The 38 Lady

I was forced into a "small talk" conversation a few days ago at work. It quickly morphed into a chat session I wanted out of. 

The other party was a lady from another division on the same floor as I was. I usually kept my distance and only said hi and bye to her or at the most "the weather's hot these days". While I knew she had a penchant for gossip and constantly had her radar up for more news and rumors, I didn't know that she also had a manipulative and slightly malicious streak in her. 

At least not till that day when she "cornered" me into the conversation. She must have been desperate to find someone to listen to her. Either that or she was eager to share with the world her findings on a pair of colleagues from the same floor as us who were supposedly having an affair. Both are married. 

I have been pretty "anti-social" in recent years. I keep in my corner in the office and don't engage in deeper conversations with others. Unless I manage to find someone I am really comfortable with and whom I trust. This has turned out to be only about 3-4 people out of 100-odd folks on my floor. 

I digressed. So anyway, Because I stay in my own corner of the office, I had not even heard about the supposed affair till she mentioned it to me. 

She was speaking in a pretty self-righteous manner and maintained her position that those two colleagues were immoral and bad and yada yada...she must have expected me to concur with her. She looked at me expectantly through her babbling monologue. I refused to be goaded into any sort of position or comment which took sides and chose to remain neutral. 

She tried to bait me into taking a stand and offered more details like how she stalked the couple together with a few other colleagues from her division. Inwardly, I rolled my eyes at this. Like wtf? If they want to be in an affair, it's their business. Nothing gives you the right to do such sleuthing!

I was exasperated at this point and felt like giving her a slap. It's one thing that you are excitedly and passionately spreading news about this couple, it's another thing altogether to poke your nose into their privacy. Whether they are right or wrong it's not up to us to judge. You don't know the full background to the whole situation as well so don't go standing on high moral ground and preaching about morality when you have been doing not-so-right things too. 

Of course, I didn't voice out the above thoughts to her. 多一事不如少一事. I just maintained my neutral position and did not proffer much else. I guess that's the best way to deal with gossipmongers. 

She eventually ended the conversation. She must have been disappointed that she did not get much concurrence or reaction from me. 

I just hope that I don't bump into her anytime soon again. A wide berth I will give her. 

Proud Mama

Little Baby is progressing well. She can fill in some words (or should I say letters) to the alphabet song now. She caught K & I by surprise last night when I tested the song on her...

Me: a b c d e f g......
N: *starts swaying to the tune"
Me: h i j k l m n o......*pause*
Nadya: pee......
Me: q r s t u....*pause*
N: vee.....
Me: w x y and.....*pause*
N: zee.......
Me: Now you know your ABCs, next time won't you sing with......*pause*
N: mee........

And she hits the right notes too...
Wondering if I can get the chance to take a video of her doing this...:)

She's proving to be quite strong in rhythm and music....and she likes dance as well...
She likes to colour with crayons too...although it is just messy scribbles and squiggly lines now...

This little one's going the artistic route I think...

Might be a good idea to start looking at music and movement enrichment classes for her for when she reaches 2 or 3 years of age....and see if she's interested in taking it further next time....

Conversations with a 17.5 month-old

This happened during one of the brief interludes between 2 cranky episodes.

Nadya: Pain pain.
Me: Pain pain? Where? Show mama.
N: *points to mouth*
Me: Nana's teeth pain pain is it?
N: Uhh. (yes)
Me: Nana's teeth pain pain is it? Yes or no?
N: Yes.

Her fever was no more by the time Saturday and Sunday came. We checked her palms and soles of her feet regularly and there were no red spots, rashes or anything.

We could only conclude that she is teething and the pain of her ivories cutting through her gums is causing her much discomfort and pain.


p/s: Nana is our pet name for her and she calls herself this too.

Jiayou

Kinda tired. Because of various things...

1. The state of my body constitution now and the physical changes it is going through.

2. I've teared up and cried umpteen times over this last week while reading through articles on LKY and watching videos related to him.

3. Little Baby was sick on Friday. She recovered quickly but was extremely cranky on Saturday and Sunday. She woke several times each night as well, an average of 4 times each night. During her cranky episodes (which was pretty often over the last 2 days) she would cry and scream at her top of her lungs and she only wanted Mama to carry or hold her. My back and arms ached badly at times and when I passed her to K so I could catch my breath and get some respite, she'd only scream louder and try to reach out for me while screaming "Mama! Mama! Mama!". And so after a minute of this, back to my arms she would go....

4. The thought (and action of) going back to work on Monday morning....is enough to make me feel tired haha.

Mid-day Wishes.........

I draft emails for my boss when it pertains to a certain scope of work.
Draft them directly for him in such a way that I am speaking/writing in his voice. Send them to him. He makes perhaps 10-15% worth of amendments and then sends them out. Sometimes he doesn't even amend them and replies others with my drafted reply.

I think through the policy positions and responses in order to draft these responses. Sometimes he does not even know certain consequences of different approaches till I highlight the nuances to him and explain to him why I drafted some emails in a certain way.

I sometimes do feel like I am doing this piece of his job for him.

Hmm.....can I request that he share part of his salary and recognition with me?
Well, at least the portion pertaining to this particular area of work. Afterall, he gets the glory but I am the workhorse behind him.

The LKY Procession

I think no one was really working much this morning in my office. I thought it was amusing. 

My floor usually bustles with activity. You can hear discussions going on, tele-conversations going on, people typing furiously at the laptops, people going in and out of meeting rooms, etc.

