...

Seeking affirmation for my frigging whole life.

When will I ever be enough? For myself and for others? 

Patches

I did a patch test on 1 Aug to determine if there were any allergies which might have caused my lip dermatitis. I had to put on the patches for 2 full days before removing them. I couldn't wash my back and even after removing them, I still couldn't wash my back till after I saw the doc on 4 Aug. So the entire process took 4 days.



The result?

I'm allergic to Fragrance Mix and Cinnamyl Alcohol (which is found in Fragrance Mix as well). Fragrance Mix is a combination of 8 of the most commonly used chemicals used to create fragrances. Any combination of these fragrance chemicals can be used in a wide range of products like toiletries and toothpaste.

When I heard it, I wondered if I needed to change all of my toiletries and cosmetic products to something fragrance free. Thank goodness the doc only advised me to switch my facial wash and toothpaste to a fragrance free brand since it was only my lips that were flaring up.
Managed to grab some Simple products yesterday.  Using paraffin wax and steroid gel on my lips too.....

Here's to better and more chio lips in the days ahead!

Pek Chek

...is when you try to help a colleague with a piece of work to improve herself and to minimise customers getting back to her with questions because they simply don't understand what she is trying to say in her emails.....

....but the colleague doesn't get what you're doing and doesn't want to improve...

Feel like I'm talking to a wall.

Sigh. 

$$$$$

One of my business partners is a young guy. 4 years younger. But heaps richer lol.
He started his business with another guy, who is maybe 1-2 years younger than him. That makes them 33yrs old and 32yrs old this year.

They started their business back when they were 21 or 20. Built it to an impressive size....and yesterday, the first guy, who's on pretty ok terms with me, updated me that they'd sold their controlling shares to a publicly-listed company in Australia. I did not ask what the transaction value was. Nor did he share with me.....

After our conversation, I googled about it. And my jaw dropped.

The deal was valued at S$30million.

OMG lah. When will I ever see such an amount of money? Gosh.
Rupee and rupiah maybe can haha.

As it is they already came from well-to-do families, now their coffers are spilling over. The rich get richer.

But I don't deny as well these 2 guys are smart, entrepreneurial, hardworking and absolute go-getters. I know they worked their assess off in the early days of their business, pulling in 15/16 hour days or even more...becoming their customers own 24/7 technical support (their in the hosting and domain name business) when they couldn't afford to hire enough staff.

Hats off to them for pulling this deal off. :)

Alyssa

I was engrossed with our own wedding anniversary and our proposal anniversary....that I forgot about Alyssa's 22months special day.

She turned 22 months on 24 July!

Our little happy pill is picking up new words everyday. While her enunciation is still quite rudimentary, at least she can communicate with us alot more these days.

She's quite fearless and runs around in the playground or attempts to climb various things. Nadya used to stand and freeze at the playground, especially when there are many others around. Nadya also didn't dare to climb many things and has only started being more adventurous in the recent half a year.

She's still smaller than what Nadya was at the same age but I just upped the amount of her night-time milk and hopefully that helps to bulk her up a little. :)

She's still a charmer. So many have called her a doll and when she smiles, she melts all our hearts haha.

She's a protestor now. As all 2-year-olds are. The minute you say no to her, she wails and/or throws a tantrum on the floor. Quite the drama queen.

Looking forward to seeing how she's gonna develop over the next few months! :)

Conversations with a 22-month old

Me: Alyssa can you say "good night"?
A: goo nai
Me: I love you
A: urrf yoo

===============
Me: Alyssa can you say "elephant"?
A: fern
Me: air-lee-fernt
A: fern
Me: AIR-LEE-FERNT
A: FERN!!!

===============
A: *makes a buzzing sound*
Me: Bee?
A: *nods*
Me: You want the bee biscuit?
A: *nods*
Me: Say please.
A: Peesh. *waits expectantly*
A: Peesh mama. *waits somemore*
Me: *doesn't do anything*
A: Peesh mama. Kate. KATE!!! I want!!

Awkward Skype Call

My colleague and I had a Skype call yesterday with our Malaysian counterparts. The call was initiated by them as they wanted to find out some things from us.

The Chinese lady leading the call on the other end is quite a straight person. No nonsense. Policy-abiding type. She had 3 other colleagues with her. I was leading the call on my end, with only one other colleague with me.

So the lady tried to engage me in some small talk first before diving into the proper discussion. I'm all for making people feel at ease and setting a friendly atmosphere to the call...But, I don't wish to engage in forced small talk longer than necessary. It was a painful attempt by that lady yesterday...While I appreciate her effort, I think we'd all be better off if we limited that exchange. My colleague was grimacing and rolling her eyes at me.

It started simply enough with the usual pleasantries.

