Staff

I'm on leave. But I am chasing one particular staff for her workplan submission. 

Angry. Testing my patience. I reminded the team at least 2 times. And I reminded her a 3rd & 4th time. She still missed the deadline. And amendments needed to be made to the rubbish submission. Amended submission is still not in after a week. 

$#%!@#$ 

"Scolded" her this morning and told her I should not need to have to chase you for this when it is your responsibility to look after your submission yourself. I don't want to have to do this while I am on leave! 

She is already on performance monitoring, and still not putting in enough attention to these things. I don't know what else to say or what else to do to help. Already given enough guidance & extended more flexibility than I should to support her. 

I pray for patience and direction on my end, greater effort and awareness on her end, and a tiny miracle. 

19 Dec 2024

Shifted. Back at JS. After 10.5 years. 

Myriad emotions. 

Movers came on 19 Dec morning 9am. My guesstimate was right...they were done with the shifting by 1030/11am. 

Unpacked 70% of my stuff over the past few days. But the girls' stuff and other common items are still 50% unpacked. 

Things are in a big mess with clutter everywhere. I hope to clear them soon. 

We still have things at our own place, and I'm wondering how to settle those things. Have pushed it at the back of my mind for now. Too many things. One at a time. 

Jiayou...

Emotions

Did not realise how emotional I might be packing things up for the shift.

A little piece of something, another article, yet another memento.

Each long forgotten till I set eyes on them again. And once seen, each triggering some long hidden faded memory and bringing to surface things from eons ago.

Also threw away various things. Things which I kept all these years, thinking they would come into use one day but somehow never ever did. 

Decluttering stirs up dust. Both literal & metaphorical ones. 

Slaps!!

Recently hired a temp staff. Over-qualified for the post cos she has degree (from distance learning) and a Masters from one of our local unis. 

She's 17 years younger but we get along pretty alright. I like her. Easy to talk to. 

Only thing is...I feel old sometimes. 

Gosh, the Gen Z slangs.....

For e.g. in a typed conversation over Teams....

She: The taste of the fried udon slaps!

Me: ah so it's ur go-to order

She: ya and what slaps even harder is the udon beef, then u add chilli....wah slaps!!

-_-''

Ok laoniang sibei old..sibei old school lol....

Resorted to google....In Gen Z, "Slaps" means something is excellent or amazing, and often used to describe food or music o rother items that are well made. 

Shio Pan

Laoniang's latest craze. 

I'm averaging 3-4 shio pans a week over the last 2-3 weeks...still not too bad la hor...not as if I am having it everyday. :) 

So nice..so buttery...so simple. 

Japanese version of croissant, with less mess & less oil lol. 

Didn't realise I was so into it till the Saturday just past when I went to a bakery and found out its shio pans were sold out. I got quite sad haha. 

Year-end

It's the year-end headache again. 

What to get for some people for Xmas. The rush and never-ending list of things to get. Coupled with the many things to do for work, and for the shift back to FIL's. Food items to plan for gatherings, venues to book, appointments to fulfil....and some obligations to try to fulfil also...

I wish I could have a few days of doing nothing. With no one to jump on my bed and annoy me. No incompetent colleague to test my patience. No responsibilities to meet or people to look or "chase" after. Wish I could just stay at home and do some stretching, some dumbbell exercises, watch videos, crochet, nap, etc. Something that feeds me and soothes me....

At this point, I can't seem to even find some time or space to reflect abit on the past year and to think about next year. 

Morton's

K wanted the girls to try a more fine dining experience. And, the last he & I went to Morton's Singapore was more than 10 years ago. And, he was craving for beef....

And so we went this evening. Lol....

Food was good like what we remembered. 

The asparagus side dish was a little off for me though. N loved the onion bread & had tons of it. The girls shared a salmon main. A tried some of K's beef and really liked it. That's my girl! A meat-eater! hahaha...N as usual stuck to fish, breads & dessert, and refused any form of red meat (that is not cured or processed) lol. 

We had a bacon & onion mac & cheese side dish which turned out to be nice but quite "jelak". We didn't manage to finish it and dabao-ed it home. 

A requested to come back again for her 10th birthday...Errrr...we said "see how"....I calculated, the bill could probably feed our family of 4 around 15-17 sessions of McDonald's. 