This morning, it was a hush as most folks were glued to the TV screen, our 2 biggest bosses included. (p/s: They are the 3rd and 4th biggest bosses in the entire agency by the way haha).
Most of us were gathered at the pantry area where the common TV was playing out the live scene of LKY's casket being transported from the Sri Temasek house at the Istana over to the Parliament House for the public to pay their respects. Some others couldn't squeeze in to get a good view and chose to watch the live stream over the Internet instead.

Mr Lee Kuan Yew

Lee Kuan Yew's passing has had a strangely deep impact on me.
I found myself tearing up many a time yesterday, on the day of his passing, while reading through many articles on him and tributes to him.

I can't say I personally witnessed how he transformed Singapore from a fledgling 3rd world country to a world-class one, because when I was born, the country was already doing relatively well. But I have seen how my parents and especially my grandmother revered and respected him. They were the ones who have seen first-hand how the country was transformed and built up almost from scratch by Mr Lee and his comrades. 

Perhaps that is how I developed a deep respect for the man as well, through their reverence of him. And why I feel sad at his passing. Perhaps I am currently more emotional than usual as well. Perhaps his passing comes too close to the first anniversary of my granny's own passing. Perhaps I am just caught up in the media flurry.

But anyway, thank you Mr Lee, for without the tenacity, foresight and spirit of you and your peers all those decades ago, we would not have the Singapore we have today. We would not have the clean and safe streets, the greenery and parks, the solid education system and first-world healthcare.

Rest in peace.
I hope you are reunited with Mrs Lee and the two of you are strolling hand-in-hand again, amongst the cempaka trees in heaven.

Time, Family, Work

It is necessary though for most families in Singapore these days to be dual-income with both parents working and K and I are no different.

But I do not want to become only a weekend parent. At least I hope I won't morph into one.

So I  try to make it a point to go home on time every working day (sometimes to the extent of shutting down my laptop even while my boss is talking to me, just so he gets the point) so that I can get to spend that hour or two with Little Baby in the evening before she goes to bed.

And even then I feel like as if we are not spending enough time with her. And not showing her enough of this world. Hmm...how ah?

The idea of a part-time work arrangement is still very much at the back of my mind. Maybe not in the next 1-2 years but perhaps sometime after that? When the kids are older and moving into primary school.

I don't know. So many expenses to take care of and the home to continue paying for.

Nadya

The little girl can be quite entertaining these days, what with her antics, cheeky smile and baby babbles. Her enthusiastic responses when we ask her if she wants cheese, her dance routines whenever she hears music, her wide-legged toddles and her goofiness never fail to make us smile or laugh.

And of course, it takes great effort (well, at least for me) to keep a straight face if I am in the midst of disciplining her and then she flashes me a goofy cheeky smile or does something silly action.

Grow up well Little Baby.
Dada and Mama love you lots!

Canto

I had it in my mind to learn and pick up Cantonese eons ago.
And I have not managed to do it yet. :(

Listening to a classic Cantonese song from Hacken Lee  - 月半小夜曲

But I have only been able to hum along or voice out one or two words here and there. :(

Sek Teng Xiu Xiu, Mm Sek Gong.
(Can understand a little, don't know how to speak)

Mint? Not Mint?

My new colleague is an avid gardener and knows his stuff. He can rattle off plant names, plant species and sometimes the scientific family name of the plant type a particular plant comes from.

So when my mint plant started overgrowing its pot, I naturally offered him a cutting of it.

Gave it to him this morning.....and then chey!!!!

He told me that my plant was not a mint plant at all. It was a herb called Indian Borage.

And all these years I thought I was growing mint....-_-''

Bah.

And then I also discovered that there's actually a variegated version of the Indian Borage.
It looks absolutely gorgeous and I hope I can get my hands on it....But I have not seen it in the flower shops I go to....hmm...

Granny

Granny has been popping up in my mind quite a fair bit lately.

Sometimes it is because I stumbled across a lovely old photo of her.
Sometimes it is because I miss some of her cooking.
Sometimes it is because I see a small snippet about Peranakan culture in the news or on social media.
Sometimes it is because I pass by her nursing home.
And sometimes it is because her 1st year death anniversary is coming up in exactly a months' time.

I miss you Granny.
I miss your yellow rice and your potato chips.
I miss how you used to sing nursery rhymes to me when I was 4 years old and we were cuddling on the sofa.
I miss visiting you at the nursing home.
And I miss feeding you your mushy blended food when you could no longer chew.

They say time heals.
I don't think it ever heals. I think it just dulls more as we learn to live with it.

Thank you

Feeling a little queasy. I asked for a seat on the bus and managed to find one. It was the last available seat. 

Thank you God. 

爱心早餐

Egg and cheese sandwich made by K this morning for my breakfast. I usually prepare something to bring to work. He made me my fav sandwich. :)

The pic doesn't do it (and him) justice though haha. 

Oh well.

That awkward period has come early this time.
When people speak with you and their eyes start darting somewhere else.

Oh well.

I shall elaborate later.

ninja? not....

All parents find that at some point in time, they have actually morphed into pseudo ninjas.

• After the baby sleeps, you tiptoe past the cot and make a dash out of the baby's room.
• After the baby shifts its attention away from you for that split second, you grab your drink and gulp it all down to quench your parched throat and then put down the cup out of reach of the baby. Yes, within that few seconds. 
• After the baby gets distracted and you quickly keep its pacifier.
• When the baby is about to trip over something and you zip in front of it to clear the offending obstructing article from the ground.

