One at a time...breathe

It's been a week or more of alot of things...

Several celebrations, including a surprise birthday celebration this morning for my big boss TY. Coordinating this brought me some grief though...as meeting dates & rooms were changed several times and I had to coordinate the delivery of the cake. I happened to be the one doing this cos....I was the one who opened my big mouth to suggest this surprise to my immediate boss. 

Had to order N's cake as well for this Sat evening's celebration with my side of the family.

Had a birthday lunch with my ex-boss and current immediate boss on Wednesday...

Trying to coordinate a congratulatory flower wreath to be sent to Sky's new jewellery shop....

And just received sad news that immediate boss' (SP) mum has passed away this morning. Had to coordinate with the executives to get them to re-arrange meetings scheduled for Monday, discreetly check with the team on "pek kim" contributions, and organise the condolence wreath to be sent over...

While trying to chase the never-ending pile of things feeding into my work to-do list....And trying to be patient with the older girl....and trying to get down to tackle that pile of laundry on the sofa lol...

Old boss

I had lunch with Choon Sai today...and SP.
Lol....lunch with retired ex-boss and new boss who took over him. 

Felt nice seeing him...though he seems alot more frail compared to when he was still my boss....his voice is still the same. 

Maybe I have a soft spot for him as he's born in the same year as my mum. Maybe it's cos he never really threw a tantrum at me, unlike some others I heard of. Maybe it's cos we had a little squabble before and we found a mutually respectful way to treat each other after that. 

I hope his vertigo goes away soon and he recovers 100%. I hope his hearing loss doesn't deteriorate anymore (he has hearing aids in both ears now). And I hope he stays happy...

Of brains...

It's interesting. 18 years after I had a major brain surgery, I met someone who had the same brain surgery as I did. 

Was having lunch with my colleagues at our pantry yesterday. I asked a guy if he went for surgery before as he had a scar on his head. Turned out that he had an aneurysm which burst 2-3 years ago. 

He was lucky. Though he had bleeding in the brain and he collapsed, he managed to regain consciousness on his own and his wife took him to A&E. The bleeding stopped on its own, which was rare according to his doctors. But because it stopped bleeding, it also sort of saved his life as it didn't bring further damage or complications. 

His surgery was smooth though the aftercare wasn't smooth. Apparently he spent another 2 weeks in high-dependency co she collapsed in hospital 3 days after his surgery due to low blood pressure and low sugar. Seemed like the brain function controlling his speech was also affected slightly and he couldn't talk for that 2 weeks. He made a full recovery after that though and was thankful that everything was ok. I feel happy for him too...and his wife and young son, who was only around 2 or 3 years old at the time. 

I was lucky too. My aneurysm was discovered early before anything untoward happened. Thankful. Very thankful. 

My colleague doesn't know if he has screws in his skull though lol....we concluded that maybe medical technology was more advanced during his time and maybe he didn't have any screws in. So I'm an old robot with 3 titanium screws...and he's the newer version 2.0 robot lol. 

Time

And we're in my birthday month already. 

Wasn't it just CNY...and then Nadya's big ballet competition in June...

And suddenly...

It's October. 

Time slips away so fast...I don't know what I've done or not done this year....

================

Anyway...Oct is here..I've had too much cake & desserts since last week lol.

More cakes this weekend for Nadya's separate birthday celebrations with both sets of grandparents. 

I hope my cough stays away...too much sugar aggravates it

To dance or not to dance

N is part of her dance school's scholarship programme and one of the soloists they are trying to groom. 

Just received an email from them on her scholarship dance training/practice schedules starting from Oct onwards. They want her to do 3 solos and be part of 3 group dances next year....That's 6 items in total???!!!

They've put her down for three 45min sessions and one 3hr session each week. These are on top of her own normal ballet lessons which are at one 1hr session and one 1.5hr session each week. 

Wah lau.

Really alot of time & energy...If we take them all up, that's ballet everyday except for Monday and Wednesday. I think we need to regroup....With the amount of time spent dancing, how much time does she have left for her school & enrichment homework? And she'll have zero me-time?  

Need to talk to her too....the commitment needed is really.....alot if she wants to pursue dancing...

How do we balance this with her studies? She's not doing great in studies and next year she'll be in P5 already...she needs to get her foundations right before PSLE comes in 2025. 

Breathe

Feeling overwhelmed these few weeks. 

Work

Personal stuff

One particular staff texting every other day...seeking permission to WFH or to come in office later in the day cos son/daughter/self [insert situation].....

Recently I've also been inundated with calls & texts from DBS relationship managers, and now even my insurance agent is reaching out to me on some illness & early cancer coverage plans. 

Some friends asking for meet-ups. Another updating on his work interviews. 

I still have a thermal bag stuck at a friend's house....which I've not collected since Jan 2023 I think. 

Clothes to be folded or ironed. 

Project manager that doesn't seem to be doing his job adequately and now me and another team member are doing more work...

Trying to improve relationship with N.....

Too many birthday presents to get and cakes to order....

This....

And that....

And these.........

And those...............

呼.......

吸.......

呼.......

吸.......

呼.......

