Mama

There are good days and there are bad days.

There are days when I feel like I am doing a shitty job as a mother.
There are days when I feel like I'm a supermom with 8 hands and 8 feet.
There are days when I question whether I am doing the right thing as a mother.

There are other days when Little Baby makes me feel like I'm on top of the world and that I'm her one and only hero.
And there are other days when she makes me feel like an insignificant person rejected by her.

There are times when I feel so exasperated and tired and spent that I just want to flop down and cry my heart out.
There are other times when I feel like I'm an energiser bunny running on nothing but love and adrenaline.

There are days I feel absolutely ugly with panda eyes, snot, sweat, bits of food and saliva slathered on me, hair in a mess of a ponytail and spectacles askew on my face.
There are other days when I manage to doll myself up a little and hence feel that little bit better about my appearance.

There are times during the night when I try to haul my groggy pregnant self out of bed because she woke and called out for me.
There are also times when I drag my feet going to her room.
There are other times when I tell myself to hang in there. She is young only once. There will come a day when she does not even want you by her side that much.

There are situations when I lose my patience and my temper and everything else in between.
There are other situations when I hold myself back, telling myself to count to 10 and be more patient and not to fly off the handle so fast. She is just 18 months once. She is just 19 months once.

There are times when I feel guilty for enrolling her in infant care and childcare or leaving her with the inlaws.
There are those others times during the weekend that I relish spending the full day with her, although I do get frustrated with her boundless energy sometimes haha.

Polarisations.
And a rollercoaster of emotions, thoughts, feelings throughout this entire motherhood journey so far.

Whatever it is, I'm doing, trying, giving my best.
As most other mothers are too. 

A pat on my back she gave me this morning when I was carrying her.
It seemed like an acknowledgement.
"Mama, you're doing ok."
"Mama, jiayou."

I am 8 days late but.....
Happy Mother's Day to me....:)

Everyday is Mother's Day, no?