I put Little Baby to bed each night. It used to be a more elaborate ritual where she would bounce all round in the cot before finally agreeing to lay her head down on her pillow or hug her bolsters.
These days, it is just several minutes of me either humming a particular lullaby or patting her back or stroking her hair or just being there in the room with her. Sometimes if I stop prematurely and think she's fallen asleep already, she would then remind me that she still wants me there. How? By turning around to face me with her eyes wide open haha.

Once she's fallen asleep, I'd then do an about turn and tiptoe out the room.

Just that.....

I don't make a very good ninja.

I have creaky knees.

And ankles.

And feet.

And I have no idea why.

So I end up taking a step and then pausing. Taking a second step and then pausing. Taking a third step *CREAK* and then pausing with bated breath to see if she stirred.

So instead of spending 4 seconds tiptoeing out the room, I'd end up spending much longer.

Ninja? Not really....*fail* haha...

precious moments

I had a medical check-up at SGH yesterday afternoon and it so happened that my Dad had his eye check-up as well. My mum was with him too and so we all met up for some tea before going home.

It’s times like these I treasure. Carefree and intimate moments with my dear and loved ones. Fully immersed in the moment and fully committed to the presence of the each other’s company. Much talk, much laughter. Some nagging (which is expected when you’re dealing with aging parents haha).

They were so sweet and sent me home by cab after that.

I love my laobeh and laobu. :)

prep talk

More adventurous and challenging times ahead. :)

Getting more emo the last few days and trying valiantly to keep a more balanced state of mind.

(Can't believe I bawled so much while watching a 10-minute SEA games infomercial on Fandi Ahmad's life story yesterday evening. -_-'')

So anyway, here's to keeping our heads up!
Onward we go and onward we charge!

Ganbatte!

Bah

Friggin hormones are out of whack. 

Just bawled my eyes out cos I was feeling a little miserable. 

Feeling like a petty 2-year old who is throwing a tantrum over something trivial. Bah. 

Snippets

Upset over something.

Consider it an invasion of privacy? 

Was too shocked and flustered to say anything at the point in time. The person did apologise.

Now feeling the annoyance and irritation at the incident. 

If you could have the initiative to apologise to me without me even saying anything, that means you knew it was not right to do what you did. And if you knew it was wrong in the first place, then why do it?

We had an agreement and an arrangement to do it in a different manner but you didn't follow instructions. Sigh. 

===========

Went home in the afternoon because I wasn't feeling well. Hit by sudden nausea and slight wooziness around 3pm. Retched in the ladies several times but didn't vomit. 

Caught a cab home and crashed into bed. But some neighbours' kids were playing downstairs and I think I only managed a sort of semi-sleep for an hour. 

===========

Need to stock up my fridge and food cupboard again. Opened them this evening and was underwhelmed by the available stuff to cook a quick dinner. 

Ended up with macaroni and sausages. Not a healthy meal but suffice to end my hunger pangs and provide me with much needed sugar in the body. 

People around me know that I get easily lethargic and "lembeh" when I lack food. 

===========

With each passing day I fall more and more in love with Little Baby. 

Love it when she grins at me 

Love it when she hugs me

Love it when she needs me and calls for me

Love it when she hugs my leg like as if I'm her tree

Love it when she pats me

Love it when she looks for me if I disappear from her 2m radius 

Love it when she runs to me

Love it when she offers to feed me her food

Love it when she falls in a heap into my lap

Love it when she snuggles her head against the nook of my shoulder.

Love it when she grabs me tightly and squeezes my arms. 

Love it when we sit together on the floor to read her nursery rhyme book

Love it when she reaches for my hand when we're walking

Grow well Little Baby....not too fast not too slow, just enough for Dada and Mama to savour your babyhood.....

Bob Marley

For past weeks/months, if I felt the need to listen to any music while at work, it would either be Bruno Mars or some instrumental music from the Study Music Project (check Dennis Kuo out on YouTube, his compositions are good).

Today, for some weird reason unknown to myself, I decided to search for Bob Marley on YouTube and ended up listening to his greatest hits playlist.

And so here I am chilling, at 930am in the morning, nodding my head to his reggae beats from Buffalo Soldier, Three Little Birds, No Woman No Cry, etc....

I have to admit, I am not concentrating that well this morning.
I spent some time googling about Bob Marley and reading about his life. He lived a short life and passed away at the young age of 36. But in this short period of time, he'd touched the lives of millions of people and became one of the world's best-selling artiste ever. Amazing feat.

Aiyo.

Many keyboard warriors.

Several people making snide remarks about the recently announced budget on my FB feed. 

Some making outright complaints with cuss words like KNN, WTF, etc.

Why don’t you come up with constructive ideas instead of complaining and whining all the time? This is macroecons. Not some masak masak budget you do for your Accounts class. 

If you're so good and if you think you will be able to make better policies and strategies for moving the country forward as a whole, why don't you do so?

If you're not happy with anything and everything the government does, feel free to leave the country....

身在福中不知福。

Our government may not be perfect but it is one of the best in the world. Period.

jiayou

dealing with nincompoops early in the day.
after many days of break from office work.

stay cool.
stay calm.
stay zen.

sigh.

maybe

Maybe "office taiji" is really a survival skill, amongst others like "boot lic..." oh sorry I meant "relationship management", "knowing when to put yourself in the limelight" (whether you deserve it or not), "knowing when to duck below the radar" and "having thick skin".....