22 November 2024

Company's Family Day! 

I brought Alyssa there in the morning and then K brought Nadya to meet us there around 12pm, after her Math class. 

Think I spent almost 5 hours walking non-stop with very short breaks of 2-3 mins at times. 

In the evening, I discovered that my shoulders were red lol. I got tanned but it was a fun day! 

Lotsa birdies and I had a nice "conversation" with a birdie friend too. It was some sort of duck which responded when I spoke to it. We carried on a "conversation" for almost a minute before I had to go lol...

???

I don’t know. Is it a must to go overseas for a trip during the school holidays? Or to have a short trip somewhere or even a staycation? 

Why am I viewed as an oddity and rarity when I say I am not going anywhere during this school holidays? 

Maybe the last big trip 6yrs ago put me off travelling. 
Maybe the anxiety is putting me off travelling too. 
Maybe I'm too lazy to plan when there are already so many things going on. 

There is that little bit of mum guilt though. When the kids see their friends going off here & there. 
Sigh. 

11 April 2024

I just reaslied something. 

I did not jot this down back in April. I must have been pretty occupied at the time with the new system refresh, staff on maternity, etc...

11 April 2014. 

Mama's 10th death anniversary. 

How time flies. 

I miss you Mama. 

It was a blessing to have had you around when I was growing up. You were a permanent fixture in my daily life. I came back from school each day and you were at home either watching TV, playing your poker cards, gossiping on the phone with your sister or preparing some yummy snack for all of us. 

Wish the girls had a chance to see you & play with you. The only very fuzzy memory they have of you is you in the family portrait back at the old Tampines home. But I don't think they can really recall that anymore too since that house was sold by Mum & Dad 5 years ago. 

May you continue having fun up there with Ipoh, Tuanku, Brenda...and now maybe Ah Dioh too...

Peanut Power!

Alyssa has done well!

Over the past week,

1. She was invited to attend the selection round to get into the E2K Science Programme
2. She was invited to attend the selection round to get into the BICEP Chinese programme unique to SHHK  affiliated schools
3. She was selected by her class teachers to get the Billingual Communicator Award for her class
4. One of her artwork was put up at Tampines Hub together with other art pieces from her school & 2 other primary schools
5. Her form teacher informed me that she nominated Alyssa to be a junior leader (aka prefect) next year though a student leadership committee would still be making the final decision whether to let Alyssa be one or not

Keep it up Peanut!

Mama, Dada & Jie Jie are proud of you!

3 November 2024 Sunday

It was a milestones day of sorts.

Alyssa had her 2^nd gymnastics competition. A more challenging and proper competition compared to the first one she did in Bangkok. She did well in some segment like the vault and beam but was apparently nervous and didn’t do as well as she could have.

At least this was according to her coach who said she was usually the strongest in the beam routine and all coaches were depending on her to ace that routine & get a high score. She was the last of all 35 competitors to go on the beam and I think she got quite nervous. Coach said she missed out some things but still did good.

Nadya had her first outing with her bunch of good gal pals from her P5 class! Zero parent supervision. They were all on their own and had lunch at 112 Katong’s SG Hawker, and then hung around shopping a little bit. They then went to catch a movie before ending up at the basement buying bubble tea. Some of them adjourned to Parkway to play at Timezone but Nadya & another girl didn’t join them for this portion. 

11 October 2024

11 October 2024 (Friday) was 九王爷's birthday. Lunar date was 9th of the 9th lunar month.  

And it was my lunar birthay!

I initially wanted to celebrate it a little....but...forgot cos we were busy with looking after a sick Alyssa...and getting Nadya prepped for her enrichment class. 

Oh well...happy belated lunar birthday to me! 

9 October 2024

And so my firstborn turned 11 on 9 October 2024 (Wednesday). 

Time flies and she can wear some of my old tops now. She's inherited at least 2 or 3 of my old Adidas sports singlets lol. 

She's into a little bit of kpop now, influenced by her girlfriends from class. Glad that she's found a good bunch to be with at school. They are good kids and strong in various aspects. I hope they bring good & positive influence to her. 

She's still "tantrummy" even at this age. I roll my eyes at times when she gets a certain way. She tests my patience alot as well though I have to say it's been better in the latter half of this year compared to earlier this year and even last year. 