She: Hi Michelle! How have you been? It's been awhile (since we last caught up)
Me: Hi YL! Good good. Things have been ok on our end. And yourself?
She: Oh the same. You know lah.

Then it started getting weird. To me, we should have introduced our teams/colleagues to each other at this point and then gone into the discussion proper....but she apparently didn't think so...

She: So.....so......What's your working hours like? What time do you guys end the workday?
Me: Oh erm...6pm is the official knock-off time.

Then it started getting draggy too....

She: Oh so what's the unofficial knock-off time?
Me: Some people stay abit longer if they need to clear their stuff.
She: So what time do you guys get off work usually?

My colleague grimaced and rolled her eyes at me.

Me: I used to OT from time to time but with kids these days I try to knock off on time everyday.
She: Oh hahahaha.
Me: *awkward laughter*

And it went on for a few more sentences before I decided to kill the awkwardness and asked her what they wanted to check with us.

That is not how you do small talk and engage in pleasantries....
Nope...that was pretty awkward. :)

22/7

22nd July. T'was our 5th Chinese wedding anniversary.

Oh how time flies! 

I remember we kind of just missed it altogether last year cos we were busy with the kids and work and other stuff. 

It was not a rushed and hushed thing this year and we managed to get a lovely Japanese lunch at Ikoi! 

Muacks! 

We went from 2 peas to 4 peas in a pod within 3.5 years from our Chinese wedding lol. 

24/7

Today is 24/7 i.e. 24th July. 

A colleague told me that it's the day that married couples should reaffirm their love for each other and that they would love each other 24/7 always. 

So witty. Love each other 24/7 always i.e. 24hrs by 7 days always. 

I told this colleague that K proposed to me on 24 July 2011. And he said: "Wah! That means 'love you 24/7 一生一世' leh!!

I'd never thought of it that way haha. But it sounds so romantic when my colleague pointed it out. 

My response to him? 

"Nah. My hubby probably chose that day/date coincidentally and didn't realize what the date meant too! Lol!" 

;p

sigh

various things
myriad things
work
family
the girls
self
medical appts
home
helper
friends
kin-keeping
relationship-keeping
career
future
finances
insurance
eyes
health
........
.......
...
..
..
.
.

The Girls

Nadya. Head thrown back

Her laughter shrill and merry

A kid’s innocence

Alyssa. Joins in

Her big eyes bright and sparkling

Kids merry-making

Self-dev

July will still be a month focusing on patience and posture.

Maybe I'll add in "a haiku a day" into the mix for July too?....

A little demoralised

Middle of the year is when I feel this way. Cos that's when a majority of my checkups take place. 

• 22 June - dental
• 28 June - blood test
• 6 July - heart checkup
• 14 July - derma appointment 
• 1 Aug - derma patch test (may have another follow-up)
• 7 Aug - neuro checkup 

Not including the gynae and eye clinic checkups I had earlier this year. 

And so, after delaying for 2-3 years, I finally went to see a dermatologist this morning. For my lip dermatitis or aka peri-oral dermatitis, which seems to be getting worse over the past year. 

Was given paraffin ointment to use on a daily basis instead of petroleum jelly. Also given antibiotic cream if there are any fissures. And also given steroid cream for occasions of flare ups and inflammation. 

Jiayou...

Cabbing

Took cab to work 3 times this week.
And took the cab many times again yesterday afternoon when I had to rush from office to school to bring Alyssa to see the doctor and then fetch her home.

Too much cabbing this week.

Pockets protesting. :(

Ching-gu

Which means friend in Korean...

Had a longer than usual lunch with Kah Hui today. She had attended a course on Emotional Quotient last week and we spoke at length about it.

Like how she did a test and discovered that she seemed happy but actually wasn't, and that she scored low on confidence and how her usual perception is quite different from reality.

We're quite alike on various counts and it's nice to be able to talk to her and try to work out how we can improve certain aspects of ourselves, be it in the workplace or in our personal lives.

Some areas where we are similar include:

- low risk appetite
- delve into details (sometimes maybe too much)
- low confidence
- worrier
- seem happy on the outside
- emphathetic

Cheers to girlfriends and cheers to girlfriends in the workplace!

Time flies

Nadya hit 3years and 9 months old yesterday. She's turning 4 pretty soon.
And I've suddenly realised that she's grown up quite abit over the last 6 months.

She can help out around the house, sometimes even voluntarily helping me to clean up her own room. Though I think she trashes it more often than helping to clean up haha. She'll put her own dirty clothes into the "dirty clothes tub" in the utility area. She can bring her own dirty dishes or bottles to the kitchen sink. She can brush her own teeth and keep her standing stool when she's done....