Hehe

This was several weeks ago when we brought her to the Marine Parade Library. Love this pic a lot haha.

"Quick! Dada's not looking! I shall see how this things tastes like!"

*chomp chomp chomp*

Her vocabulary

And so, besides Mama, Dada, Porpor, Yeye and Nainai....the following are the words she uses to communicate with us...

1. Opok or Obok - means "open". Mostly used when something's in a sealed box or plastic bag and she wants to get at it.

2. Poopoo - well...as the name suggests

3. Wark or Walk - pronounces it correctly sometimes

4. Meerk - means "milk". Most often used before bed or when she wakes in the morning or in the middle of the night.

5. Baobao or Baba as a short form - means "carry me". 

6. No more

7. More

8. Mum mum

9. Nana - sometimes this refers to herself and sometimes it is just a random sound she makes

10. Bar - means "bus"...she can't seem to make the "s" sound 

11. Tar - means "star", same thing that she cannot pronounce the "s"

12. Baabaa - means a particular black sheep featured in a nursery rhyme book or the song "Baa Baa Black Sheep"

13. Dog or Wou Wou - means "dog"

14. Ter - I think this means "water" but I need to observe her more. I've only heard her use this a handful of times.

15. Mar - I have yet to figure out what this means as she has only just started using this these couple of days. 

Thankful

For some reason, although my event is taking place in Singapore, people from overseas have been buying me meals. Some have given gifts for Little Baby as well. Maybe they feel they know her from my posts and pictures of her on FB lol.

Feeling really thankful and blessed. And grateful too!

Happy camper. :)

Get well soon little baby (and me)

Here we go again.

Doc says I have stomach flu. That was this afternoon.

And now it seems I have diarrhoea too. 

Not sure if the little girl passed it to me or I to her. 

God please let us heal soon! 

This Saturday is buah keluak making day, next week I have an important event and and and...CNY is coming too...

Bah....

Today is one of those days where at the end of the day, I feel like bawling my eyes out.

Not to say the day was without its high points. Just that the difficulties and challenges sort of outweighed the good stuff. 

On the more positive side of things, I managed to get a load of washing done and I managed to mend my torn skirt. 

Spent the day at home looking after the girl who wasn't feeling very well. Bad stomach and diarrhoea yesterday. Her diarrhoea was not so persistent but her distension and general stomach discomfort was very much present, judging by her stickiness to me. Practically carried her the entire day. 

So here I am now at night, with sore arms and back, groggy with my own medication and having bad indigestion. I feel like puking. Bah. 

breathe.

working.

with the school calling me every now and then to update me that Little Baby is pooping watery stool.

working. (or trying to)

with the boss coming over every now and then to ask me things or discuss stuff.

working. (or trying to)

with a team member asking me every now and then how to do this and that.

working. (or trying to)

with someone from the ministry on my back chasing me for something.

feeling abit pekchek.

called people. no one is picking my call.

more pekchek

有时候

有时候有些事心放宽一点

有时候有些事还是少说

有时候有些事收在心里比较好

有时候有些事就别去想

有时候有些事...

starting the green stuff again....

I dragged K and Little Baby out on Sunday afternoon. We popped by Katong Flower Shop for about an hour. And I came back with 3 new pots of plants and other paraphernalia.

Little Baby slept early that night and I managed to get the opportunity to do some simple gardening in the balcony. Glad K brought me to the nursery to get all those things. It's been a very long time since I managed to do any potting about in the balcony.

Not that it's my own balcony that I'm fiddling around in, it feels even nicer...

Current projects:
(1) Try to keep all my pots healthy. One or two of them which I bough a few months back when we first shifted in are showing signs of not doing well..I hope they survive!

(2) Propagate my Bowles' mint and African Violet.

My colleague's Venue flytrap is a young plant and is currently only doing so-so...he said once it gets stronger he might be able to get me a leaf to propagate...hehe. I'll be excited if that day really comes. Always wanted one but it's a challenge to find bugs and flies to feed it...

Little Baby

She's growing fast. Wishing sometimes that she could slow down a little and let us savour her toddlerhood and babyhood  more.

She's speaking more now.

Dada. Mama. Yeye (my FIL). Por por (my mum). Ball. Bird. Cow. Flower. Poo Poo. Shoe. Park (means carpark). Tah (means star).

And she understands a lot more words and sentences, and she can also understand 2-step instructions like "Pick up the ball and bring it to Mama". 

My favourite game with her is the "Where?" game. 

Good way to distract and sometimes it offers me a way to get her off my back when she is too clingy. 

"Where is doggy?" That's her soft toy.

"Where is your waterbottle?"

"Where is Winnie the Pooh?" Another soft toy. 

"Where is Dada?" Go find Dada. 

"Where is your bolster?"

And she toddles off to go find these things. Sometimes she gets distracted along the way and sits down to play with whatever it was that she chanced upon. Sometimes she really does go find these things. 

Somehow the first shape she has learned to recognise is the star. Not a square or circle or oval or triangle. But a star. And she clasps her fingers repeatedly when she sees a star in a book. That is her hand signal for the song "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". 

She is getting cheekier too. She knows I would get miffed if she spits out her food and so she sometimes does it. Slowly. She would spit out a little and I'd wipe it off. Apparently she would keep food in her mouth and after I wipe her, she would spit out the rest in installments. Again and again. Till I find something else to distract her. 