I don't know if she's hit puberty yet as there seems to be no physical changes save for some pimples at her temples. And she still stubbornly refuses to use facial wash. I can only sigh. 

She's still passionate about her ballet, and reading her books. She's picked up crocheting after I taught her the basics and now she's experimenting with making her own things. Wish I had better skills to teach her more complex designs and patterns but oh well...this mama is a little of a jack of all trades but master of none. 

I hope though that she keeps up with these positive pursuits and learns more about other things as well. There's a lot the world has to offer! 

Happy birthday Nadya! Dada, Mama & Meimei love you!

Influenza A

Was swabbed at Healthway clinic this afternoon. Confirmed that laoniang has Influenza A as well. 

And so dear Alyssa passed it to me. Was given Tamiflu and a bunch of meds to deal with the fever, runny nose, cough and sore throat. 

Doc said fever for Influenza A is usually at levels of 39 or 40C...and that my immunity seems strong enough that my highest temperature for today was at 38.6C. K said Alyssa's high fever only kicked in on Day 2 or 3. I hope mine stays at manageable levels. 38+ C was already giving me bad aches...I cannot imagine crossing 39C. 

3 days MC. 

No urgent work matters. I shall nuah. 

Strange October

It's been a strange October so far. 

1st week
Quarreled with Nadya one evening and I got so frustrated with her that I teared up in front of her & Alyssa. Alyssa got pissed at Nadya over the situation as well and stormed out of the room. Cried quite badly another night due to some stress and anxiety felt over another personal issue.

On yet another day, found out that the junior officers in my team had skipped doing a piece of work for at least 5 months'. Nobody told me anything till we finally managed to have a F2F team meeting on 1 Oct. Trust has seriously been broken. And I also seriously question myself and my abilities to lead the team. Alot of self-doubt and reflection. 

Alyssa accidentally caught her little finger between a wall and the car door and effectively pinched off a chunk of skin from the tip of the finger. She bled quite abit and was teary but still handled the situation like a trooper. 

2nd week 
Spent most of my time focused on Alyssa who fell sick with influenza A. Whole of Wednesday night and Thursday was spent sponging her, sometimes while trying to clear work. I hope she didn't pass anything to me. I've a slightly runny nose and sore throat now...

We split both of them up, with K sleeping with Alyssa, and Nadya bunking in with me in our bedroom. Nadya sleeps like a starfish that rolls around. Sigh. I'll admit that I had to physically push her away from me many a time these last few nights. I hope Alyssa gets well soon so that Nadya can go back to their bedroom. 

Ended the week by stubbing my smallest right toe against a magnetic door catch on the floor. And broke off part of my toenail. I felt pain but didn't know I was bleeding till Nadya told me there were drops of blood on the floor. $#@%$#!^$%^

I hope the latter half of October brings better things for us. 

又哭了

Sometimes, I wonder if I am just a doormat who goes along with anything and everything. Unless it’s something illegal or goes against my conscience or morals.

这是太随和还是没主见还是累了?

hmm...

Either I have unprocessed stuff.

Or Big Auntie is on her way to visit me. 

Teary.

24 September 2024

Alyssa turned 9 on 24 September 2024! It was a Tuesday.

The littlest of our family is now almost a decade old. Time flies. 

She is still as cheery, compassionate, emphathetic and affectionate as before. 

Though she had more breakdowns this year and tantrums as schoolwork gets more difficult. She gets upset when she can't solve a Math sum and then gets stuck in a whirlwind of frustration & unhappy thoughts , and can't get out of it. 

She is helpful and willing to handle her chores or help out where needed. Unless I disrupt her reading of an interesting book lol. 

She asked for a simple meal at Astons on Sunday evening. And a trip to Decathlon so that she & her sister could run amok there and try on skates, play with balls, check out other stuff, etc. 

Stay healthy and happy little one. I'm glad you made more friends this year, both within your class and in your gymnastics class too. 

Stay focused and keep going! Dada, Mama & Jiejie love you!

Reminder to Self

When you fixate on something, it becomes your reality.

Take that first step. Just do it. Get started. Just keep swimming. 

Don't let whatever was clinically diagnosed hold you back, box you in or constrain your thoughts,  behaviours and actions.

Try try try. And then try somemore.