吸.......

Ouch

Irony. I always tell friends, colleagues & my parents to be careful when walking, especially after rain when the ground is wet.

Was walking home yesterday at 5-plus when I fell. Ground was wet after the afternoon rain. Left foot slipped on a metal cover on the pavement, and I landed fully on my right knee with a loud slam on the metal cover. Happened in a second and I couldn't have prevented it at all. No reaction time. 

I remember immediately uttering "SHIT". 

There was a Malay uncle behind me who was fiddling with something from the box on his bike maybe 2-3 meters aware and he was quite sweet. He shouted to me: "You ok or not? Can walk? Must be careful ya! Don't walk on the metal covers! Aiyah, I also kena alot of times on these things, very slippery one! Next time don't walk on them ok! You ok? Need help or not? That's why lah, I don't know why they must put so many of these metal things on the ground. Aiyah next time don't walk on these already ok."

I got up, tested my knee and found I could still walk. Thanked the uncle and continued walking home, though slowly cos my knee was aching. 

Went home and peeled my jeans off. Thankful I was in jeans else my skin would probably have had a bad cut. Kneecap was reddish, with some orh-cheh starting to show up. There were some patches of bleeding under the skin, and a small cut. Was wondering how the cut happened when my jeans was still ok and had no tear. Spent a few minutes wallowing then realised I should be icing the area. 

Iced the area and felt myself getting increasingly anxious about it. Will my knee be ok? Got fracture or not? etc...Tried my best to calm myself down and manage myself. Felt ok enough to go out to the living room to have dinner with the girls. Ate halfway........and then I didn't feel right. Told K I had to go back into the bedroom to lie down....

And then it came.

The symptoms I felt whenever I had a fainting spell. The warmth, the cold sweat, the clammy skin, the tingles in the palms & fingers, the light-headedness. The greying and blurring vision...Wah lau I thought to myself...Somewhere in the midst of this, I had the sense to turn on the room lights, and turn on the fan, before throwing myself on the bed and trying to breathe and control the fainting.

Called out to K and he came in. I think I was rather pale and breathing quite hard by then. I remember moaning a little and whimpering. He was my calm anchor and held my hands. I could him talking to me in the background, trying to calm me down and assuring me he was there. 

I'm not sure how long passed before I opened my eyes. I don't think I blacked out. I remember being conscious throughout, just feeling very uncomfortable and quite out of it. When I finally opened my eyes, I felt tired...quite tired. 

Rested another 1.5hrs before I got up & out of bed, and carried on with whatever else I could eat and had a shower before crashing into bed again....

This vasovagal episode has brought me much anxiety again...Feels a little like I regressed. May I have the strength to manage my thoughts, emotions and feelings.

Jiayou Michelle....

Sick

Been unwell for slightly more than a week. 

Nose was runny, then just mainly stuffed. And because I couldn't breathe properly through my nose, I had to breathe through my mouth, which made my throat dry and I ended up having a cough as well. Been trying to get rid of whatever mucus I have. But the moment I step into office (i.e. aircon) my nose stuffs up again. 

It is getting better...but very slowly...

Not sure if going to the doc another time would help though. The Zyrtec I was given didn't help at all. 

May I get well soon...

Overheard

The songs I've heard N humming or singing over the last couple of weeks:

1.  "You're my wonderwaaa--aallll..!!" (Wonderwall - Oasis)
2. "I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world! Life in plastic, its fantastic!" (Barbie Girl - Aqua)
3. "They'll tell you I'm insane...but I've got a blank space baby..." (Blank Space - Taylor Swift)
4. "I've got the eye of the tiger....you're gonna hear me roar..oh oh oh oh...." (Roar - Katy Perry)
5. "Yeah -eh eh eh...party in the USA!" (Party in the USA - Miley Cyrus)
6. "I can buy myself flowers, write my name in the sand...Talk to myself for hours...." (Flowers - Miley Cyrus)
7. "Lily was a little girl, caught in the big bad world...." (Lily - Alan Walker)

This girl is turning out to be quite the pop music "guru" haha.

Unfamiliar places

1 September 2023 was Polling Day in the Presidential Elections 2023. 

This round, our polling station was at CHIJ Katong Primary. We dragged both girls along because...no helper, can't leave them at home along and so...all went together lor. 

As with any new and unfamiliar place, I'd get fidgety. I usually can still stay calm enough though. 

There was initially only one queue but as more people came and the queue grew and spilled out of the main gate of the school along the road, the polling station officials decided to get people to do S-queues instead so as to maximise some of the wider spaces within the school compound. 

And that's when the anxiety got to me more. People on both my left & right sides, despite them being maybe a metre apart from me on each side. The increased noise levels from cramming more people into the same space, the humidity, the not-knowing-how-long-more-we-will-be-stuck-in-the-queue....I could feel the anxiety creeping up. 

Tried to keep a straight face. Not sure if I succeeded or not. I remember N holding my hand at one point, maybe she noticed my discomfort. Then she let me go and continued chatting with her sister. I held onto K's hand for the next 10mins or so...I kept my eyes closed for awhile....till I calmed myself down enough. As the queue moved and we morphed back into a single file line, and as we moved into a more open area within the school, things felt alot better...

