heavy and was aching a little.
Stood outside my door and contemplated the idea of taking an MC so I could sleep the whole day away....Somehow, I didn't.

And so I made my way to the office. Reluctantly dragging my feet like a little girl not wanting to go to school.

I "floated" my way through the day. Did some work. By some, I mean minimal.
Answered a few calls, replied a few emails. And felt the same aches in my neck and schoulders.

By evening, a sore throat had developed. Hmm, "heaty" I thought and chugged more water.

I went home and sat at my desk. Stared at myself in the mirror and felt the same tiredness as in the morning. I was deciding whether to go for my jog. Run the tiredness off, I said to myself.

And so, like a dutiful servant, I changed, did my warm-ups and went for a short jog. By mid-point, my legs felt like lead. By the time I reached home, I was half jogging, half walking.

I warmed down. Went back home. Had dinner, watched a TV serial.

And then discovered that.

I was running a slight fever. :(

Silly me.

I might have been running a slight fever the entire day without knowing. :(

Dreams again. :(

Last night was fraught with dreams. 3 in all. All had feelings of anxiety and tense-ness.

Dream #1
My granny decided that she wanted to go to Europe. By herself. At her current age of 94.
I remember her packing a lot of things. A lot of luggage. And she was trying to carry them all to the airport. I remember thinking how the hell was she going to survive the long flight there? Let alone carry all those bags of things? And how was she going to converse with the Europeans there? I remember being very worried about her having a cardiac arrest on board the plane……Sigh.

In reality, she’s in hospital again. And I was trying to plan for a trip to Europe at the end of the year. Put the two together and the above dream was what I got.

Dream #2
I dreamt of a Caucasian man named Chris. He was singing, albeit with a croaky voice, some old jazz song. He was drunk and got into an argument with someone else in the hotel lounge. It spiralled into a melee. Someone had his head smashed with a green beer bottle.

In reality, he’s a prominent figure in the domain name industry. An Australian with a caustic tongue at times but otherwise dedicated and passionate towards his cause.

Dream #3
It was a murder/crime scene again. Somewhat related to Dream #2 in that it was the same hotel. I don’t remember what I was doing in the hotel room. It was a suite. I was supposed to be investigating something when I came across a set of skeletal bones underneath a short flight of steps which led from the living room to the sleeping quarters. They were exposed because a tile had come loose and fallen off, revealing some sort of a crevice where the bones were. It was a female skeleton which was clutching a smaller skeletal frame, which I took to be of a young child’s. I remember a senior police officer coming by to take over the crime scene investigation. He was Caucasian and was dressed in a smart suit. He looked tres chic, as if he had just walked off a fashion runway. I couldn’t remember what else happened after that….

Damn it. The 3 crime novels I read over the last 2 months had such am impact on me?

Bad Dream

I feel like as if I didn’t sleep at all last night.

I was tossing and turning for quite awhile.

And when I finally slept, I ended up dreaming. I don’t know whether to consider it a nightmare or what but I know that I was feeling very very tense.

I might be reading too many crime novels recently. Time to change to a different genre for now perhaps.

The dream was a very long-drawn one. It was a homicide scene. Two bodies involved. Chinese men. It was at a HDB block I think, or an apartment building or somewhere with a very large room accessible by various staircases.

The scene was complete with police barricades and tape. There were police technicians milling around, waiting for further instructions. Others were scanning the area for any signs of evidence.

I remember I was the one person at the scene of the crime who was appalled that the bodies weren’t covered up and I went to cover them up with black body bags. Big mistake cos when I went near to do that, I remember being quite horrified at the bloodied and slashed up corpses and the awkward positions they were in. The men had crew cuts and were probably in their 20s or 30s.

And I remember feeling nauseous and choked up by the horrible rich and warm iron-copper smell of the big big pool of blood which had congealed beneath the bodies.

I think I was one of the detectives on duty. I remember trying to console the family members of the two men and carrying a young boy who was the child of one of the victims. The family members were somehow all seated on thick piles of mattresses. Some women were sobbing but most of them were just sitting there looking bewildered and not speaking.

I remember there was another detective who was following me around like a puppy, apparently enamoured with me. He kept saying that he wanted to go home with me and meet my mother.

I cannot remember what else happened after that but I remember running, chasing and being chased along corridors and staircases.

One of those dreams where you’re tensed and on edge all through it.

I woke feeling super uneasy. And I woke up wayyyyy before my alarm sounded again.
Couldn’t get back to sleep after that. Argh.