She listens more these days too and you can reason things out with her. She still gets her mood swings and has her tantrum-throwing episodes but they've gotten progressively lesser compared to before...

She sometimes helps to look after Alyssa too and dishes out impromptu hugs to Alyssa. Though they still have their daily fights and squabbles, it is more than half the time initiated by Alyssa. (That little peanut is turning out to be quite a tyrant. Terrible twos are here...)

She is more confident of herself these days and is more open when meeting new people or being in new situations.

She still enjoys her books and now also enjoys practising how to write numbers and alphabets. She's learning to enjoy her new 4-wheeler bicycle too.

We can leave her alone for periods of time and she would go find her own activity to occupy herself. Be it playing with Alyssa and conjuring up some mischief, or quietly reading a book in a corner, or practising writing, or drawing/scribbling on a piece of paper...

She's no longer afraid of ants and even squashed one with her bare hand haha.

She's no longer as apprehensive at the playground near our house and the one near my inlaws' place. She can climb up the staircase made up of just metal rails with nothing in between...and can climb up the slide on her own. She used to be so timid and didn't want to attempt these things.

She's also taken to eating her chicken, pork and fish already in recent months!

She's slowly but surely blossoming....and it warms my heart to see her grow....

My firstborn. *hearts*
Who, though still sticky to me, is getting more independent day by day....

Grow well sweetie...!
Mama loves you so much...!

hmmm...

忍一时风平浪静, 退一步海阔天空

有时候, 就算你知道你自己是对的而对方是错的, 但也不需说太多做太多
硬强迫对方接受，和对方理论反而会弄得大家都不开心

take a step back and close the issue
no point in arguing or pursuing your stand too much
not when the other party can't see your view or refuses to budge
just close an eye and take it with a pinch of salt

of course, it also depends on who you're dealing with
loved ones or close relatives...yes I'd back off...
my relationship is more important to me than whatever petty thing we were talking about

will this cause 内伤?
cos sometimes I do feel a little indignant inside even though I choose to back away....
I don't know

maybe I'm just a true Libran....avoider of conflicts and just wants peace and harmony....

Conversations with a 21month-old

Alyssa started speaking later than Nadya did. But she's learning and picking up things fast, especially when she started toddler class. Her pronunciation and diction still needs alot of work though.

--------------------

Me: Alyssa, what's this animal?
A: Fern!
Me: Yes, it's an elephant!

--------------------

Me: Meimei, what do you want?
A: Zin.
Me: Huh?
A: Ziiinnn!!
Me: Oh you want raisins?
A: *nods*

--------------------

A: Mama shee! Mama shee! *points*
Me: Oh, that's a bird!
A: *nods excitedly*
A: cheep cheep!

--------------------

A: moon moon! where?
Me: oh there's no moon tonight. Maybe it's hidden by the clouds.
A: MOON! Where? Where? No more.

Conversations with a 3yr 9month-old

We were in the car, talking about dinner for the day.

Me: Nadya, Popo will be cooking your favourite fish for dinner tonight! What's your favourite fish?
N: Pop friend!
Me: ??? You mean pomfret.
N: Ya, pop friend!

lol....

Biggest wish at the moment

Right eye is turning red again.
I can see blood vessels snaking out from my inner eye to my pupil. And some redness emanating from the pupil area back to the inner eye area.

I've been woken up anywhere between 2 to 5 times a night for the past week or so....or has it been longer? I can't remember.

Both girls wake multiple times a night. At times, Nadya wakes because she was disturbed by Alyssa's wails.

I'd cringe inwardly with envy whenever a new parent tells me that his or her baby has been sleeping through the night from the age of 3 months, 4 months or 5 months. At times, when they announce this to me, I cuss in my mind too...alot.

My older kid is turning 4 in 3.5 months. She still wakes at least 2-3 times a night. Once or twice to pee. And sometimes once or twice to drink milk. I can't refuse her milk because either she can't get back to sleep thereafter or she would kick up a fuss and slowly dissolve into a pool of toddler manic.

As for the younger one, she's recently either been having bad dreams or she's not eating enough dinner or I don't know..........but she wakes up screaming in the night at random times. One night it could be at 12am and 3am. Another night it would be at 1am and 5am. While she's not hysterical, she does scream and cry loudly and half the time, it seems like only Mama can get her to shush up.

I don't know what to do really.
I've tried feeding them more. I've tried turning on the air-con. I've tried it with only the fan on. I've tried laying out less toys and bolsters on Alyssa's bed. We've even changed mattresses.

It's been almost 4 years. In that amount of time, I've not had a single stretch of 6 or 7-hour sleep on a single night.

God, please bless and protect the girls so that can finally sleep well on their own and not wake so many times each night............