Baking

Worked from home today. 

And decided to give baking a shot again when I had some time in the afternoon. (Actually it was more like I was too xian to work. I thank my boss and company for this flexibility). 

I made muffins on Saturday but they (especially the surface) turned out quite hard. I called them biscuits instead.

Today's muffins were much better and I actually enjoyed the choc chip ones. They could still be better though. Another time, I'll try again. 

Fashion

She picked this outfit yesterday when we wanted to head out. Well, at least the pants and shoes.

Not that matching and a little obiang. 

She's still a baby though haha. Let's hope she gets more colour coordinated and develops more finesse in aesthetics and fashion next time! 😜

The Coll

As a manager, who has staff reporting to you, shouldn't you lead by example?
You penalise them when they head out for lunch because they are not supposed to as they are on afternoon leave.

And yet, you do it yourself. Not once, not twice but on several occasions.

Where's the integrity? Super double standard lor........
The more I see these things, the more I lose my respect for you......

Nadya at 15 Months

And so Little Baby is turning 15mths old on 9 Jan 2015. What's her stats now?

Weight: 9.4-9.5kg (70-75% percentile)

Length: 75-77cm (around 50th percentile)

Teeth: 2 stubby lower front incisors and 2 stubby upper front incisors (all are stubby because they seem to grow out halfway and just stop there)

Mongoloid marks: The one on her right shoulder is faint but still visible.

Motor Skills

• She gets up on her own now to walk and is walking quite steadily. She does not bother to see where she is going though and barges through anything and everything and thus falls over quite often. Either that or she gets excited and walks faster than her feet can handle and trips over herself lol.
• She has discovered the twisting motion and is twisting the caps off pens, and my makeup pens...She has also discovered how to tap down on click pens...(my bedsheet has several pen marks now because K gave her a pen to play with zzzzz...)

Cognitive/Emotional Development

• She is still throwing a hissy fit when you take something away from her or when you don't give her what she wants.
• She can get pretty stubborn sometimes.
• Sometimes refuses to let me hold her hand when she's walking (but I need to on some occasions especially when she's on a tarred road or at the carpark)

Communication/Social Skills 

• She is not waving so freely anymore. :( Upsetting to see. Maybe she has learned that since people (strangers) are not so forthcoming with waves and smiles, she probably should not waste time extending such pleasantries to them. I noticed this trend since a few weeks back...
• Sticks to me like glue when with other people she is not familiar with. Takes a long time to warm up. I hope this is just a phase.
• Babbling alot more with intonations. 
• She can say the words "Ba-Bye" to mean bye bye. It used to be "BaBa" to mean bye bye. She can also say "bird", "ball", "mama", "dada" and "yeye". Her favourite word seems to be "ball". 
• Recently likes to say "WHOA!" 
• Understands alot more questions and words now. "What does a dog say?" and her response would be "wou wou" or "woof woof". "What does a cow say?" and her response would be "moo" or "moo moo". 
• If she is in the cot, she knows to stop whatever she is doing and lie down on her back with her head on the pillow when she sees me approaching with a bottle of milk.

Food

• She fell sick with diarrhoea and a bad stomach the week before Christmas 2014 and was eating poorly. She's fully recovered now and is eating with a vengeance haha. I am always happy to see her eating and finishing up her food.
• New foods that she's tried in the last 1 to 2 months:
• small bits of my tomato sauce pasta
• cake
• home-made banana pancakes
• the burger bun of a filet-o'-fish hamburger
• McDonald's hotcakes (minus the sweet syrup) 
• grouper fish
• salmon
• threadfin
• tomato
• corn
• oats 

1001 Things

*breathe*

Many things. Each with its own numerous nitty gritty sub-tasks.
Many timelines to adhere to. More schedules to plan out.
And many many small things to track.

My to-do list with its tasks and sub-tasks and sub-pointers for each sub-task is getting very long.

Have tried delegating some things out but technically I don't have any staff below me and there is only that much I can delegate out. 

Super stretched with many things which were not in my original job scope being thrown to me.

*breathe*

If I don't get my High Achiever status and good bonus this year I am going to......

I dunno.....

.......

...

Pluck the boss' hair out???

He better appreciate what I am doing because I am handling a very big piece of one of his work items for him.

Goodbye?

Friends since 1994. You were my senior in secondary school. We were both prefects, we were in the same Art Club and you had a crush on my good friend as well.

You graduated first and I graduated 2 years after you. We kept in touch for the longest time after we both left our school, albeit on and off.

I remember there was once I even crept out of my house in the middle of the night (at the risk of incurring the wrath of my parents) to meet you at my void deck because you were crying your heart out over a break-up.

We last met in 2011 when you popped by my office area. We had kopi at Yakun.

In 2012, I invited you and your wife to my wedding. You took a long time to reply me but said you would be there. And then on the very day itself, you cancelled on me. You said you had to work at the last minute. It was a Sunday, I understand because you do shift work. I was upset but I understand too if you were busy and all you could do to inform me was to send an SMS. I would even understand if you told me afterwards that it was because your wife didn't like me and hence didn't allow you to attend my wedding.

But then after that you went MIA. No calls, no SMSes, nothing. Since then, every time your birthday rolled around, I would send an SMS greeting to you. I received no reply both in 2013 and 2014 when I wished you. I reached out a few times in between, dropping you an SMS each time to ask how are things. No replies.