I miss K :(
*wails*

Anecdote

Three of us brought a new temp out for lunch today. A very young girl. 19 and still studying in poly. It was her first day with us and we were having drinks at Killiney Kopitiam after lunch.

Us: How’s the first day so far? Are you reading up some of the policy documents?
She: Yes, I’m reading. There’s quite abit to read.
Us: Better read properly yah. There’ll be a test for you in the afternoon.

We meant it to be a joke and we were laughing to ourselves…She took it seriously though and asked us…..

She: Will it be an open-book test?
Us: *momentarily stunned*

And then we broke out into peals of laughter…HAHAHAHAHAHA…...

Ah, the innocence of youth.
We did not expect her to ask us that question at all and were caught by surprise. I felt abit bad though because she turned red-faced when we all burst out laughing. Haha. :D

Saturday evening

I had a fruitful (but somewhat lonely) 2.5hours on Saturday evening. I managed to grab a quick dinner, buy a pair of ballerina flats, get a skincare set and also find 3 French storybooks and 2 English books from Kinokuniya.

The book covers have been lovingly wrapped in plastic already. :)
The flats are still sitting in the shoe box awaiting their first day out.
And the skincare set is also still in their packaging….

I told K if this goes on, then he’d better come back to SG soon. Hahaa..

The blues

I feel like throwing a tantrum in office now. Or a “hissy fit” as the Brits call it.

How nice it would be to smash some windows, break the copier machine, spray graffiti on the walls, throw the contents of rubbish bins all over the floor, slash the window blinds, break some chairs, whack the fax machine into submission, punch some people, pluck out the stuffing from the cushion at the main door………

Oh friggin Monday blues.

9/11

I watched a little of a documentary last night.

It was a special feature on phone voicemail recordings which families received from their relatives who were trapped in the twin towers on September 11, 2001.

Eac year for the past nine years, a documentary related to the event is shown on television. Each year I happen to catch several minutes of a documentary programme on the incident. And each time round, the interviews with families and rescue workers alike never fail to make me tear.

I remember the time when it happened. It was late at night and I was in my hostel room. Block 15 of NTU hall 1. Room 226 to be exact.

My TV was on the floor and it was on. I was packing up my room and listening to Channel News Asia. I was soon crouched in front of the TV with my eyes glued to the screen, watching the live footage of the events happening at the site.

I was one of the rare few who had a TV in their room. Before long, neighbours from along my corridoor and even some from downstairs were camped in my room watching the news. The rambunctious atmosphere when you pool a group of young folks together was not there that night for sure.

I digressed.

Anyway.

I guess something so horrific and painful would be remembered for many more years to come, especially by the families of the victims.

My silent regards and best wishes to them. From this corner of the world.

Fleeting thoughts

Little thoughts zipping here and there.
Touch and go. Touch and go.
I can almost see them.
Like little water boatmen.
Skittering across the surface of a small lake.
Leaving silvery tendrils in their wake.
I’ve caught some.
But most have seeped through my fingers.
What I have I share.
In the little snippets that follow.

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I am not trying to be racist or anything. But I’ve noticed that most Indians, especially those who have studied overseas, are good conversationalists.

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I am a simple girl with simple needs. I don’t ask for much. Or at least in my opinion I don’t demand for much. So why do I sometimes feel like I’m missing out on something, somewhere somehow.

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I won’t get to speak to K today. Not until tomorrow morning. It’s been a week. I didn’t realize it. Times does fly past when you occupy yourself with things.

He’s been surviving on bread and pasta and oranges. But he just bought some chicken fillet and chopped bacon. I hope he’s getting enough nutrients.

========
I think I’ve grown more assertive over the years. But it is not enough. And I still feel uncomfortable in being assertive in anyway.

Chloe feels this too.

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Sometimes, I miss my straight hair. Haha.

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Kel told me he saw me running yesterday night. Haha. He was in a friend’s car and was going past me. It must have been an unglam sight because I wasn’t doing too good yesterday. Running with a slight diarrhea was definitely not a good idea. I had to stop several times as I felt quite breathless.

========
I want to go home on time today. Granny’s in hospital again. I need to go CGH after work and then see where I can grab some dinner first before going home. Was thinking of hiding in a corner of a café, armed with a plate of steaming hot pasta and my book.