Grateful for the kids' and K's presence. 

If it were just me alone there, I'd take a much longer time to calm down and may have spiralled more. 

Little Baby

Little Baby is almost 10. 

So fast, where did all the years go?

A's having some ulcers and sore throat so we had both of them sleep in separate rooms over the last 2 nights. N camped out with me in the master bedroom. 

We had some 悄悄话 chat before she slept. She told me apparently a boy in her class liked her. Seems some of her female classmates shared this with her. 

Hmm..I guess we're starting on all these already...I remember having my first crush sometime in P4 also..

Welcome to tweenhood!

Jiayou.

Let's see if Big Auntie comes to visit in the next 1-2 days. 

Getting emotional & frustrated and I just want to cry at anything & everything. 

This seems to be an indicator in the last 6 months or a year maybe? Don't think I had this as my pre-menses symptom last time. 

• Staff A every other day texting and asking to WFH cos son sick, daughter got issue, auntie sick, washing machine spoil...and every other day making mistakes on the job...
• Staff B asking to continue WFH on a longer-term basis cos left knee meniscus tear, right knee ligament torn...but refusing to go for surgery and seeking alternative treatment like seeing religious teachers/healers and going for massage. 
• Staff C happily on holiday now and going on maternity leave from Jan onwards.
• Staff D keeps updating me on various things but does not communicate properly and technically I am not her reporting officer also.
• Officer from Ministry just gave me snide remark...sigh. 
• Hair fall issue...
• Kid still giving me attitude form time to time though we're both trying to accommodate each other more and better these days...

Just take deep breaths.

And keep moving.

Even if it's a slow step at a time. 

Jiayou Michelle

Peanut

We had Mac for dinner today. 

Alyssa polished off an entire Double Cheeseburger on her own. With some fries and iced lemon tea as well. 

She's 8. I'm 43. 

She can eat more than me when it comes to burgers. 

(0_0)

I dunno which little corner of her stomach did that burger disappear into also...lost the abyss haha....

Our Little Peanut is not so little anymore. 

Hair

At this point, I think I'd rather have white hair than hair fall....

Hair fall situation is still bad. Good thing is blood tests show I don't have any thyroid issue or anaemia. Just that some readings may be on the lower end, but still within the normal range for a lady of my age. 

Doc thinks it is due to the hair's natural growth cycle and/or maybe stress. K & I read online tat some people experience this 2-3 months after getting Covid. 

I've embarked on a hair fall treatment based on an OTC product recommended by the doctor. It used to be only available at clinics till recent years when it was approved to be sold over the counter. I hope this works. 

It is distressing seeing large amounts of hair drop whenever I bathe, comb my hair after bathing, or comb my hair after a night's sleep. 

:( 

My hair is important to me...it's been something I love and am proud of since my teens...

Fingers crossed this is a temporary phenomenon and that it stops soon. 

Here fishy fishy

Just realised that we went from having salmon at least once a week. 

To not having had any salmon at all for the last 4 months, ever since we let go of the helper and hardly did any cooking at home. 

Laoniang wants her omega 3 and healthy fats....lol 

Dance Mama

Nadya started having her ballet competitions around 2-3years back. A few months back I jotted down all of these competitions and her placings in the various categories in a little note on my phone. 

I should transpose them into a nice little excel file. 

It'll be a nice record of her competitions and achievements. 

Who knows, if she's really going to do DSA, this list will definitely come in handy. 

Ang Moh

I took a read of some posts from 10years ago. 

And it hit me. 

The longer I am in the working world, the worse my English gets. 

I can't say that I wrote beautifully last time, but I think I expressed my thoughts alot better than what I am doing today. Or am I losing touch with the sentimental side of myself? 

*horrors*

Dating Shows

I think...I am addicted to Korean and Chinese dating shows...

Part of me enjoys the heart-fluttering moments they sometimes bring to me. Part of me enjoys the Chinese that I get to listen to and "learn" sub-consciously. 

Catching both Heart Signal Season 4 (Korean) and Heart Signal 6 (Chinese) concurrently now haha...

And why all these people so hamsum and pweety one...and all so smart one...
Either double degrees or masters or undertaking PHD research...doctors, lawyers, finance folks, etc...
Nvm...their countries are alot bigger...can find more of such folks around haha...

可以的。

Past 2-3 weeks. Feeling fatigued. Stomach also not doing too good. 

Unsure how much of it is due to the stomach, or menses, or anxiety or not sleeping earlier. Or they are all feeding into and off each other in an undesirable cycle. 

Chin up. Head up. 

Jiayou. 

可以的。

Hair

Since around early Aug, I started to experience hairfall in amounts that are getting me quite worried. 

Everytime I wash my hair, hair falls out...I dunno...50-60-70-80 strands? And the state of my hairbrush after I brush my hair after showering...it's making me quite worried too. 

I hope this is just a phase and it will be over soon. 

Saw an article mentioning some people experiencing this around 2-3 months after getting Covid. I hope this is the cause and it's just temporary.

Fingers crossed...