Over time I didn't even know if you had changed your number. You were dormant on Facebook as well. I was wondering what went wrong? How were you? How were things between you and your wife? And your cats too...

I knew you were still around though. You "liked" one of Little Baby's photos I posted up on Facebook the day she was born. A silent "like" I could easily have missed seeing.

I was busy for much of 2014 but at the back of my mind, I often wondered how did our friendship deteriorate suddenly a few years back? There was no pre-empt, no warning sign, no major quarrel or blow-up. And I think neither of us did anything stupid to warrant a sudden downward dip in our friendship.

I was perplexed. I had half a mind to not salvage our friendship anymore and let it spiral out of existence. Many a time I told myself to let it go. But I decided to reach out to you again. I dropped you a Facebook message a few weeks back to ask how are you. No reply again.

Your birthday was on 3 Jan and I dropped you a Whatsapp message to wish you. Surprise surpise.
You replied and thanked me for my well-wishes. I did not expect that and was hence somewhat surprised.

I asked after you. A simple 2-liner message.

You read it. Whatsapp shows 2 little blue ticks when the recipient receives and reads the message.

You did not reply again.

Sometimes, there is no point pursuing what is not meant to be, especially when the other party does not reciprocate.

A 2-decade old friendship. I tried.

Maybe it is time I give up and let things go.

Feeling

Indignant

Work that I've done behind the scenes has been claimed credit by my boss and another lazy asshole in Sri Lanka. 

Like WTF? I spend time and effort and someone else takes the credit while I remain anonymous to the community.

Exasperated

Even if you want to claim credit at least make sure that the document you send out is of some standard lah! Take my work and morph it into something sub-par and then send it out to so many people. *MEGA facepalm*

Resigned 

What else can I do? 

Wet hair

不认老也不行了...

I wash my hair everyday at night. And I used to go to sleep with wet hair when I was in my 20s. It was only in the last 4-5 years that I started blow drying my hair. 

These days, if I go more than 2 days of sleeping with wet hair, I get a bad headache. 

Was busy the last few days and could only shower late in the night after settling chores and the little girl. Got too sleepy and lazy to even blow dry my hair...flopped into bed with dripping hair...

And so...today the sides of my head hurt. 

活该, 自找的...

2014 in some simple stats

1. Went a whole year with nary a single facial, manicure or pedicure done. 
2. 2014 is the first year in more than a decade that I did not exit the country a single time. *jaw drop* I did not even step foot in Batam or Bintan or Johor. 
3. This is the year I was at my heaviest at 53kg (sans baby) since more than a decade ago. 
4. 2014 marks the first time ever that I have a debt, specifically, a $1million debt. 
5. I went to the GP more than 15 times in 2014 for various ailments.
6. I spent the most on online shopping. (I did not tally my expenditure. I did not want to shock myself.)
7. I spent the most on cab rides. 

Goodbye 2014.

When 2013 was ending, I thought 2014 and I would be good friends. It turned out otherwise. We had a love-hate relationship.

2014 was a challenging year. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Many peaks and troughs. Not sure if tumultuous would be the right word to describe it. Maybe eventful would be a more apt word.

2014 was when my:

• patience was stretched
• limits were breached
• emotions were tested thoroughly 
• determination and perseverance were tried
• ego took many beatings 
• self-doubt was over-taking me

Why do I say it was a love-hate relationship with 2014? 

Because with all the above, 2014 was also the year that I experienced:

• unconditional love and support from K, family and friends
• growth, in all senses of the word
• the widening of my horizon
• realisation, understanding and some clarity 
• the love a mother has for her child

And for these I am thankful.

It's been an eventful year. Not very good, not very bad, but eventful. 

May 2015 bring greater things. And may everyone around me stay healthy, happy and blessed always.

May God bless the little girl too. That she grows up healthy, happy and strong.  May she be guai guai and listen to her parents too.

And so it is...

Life in snippets

• I'm doing better though my stomach is still in a queasy and fragile state. 
• Little baby is doing better as well. Her appetite is back, she is drinking milk like nobody's business and she seems to be pooping normal poo.
• We brought little baby to the PD at least 4 times till the nurses there are on good terms with us.
• K on the other hand was doing better but was suddenly hit by gut issues again on Sunday. I hope he gets well soon enough. 
• I lost 2kg over the last 5 days or so. 

• There are just some work matters that I can't seem to get started on. They are important but...I have no affinity with them...bah.
• I need to wake the gardening side of me up again. It's been dormant for very long..all but one of my terrariums have withered away at my inlaws place, including one gorgeous one I did earlier this year...:(
• I should get started on the herb growing kit K got for me too...:)  

• The pile of clothes that need ironing is growing organically on a corner of our sofa.
• Little baby has been drooling and licking or sucking on her fingers and smearing them all over the balcony doors of most of the rooms...I've resigned to this fact and have stopped cleaning the doors that much now....hence, the ugly glass doors with finger prints and palm prints and lip prints and tongue smears....

Shitty (literally)

And so I spent Xmas night running to the toilet 6-7 times in 3 hours, and counting. Stomach feels a mess too. 

A trip to the doctor's tomorrow is a must.

In the meantime, I shall try to sleep. 

Sigh...

Queasy and lethargic

How I've been feeling since 2 days ago. Hope my stomach gets well soon. 

*pant*

It's been a somewhat rough and tough past 1.5 weeks.