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It’s a rather cold day. I am wrapped up in a jacket. With the sleeves of another woolen cardigan covering my forearms, and a blanket over my legs. My fingers still feel stiff though.

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In the little snippets up above.
What I have I’ve shared.
So it’s back to the work and daily grind.
And I do hope functionality engages my mind
For if it is not to be the case
Then I will find myself back in the first space.
Like little water boatmen.
I can almost see them.
Touch and go. Touch and go.
Little thoughts zipping here and there.

It's been 3 days

A shell provides an excellent home for hermit crabs, snails, clams, oysters, abalones, cockles….you get the drift.

I’m retreating into my shell for awhile. K left for Nice 3 days ago and I find myself missing him terribly and wondering if he’s taking good care of himself over there. And…I find myself suddenly with some spare time also.

Spending some time alone for the coming two to three weeks (or maybe even longer) seems like a nice way to take things slow, especially with work being on a ramp-up and possibly being hectic in the next 2-3 months.

Let’s see…..I can…

Read my books. Spend some time wandering in malls with a little bit of shopping thrown in. Run. Skype with K. Sit in a corner of a café reading or observing the world going by. Blog. Do some research for my year-end trip. Visit Kinokuniya and Borders. Take some time to breathe a little slower. Get up to speed on French again. Go for my facial and massage. Take care of my terrariums. Do some art and craft.

Ok, seems like a lot to do already haha. :)

And then after that...I'll probably throw in some meet-ups with close friends. :D Some long overdue dates....haha..

Of Weddings and Funerals

I attended a wedding on Sunday morning and then a wake during the evening.
In less than 3 months, this is the second time it has happened. The first time round I went to both a wedding and a wake on the same day was back in end of May.

Too much going-ons for a single day.

Boredom Breeds Awesomeness

Chloe was bored. So I gave her a task.
I gave her 5 random words. She was to create something out of it. Could be a sentence, could be a ditty, could be a poem.

These were the 5 words: snowman, flower, plastic, ass, tissue

And this was what lovely Chloe came up with.

AWESOME LAH!!!!!

I’m a cute little snowman
Made out of snow
My creator abandoned me
And left me out in the cold
Here I am sneezing away
With a tissue in my hand
Nothing to look forward to
I wish I was someone’s Christmas plan
Where did my creator go?
I am so alone
Asleep I fell as the days came and went
In my dreams, I saw my vengeful self
Chasing my creator to his house
And sticking a stalk of plastic flower up his ass.

Sept 3 - Scrabble Competition

I'm excited.

The last time I played Scrabble competitively was 2 years ago.
I used to play it competitively back in uni and led the Boogle team as well.

3rd September.

There's an inter-house Scrabble competition happening within the organisation. I signed up for it. Yay!

There's a good player in the Black House who was rather cocky the last time we played together in the group playoffs. I won that game and he wasn't very happy about it.

Hope I don't meet him again during this year's competition haha.

Lame attempt at writing Chinese

我今天早上在Promenade Circle Line地铁站看到了一位女生。哦，她好酷！

头发断得像个男孩， 瘦瘦高高，黑色上衣和深灰色裤子， 手上拿着一个黑色的laptop bag。

她走路“有风”，够有帅气！

好酷！

...................

There are people who are your friends and remain your true friends even after a long time has passed. There is an initiative to keep in touch and when contact is there, it’s a genuine one with no motive.

Then there are others who remember you only when they need a favour from you. Are these people still considered friends? Or acquaintances? Or once friend but now acquaintance? Or.......oh nvm.

Point is, don’t come to me only when you need something from me.

Active aging, active learning

K’s mother has a big appetite for learning. I think it’s good and I find it an admirable trait.
I don’t know any other person who has had the tenacity to take up a Masters programme at 50-something years of age.

She’s 60-plus now and is still learning everyday. She volunteers at various social organisations, reads a lot, is proficient enough in using the computer, has taught in a school and also took sewing classes last time. She is currently taking art classes and a separate course on writing a biography as well.

Active aging. It’s good.
Much better than sitting at home and watching Korean dramas or Korean MTVs.

august

This morning, I realized my desk calendar was still showing the month of July.

I flipped the page over to August.

And I saw this phrase on the page for August.

“Fear not the future. Weep not for the past.”

How true.

Though at times, it takes courage, strength and determination to achieve this.

=========

Time has gone by in a jiffy.

I thought I just celebrated Xmas and CNY. And now it's going to be National Day already.

And before you know it, it'll be Xmas time again.

Year after year.