- K came down with a bad bout of stomach flu and was purging from the top and bottom. 

- Not sure who spread to whom but N had diarrhoea too. She is still having it actually. Sigh, quite worrying 

- I had the runs too. And these 2 days my stomach has been feeling extremely queasy. I've not been eating much too. 

- Had to rush out various pieces of work. There's been many little little things to do and settle. I've had to list them down in my to do list lest they fall through the cracks somewhere. 

- It was a mad rush to settle Xmas presents and wrap them up 

香香

Just started using the Xmas gift I got for myself. :) quite fragrant. 

diet?

I've put on almost 2 kg in around 5 months.

Despite doing more household chores.

But I think the main culprint is my food intake.

After we shifted to our own place, we've on and off been experimenting with food and cooking our own meals. And for a period of time we were ordering in our meals as well...And also on and off for several weekends, we've had guests coming over as well, which meant more ordering in of meals.....

Xmas time now, hard to resist the good food that is around.

Maybe soon though it will be time for a diet....?

Hmm.

Herb garden

K got this for me last Friday when he popped by NTUC Finest. (Love this man!) 

I have yet to get it started but once I do, I hope the seeds germinate properly! 

Zombie

It was a tough night with me spending almost 1h30mins from 4am to 530am trying to get her to go back to sleep after she woke....and then finally ending up on the sofa with her sleeping on top of me. (I was desperate.)

In any case, I am a zombie today. Totally unproductive. Been drafting a memo since morning. I should have finished it before lunch time and it is now already 3pm.

3 more hours to go before end of the workday. An hour of bus ride and then another 3 more hours of mom duties. Good luck to me.

jiayou....

Oh the horror

When you discover that instead of writing "put my neck on the line"....

I wrote "put my head on the line" in the email.....which had already been sent out.....

Bah.....Boo....

It was supposed to be a strongly worded email.

That has now turned into a mini farce.

Parents

Spoke to my mum earlier this afternoon.

My parents are getting old. In the past week, Dad went for 2 check-ups, one for his eyes and the other for his heart. Both didn't go as well as we'd expected.

He has slight cataracts but the doctor said this was not much of an issue. His left eye is now showing early signs of glaucoma and he needs to be put on medication. Eye drops twice a day. My grandmother had the same issue and the doctor said it might be due to family history. (Now I'm worried for myself, sigh.)

And Dad's old heart condition is showing signs of coming back. He had gone for an operation back in 2009 (or was it 2010). It was an operation that scared us out of our wits because his lungs collapsed during that procedure. As a result for several weeks or maybe a month of two after that he had to be hooked up to a breathing machine while he was convalescing at home.

The reading's 8% now. As in the condition is back by 8% and Dad has to be put back on his heart medication again.

I hope he is feeling ok. I hope he won't get too affected by these 2 pieces of news.

I know I felt worried and bad when I heard about it.

Mum doesn't want me to broach the topic with Dad for fear of making him depressed. So I can only let off my own worries and concerns here.

I'll need to call Adrian later.

Going forward, maybe we might need to help out in their marketing and household chores too...or maybe hire a helper for them....Remains to be seen but I'm sure the day will eventually come....

我们的父母亲都老了...

*tearing*

Singapura

I spent some time reading about the history of Singapore this morning. Not the usual history we know of like how Sir Stamford Raffles came by in 1819 and the Japanese Occupation, etc.

But the history of Singapore right from the beginning in 1299 when Sang Nila Utama first established his presence on the island and then built his city up.

Singapore, or rather Singapura, once had 5 kings and was a part of Melaka. It was also a strong political and trading outpost in the 14th century.

Very interesting read.
Too much to share here. The following URL captures all of it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kingdom_of_Singapura

We're reaching year end already...

It's almost mid December 2014 already. How time flies. We've reached year end.
And year end always brings a tinge of nostalgia and reminiscence in the air. 

For a long long time I did not set resolutions for the year ahead but I did jot down goals and areas of focus I thought I should strive towards. I did not write down any for this year as well but had some idea of it at the back of my mind, including (i) taking care of Little Baby well, (ii) managing well my relationships with K, family, friends, (iii) re-adjusting back to work well and (iv) managing my own health well.

I can't say I did everything super duper. I tried. Sometimes I try hard, sometimes I think I didn't try hard enough. Whatever it is, on the whole, I think I still did okay.

2014 stands out for me. It is probably one of the years that would stick out significantly in my memory when I take a look back next time.

It was a year with more ups and downs than usual. (I know I said the same thing at the end of 2013 lol...) And it was also a year where life-changing events occurred and where my comfort zone was breached and where I had to learn new things and venture abit more out of my safe zone.

1. Little Baby
Of course the little girl would feature prominently. She's brought K & I so much happiness and love. Sometimes I hug her and smother her with so much kisses that she swats my face away or tries to squirm away lol. Sometimes I look at her and my heart fills with so much love that I didn't think it was possible to feel that way. And of course, in balance, she's brought us a certain measure of frustration too, especially when she got older and started to have a mind of her own. Both K & I are walking zombies too. While we might still have some residual differences here and there with K's parents when it comes to looking after her, I'm glad that things are way more stable and peaceful compared to when she was just born.

2. Our Own Home
K & I officially got our own place in January this year. We signed the deed, and got our home loan all within a few weeks. It was pretty overwhelming for me. I dislike having to deal with financial figures, and all the legalistic proceedings. The process of getting our home included all of that and more so yeah, I was quite overwhelmed haha.

We shifted in officially on 31 July 2014 as a family of 3, though K slept over for a night on 25 July, which was meant as a symbolic gesture that we shifted in before the Lunar 7th month. We took some time to settle down, what with unpacking and taking care of the little girl and cleaning up the place properly. Our routines changed again but I'm glad to say that things are more or less settled down by now. It's just that some of our things (or at least mine) are still in boxes...and some are still over at my inlaws' place.

One thing I realised. I had to lower my standards and learn to close one eye when it came to the level of cleanliness and tidiness of the home. There's only that much we could do while concurrently juggling work and the little girl. I admit I pressured myself too much in the initial few months and well...stressed myself out quite abit.

3. Granny
Granny left us to be with the Lord on 11 April 2014. That was the first time I had ever seen my Dad cry. Till now, I can't go without tearing up a little whenever I think of her (which can be quite often sometimes). They say time heals. Yes, I'll move on, and I'll learn to manage but I guess I won't forget...

4.Work
Work was manageable when I went back to it after almost 5 months of maternity leave. It was the transition and the rush back from work to go home and look after the little girl that got to me. What can I say? Many others have done it before me and I can't complain too much. Just bite the bullet and move on. I can only blame myself that I have a sheltered ass and led too comfortable a life before little baby came along.

The boss was hostile to me for a period of time in April when I told him I would not be travelling for work for at least a year due to little baby being well....still little. He flared up. He gave me the cold shoulder. At the times he had to speak to me, he did so in a gruff manner and with brows furrowed so deeply they joined together in the centre. I felt awful but I kept going. What choice did I have? It was little baby vs the boss. Of course I had to choose little baby. He's a father of two himself, he should understand. Things eventually went back to normal slowly after he simmered down and after I worked hard at my work items. By end May or mid June, he went back to how he was last time when he was on good terms with me.

The Journey: Tumultuous Times

It's been a long while since a Channel 8 drama touched my heart in such a way.

The Journey: Tumultuous Times is currently showing on Channel 8 at the 9pm slot. While I can't watch it real time on TV, I watch the catch-up video on XINMSN while I am on the bus to work the next morning.

The show is set in the 1940s through to the 1950s, in Malaya and Singapore.This happens to be a period of time that I am very interested in, maybe because I'd heard so much about this period of time from my late grandmother and sometimes from my father when I was a young girl. I remember the "Price of Peace" was one of the epic dramas produced by the then TCS and everyone was riveted by the show. My grandmother kept cursing at the Japanese and cried on several occasions while watching the show because she reminded of the hardship she had to endure during those years. But still, she watched every episode religiously. It was during that time too that she shared many stories with me about the Japanese and life during the war and just after.

Maybe that's one reason why I am loving Tumultuous Times so much. Because it is of an era I am interested in and the show reminds me of my grandmother and those days when we watched "Price of Peace" together.

I am so loving the sets, the scenes, the props and the interactions between the actors in this show. Speaking of actors, I think Mediacorp scored big on finding Carrie Wong. She is a true gem and a talent with a natural flair for acting. In her first show she was already put alongside Christopher Lee and Rui En and she did good. Now in only her second show, she's paired with Shaun Chen and Jeanette Aw, veterans in their own right, and she has performed well. Very meaty roles for a relatively unknown newbie. I like her. She's only 20 but seems like a seasoned actor already. She'll go far.

And yes, Shaun Chen. This show affirms my liking for him as an actor. He's proven to critics that he can do both good and baddie roles, he can do drama, he can do action and he has some comedic flair as well. He's come a long way from being known as "Michelle Chia's boyfriend" then to "Michelle Chia's husband" and now finally people know him by his own name.

Romeo Tan. The name is cheesy yes, and he is a newbie who has his own critics and fans alike. I read online reviews of the show and people don't seem to like him. Why? I think he's not too bad. He plays a baddie in the show, disguised as a decent guy from the upper class. Given the fact that people dislike his character in the show and him as a result (an unfortunate consequence I might add), I think he has done well already and achieved his acting objective of being the baddie. I say he's succeeded!

Looking forward to the rest of the show..!

Miss Clumsy

As usual, I had no idea how I got the cut. :(

Having a good start

I read once in Malcolm Gladwell's book (can't remember which one) that having a priviledged childhood is a precursor to having a great start in life and hence the probability of doing well in adulthood is all the more greater. 

Someone from some of my marketing classes is now the franchise owner of Sticky Singapore, and in recent years has also opened a Korean restaurant and now a restaurant bar in Tan Quee LAN Street. Kudos to her and her husband! While I attended her wedding 7 years ago, we've not really kept in touch since...except for one short chat in 2008. Lol to think she used to skip tutorials and lectures and sometimes would borrow my notes to copy. She was a master at "smoking" and could talk her way out of anything. Yep she's from a well-to-do family. 

One guy from our Marketing cohort is the founder of Reebonz. Yep, he's from quite a rich family. 

Another friend from my hostel days is the owner of a restaurant cafe in Yong Siak Street. And yep, she's from a well-to-do family as well. 

Of course, I don't dismiss the fact that people from less well-to-do families can do just as well. 

Thanksgiving

We should give thanks always I suppose.

Right now, I am most thankful for God protecting Little Baby and keeping her safe, despite the careless (and dangerous) mistakes that I've made thus far...

Add Oil

Last few days wasn't that good. Let's hope this week will be better.
Jiayou...